GSM IV

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Madeline
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Sun Aug 26, 2018 3:58 pm

CorvusCaw wrote:
Sun Aug 26, 2018 1:20 pm
You're twisting my words. That isn't what they meant.
I’m sorry. :fluttersmith:
Perpetual Lurker wrote:
Sun Aug 26, 2018 1:35 pm
If you're hopeless, does that make me hopeless too? We have very similar situations in terms of real life support, but you wouldn't tell me to give up, would you? It's just as unfair to tell yourself to give up, no matter what depression tells you.

A little while back, you even posted this:
[quote=Madeline post_id=82777 time=<a href="tel:1533939633">1533939633</a> user_id=290]
I know how this is going to sound, but despite other people having told me this for years and years, I never realized just how I sound when I talk about myself like that. If I said those things to anyone else, I’d be an abusive monster. All I do is take the ugly things other people used to,say to me and then aim them back at myself. :fluttersmith: I think I might be worse off inside than I thought I was because I still feel like I’m just being honest, even though I’m actually just being cruel.

I mean, if I said those things to another person, you would ban me, and be right to do so. I say things to myself that I would never say to another person.
You bookmarked this post, right? Please don't forget it.
[/quote]

I did forget it. :fluttersmith:
Princess Flufflebutt wrote:
Sun Aug 26, 2018 12:20 pm
Is there an LGBT group you can meet up with? Or an exclusively trans one? That's worth looking into if you can. You do matter to me and I'm not gonna give up on you!
There aren’t any I can find except on Facebook, and I refuse to use Facebook because Zuckerberg ought to be in prison for the shit he’s pulled. The area LGBT center closed over four years ago due to lack of funding and interest. My city doesn’t even have Pride. I could have gone back then, but I didn’t because I’m convinced everyone will “hon” me or tell me I don’t belong.

I just don’t know what to do. How can I transition if I can’t get electrolysis and/or laser? I don’t even know how to use a razor, I’ve used an electric all my life. I can’t shop for clothes without a job, and I’m still wearing the same clothes I wore when I was 320 pounds, so I look like I’m wearing a baggy clown outfit all the time. My skin still sucks even though I wash my face twice a day. And like Lily, I am really not eager to deal with open transphobia, because I know I’m way too sensitive to handle it.

Plus I don’t want to keep driving posters away.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Sun Aug 26, 2018 6:42 pm

Anyway, I apologize for being such a negative person. I know it’s annoying, and it just makes me feel worse, and that it’s distorted thinking. But I can’t stop feeling that way.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Sun Aug 26, 2018 7:58 pm

You're not annoying! This is a difficult thing you're going through so this is all understandable. We're rooting for you! :hug:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Sun Aug 26, 2018 11:09 pm

I tried talking to them and they just don’t understand the subject at all. And I don’t mean that in a teen angst sort of way. They do not in fact understand what being trans means or anything about gender that did not come out of a 1950s textbook. They seem to think it’s like cross-dressing. It’s ignorance, not malice, but I still suck at dealing with it. I really wish they’d read the pamphlet.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Sun Aug 26, 2018 11:48 pm

Madeline wrote:
Sun Aug 26, 2018 3:58 pm

I just don’t know what to do. How can I transition if I can’t get electrolysis and/or laser? I don’t even know how to use a razor, I’ve used an electric all my life. I can’t shop for clothes without a job, and I’m still wearing the same clothes I wore when I was 320 pounds, so I look like I’m wearing a baggy clown outfit all the time. My skin still sucks even though I wash my face twice a day. And like Lily, I am really not eager to deal with open transphobia, because I know I’m way too sensitive to handle it.
FYI, I've never gotten electrolysis or laser because I can't afford them (and it really sucks, and I hate it, and I'd really like to still do it someday) BUT, it doesn't prevent me from presenting as feminine. And I can't even shave every day because is makes my skin do terrible things, but it still doesn't get in the way. And shaving with a razor is really easy. I was the same as you, always used an electric pre-transition, never had anyone to show me, and still figured it out on the first time. Just get a can of shaving cream/gel and a razor. (A multiblade to start out with. The more blades, the harder it is to cut yourself accidentally but the more it can irritate the skin.) Give it a careful try after a shower when your skin is already hydrated.
As for your skin there's a good chance it might clear up a little if you started hormones anyway. (I used to have slightly oily skin and trouble with breakouts, now I have the opposite problem with dry patches. oh well)

