RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Where everybody knows your name. (Safe Spaces and Self-Help)

Moderator: Momo

Post Reply
Bigdog
User avatar
implied
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 12:26 pm

Re: ITT We post our favorite WikiHow pictures

Post by Bigdog (?) » Wed May 22, 2019 12:35 pm

Madeline wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 12:20 pm
The Atkins Zone erases your ability to tell one pastry from another. within months you will be eating fatty jerky and bacon. You lay in a hospital bed, recovering after the doctors put stents into your arteries, wondering how the low-carb thread ruined your life so quickly
Or how it helped you lose like 60 pounds and hate yourself less for the first time in years without any apparent health issues 8 years down the road

But sure ok whatever I guess

Bigdog
User avatar
implied
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 12:26 pm

Re: ITT We post our favorite WikiHow pictures

Post by Bigdog (?) » Wed May 22, 2019 12:36 pm

I mean I don't want to make you feel too bad if you were just joking, but from where I'm sitting you're more or less just repeating shitty fyad memes

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1277
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Genderqueer
Location: Somewhere Far Beyond
Contact:

Re: ITT We post our favorite WikiHow pictures

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Wed May 22, 2019 1:04 pm

Bigdog wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 12:36 pm
I mean I don't want to make you feel too bad if you were just joking, but from where I'm sitting you're more or less just repeating shitty fyad memes
Please don't assume bad faith from a person who has no such track record. I fully respect your feelings about this, and I encourage you to share your experiences. However, we are not in FYAD, and you can say "I think that joke's not appropriate, this diet really helped me" without implying someone is intentionally mocking your progress.
Image /// Image /// Image

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: ITT We post our favorite WikiHow pictures

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed May 22, 2019 2:13 pm

I’m sorry. I didn’t meany any harm but I obviously caused a lot of distress.

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: ITT We post our favorite WikiHow pictures

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed May 22, 2019 3:24 pm

In fact, since I have a pattern of being an inconsiderate asshole, I should just say that he’s right. I am a gat age tier person posting garbage memes because I don’t really like or trust people so if I stop posting, the problem solves itself.

I’m sorry I suck so much, bigdog. I feel terrible about hurting you.

Bigdog
User avatar
implied
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 12:26 pm

Re: ITT We post our favorite WikiHow pictures

Post by Bigdog (?) » Wed May 22, 2019 5:39 pm

Perrydotto wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 1:04 pm
Please don't assume bad faith from a person who has no such track record. I fully respect your feelings about this, and I encourage you to share your experiences. However, we are not in FYAD, and you can say "I think that joke's not appropriate, this diet really helped me" without implying someone is intentionally mocking your progress.
I mean I could've phrased it softer still, but the post you quoted is saying precisely 'I don't want you to feel too bad [probably should've dropped the 'too', yeah] if you just meant to joke, but you pretty much were just repeating a shitty meme about low-carb diets'

and 'we are not in FYAD' was sort of my point

that being said,
Madeline wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 3:24 pm
In fact, since I have a pattern of being an inconsiderate asshole, I should just say that he’s right. I am a gat age tier person posting garbage memes because I don’t really like or trust people so if I stop posting, the problem solves itself.

I’m sorry I suck so much, bigdog. I feel terrible about hurting you.
I'm sorry, Madeline. I was honestly too rough in my phrasing there, especially given that I should personally know better. I should probably have edited my first reaction rather than just made a follow-up post.

Yeah, you did write something that was inconsiderate in hindsight, but it's not like I haven't done that plenty of times too over the course of my adult life, with "jokes" even. So let's agree that most people, you and me included, are fundamentally good-intentioned and that there's room for grace and forgiveness where necessary. All right?

Mods-- if you want to delete this whole chain of posts (preferably after Madeline has gotten to read my reply) or move it to the RUSP or something, I won't complain.

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: ITT We post our favorite WikiHow pictures

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed May 22, 2019 7:19 pm

Bigdog wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 5:39 pm
[quote=Perrydotto post_id=95578 time=<a href="tel:1558544677">1558544677</a> user_id=56]
Please don't assume bad faith from a person who has no such track record. I fully respect your feelings about this, and I encourage you to share your experiences. However, we are not in FYAD, and you can say "I think that joke's not appropriate, this diet really helped me" without implying someone is intentionally mocking your progress.
I mean I could've phrased it softer still, but the post you quoted is saying precisely 'I don't want you to feel too bad [probably should've dropped the 'too', yeah] if you just meant to joke, but you pretty much were just repeating a shitty meme about low-carb diets'

and 'we are not in FYAD' was sort of my point

that being said,

[quote=Madeline post_id=95591 time=<a href="tel:1558553064">1558553064</a> user_id=290]
In fact, since I have a pattern of being an inconsiderate asshole, I should just say that he’s right. I am a gat age tier person posting garbage memes because I don’t really like or trust people so if I stop posting, the problem solves itself.

