GSM IV

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Mir
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:40 pm

generally, at least trans women (I don't know about trans men) go off meds for any sort of surgery since they come with an increased risk of blood clots.

Though I'm a little confused by the question. Hormones don't get rid of facial hair. Nor would going off them for a short period of time cause you to develop more. Gotta get laser and/or electrolysis for hair removal.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:48 pm

Mir wrote:
Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:40 pm
generally, at least trans women (I don't know about trans men) go off meds for any sort of surgery since they come with an increased risk of blood clots.

Though I'm a little confused by the question. Hormones don't get rid of facial hair. Nor would going off them for a short period of time cause you to develop more. Gotta get laser and/or electrolysis for hair removal.
Yeah, I went off three weeks before surgery and was cleared to resume estrogen two weeks after the surgery. There's generally no need for spiro or finny after surgery since the sources of testosterone are gone. And since my estrogen is subdermal pellets, I don't have to take any pills at all... except ibuprofen. I'm going through so much ibuprofen.

Being off HRT didn't have a noticeable negative physical effect but it had an emotional effect... like, my breasts didn't shrink, my butt didn't re-masculinize... I just felt really gross for a while. Part of that is also the weight I gained during a period of being unable to exercise after surgery. I can't swim or ride a bike until at least January.

I'm as confused as you are about the question.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:57 pm

Ugh, I can empathize with hormone problems.
My hormones were off balance for nearly a year because of changes to my medication and I just felt blobby and tired and cranky and terrible.
Finally got them adjusted last week and I don't even need more blood tests to tell it worked. I can not BELIEVE how much better I feel. I can think clearly again. The angry scribbles in my brain are gone. I didn't even realize just how much worse it was making me feel until I got them set right.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Thu Sep 13, 2018 11:03 pm

Mir wrote:
Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:40 pm
generally, at least trans women (I don't know about trans men) go off meds for any sort of surgery since they come with an increased risk of blood clots.

Though I'm a little confused by the question. Hormones don't get rid of facial hair. Nor would going off them for a short period of time cause you to develop more. Gotta get laser and/or electrolysis for hair removal.
Sorry I should have been more clear. Typically with transwomen having low T causes less growth for a time and the hair comes in more fine as opposed to just coming in more readily without E and I was just wondering if Erica noticed a difference when on the meds as opposed to off in that regard?
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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Fri Sep 14, 2018 9:14 pm

Anyway that aside.

Little update I went down to the social security office and tapped into my dads social security and I got a letter from them saying I was applying for Medicare and I also contacted Garcia via email today about what all of this is going to cost me once I get on Medicare. It does look like I am going to have to get electrolysis down there with Garcia though which I figured as much. I can talk to him more once my Medicare becomes active.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Sat Sep 15, 2018 5:40 pm

I really still struggle with anxiety.
I hate to admit how much it still controls my life.
How much I don't do because I'm afraid of what people will think or afraid to get it wrong because I don't have somebody to teach me. I still struggle with how I look, and worry about how I'm perceived by other people.
I sometimes get frustrated when I read about other transition stories because they're all out there living their lives and loving it and I'm not. I still hold myself back way too much, and the crazy part is I know it's entirely counter-productive.
I shrug off my accomplishments and agonize over everything difficult for me and I know I need to stop but it's so hard, and I'm so sick of it.
Just sharing in an attempt to push myself a little more and because I'd like anyone else here who feel that way to know you're not alone.

Here's a quick selfie just because.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Sat Sep 15, 2018 11:38 pm

Mir wrote:
Sat Sep 15, 2018 5:40 pm
I really still struggle with anxiety.
I hate to admit how much it still controls my life.
How much I don't do because I'm afraid of what people will think or afraid to get it wrong because I don't have somebody to teach me. I still struggle with how I look, and worry about how I'm perceived by other people.
I sometimes get frustrated when I read about other transition stories because they're all out there living their lives and loving it and I'm not. I still hold myself back way too much, and the crazy part is I know it's entirely counter-productive.
I shrug off my accomplishments and agonize over everything difficult for me and I know I need to stop but it's so hard, and I'm so sick of it.
Just sharing in an attempt to push myself a little more and because I'd like anyone else here who feel that way to know you're not alone.