The point is, these probably aren't nearly the obstacles you're worried they are.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 12:05 am

I talked a bit more with my dad about transitioning. He made a point to tell me that understanding what being trans means to me, and concerns over my general situation were two separate things. Understanding me will take time, but he's not denying that the way I feel is valid. What really concerns him is that if I try to transition in a rural area like this I'll collapse in on myself and not have any community to support me. And it's a valid concern. I've been having trouble living on my own, and until I can, I'm stuck here. I hate living here so much, but moving out it just too big a risk right now. Is transitioning alone really feasible, or am I just rushing into things with no regard to my own safety?

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Dexanth (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 12:45 am

Perpetual Lurker wrote:
Tue Aug 28, 2018 12:05 am
I talked a bit more with my dad about transitioning. He made a point to tell me that understanding what being trans means to me, and concerns over my general situation were two separate things. Understanding me will take time, but he's not denying that the way I feel is valid. What really concerns him is that if I try to transition in a rural area like this I'll collapse in on myself and not have any community to support me. And it's a valid concern. I've been having trouble living on my own, and until I can, I'm stuck here. I hate living here so much, but moving out it just too big a risk right now. Is transitioning alone really feasible, or am I just rushing into things with no regard to my own safety?
What do you define as 'transitioning alone', exactly?

I mean, for me? I didn't really have anyone in close geographic proximity supporting me, as it were. My family knew, but the ones easily accessible were either uncertain what to do, still processing, or just generally less available / lacking knowledge in areas what mattered.

I started HRT and stayed fully stealth about it in my local area until I was ready to pull the trigger and do everything in one go, although by the time I did most people at work had known for a while cause opaque jackets and tight bras or not, it's still hard to hide some things.

Having shoulderblade+ length hair that has been somewhat purple since November and eeeeextremely purple since late January did not do me any favors for not telegraphing I was queer as fuck :-I

So really, what I am saying is my entire support network was almost wholly online...and I guess at conventions since I do a lot of those.

Going to cons was huge, because it gave me the safe space to slowly explore stuff where I could kinda decide how comfortable I was with things. But...the first time I actively was like 'Screw it, I am claiming female identity and owning it' was at Anime Expo 2017 for the short bit I was there, and even then it was a 'I will do it when comfy and not when not' kinda thing.

It was...around October or November last year that at cons at least I became more assertive about that at cons, and January of this year when I decided to do the 'Right, I am 100% presenting this way at all times when at events', then over the next couple months I started to expand that - doing new wardrobe shopping, and slowly flipping everything at everywher ebut work.

I'm admittedly lucky, though - HRT worked really well for me, such that in tandem with my face being bare, a good 6-10 months before I'd done my legal stuff, anyone new who met in person almost always skewed female.

Which was kinda the sign I'd been waiting for; I wanted to present when it felt like I would pass, and that kinda was the sign.

Official 100% full time everywhere was May 1st, and 4 months into it...there's still anxiety, but it's for far more specific things like 'Damnit, voice isn't where I want it to be yet'. And time and again I see the biggest and harshest critic is me - Anyone I meet seems to have 0 problems with the issue, yet I still constantly doubt myself in part.

But it gets quieter with every passing month. I don't know if it will ever go away, but...it's the difference between 'I am living as who I know I am, but there's still obstacles' versus dealing every day with yearning to be myself before the world.

Like, knowing what I know now? My only real regret is I didn't know what I know now, because if I did I would have aggressively done all this 16 years ago and damn the obstacles in my way.