I’m sorry I suck so much, bigdog. I feel terrible about hurting you.
[/quote]

I'm sorry, Madeline. I was honestly too rough in my phrasing there, especially given that I should personally know better. I should probably have edited my first reaction rather than just made a follow-up post.

Yeah, you did write something that was inconsiderate in hindsight, but it's not like I haven't done that plenty of times too over the course of my adult life, with "jokes" even. So let's agree that most people, you and me included, are fundamentally good-intentioned and that there's room for grace and forgiveness where necessary. All right?

Mods-- if you want to delete this whole chain of posts (preferably after Madeline has gotten to read my reply) or move it to the RUSP or something, I won't complain.
[/quote]

I don’t blame you for being mad at me. I’m really horrible at considering what I post before I post it, and I need to do a lot better.

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1277
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Genderqueer
Location: Somewhere Far Beyond
Contact:

Re: ITT We post our favorite WikiHow pictures

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Wed May 22, 2019 7:42 pm

Making mistakes doesn't mean you don't deserve kindness. You are not terrible, you are simply not perfect, and that's allowed. Be kinder to yourself about your mistakes.
Image /// Image /// Image

Bigdog
User avatar
implied
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 12:26 pm

Re: ITT We post our favorite WikiHow pictures

Post by Bigdog (?) » Wed May 22, 2019 8:08 pm

Madeline wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 7:19 pm

I don’t blame you for being mad at me. I’m really horrible at considering what I post before I post it, and I need to do a lot better.
Eh, so do I, apparently.

I'm not mad at you, present tense. You did something that upset me, not without reason, but when there's basic good faith on both sides (as Perry pointed out the need for), that can happen and then people can reconcile. If some personal growth can come from this on my side and also on yours, so much the better.
Perrydotto wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 7:42 pm
Making mistakes doesn't mean you don't deserve kindness. You are not terrible, you are simply not perfect, and that's allowed. Be kinder to yourself about your mistakes.
Signed.

diribigal
User avatar
Special Flowers
Posts: 174
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:35 am
Gender: Male

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by diribigal (?) » Fri May 24, 2019 5:19 am

So the main reason I go to therapy is because I have trouble with some aspects of executive function. Not enough for an ADHD diagnosis, but some similar symptoms if you're familiar with that.

Recently, work has become very busy, in part by random chance and that part will pass. But in another large part because of staffing changes. Basically, I'm training a new partner and my (good) workaholic boss resigned, coincidentally at the same time.

So I feel like I have to try to do the work of, say, two and a half people. And I struggle with things like prioritization and initiation. And I no longer have my boss to take some things off my plate no one else could, or to tell me what I should really prioritize.

My boss's boss A. Can't really take on any duties for me and at best could be a consultant for a tricky decision and B. Has not historically been sympathetic to people who are worried about getting things done on time.

I don't have a great sense for how much of this stress is temporary because things happened to be busy these past couple weeks, or how much time will be taken up by training my partner going forward, but I worry about letting my team down -- either by not getting enough of the right things done, or by overworking myself in the short term and burning out.

If people have suggestions, I may already have them in mind, but I welcome them all the same.
ImageImageImage Very math.

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Sat May 25, 2019 1:41 pm

My new psychiatrist also took away a medication that was working (prazosin) and put me on something that is making me feel worse, just like the last one. This time, though, it’s risperidone, an antipsychotic that also works for many people with depression and ptsd. It’s also a drug you shouldn’t give to people with a family history of heart disease and stroke because otherwise it has a 10% chance of giving you a transient ischemic attack. I’m also restless, unable to stop talking, and unable to sleep for more than 2 hours a day. It also is making my anxiety even worse, making it 2 straight months of me not being able to curb my anxiety at all. :fluttersmith:

I’m not taking this stuff any more. I can’t call the nurse line because it’s closed until Tuesday, but I have a therapy appointment on Tuesday anyway so maybe I can talk to one of the nurses in person then. They have generally been much better about these problems than the psychiatrists. I talked to my therapist about it already and she said she would back me up because she doesn’t think I’m overreacting or exhibiting drug-seeking behavior, bless her. This is why I’m willing to try frightening shit for her, because I do think she listens to me and has my best interests at heart and isn’t going to force me to do things that don’t work.