Here's a quick selfie just because.
At times I still struggle with going out and being the picture I have in my head and I have to tell myself all the time that things will improve and to try not to expect lofty expectations of myself and just work on what I can do. As to my accomplishments even though most of my goals with my transition is where I like them with a few exceptions my mind keeps on telling me that it isn't good enough and I have to point out all the things I have accomplished to my mind to quiet it.

By the way you look good.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Sun Sep 16, 2018 2:10 am

Anxiety is ruinous. I had a great week... I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or the soreness from the long Friday, but I woke up Saturday with no desire to ever see another human being again. I had no energy for anything. I was out of coffee but didn't want to leave the house to get any because that would mean interacting with people. I almost canceled my therapist appointment but ended up going because having to explain to the therapist and my partner why I was canceling felt like more effort than just going... but once I got home, I got all lumpy again, and was just internally cursing myself every time I talked because I hate my voice so much.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by CosmogenicLily (?) » Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:16 pm

So, time for a status update!

After a lot of poor sleep while I was struggling with my initial roiling emotions, I came down with a pretty hefty cold at the end of last month. That really helped finally calm my emotions down (since I was too sick to think about anything else but getting better). In addition, while I'd resolved to talk to my current therapist about my gender identity issues, my illness kept me out so I wasn't able to talk to her about it until after she'd come back from being out of town last week.

Fortunately, after some initial worrying caused by first bringing it up (and once again working through my anxieties about my authenticity of being trans) I had a much more cathartic session this week, as I was finally able to tell a summary of my complete history with gender identity for the first time and didn't get the oppositional response I was worried I'd get as of last week. That's not to say my therapist will necessarily be well suited for working through gender identity in general, but I feel a lot more support this week than last, plus revisiting my anxieties about authenticity has helped firm up my identity a bit better than before. I'm a bit more excited now to see where this goes, and hopefully I can get a proper rec for another therapist out of her next week, if she's not able to handle gender identity issues herself.

In other news, I've started to explore electrolysis, although I've only had an introductory session (I start proper sessions next month). I was a bit anxious when I went in, since I didn't know whether or not it was a safe space, but the friend of mine who recommended this place assures me it is, so I think I'll be a lot less anxious when I finally start going in each week. I need to figure out how to pick a standard time each week that works with my work schedule, but other than that I think it will be going in the right direction.

Finally, I have a date for a consult on HRT: October 23! Fortunately for me, one of the clinics around here does informed consent, so hopefully I'll be able to get started sooner rather than later. I still need to figure out about banking first though, since I know I still want to have kids if I can.

In the meanwhile, I'm thinking about looking into getting more clothes since I've realized how limited my current set is. I'm sorta split on whether I want to wait until I start HRT though, since that feels like a big milestone that's holding me back psychologically. I've also been telling myself for a while that I need to ask the local trans support group for a list of trans-supportive hair stylists, since I feel like I need to start taming this Beatles-esque hairdo into something that will make me feel good. (And hairdye! Oh my!)

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Fri Sep 21, 2018 12:09 am

Glad to hear you're making some progress and sorting stuff out, Lily!
Congrats on HRT, that's so fast!

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri Sep 21, 2018 12:15 am

I always wanted to dye my hair. :allears: My new therapist tried to help me by finding trans resources in my area, but she quickly learned the same thing that I already knew: there aren’t any unless you go to Denver. There are some groups for gay women, but no idea if they’d accept me or want me sitting in (plus, some of them are focused on crafts, and I can’t sew :-I ). So between having no money and no job and no one to help me pick out clothes, I don’t know what to do next. I need to know what my sizes are first. Then maybe I could hit up a website.

