Oakwood Academy of Spells and Sorcery: Hogwarts meets Hooters

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 7:05 am

The obligatory hot teacher whose boobs either defy gravity, or else her blouse has one heck of an underwire setup hidden in there

what a wonderful page snype

Mechanical Ape · Post by **Mechanical Ape** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 9:50 am

It’s magic, my boobs don’t gotta explain shit

Nice to see negging doesn’t work on Red Girl

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 10:21 am

Wow this song was fucked.

RudeCyrus · Post by **RudeCyrus** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 12:18 pm

West Filly wrote: ↑
Wed Jun 06, 2018 1:42 am
Wow this library is pretty stacked.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 4:56 pm

I get it, every woman here is a banging anime babe

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 4:57 pm

Okay, so it's been nearly a decade since I've been in college, but it's now dawning on me that most classes don't list your required texts until you get the syllabus

You don't even know which books you're supposed to buy until AFTER the first day of class!

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 4:59 pm

"My next class meetings"?

...was this writer homeschooled?

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:03 pm

GOD

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:04 pm

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:11 pm

1. "Hun" is what the 60 year old server at the late night diner calls you to be friendly. It is not sexy or flirtatious in any way.

2. Why is she asking to be called an honorific AND her first name? Only asshats do that, and a librarian in a college doesn't actually command any authority anyway. She'd just use her first name.

3. Do you really have to call her the SEXY Librarian? Like, do you think your audience is so god damn stupid that they can't suss out that this character is ripped straight out of a porno?

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:14 pm

Why do we need the sweaty hands detail

Rob Thomas has scored the phone numbers of three of the hottest girls in the school at this point, a fourth in two days shouldn't really make him nervous

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:15 pm

Are her boobs trying to crush a walnut or something

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:17 pm

Making this scene as sexed up as possible was clearly an intentional choice by the writer, and I have no idea to what fucking end. I've snooped the Steam reviews for this game, and apparently everyone who's not the four main girls gets sidelined quickly. What the hell is the point of introducing a sexy librarian who is licking her lips at first sight, only for it to go nowhere?

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:19 pm

So they can see if any fandom forms that will finance an expansion through kickstarter?

Like a belated stretch goal.

Ie they wanted this but cba to do it unless they're paid more.

That's not a criticism, just a guess at what this is.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:22 pm

The part that's annoying me isn't how pathetically horny this is (it's very), but just how fucking pointless this is.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:23 pm

I'm just baffled by this image in ways I can't explain

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:24 pm

I

DON'T

CARE

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:25 pm

The only way this makes sense is if her outfit is some kind of latex/pvc number.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:25 pm

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:27 pm

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:30 pm

Google Image Search ran out of entertaining results for "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa gif" but this came up and it's roughly as relevant as this entire scene

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:31 pm

Was the point of this whole thing so somebody could draw a butt?

Was that it?

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:33 pm

I take it back, this isn't Hogwarts Meets Hooters. It's Harry Potter Meets P.N. 03

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:35 pm

Did this writer watch Fuck Me Ray Bradbury by Rachel Bloom and say "NO I NEED MORE"

because that's the most logical explanation I can think of for this

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:37 pm

It's quite clear at this point that the reference material for this scene's writing is regular pornographic videos. The sights and actions narrated here don't translate well into text, but would do well as some standard shots in a pornographic video.

Also all the description is placed on the visual aspect of the subject (sexy librarian) removing any sense of what the character is thinking or feeling aside from the obvious "wowie". Again this makes for average porno but a terrible novel.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:40 pm

Okay, here's what I don't get.

Up until here, this game was employing style and scenarios that were... well, I won't say they were believable, but they were at least in line with a third-rate high school TV show. Now we're just straight up in a porn movie, or a rejected faux-porn scene from a Scary Movie film.

Do you realize just how bad a scene has to be to give me whiplash in a game that's a bunch of TV Tropes pages from the wrong genre?

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:43 pm

If she turns out to be some kind of succubus or maligned sexy being possessing the body of the librarian at the end of the story, then and only then will it have any place. However to do that the character needs to speak up now that something is maybe not right, or some kind of hint about something being out of place.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:43 pm

I didn't think the nature of this scene could get any more confusing but here we are

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:44 pm

Dr Whitman, you're my kind of professor.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:44 pm

For fuck's sake, how is this script so sloppily written? And every class has been jacked straight from the first HP book!

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:47 pm

The library was the most well air-conditioned building on my campus, so I don't know what you're talking about

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:49 pm

Okay, I get it now.

There's a patch from the devs to add sex scenes to this game.

I'm betting this scene exists because in the patched version, it turns into a sex scene, to keep the player hooked. Let them know "YOUR HARD WORK OF ENDURING THIS MIDDLE SCHOOL PROSE REALLY WILL BE REWARDED WITH BOOBS"

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:52 pm

She still has a bra on, but there's limits to everything.

I mostly just want to point out the very stark change in art style, plus the dialogue that has descended to another level of stupid

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:53 pm

Plot twist: it was a shirt of transformation and now the mean teacher from earlier will castigate you for staring at her ass!

edit: oh no.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:55 pm

If I have to suffer through every stupid porn innuendo, so do you

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 5:58 pm

THIS LIBRARIAN NEEDS TO BE SACKED.

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 6:05 pm

I was about to ask what the hell kind of college requires PE, then I remembered that mine did and I got to take a cool general martial arts class where we learned some eskrima (among other stuff)

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 6:07 pm

what was the point of all this

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 6:07 pm

1. Comparing a woman to cheese is very decidedly NOT sexy

2. Really, putting an apostrophe after wanna?

Fartlord Dunktronix · Post by **Fartlord Dunktronix** (?) » Wed Jun 06, 2018 6:08 pm

This game has ten reviews, all of them positive

how