But the nightmares are back and they’re bad. Please don’t read if you’re easily upset. I was dreaming that people were slicing my eyes with knives and everyone I knew was telling me that it wasn’t a big deal and I shouldn’t complain and that I absolutely had to finish listening and watching to things that were awful because everyone else had to. They were taking me to an ambulance and people were still trying to tell me that I was overreacting to having my eyes cut open. I’m sorry, I had to get those images and feelings out of me. Gonna stop now because Imjust want to keep typing just like Imwant tomkeep talking.

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon May 27, 2019 11:38 pm

Tired of having night terrors and nightmares every night.

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 931
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Mon May 27, 2019 11:48 pm

Madeline wrote:
Mon May 27, 2019 11:38 pm
Tired of having night terrors and nightmares every night.
So sorry, Madeline. Wishing you the best.

Perpetual Motion
User avatar
Enthusiasm makes everything an adventure.
Posts: 373
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:24 pm
Gender: Non-binary

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Thu May 30, 2019 4:31 pm

Had a really bad anxiety attack this morning. It's been so long since one that bad, I had forgotten how awful it could be. I had to drive to a therapist appointment immediately afterward, too, so I couldn't take my anxiety med (I'm not supposed to drive after taking it). Luckily, I saw my therapist and got to talk it over. It's weird because it didn't have a specific trigger. It just kinda happened. Best we could figure it was just the culmination of two days of stressing over my writing, but it was weird. And it sucked. I wish I could do things without causing myself pain like that, but there's really no way around it. I just have to live with it.

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1277
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Genderqueer
Location: Somewhere Far Beyond
Contact:

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Thu May 30, 2019 6:29 pm

Don't forget it can and will get better, very likely, as you keep expanding your comfort zone and learn good tools to take care of yourself. Sorry you had a rough day, but a rough day doesn't mean you can't do this. :hug: I believe in you, PM, you are good people.
Image /// Image /// Image

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri May 31, 2019 11:41 pm

I’m right back down an emotional pit because spending a month watching people on another site just completely show their asses and go for each other’s throats over the dumbest shit has made me go back to feeling disillusioned and unwilling to interact with other people. Why bother when it just makes me constantly feel afraid to interact with anyone because I can’t stop wondering about when they’ll turn on me. Or when I constantly wonder about when I’ll show my ass again and hurt someone’s feelings again.

I don’t feel safe unless I’m totally isolated, which will make my mental health worse and kill me, and no drug has been able to help with that at all. DBT kinda sorta helps but not when people are being as hurtful as possible towards other people all the time.

I need to cut toxic people out of my life and be less toxic myself because i’m not good enough. But I don’t know what “good enough” is any more because the internet expects you to be either a totally flawless saint or you’re trash garbage, no in-betweens. I’m sick of that mindset but there is absolutely no escape from it. I just hate myself so much more every day I fail to live up to those expectations.

Skipper
User avatar
Rainbow Racers
Patreon platinum
Posts: 150
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 5:01 am
Location: Between my ears

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Skipper (?) » Fri May 31, 2019 11:55 pm

Is "absolute perfection" something that can be obtained? Would you expect it from anyone?

Is "perfection" something that exists on the objective level, something that we can point at? Or is it a word?

diribigal
User avatar
Special Flowers
Posts: 174
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:35 am
Gender: Male

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by diribigal (?) » Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:04 am

Madeline wrote:
Fri May 31, 2019 11:41 pm
the internet expects you to be either a totally flawless saint or you’re trash garbage, no in-betweens. I’m sick of that mindset but there is absolutely no escape from it.
I can't address the mental health stuff, but I can certainly say that this isn't true. Different internet communities vary wildly on a bunch of different axes, so maybe you just need to find different ones. (Also if this is a part of your struggles there may be some cases where you're interpreting things more negatively than intended or necessary, but everyone does that sometimes and that's something I imagine you'd be working on with a therapist if applicable.)
ImageImageImage Very math.

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Jun 05, 2019 11:32 pm

kookwowse wrote:
Fri May 31, 2019 11:55 pm
Is "absolute perfection" something that can be obtained? Would you expect it from anyone?