My family are having the same reaction they always have to my plans, which is “go ahead but don’t expect us to be able to pay for it.” That’s fair. My mom also prefers wearing men’s clothes because she hates how thin women’s clothing is. She has low blood pressure and is always cold. So she wasn’t sure what to suggest, other than maybe trying Lane Bryant or something. But yeah. If I can figure out what my sizes are, then maybe I can start figuring out a budget, and then I can worry about earning some money. That’s my current plan. It’s a start. :-I

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Re: GSM IV

Post by CosmogenicLily (?) » Fri Sep 21, 2018 1:20 am

Well, to be fair, with respect to hair dye, it kinda feels like a necessity. I started getting grey hair in my 20s and the hair at my temples is probably 10-15% grey so there's a definitely-visible early salt-and-pepper thing going on there if you look at it. That said, I'm sorta feeling a bit like I want to add a dash of some highlight color like a purple at some point anyway. But that might have to wait until I've got a better defined hair style.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Fri Sep 21, 2018 11:33 pm

I think I've realized I'm sorta going through a second self rediscovery.
Like, I went through the motions with my transition and got the physical and legal stuff out of the way just because the motivation was so strong, but dealing with depression, I literally didn't have the energy to process a lot of the emotional baggage that came with it.

Now that I've got my hormone levels sorted out and some antidepressant that work for me, it's suddenly all coming out. :-I

But that's okay!
I mean, in theory, this is sorta the fun part.
Maybe finally getting beyond some of this anxiety and actually living my life.

The past few days I've been trying to learn makeup stuff again, since it gives me something I can directly work on. Besides, it's kinda fun.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Sep 26, 2018 8:27 pm

My mom is going to help me with the sizing stuff! :party:

I may also want to dye my hair soon, because it’s going straight from brunette to white at my temples. :-I

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Wed Sep 26, 2018 9:05 pm

Exciting stuff! :allears: I hope you have a lot of fun, even if it's confusing and awkward at first.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Sep 26, 2018 11:08 pm

I’m kind of wondering if I can get away with continuing to wear men’s pants, because the pocket situation on women’s pants is dire :-I

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Re: GSM IV

Post by CosmogenicLily (?) » Wed Sep 26, 2018 11:44 pm

Madeline wrote:
Wed Sep 26, 2018 11:08 pm
I’m kind of wondering if I can get away with continuing to wear men’s pants, because the pocket situation on women’s pants is dire :-I
This is why purses exist though.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Thu Sep 27, 2018 12:43 am

I don’t have a purse yet :fluttershock:

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Cthulhu Inc (?) » Thu Sep 27, 2018 9:29 am

I wear boring pants like these and they have decent pockets :pinkieshrug:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Thu Sep 27, 2018 10:13 am

I handle it based on situation and mood - Sometimes I wear whatever pants I like with good pockets, and sometimes I bring a simple but roomy enough purse. I'm totally not a purse person, I'm using an old basic hand-me-down from my mom, but it does the job and it's black so it's easily combined with just about any outfit.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Thu Sep 27, 2018 1:15 pm

Madeline wrote:
Thu Sep 27, 2018 12:43 am
I don’t have a purse yet :fluttershock:
No rule saying you can't remedy that. :flutterunsmith: :spoiler:

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Re: GSM IV

Post by theGECK (?) » Thu Sep 27, 2018 5:15 pm

I know several women (cis and trans) who wear "men's pants" because of the pocket situation, so I'd go for it. Unless you just really like purses.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Thu Sep 27, 2018 9:22 pm

All of my skirts have pockets.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Thu Sep 27, 2018 10:26 pm

Ah the classic ploy by jeans manufactures to not offer adaquite pockets just to sell more purses deal. A lot of the time I would go shopping and go around and putting my hands by my waist and seeing if there was enough space. I really avoid buying jeans unless it does have some sort of pockets and even still I do carry a purse from time to time for looks and or utility when going out.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Thu Sep 27, 2018 10:59 pm

So, update on me, I guess. I've been on HRT for about a month and a half now, and I'm starting to notice some changes. My skin was the first thing to change, drying out and taking care of the acne problem I've had on my back since I was a teen. The scarring will still be there, of course, but I feel significantly less gross. My breasts are really tender and sore, though it's virtually impossible for me to measure growth since I was overweight to begin with and kinda started out with man boobs :-I Sex drive is more or less completely gone, which as an asexual is 100% great. It only served to make me feel gross and uncomfortable.