Which is to say, uhm - Yes, it's totally feasible to transition because you don't even have to tell most everyone you are doing it until you are ready.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 12:48 am

Perpetual Lurker wrote:
Tue Aug 28, 2018 12:05 am
I talked a bit more with my dad about transitioning. He made a point to tell me that understanding what being trans means to me, and concerns over my general situation were two separate things. Understanding me will take time, but he's not denying that the way I feel is valid. What really concerns him is that if I try to transition in a rural area like this I'll collapse in on myself and not have any community to support me. And it's a valid concern. I've been having trouble living on my own, and until I can, I'm stuck here. I hate living here so much, but moving out it just too big a risk right now. Is transitioning alone really feasible, or am I just rushing into things with no regard to my own safety?
I guess I have a few questions for you first. What state do you live in and is it viable if you live in a city that isn't very welcoming for trans folk to move to a new city which is more accepting nearby?

Are there any support groups in your city where you can reach out to and they may be able to help you?
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Re: GSM IV

Post by CosmogenicLily (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 1:05 am

So the result of clothes shopping was a gas. I ended up focusing on tops to start with, including two t-shirts that I can probably get away with in public, and a blue shift, green single-piece combo-shirt-skirt thing (forget the name of the style), and a lightweight hoodie for around the house. I also decided to get some grey high-rise crop leggings so that I can avoid feeling like I'm mixing and matching my normal clothes around the house.

We then finished off with getting me two bags since pockets aren't exactly things for women. I was going to just get a single relatively gender neutral bag, but I found a nice fun muted green one that I couldn't say no to. It's uh... entirely possible that the gender neutral bag never gets used, but we'll see.

Trying on the clothes was sort of a revelation as well. I really liked how the green combo-top worked for me (and my coworker-friend agreed that the latter worked particularly well and could just do with a brown belt for an accent), and the blue shift is actually fun to wear, which is the first time I think I've ever found clothing fun before.

One thing I'm struck by with these clothes, though is how differently they fit. These tops are (on average) much lighter fabric than I'm used to with men's clothing, which has led to the suggestion that I get some sort of sports-bra top to help out there. Makes sense, and I'm kinda interested to see what that would mean overall. It also took me quite a while to figure out the green combo-top because I'm not used to such wide neck holes, "short" shoulders and sleeves that only come halfway up the forearm. Still, it didn't feel wrong.

Finally, my coworker helped me through my first attempt at putting on a simple layer of makeup and I think it came out quite alright. I know I need a lot of practice to figure this out and memorize the process though. Not to mention making sure I get everything I need and tailor it better to my skin tones.

So yeah, a lot going for me in the presentational area. I still need to figure out what I'm going to do about bottoms though. The word I've heard so far is "layers and careful positioning", but this seems to be an "everyone has their own thing so sharing isn't helpful" thing...

Anyway, this was all on Saturday, and while I'm still having pretty stiff ups and downs, I was practically blushing to hear my coworker say I was "practically glowing" when I first tried on that green combo-top, and then talking about how I seemed to be a kid in a toy store when selecting out these tops.

And so with how all this is feeling more right than wrong, I uh, I think I'm going to be looking into actually possibly maybe starting HRT and hair removal, friends. :-I

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 5:40 am

CosmogenicLily wrote:
Tue Aug 28, 2018 1:05 am
So the result of clothes shopping was a gas. I ended up focusing on tops to start with, including two t-shirts that I can probably get away with in public, and a blue shift, green single-piece combo-shirt-skirt thing (forget the name of the style), and a lightweight hoodie for around the house. I also decided to get some grey high-rise crop leggings so that I can avoid feeling like I'm mixing and matching my normal clothes around the house.

We then finished off with getting me two bags since pockets aren't exactly things for women. I was going to just get a single relatively gender neutral bag, but I found a nice fun muted green one that I couldn't say no to. It's uh... entirely possible that the gender neutral bag never gets used, but we'll see.

