GSM IV

Mir · Post by **Mir** (?) » Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:07 am

Several of the clinics and doctors in my area operate on "informed consent" where they don't require any sort of letter from a therapist and instead have you sign a waiver. (in fact, when I gave them mine, I don't think they even bothered to read it.)
Though they may require a few "checkups" before they're willing to prescribe medication.

While I completely agree with Dex on taking your time and getting help to sort yourself out, I think it's important that places like that exist too. When you look for a therapist, I'd suggest calling any nearby LGBT centers and asking them for recommendations, since it can be difficult to find one with experience in trans clients and not all of them will necessarily have your best interest in mind.

CorvusCaw · Post by **CorvusCaw** (?) » Sun Dec 10, 2017 1:54 pm

I started on informed consent. I did have a therapist letter (even though they didn't require need one), but I had no health insurance and just went to a clinic in the queer part of San Diego and had three appointments spaced out across about 6 weeks before the prescription was given. Once I had already started, it was really easy to switch it into my actual primary care routine when I moved to Washington and got on medical coverage through work.

I had the benefit of not having any major comorbid mental health issues at the time, which is not the case for everyone. If someone has another major issue like an eating disorder, bipolar, autism, PTSD, etc, they should perhaps exercise more caution... but it's their life, so I won't police their decision-making.

CorvusCaw · Post by **CorvusCaw** (?) » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:03 pm

Personal Update: Just completed my final full week trying to present as male at work. At our weekly staff meeting Tuesday, my transition is going to be discussed in terms of 'this is the name that should be used, this is what's going on, this is the district's anti-discrimination policy, etc.'... then Wednesday I start the process of talking to each of my classes and the clubs I advise about it. Terrified, but I have the full support of administration and my department, so that might help a little bit.

Also starting the process of removing the hair from the area affected by vaginoplasty. It's extremely unpleasant. Ouch.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:06 pm

Rooting so, so much for you that things go as well as they can at work and with the students. I can imagine some will react badly, but for some you'll be amazing, and I hope the former can't do enough harm to you to devalue the latter. You are cool and I really hope this works out for you.

Mir · Post by **Mir** (?) » Sun Dec 10, 2017 7:15 pm

You've come so amazingly far, Erica!
Here's hoping it goes as smoothly as possible.

(?) · Post by **Dexanth** (?) » Sun Dec 10, 2017 9:45 pm

CorvusCaw wrote: ↑
Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:03 pm
Personal Update: Just completed my final full week trying to present as male at work. At our weekly staff meeting Tuesday, my transition is going to be discussed in terms of 'this is the name that should be used, this is what's going on, this is the district's anti-discrimination policy, etc.'... then Wednesday I start the process of talking to each of my classes and the clubs I advise about it. Terrified, but I have the full support of administration and my department, so that might help a little bit.

Also starting the process of removing the hair from the area affected by vaginoplasty. It's extremely unpleasant. Ouch.

I am not surprised, because having legs and face done is extremely unpleasant and the next step...yea that's frightening to imagine how it would feel

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Tue Dec 12, 2017 2:11 pm

I'm sort of in a standstill with my transition. I can't afford to pay out of pocket, and my health insurance will only cover hair removal if it's done by an MD. The problem is, there isn't a single MD in the province who does facial hair removal who doesn't also outsource their hair removal to aestheticians or nurses. At least, that's according to the main hub of trans healthcare in the province. I'd be fighting them on this, but I have bigger issues to deal with, and I'm not really dealing with those either. It definitely affects my ability to pass, even with a clean shave, but right now there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

I try to make an excuse to get out of the house every day, but more often than not I'm so self-conscious and insecure that I won't leave the house for days at a time. Half the time I can't even make it out the front door without medication. I'm aware that I wasn't always this way, and that there are more issues than my gender identity at work here, but it's impossible to separate them anymore.