I've also taken to shaving my abdomen, which is nice and feels great, while also being completely invisible to other people. I've been considering moving on to doing my legs as well, but the last time I tried it I not only made a huge mess with Veet, but I was super itchy to the point of being in pain for the following days when it started to grow back. I haven't tried again since. Is there any way to avoid that, or am I going to just make the commitment to shave frequently for long enough that it goes away?

As for the clothing discussion, I plan on dressing pretty unisex, personally. Men's jeans and t-shirts or hoodies are pretty much my ascetic, and I don't see that changing, except for fancier or more formal occasions.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri Sep 28, 2018 12:54 am

Thanks for the input on clothing, peeps! :yay: I want to figure out what would flatter me, but I also just like throwing on a band t-shirt and a pair of jeans half the time anymore. I’d be happy with pants like the ones Cthulhu Inc posted, but I’m also looking at dresses and skirts. I might as well use the Internet to window shop.

Re: shaving. I used to grow a lazy beard in the winter, and when the weather warmed up, I’d trim the hairs down with a scissors first. Then I’d shower and shave after. This is because I didn’t do this the first time I ever did it, and I got razor burn all over my lower jaw and chin. :-I So I’d advise trimming longer hairs and making sure your skin is not dry and your pores are open for a better shave, at least.

Re: purses, I don’t know if I want one or not. I’m used to traveling light but I can see advantages in having a place to put my lip balm, Kleenex, moisturizer or whatever. But I also don’t know if I want to have to carry one around.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Fri Sep 28, 2018 3:28 am

On the topic of shaving it is a matter of finding the right razor that works for you. This includes if the razor contures to your body and how many blades it has. For me personally when starting out and even now I used the generic razor that are cheap but it isn't just flat and motionless and I use 4 blades since a lot of my body does still have hair like on my legs. Some of my friends love Dollar Shave Club so that may be an option.


As I am sure everyone knows purses come in all sorts of sizes but I currently use a black and white purse and has lots of little pockets for little things like lipstick/gloss, mascara and blush and I also have a little wallet that attaches to a chain that I can carry around like a purse from my left shoulder to my right hip.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Mon Oct 01, 2018 12:49 am

Fanny packs are a great alternative to purses :vogue:

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Weird Autumn (?) » Mon Oct 01, 2018 4:24 am

I picked up a messenger bag for pocket substitute purposes, which is a lil hipster but it seemed like a reasonably convenient option in keeping with the punky vibe I want to cultivate.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Tue Oct 02, 2018 12:56 am

I’m not even sure if I have a look I want to cultivate. I’m caught in this awkward spot where I don’t want to dress like a matron, but I’m probably too old to dress like a rocker or a punk rock girl, even if that’s sort of who I am. I found I like dressing up in band logo tees and stuff more than I ever liked dressing to impress, and yet I’m going to have to have some professional clothes for when I try to kind of reintegrate into society. I’m probably way overthinking this but it’s something I’ve never put much thought into before. Because when I tried this last time, I was too scared to actually try transitioning, and the rest of the time it was “whatever male-labeled clothing fits me and my budget and is dark colored.” At some point I’ll hit a happy medium.

This is another reason I want writing to be my career. If I want to work while sitting around in a dorm shirt, fuzzy bathrobe, and slippers, I can. No dress code in the universe can stop me. :twiright:

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Momo (?) » Tue Oct 02, 2018 3:41 pm

Don't forget that most people get their entire adolescence to figure out their look, and how to update it. They get a pass at looking awkward, making fashion mistakes, and changing their look on a whim. Be patient with yourself and try to experiment as much as your clothing budget allows. Thrift stores are your friends!

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Oct 03, 2018 1:26 am

Thrift stores are about the limit of what I can afford, but that’s to my benefit. Better to make a fashion goof up on a thrift store budget than a boutique budget.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon Oct 08, 2018 6:05 pm

Had to give what little money I had up to help my parents. I won’t be able to buy any clothes now. Looks like it’s all 5 year old dude wear all the time again for me :v:

I’m kind of annoyed because my therapist keeps asking why I don’t wear women’s stuff. I wonder why “I have no job and no money” is so hard for people to grasp. I don’t get an allowance, I’m not on unemployment, and I don’t get any kind of benefits outside of my health insurance. If insurance didn’t cover therapy and meds, I wouldn’t have those either.