Is "perfection" something that exists on the objective level, something that we can point at? Or is it a word?
I don’t think it’s attainable, but a lot of the people around me do because they seem to think that you’re being reactionary if you don’t believe in utopias. I don’t believe in utopias because I’ve been seeing people behave like fuckheads for 40 years and I have no reason to think that they would stop, even in a society far better than this one. But I don’t see the impossibility of perfection as an excuse to not try to make the world a better place. It’s still important to fight for every improvement that can be made. There’s just always going to be some people who don’t agree with what you’re doing or who are flat out incapable of feeling empathy.
diribigal wrote:
Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:04 am
[quote=Madeline post_id=96070 time=<a href="tel:1559360492">1559360492</a> user_id=290] the internet expects you to be either a totally flawless saint or you’re trash garbage, no in-betweens. I’m sick of that mindset but there is absolutely no escape from it.
I can't address the mental health stuff, but I can certainly say that this isn't true. Different internet communities vary wildly on a bunch of different axes, so maybe you just need to find different ones. (Also if this is a part of your struggles there may be some cases where you're interpreting things more negatively than intended or necessary, but everyone does that sometimes and that's something I imagine you'd be working on with a therapist if applicable.)
[/quote]

It is something I’m working on, but you’re right that it’s very important.

I just don’t feel like that there’s a lot of spaces left for me to inhabit online. I really struggle between feeling that I need humor as a way to cope and distance myself, and feeling that I need to be sincere, then realizing that I no longer want to give away so much of myself to strangers, if that makes any sense.

Skipper
User avatar
Rainbow Racers
Patreon platinum
Posts: 150
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 5:01 am
Location: Between my ears

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Skipper (?) » Thu Jun 06, 2019 12:02 am

Madeline wrote:
Wed Jun 05, 2019 11:32 pm
But I don’t see the impossibility of perfection as an excuse to not try to make the world a better place.
You present this as a dualism: either you're perfect, or you're not making an effort at all. Don't you think that's a bit absolute?

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri Jun 07, 2019 12:40 am

kookwowse wrote:
Thu Jun 06, 2019 12:02 am
[quote=Madeline post_id=96244 time=<a href="tel:1559791930">1559791930</a> user_id=290]
But I don’t see the impossibility of perfection as an excuse to not try to make the world a better place.
You present this as a dualism: either you're perfect, or you're not making an effort at all. Don't you think that's a bit absolute?
[/quote]

That’s not what I meant at all. I’m criticizing other people with that mindset. I’m saying the opposite of that, that it’s possible for nuance and improvements in society to exist even if perfection is unattainable. I’m not talking about myself.

Edit: I’m sorry, I was harsh and rude at people who are only trying to help.

Skipper
User avatar
Rainbow Racers
Patreon platinum
Posts: 150
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 5:01 am
Location: Between my ears

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Skipper (?) » Fri Jun 07, 2019 3:05 am

I thought we were talking about you, but I must have misinterpreted your post. My apologies.

For what it's worth, I don't think you were being rude to me at all.

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Sat Jun 08, 2019 6:12 am

kookwowse wrote:
Fri Jun 07, 2019 3:05 am
I thought we were talking about you, but I must have misinterpreted your post. My apologies.

For what it's worth, I don't think you were being rude to me at all.
You’re fine. :hug: I appreciate your posts anyway, fwiw.

I’m writing down things to talk about at my next appointment on the 17th so I can deal with things in a healthier way.

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1277
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Genderqueer
Location: Somewhere Far Beyond
Contact:

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Sat Jun 08, 2019 11:52 am

That's a really good idea. :flutterunsmith: You are worth the effort, Madeline. Believe it.
Image /// Image /// Image

Perpetual Motion
User avatar
Enthusiasm makes everything an adventure.
Posts: 373
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:24 pm
Gender: Non-binary

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Sun Jun 09, 2019 1:18 am

I hate being such a coward. I've spent the past two weeks sitting on my writing, too afraid to show it to anyone. I miss the days when I was able to write fanfiction and just post it, without so much as a beta reader. Now, even if I knew where to post my original work (which is its own huge problem), I wouldn't have the courage to actually do it. For example, my dad has expressed interest in reading the first part of my story, and I've put off showing it to him under the guise of making "revisions." While it is true that I want to re-read it a few times to make sure it makes sense, I'm procrastinating on that because once I do, I won't have any excuse not to show people what I've written. And that terrifies me. I'm afraid that if I do show it to people and they don't like it, then all of this effort will have been for nothing, and I'll just have confirmation that I'll never create anything of value.

diribigal
User avatar
Special Flowers
Posts: 174
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:35 am
Gender: Male

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by diribigal (?) » Sun Jun 09, 2019 11:21 am

Between this and some of the other posts you've made, it really seems to my untrained eye that you might benefit from a socratic drilling down into all of the underlying premises and assumptions. Depending on your mental health struggles that may be better done just when you're with a therapist for safety and/or efficacy reasons.