Trying on the clothes was sort of a revelation as well. I really liked how the green combo-top worked for me (and my coworker-friend agreed that the latter worked particularly well and could just do with a brown belt for an accent), and the blue shift is actually fun to wear, which is the first time I think I've ever found clothing fun before.

One thing I'm struck by with these clothes, though is how differently they fit. These tops are (on average) much lighter fabric than I'm used to with men's clothing, which has led to the suggestion that I get some sort of sports-bra top to help out there. Makes sense, and I'm kinda interested to see what that would mean overall. It also took me quite a while to figure out the green combo-top because I'm not used to such wide neck holes, "short" shoulders and sleeves that only come halfway up the forearm. Still, it didn't feel wrong.

Finally, my coworker helped me through my first attempt at putting on a simple layer of makeup and I think it came out quite alright. I know I need a lot of practice to figure this out and memorize the process though. Not to mention making sure I get everything I need and tailor it better to my skin tones.

So yeah, a lot going for me in the presentational area. I still need to figure out what I'm going to do about bottoms though. The word I've heard so far is "layers and careful positioning", but this seems to be an "everyone has their own thing so sharing isn't helpful" thing...

Anyway, this was all on Saturday, and while I'm still having pretty stiff ups and downs, I was practically blushing to hear my coworker say I was "practically glowing" when I first tried on that green combo-top, and then talking about how I seemed to be a kid in a toy store when selecting out these tops.

And so with how all this is feeling more right than wrong, I uh, I think I'm going to be looking into actually possibly maybe starting HRT and hair removal, friends. :-I
Few things about clothing. Tops typically have a thinner material and the sizes can vary between brands. Things are improving in regards to the latter with clothes being letter sizes rather than numbers but it is going to take time. Also yes pockets can be a rarity with womans clothes but keep an look out for jeans with them and beware of the fashion pockets which is exactly what it sounds like.

As for makeup look on youtube for tutorials or if you are a reader check out Bobbi Browns Makeup Manual. Really good book and very helpful.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 10:02 am

Congratulations Lily!
So glad to hear it was a good experience.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:13 am

BeautifulShy wrote:
Tue Aug 28, 2018 12:48 am
I guess I have a few questions for you first. What state do you live in and is it viable if you live in a city that isn't very welcoming for trans folk to move to a new city which is more accepting nearby?

Are there any support groups in your city where you can reach out to and they may be able to help you?
I live in rural western Pennsylvania. Closest real city to me is Pittsburgh, about an hour and a half away. I'd love to move out to the city, but I'm not exactly the most qualified job candidate, and the last time I tried to move out from home, I ended up crashing and burning pretty hard. That's what my parents are worried about.

There aren't any local support groups, either. Closest PFLAG chapter is about an hour away, and I don't even know of the existence of trans-focused groups.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 12:37 pm

Perpetual Lurker wrote:
Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:13 am
I live in rural western Pennsylvania. Closest real city to me is Pittsburgh, about an hour and a half away. I'd love to move out to the city, but I'm not exactly the most qualified job candidate, and the last time I tried to move out from home, I ended up crashing and burning pretty hard. That's what my parents are worried about.

There aren't any local support groups, either. Closest PFLAG chapter is about an hour away, and I don't even know of the existence of trans-focused groups.
Have you looked into the Persad Center? One of the satilight locations is in Erie Pensylvania which may be closer to you then Pittsburgh.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 1:34 pm

Erie is actually a bit farther from me than Pittsburgh is. In any case, there isn't anything Persad offers that I don't already have taken care of. I have a doctor administering my HRT, and I have a supportive therapist as well. I guess what I'm looking for is community. I don't have anyone outside my family that I'm out to, and even within my family I'm only out to my parents and one of my three siblings. I just don't know any gay or trans people off of the internet. I don't know much of anyone off of the internet.