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Tue Dec 12, 2017 7:48 pm

I think when I went to go to the endocrinologist in California he wanted me to have a letter from my therapist and at this point I had gone to my therapist for a little over 1 year and for whatever reason it was something she didn't do. Just writing the letter to start hormones. It wasn't that she wouldn't do it for me it is just she didn't do it at all. So I went back to my endo and I explained and after some blood tests to check everything he started me on hormones and kept an eye on the levels and everything. So essentially I was using informed consent for my hormones. Then I moved out to Phoenix AZ and had to find a doctor who would take my insurance and had some experience in trans folks and I found one in Scottsdale. Unfortunately they no longer take my insurance and I have to switch over to something else and that is in the process of being dealt with hopefully getting resolution by the start of the year.

On another note for those that are on patches for estrogen has anyone experienced bumps and or rashes on their skin? I think it might be because of the adhesive and not the estrogen. I ask this because up my arm and on my shoulder have these marks on there.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Tue Dec 12, 2017 8:09 pm

Momo wrote: ↑
Tue Dec 12, 2017 2:11 pm
I'm sort of in a standstill with my transition. I can't afford to pay out of pocket, and my health insurance will only cover hair removal if it's done by an MD. The problem is, there isn't a single MD in the province who does facial hair removal who doesn't also outsource their hair removal to aestheticians or nurses. At least, that's according to the main hub of trans healthcare in the province. I'd be fighting them on this, but I have bigger issues to deal with, and I'm not really dealing with those either. It definitely affects my ability to pass, even with a clean shave, but right now there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

I try to make an excuse to get out of the house every day, but more often than not I'm so self-conscious and insecure that I won't leave the house for days at a time. Half the time I can't even make it out the front door without medication. I'm aware that I wasn't always this way, and that there are more issues than my gender identity at work here, but it's impossible to separate them anymore.

Sorry for being dense, but what is the exact problem with the outsourcing? Is that already a no-no for the insurance, even if the MD themselves orders the outsourcing?

And please tell me if this just sounds dumb and hollow but no matter your pain and issues, your identity is still valid, and your transition is still something worth fighting for. It's not any less valid because you can't do as much for it as you want right now. You're still an awesome woman, and you're still around and kicking. Being down right now doesn't mean you won't get up again.

If there is anything in particular you need, say it, even if you think it's stupid or undeserved. Like I said before, let others ease your burden even a bit. You do deserve that kindness and help.

Mir · Post by **Mir** (?) » Tue Dec 12, 2017 9:42 pm

I feel for you Momo.
I can relate too. I'm currently unemployed, but even if I weren't, student loans make it really hard to scrape together enough money for hair removal. Honestly, sometimes I look in the mirror or touch my face and just panic, wondering if it's ever something I'll be able to do. among other things...

BeautifulShy wrote: ↑
Tue Dec 12, 2017 7:48 pm
On another note for those that are on patches for estrogen has anyone experienced bumps and or rashes on their skin? I think it might be because of the adhesive and not the estrogen. I ask this because up my arm and on my shoulder have these marks on there.

I don't use patches, but what kind of bumps?
I ask, cause I used to get these things that were like goose bumps that never went away on my upper arm, but it just turned out to be a form a dry skin. and estrogen in known to dry out skin so...

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Tue Dec 12, 2017 10:32 pm

Perrydotto wrote: ↑
Tue Dec 12, 2017 8:09 pm
Sorry for being dense, but what is the exact problem with the outsourcing? Is that already a no-no for the insurance, even if the MD themselves orders the outsourcing?

According to the insurance claims department, in order to forego any sort of medical exams or hoops to jump through to qualify the treatment as medically necessary, it must be performed by a doctor. It's been suggested that a doctor's orders might be a substitute we could argue for, but I really don't have the strength for that conversation.

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:01 am

Mir wrote: ↑
Tue Dec 12, 2017 9:42 pm

I don't use patches, but what kind of bumps?
I ask, cause I used to get these things that were like goose bumps that never went away on my upper arm, but it just turned out to be a form a dry skin. and estrogen in known to dry out skin so...

Let me show you.

I have been using calamine lotion the past week and a half so it isn't as bad as it was.