Edit: I’m not asking for or fishing for anything. I just wish she would listen to me instead of forgetting after every session or whatever.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Mon Oct 08, 2018 9:11 pm

That sounds kinda sucky. :unenthused: I get where you're coming from. My uh... psychiatrist for lack of a better word is the same way. Hence I still don´t have girl pills. He says he hates the gender norm, but he sure seems embroiled nicely within it!
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Mon Oct 08, 2018 9:18 pm

Gatekeepers and careless folks suck so much. Sending you two good thoughts and hugs, wish I could do more.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon Oct 08, 2018 11:11 pm

Princess Flufflebutt wrote:
Mon Oct 08, 2018 9:11 pm
That sounds kinda sucky. :unenthused: I get where you're coming from. My uh... psychiatrist for lack of a better word is the same way. Hence I still don´t have girl pills. He says he hates the gender norm, but he sure seems embroiled nicely within it!
:hug:
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Gatekeepers and careless folks suck so much. Sending you two good thoughts and hugs, wish I could do more.
It helps to know that someone cares, tho :flutterunsmith:

I mean, I’m sure I can earn more money somehow, and they’ll pay me back when they can. I’m just worn out and wrung-out and not thinking too clearly. Hopefully I won’t have to remind her again.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:54 am

When my mom has recovered from her first cataract surgery, sometime early next week we’re going to go windowshopping for women’s stuff. Although I sent her the PFLAG pamphlet again, because I have the distinct impression that she doesn’t understand the difference between cross-dressing, being a gay man, and being transgender, and she keeps pushing me to do a unisex or androgynous thing. She tries to be helpful, but it can be awkward until she understands a thing. Plus she way prefers men’s clothing to women’s clothing, and hates bright colors, whereas I like them. I hope this will work

It’s complicated for me, because I can be both femme-y and pretty butch, so uh :-I

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Sat Oct 13, 2018 2:30 am

Madeline wrote:
Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:54 am
When my mom has recovered from her first cataract surgery, sometime early next week we’re going to go windowshopping for women’s stuff. Although I sent her the PFLAG pamphlet again, because I have the distinct impression that she doesn’t understand the difference between cross-dressing, being a gay man, and being transgender, and she keeps pushing me to do a unisex or androgynous thing. She tries to be helpful, but it can be awkward until she understands a thing. Plus she way prefers men’s clothing to women’s clothing, and hates bright colors, whereas I like them. I hope this will work

It’s complicated for me, because I can be both femme-y and pretty butch, so uh :-I
I am pretty similar in my looks. When I did first start out I did go more andro just to help people be comfortable with the process and when I did figure out my style I went with sporty femme since it does incorperate my sporty side and my ultra femme sides. Hope this helps.
Image Name- Alexis

GoFundMe to move back to California. https://www.gofundme.com/njhfws-moving-back-to-cali

CorvusCaw
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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Sat Oct 13, 2018 2:35 am

I had my 3-month post-op follow-up this week, and past the awkwardness of the exam and needing one area of tissue cauterized, it was fine. I have been cleared to resume all normal activities, which is good because I have so much weight to lose.

CorvusCaw
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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Sat Oct 13, 2018 2:39 am

Madeline wrote:
Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:54 am
When my mom has recovered from her first cataract surgery, sometime early next week we’re going to go windowshopping for women’s stuff. Although I sent her the PFLAG pamphlet again, because I have the distinct impression that she doesn’t understand the difference between cross-dressing, being a gay man, and being transgender, and she keeps pushing me to do a unisex or androgynous thing. She tries to be helpful, but it can be awkward until she understands a thing. Plus she way prefers men’s clothing to women’s clothing, and hates bright colors, whereas I like them. I hope this will work

It’s complicated for me, because I can be both femme-y and pretty butch, so uh :-I
I tend to wear an unbuttoned plaid shirt with a a graphic T-shirt and jeans at least once a week, but I also tend to wear a dress at least once a week. I like just doing whatever without locking into a "style"

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