I dunno, I guess I'm used to it at this point, but it still sucks.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by CosmogenicLily (?) » Tue Aug 28, 2018 3:36 pm

It can be rough if you don’t feel particularly qualified. Even so, I feel like moving has the potential to do wonders for your confidence.

The last time you tried moving away, had you been out to yourself? If not, keep in mind that the inner turmoil of not accepting your trans identity could have been subtly undermining you and your confidence.

Likewise, if you are far enough along in your transition, you may be able to “start anew” and basically go stealth to a certain degree, which may also do wonders for your confidence.

If you trust your therapist enough, bring up the idea with them. They may be able to provide insights that you may not have thought of.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Wed Aug 29, 2018 7:38 pm

I recently found this semi-short web comic (about 50 pages) that's sorta a trans coming out/self discovery thing and it really resonated with me, so I thought I'd share it here.
http://portsidestories.tumblr.com/page/53

Highly recommend. It made me cry. (but it's not actually sad)

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Weird Autumn (?) » Thu Aug 30, 2018 5:34 pm

I've got my prescription! Tomorrow I'm gonna ask a friend to hang out before work and stop by the pharmacy with me so I can get my pills. I'm a little nervous but excited and I'm looking forward to it

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Re: GSM IV

Post by theGECK (?) » Fri Aug 31, 2018 11:50 am

Today is my last day of being "Brian" at work.

This weekend (and through next week) I'm taking some of the money I got from the sale of our house and buying a wardrobe, which was something I was forbidden from doing or trying or experimenting with in my marriage. My sister and I are basically the same size, so she's going to take me to the stores she's found that carry clothes that will fit us, although my feet are 1.5 sizes larger so shoes are going to be an issue. But, I will get to have outfits that don't make people stop and try to figure out what's going on when my presentation doesn't match what I look like!

Also, getting catcalled is weird. A guy was passing me while driving, slowed down, and stared at me for awhile until I turned onto a side-street. I was tightening my bra strap under my shirt, but that was too much for him, I guess? He just had to slow down and stare at me while we moved through road construction and not watch the road he's driving on. I'm sure I'm in for all sorts of fun times in the future, if this is what I've gotten in the first few weeks of trying to figure out presentation.

My parents are super sad about it and have written me letters all about how if I just came back to Jesus I'd find a better way to deal with my dysphoria and would be able to be back with my spouse, my grandparents wrote a long letter about how I was being very un-loving and un-Christian by putting them through this and denying what my pediatrician said when I was born, but I have good people around me. And they love me and will help me out through this time. And I'm gonna show up to work and my co-workers will be all, "I guess we should stop making jokes about transgendereds now" and I'll be all, "You shouldn't have been doing that anyway, I'd like you to meet my buddy, HR."
And for Cosmo/others, I've gone super slow with my transition. I'm coming up on 4 years since I first came out, 5 years since the first time I thought "Shit, I actually have to deal with this." I got a prescription for estrogen and sat on it for 9 months making sure I actually wanted to do HRT before starting. You can move at whatever pace you want to - don't ever feel like because so many people are pounding the "transition. transition." drum that you have to do that. And labels are just there to help other people understand you, they aren't a box to force yourself inside of. I consider myself a transwoman even though once a month or so I wake up and go "Well, I have boobs now. That doesn't match my identity today. I should get a binder." Some people have told me that makes me not actually trans, some people have said that makes me genderqueer and not an actual transwoman, and some have commented that it's something you don't see very often. The fact that I wear clothes that others tell me projects "looking for lesbian partners" really hard has caused issues more than once because I'm mostly straight.

I'm excited for you! Don't let anybody take away the joy of what you're doing. You're allowed to try things out. You're allowed to look back and say "Wow, that definitely didn't fit me". It doesn't take away from anything if you try something and learn that it wasn't a good fit for you.