Inkie · Post by **Inkie** (?) » Wed Dec 13, 2017 7:03 am

Patches can cause irritations yeah, so it's best to put them at different locations as much as possible, and clean with lotion a bit after a patch has been taken off. Putting them on your arms and shoulders seems dangerously high and close to the breasts, though, you should double check your meds' instruction notes. The recommended location is usually the lower abdomen (below the waist, but above panty line so it doesn't rub off).

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Wed Dec 13, 2017 9:06 am

Inkie wrote: ↑
Wed Dec 13, 2017 7:03 am
Patches can cause irritations yeah, so it's best to put them at different locations as much as possible, and clean with lotion a bit after a patch has been taken off. Putting them on your arms and shoulders seems dangerously high and close to the breasts, though, you should double check your meds' instruction notes. The recommended location is usually the lower abdomen (below the waist, but above panty line so it doesn't rub off).

Here is the thing. I place my patches on my butt, waist and more recently just above the waist and I still had these reactions. I also cycle between these places so I don't have the medicine going to the same part of my body so I don't know what is up. My primary is all booked up and I can't see my hormone doc until my insurance gets straightened out. Which is sometime in the new year.

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Wed Dec 13, 2017 2:03 pm

Could also be an allergic reaction to the hormones, or the plastic, or the adhesive. Have you tried taking claritin or antihistamines and seeing if that improves the bumps?

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Thu Dec 14, 2017 4:54 pm

Momo wrote: ↑
Wed Dec 13, 2017 2:03 pm
Could also be an allergic reaction to the hormones, or the plastic, or the adhesive. Have you tried taking claritin or antihistamines and seeing if that improves the bumps?

I haven't yet. I'll try that.

CorvusCaw · Post by **CorvusCaw** (?) » Fri Dec 15, 2017 8:59 pm

So it's been an incredibly overwhelming week. At the staff meeting on Tuesday, the administrator read a beautiful statement she wrote that announced what was happening and basically re-introduced me to all my coworkers who didn't know Erica yet. I didn't have to say anything, which was great because I spent the whole meeting locked up and quivering nervously in the back of the room because I was terrified. Response from staff has been overwhelmingly positive... I got several amazing cards and emails from my peers.

The next day I started the process of talking to each of my six classes, beginning with my advisory class whom I've worked with for the last three years. I had an administrator and our school's therapy dog in the room and I laid out a lot of things about how much they meant to me and why I was doing this now. Their response was amazing... they were genuinely happy for me and didn't even want to wait until after the break to start using my real name; they made the switch right away... even the "Civil War enthusiast" was supportive.

I went through this again with my women's studies class, where a couple of them cried and I had to make one of them promise to not get violent with any students who talk shit about me. By the time I got to the rest of my classes, I was done with speeches about it and just laid it out clearly with the why and when and how. Word spread from there... I even heard from a student I had two years ago who lives in another state now and emailed me how proud she was for me. I know there are people who maybe aren't OK with it but they don't matter right now and probably never will.

Today was the last day before winter break and I had several students bring me gifts of hair products, bath stuff, etc... plus a card signed by a bunch of my students, addressed to my new name. I was expecting at most some implicit sort of acceptance and support but it's been staggering how vast the love I've received has been. With state law, a massive amount of students and coworkers and the full adminstration of the building and district all on my side, I just feel like I have a future.

I get to live my best life now. All my men's work clothes are in a box for my school's January clothing drive. I made a new best friend at work, too. Actually living an authentic life allows me to form authentic connections with people and not feel like a fraud while I do it.

Hope you're all doing well.

Princess Flufflebutt · Post by **Princess Flufflebutt** (?) » Fri Dec 15, 2017 9:49 pm

That's amazing, Erica! Congrats to you!

Aria Genisi · Post by **Aria Genisi** (?) » Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:09 pm

I'm glad it turned out so well for you, Erica!

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Fri Dec 15, 2017 11:04 pm

Woo, that's awesome!

Mr. Big · Post by **Mr. Big** (?) » Fri Dec 15, 2017 11:30 pm

That's terrific, Erica!

Mir · Post by **Mir** (?) » Fri Dec 15, 2017 11:31 pm

Congrats Erica! So happy for you! I actually shed a tear just now.