What you've said about just saying that you were a gender atypical man struck home for me, because that's how I felt. For me,

It was as if everybody lived in these houses that were built for them when they were born. But during construction of my house, one of the workers dropped a radio inside of the walls and sealed it inside, turned on. Since it was between the walls, it couldn't get any signal, and just let out a stream of that radio static. Since it was inside the walls, it wasn't very noticeable, and since I grew up with it, I didn't know houses were supposed to be any other way.

As I grew older I redecorated and painted the house, added on rooms for hobbies or interests, and noticed that when I sat in the rooms the farthest away from that spot in my house, the walls between would muffle the sound and make it more comfortable to sit there. I spent a lot of time in those rooms, but eventually I would always have to come to use the kitchen or the bathroom and the static would be really loud again. I didn't know why I tried to spend so much time in these other parts of my house, because I didn't know houses were any other way. I thought everybody tried to avoid most of their house.

And then I started talking to other people and learned that most houses didn't come equipped with a static machine in the walls. Some people could just sit in silence in their living room, not worrying about if they could hear their own thoughts. It was the norm not to live with it. But I also met people who had learned how to quiet the static. The first time I tried something I thought might help, it was magical. I had always had this white noise running through my head. It was always taking part of my attention to handle and process those thoughts. And suddenly, it felt like the world had gone quiet. I wasn't wasting time processing through all of that stuff over and over.

So I kept going, kept trying new things. And while sometimes the radio manages to get some sort of signal and start squaking differently or making different noises, for the most part, I've learned how to structure my house so that it doesn't get in the way of living my life anymore.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Cthulhu Inc (?) » Fri Aug 31, 2018 11:17 pm

Perpetual Lurker wrote:
Tue Aug 28, 2018 1:34 pm
Erie is actually a bit farther from me than Pittsburgh is. In any case, there isn't anything Persad offers that I don't already have taken care of. I have a doctor administering my HRT, and I have a supportive therapist as well. I guess what I'm looking for is community. I don't have anyone outside my family that I'm out to, and even within my family I'm only out to my parents and one of my three siblings. I just don't know any gay or trans people off of the internet. I don't know much of anyone off of the internet.

I dunno, I guess I'm used to it at this point, but it still sucks.
If you're willing to make the drive, CMU has a great LGBTQ+ club that non-students are welcome at too :pinkieshrug: we have a Discord server as well.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Weird Autumn (?) » Sat Sep 01, 2018 12:13 am

I'm officially on the girl pills now! I also learned the importance of keeping your spiro and your estradiol straight, specifically if you want to try taking your estrogen sublingually :-I

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Sat Sep 01, 2018 4:40 am

Weird Autumn wrote:
Sat Sep 01, 2018 12:13 am
I'm officially on the girl pills now! I also learned the importance of keeping your spiro and your estradiol straight, specifically if you want to try taking your estrogen sublingually :-I
Let the good times roll. Grats Autumn! :yay:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Mon Sep 03, 2018 11:58 pm

Weird Autumn wrote:
Sat Sep 01, 2018 12:13 am
I'm officially on the girl pills now! I also learned the importance of keeping your spiro and your estradiol straight, specifically if you want to try taking your estrogen sublingually :-I
yeah, the goal with spiro is for it to have as little contact with your tastebuds as possible
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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Wed Sep 05, 2018 12:31 am

How is your recovery coming along Erica?
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Sep 05, 2018 12:59 pm

You know what sucks about my insurance having a gatekeeping requirement? None of the people I’ve dealt with agree on whether or not I should transition. One psychiatrist claimed it was irrelevant, another thought I should, and the intake people thought I should be mentally stable first. :v:

I kind of think it would help the stability, but whatever. I’ll see what my regular therapist says.

Also I want to apologize for my behavior in the thread, towards Erica, Lily, and PL in particular. I’m taking things one day at a time now.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Wed Sep 05, 2018 3:15 pm

Glad you're doing better, Madeline.

So I just got back from a follow up with my doctor cause my hormone levels have been off, and he mentioned there's been some success in Ohio with getting medicaid to pay for bottom surgery, and he referred me to a doctor who does the surgery to get more information.
Trying not to get my hopes up too much, but it's incredibly exciting cause I didn't think I'd be able to afford it for years.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Wed Sep 05, 2018 3:30 pm

Best of luck, Mir! Hope something comes from that.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Sep 05, 2018 3:35 pm

Good luck, Mir! :yay:

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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Wed Sep 05, 2018 11:02 pm

BeautifulShy wrote:
Wed Sep 05, 2018 12:31 am
How is your recovery coming along Erica?
I was doing good but today after work I could barely walk out to the parking lot. I'm not fully recovered because I waited until too long to transition so now I'm old and swollen; it makes me angry.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Thu Sep 06, 2018 9:06 am

I imagine shittier days are normal in this kind of process, not just at your age. You're recovering from a big deal surgery, after all. Take it for what it's worth but I think you are doing great and deserve more kindness for it.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mir (?) » Thu Sep 06, 2018 9:15 am

Yeah, I was gonna say, I've heard most people take at least 3 months to recover. Please try to be gentler with yourself.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:52 pm

Mir wrote:
Wed Sep 05, 2018 3:15 pm
Glad you're doing better, Madeline.

So I just got back from a follow up with my doctor cause my hormone levels have been off, and he mentioned there's been some success in Ohio with getting medicaid to pay for bottom surgery, and he referred me to a doctor who does the surgery to get more information.
Trying not to get my hopes up too much, but it's incredibly exciting cause I didn't think I'd be able to afford it for years.
In general bottom surgeries are outpatient services and I just checked the ohio medicaid website and really the only main roadblock is getting prior approval. I do hope this works out for you.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:56 pm

Okay so a bit of an update now I have a few paths that I have planned out. Oriciectomy in state or gcs out of state and I am leaning towards Garcia with that. I have an appointment with social security on the 11th to see if I can tap into my dads social security so I can get on medicare. If that works out it is just a matter of planning things out and making contact with local LA friends about seeing if I can recover with them while I am in town. I am tenitively excited but if one route doesn't work I have other paths I can take. So feeling wishful.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Thu Sep 06, 2018 4:16 pm

Good luck, Shy. :flutterunsmith:

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Thu Sep 06, 2018 6:13 pm

Rooting for you, Shy :yay:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Fri Sep 07, 2018 11:08 pm

BeautifulShy wrote:
Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:52 pm
In general bottom surgeries are outpatient services and I just checked the ohio medicaid website and really the only main roadblock is getting prior approval. I do hope this works out for you.
Uh... Orchi might be outpatient, but full bottom surgery definitely isn't...
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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Tue Sep 11, 2018 11:14 pm

CorvusCaw wrote:
Fri Sep 07, 2018 11:08 pm
Uh... Orchi might be outpatient, but full bottom surgery definitely isn't...
Really? I was under the impression that it was.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Tue Sep 11, 2018 11:30 pm

Erica's right. GRS is super serious surgery that requires a lot of prep and multiple days recovery time afterwards before you can even leave the hospital, which is exactly the opposite of an outpatient procedure.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by theGECK (?) » Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:57 pm

I've been out at work for 3 days now. Other than HR dragging their feet changing my name, it's been really easy. People have been better with my name/pronouns than my ex is, which has been nice. And I'm going to be presenting to my management soon about transgender issues so that they are better prepared to handle transgender employees. Yay!

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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Wed Sep 12, 2018 9:54 pm

Perpetual Lurker wrote:
Tue Sep 11, 2018 11:30 pm
Erica's right. GRS is super serious surgery that requires a lot of prep and multiple days recovery time afterwards before you can even leave the hospital, which is exactly the opposite of an outpatient procedure.
Yeah so here's how I remember it:

The day before: You can have a light breakfast; cereal, muffin, etc... then no other solids until your surgery. You then need to perform bowel prep, which consists of drinking a one gallon just laxative that will turn every last bit of material inside your digestive tract into a liquid that you will be shitting out until the wee hours of the morning.