CorvusCaw · Post by **CorvusCaw** (?) » Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:09 am

Mir wrote: ↑
Fri Dec 15, 2017 11:31 pm
Congrats Erica! So happy for you! I actually shed a tear just now.

I've been crying more or less every hour today. I get some shit done, then I think about what's going on and I just get all soggy. Definitely no mascara this weekend...

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sat Dec 16, 2017 2:08 am

The happiest tears.

How incredible and wonderful. You deserve every bit of that love and more. Congrats!!

Sheik · Post by **Sheik** (?) » Sat Dec 16, 2017 3:13 am

Hello all, I'm cis bisexual female and I recently came out to myself that I was bisexual. I've known since I was younger that I like girls and boys, but have been told it was wrong to be like that with women so I've covered it and told myself it was nothing, and that I should be "normal".

Now though, I'm realizing that I don't want to hide who I am anymore. I told one of my friends this and she said I can't be bi because I've never been intimate with a woman, so that hurt and I don't know what to think. I went to a bisexual support group and they were nice, but it was small and they didn't quite get my situation since I am 31 and am just acknowledging this part of me now. Inthesto knows and he's incredibly supportive, the first person who actually accepts me as I am (I feel so lucky for that).

I'm waiting to say anything to my family because I'm afraid of how they'd judge me and I can't handle that with my other mental health issues. I'm struggling with it still, but at least I'm getting myself used to saying it and being happy about it, so that's a step.

Inkie · Post by **Inkie** (?) » Sat Dec 16, 2017 3:15 am

I'm so, so happy for you Erica! This is wonderful!

Congratulations, Sheik! You don't have any obligation to tell your family or anyone else unless you're ready and want to do it for your own sake. Accepting it for yourself is an amazing step and I'm so glad. I'm sorry for your friend's reaction, there is obviously no rite of passage to become Really Bi, and it's never too late to come out to yourself and others. Be proud!

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sat Dec 16, 2017 3:22 am

Never too late to realize and embrace these things about ourselves, Sheik! I'm very happy for you.

Also I say poo on what your friend claimed. You can know how your interests are and how you feel about people of a certain gender or type without having it put to the test. It's the same kind of nonsense logic when people ask how a gay person can be sure that they're gay without having been intimate with someone not of the same gender. We don't work that way, and you don't have to work that way.

Bisexual erasure is sadly a real issue, both among some parts of the LGBT community and some heterosexual folk. The idea that you can only be gay or het is too common. But I can reassure you - You do not have to be "one or the other" to be valid. You don't need to pass a certain mark to be "gay enough" or "heterosexual enough". I struggled with these sorta thoughts myself about my bisexuality and it's really just nonsense at the end of the day, and it really sucks when other people reinforce these ideas about our identities. Fact is, your identity is valid and so are your feelings about men and women both, no matter what. It's fine to be into women, it's fine to be into men, it's fine to be into both in whatever quantity.

Personally, I don't plan to come out to my family in the foreseeable future. I'm not obligated to, and frankly who I like boning is none of their business unless I decide to make it their business. In this regard I'm lucky that I'm married to a man, so I'm not in a situation where I'm forced to explain myself, either. Fontra and my close friends know I'm bi and they're all really cool about it, that's what matters to me.

Bisexual highfive.

Keep on reassuring yourself, you deserve it.

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:05 pm

Erica, I am so glad you are able to have that sort of support at school from everyone. I am so happy for you!!

Hi Skeik!! Glad you were able to find yourself and any time is valid to come to an deeper understanding with ones self. Like Perry said when you feel comfortable with telling others that is your own decision. Not others.

Also yes bi erasure is a real problem, though keep in mind that even if you like one gender more than another you still like the other genders so your bisexuality is valid.

On a similar note has anyone used bisexuality as a term to mean you like your own gender and all the rest of the genders or is that just me?

Inkie · Post by **Inkie** (?) » Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:56 pm

BeautifulShy wrote: ↑
Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:05 pm
On a similar note has anyone used bisexuality as a term to mean you like your own gender and all the rest of the genders or is that just me?