The day of (Day 1): You get to the hospital, they do hospital stuff, there's paperwork and uncomfortable questions about religion and next-of-kin, then change into a robe, have some anesthesia and fall asleep.

Later that day: Wake up! You have a vagina now. :crack: But you can't see it because it's packed with medical gauze and your entire crotch is wrapped up in a mega bandage. Also you are in a lot of pain and still very much in a hospital. Don't try to move your legs yet, and I hope you're fine with sleeping on your back, because you will be for at least the next week. Look at all the fancy tubes sticking out of you; one of them is to take pee out of your system; the others are for draining pus. The important one is the one in your arm. That brings pain killers IN. Ask for some ice for between your legs, and have a nice night.

The next day: Maybe you can sit up now! Oh, and you might be reunited with your old friend Solid Food at breakfast time. You're gonna need something in your stomach so you can have more pain killers. You definitely need more pain killers. More ice, too. Be careful with the food, though, the wrapping around your crotch needs to stay in place for a while... so you're not allowed to poop yet. You might want to stick to cheese and saltines. Hey, you can probably take a selfie right about now (I did). Lunch happens, dinner happens, pain killers happen before, during and after all of the above. Get an ice pack and go to sleep.

Day 3: You get used to sitting up, which also means you can shave your face if necessary. You should be drinking lots of water... which means you get used to nurses coming to empty your catheter. :drpony: You definitely notice when it's full. Fresh ice for the ice pack. Normal person food gets more and more appealing... but you're still on a low-fiber diet so you can't have much in the way of fresh fruit. Even pizza is a no-go for some reason. A white bread turkey sandwich seems fantastic. Your legs feel better and better... maybe you can walk tomorrow.

Day 4: This might be the first day when you're awake more than you are asleep. I was able to play some video games. Also the food you've been eating is starting to pile up on the back end of your digestive tract... you're gonna need some gas pills to deal with that because you can't quite poop yet. :flail: A new ice pack. If you can walk by today you're doing great. You'll have several people there when you do; it's ok to ask for help because you will get light-headed from being vertical after so long of being not vertical.

Day 5: Try to walk several times for longer distances. You're almost done with this place.

Day 6: Have some breakfast and then it'll probably be time to unwrap. Getting the bandaging off isn't too bad. However, they do have to pull the catheter tubing out... that's a lot of no fun. :-o The other drains are removed and leave some gashes on your skin above your vagina; take care of those the next week or so and they'll close up just fine. Then the packing comes out... there's gonna be a LOT of blood. This is your one and only period. :gonkity: And now...
you...

can see your vagina! :ohboy: You better fucking cry at least a little after all it took to get here. Now you get to dilate! :party: The first time is going to be really easy because you're still incredibly numb down there. Using the mirror left over from when you shaved helps you aim. You'll be doing this three times a day for at least the next three months, so you'll get good at it. Make sure you bought lube... a lot of lube... water-based lube. Get some underpads so all that lube doesn't get on your bed sheets.
SPOILERS: You are still going to get lube all over your bed sheets. :fluttershrug:

You can finally have a bowel movement. It might be the best one you ever have. Once you prove you can piss and shit under your own power, you can leave the hospital. You sure as hell can't drive, though, because you're still on pain killers. Your pelvis is very, very sensitive, so I hope whoever is driving you mapped out a route consisting of recently-paved streets with no speed bumps. :twonk: You still can't lay on your side or stomach. Your follow-up is in a week and your new vagina will look rather grotesque for at least a couple more months. Labia swelling takes a while to go down. Take it easy, don't pop a labia stitch. Most of all, don't forget to dilate! :speakest:

:yay: You survived! Get some Arby's as a reward.

Also all of your underwear is going to get ruined. :cheese:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Thu Sep 13, 2018 8:27 pm

Thank you for that detailed idea of what everything is going to be like. You mentioned shaving so I am surmising that you will be off your meds for the surgery.
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