Yep, I've heard that one a lot actually. There's some controversy over bi vs pan, but imo you should feel free to call yourself bi even if you're attracted to non-binary people as well.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sat Dec 16, 2017 2:42 pm

Inkie wrote: ↑
Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:56 pm
Yep, I've heard that one a lot actually. There's some controversy over bi vs pan, but imo you should feel free to call yourself bi even if you're attracted to non-binary people as well.

Agreed on that. Bi and pan are kinda-sorta being used as overlapping terms now, and at least as far as I've seen which you prefer using for yourself is a matter of taste.

Snowfire · Post by **Snowfire** (?) » Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:14 am

Grats Erica and Skeik!

Mad Surge · Post by **Mad Surge** (?) » Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:48 pm

Guess I've been sitting on this post for a bit too much, but admitting something like this to yourself is easier than admitting it in front of your friends, no matter how sure you are that they're cool and understanding

Hello everyone, it's me, Surge, and not only I'm pan but I'm also trans... I kinda knew this was always the case, but for the longest time I denied this because I didn't feel a lot of disphoria and so I felt like I was just a gross pervert, hated myself and generated a whole lot of negative feelings that some of you might have seen the ugly side of, and I'm truly sorry for that

However I've tried being more open to myself since last year, and then I've thought out things with the help of Dragoness/Sarah. We pretty much figured out we're much more like-minded than expected, and now we're close friends, but nothing more

This was a lot of words from me, and I'm not good at them, I hope I'm making sense

I thought about transition, but right now I wouldn't even know where to start; for now working on getting my emotions in order is much more important! At least I'm finding myself cute again in the mirror

Mr. Big · Post by **Mr. Big** (?) » Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:45 pm

Good on you, Surge! Hopefully you're on the right track.

Rooting for you!

Princess Flufflebutt · Post by **Princess Flufflebutt** (?) » Tue Jan 09, 2018 2:46 am

Congrats, Surge! I'm glad you're starting to accept yourself.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Tue Jan 09, 2018 9:30 am

Being honest with yourself and others is so difficult sometimes, especially when it comes to something as fundamental as your identity. I can only imagine. Super glad you are starting to open up to yourself and others. I can't stress enough how important it is to allow yourself to be vulnerable and honest with people you can trust - Even (or rather, especially) about something as personal and scary but important as your gender identity. It's absolutely understandable it took you time to feel ready for that step. I hope you continue down that road.

What pronouns would you prefer for yourself right now? Your pip was genderqueer yesterday, still, so I wanna ask just to be sure.

Mad Surge · Post by **Mad Surge** (?) » Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:16 pm

She and they feel cozy enough, let's try them out for a while

Cthulhu Inc · Post by **Cthulhu Inc** (?) » Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:47 pm

How do I change my name and gender on my legal documents?

I have a PRC birth certificate and am a naturalised US citizen.

Mir · Post by **Mir** (?) » Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:04 pm

Unfortunately, most of that depends and varies on where you live.
This site might help.
https://transequality.org/documents

They're actually a really good resource.

BeautifulShy · Post by **BeautifulShy** (?) » Thu Jan 11, 2018 3:26 am

I used Transequality for my legal documents and getting them changed. Basically what you need to do is get a court order for name and gender change. Some states like California it is one form and other states like Arizona it is 2 forms and the gender marker needs some special thing from your prescribing hormone doctor. But yeah the process is basically you get a specific form from the court or other place and then file it with your local court and pay the fee or get a fee waiver/ deferment and you wait for your day in court and then you need certified copies for the different agencies like social security, DMV, bank institution, health care program, passport office and various other smaller places where you had your dead name hooked up at.

I did find this link on the transequality site which might be more relivent to you Cthulhu. https://transequality.org/know-your-rig ... -documents

If you want to message me I can probably guide you easier on what to do if you would like.

Cthulhu Inc · Post by **Cthulhu Inc** (?) » Fri Jan 12, 2018 5:47 pm

Whoops, I live in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Basically I need a step by step guide with the forms or whatever, I have no idea what I'm doing or what forms I need or where to deliver them, I (assume) don't qualify for low-income legal help and I don't know how to find normal legal help.