For example, these are rhetorical questions, but I'm imagining "is it important to 'create anything of value'?" "If so, why and how will you know when you've done it?" "If one person, or one community doesn't like something you've created, does that mean no one would like it?" "Even if it did mean that, does that mean it's impossible to improve with the next thing you write?" "Would the effort really be for nothing if it's good practice or you enjoyed the experience of writing or the writing meant something to you even if no one else?" Etc.
ImageImageImage Very math.

Perpetual Motion
User avatar
Enthusiasm makes everything an adventure.
Posts: 373
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:24 pm
Gender: Non-binary

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Sun Jun 09, 2019 10:47 pm

I know there's a lot of logical fallacies in my thought processes, but knowing that doesn't give me the willpower to push through it. CBT type stuff hasn't been 100% effective for me. Don't get me wrong, it probably saved my life, but it did that by allowing me to fight to a stalemate in which nothing gets done. And that's where I'm stuck. I'm not backsliding and giving up, but I can't move forward either.

Octavia
User avatar
Octavia's Orchestra
Patreon supporter
Posts: 1360
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:59 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Chicago, IL
Contact:

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Octavia (?) » Mon Jun 10, 2019 5:41 pm

My anxiety has cranked itself up over the past 6 months to where it's now manifesting physically. I've started grinding my teeth in my sleep and I'll sometimes wake up with a really sore jaw and have a headache all day because of it. Other times I'll wake up after like 4 hours and not be able to fall back asleep. Since I haven't really had any dramatic life changes that would've caused this sudden increase in anxiety, I've decided to start up therapy again for the first time in like 15 years. I had my first session today. I always hate the first session because it's spent entirely on background, so no real progress can be made. I felt like I barfed up words for an hour and didn't get to say nearly everything I wanted to.

It feels good to be back, though. My last stint in therapy really helped when I was in much worse shape than I am today, so I'm optimistic. :flutterunsmith:
ImageImageImageImageImage

Perpetual Motion
User avatar
Enthusiasm makes everything an adventure.
Posts: 373
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:24 pm
Gender: Non-binary

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Mon Jun 10, 2019 6:32 pm

Glad you're able to get help, Octavia. The first step is always the hardest.

I also had a therapist appointment today, where we got to talk about my anxieties over my writing, as well as something I reasoned out and termed a "meta anxiety" (who knows if there's an actual scientific term for it). Basically, a large part of my anxiety over showing my writing to people is fear of my mental health backsliding if people don't like it or critique it too harshly. I'm anxious about getting more depressed and anxious. We weren't really able to formulate a solution beyond psyching myself up and taking a leap of faith, but having more context for things is at least helpful.

My therapist also told me about a new procedure/service that my psychiatrist is going to be offering soon: genetic testing. Basically they take a cheek swab, analyze your genetic makeup, and look at certain genes to see which psychiatric medications are statistically more likely to be effective, thus narrowing the field and eliminating a lot of guesswork. Seems like some sci-fi stuff to me, but apparently they've been doing it at their other office already, and my insurance will cover it for people who have been trying lots of medications for a long time with minimal success, which definitely includes me. I guess we'll see how that goes when the program starts up in a month or so.

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:20 am

I realized that I’m already going into a depressive spell again because I’ve stopped enjoying or caring about much of anything again. Ugh.

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1277
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Genderqueer
Location: Somewhere Far Beyond
Contact:

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:41 am

Madeline wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:20 am
I realized that I’m already going into a depressive spell again because I’ve stopped enjoying or caring about much of anything again. Ugh.
Well, I still care about you. :hug: Take care of yourself.
Image /// Image /// Image

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 931
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Wed Jun 12, 2019 10:00 am

Likewise. Take care, Madeline :flutterunsmith:

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:18 am

I remembered to being up the things I talked about at my appointment this week. It was a really good session.

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1277
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Genderqueer
Location: Somewhere Far Beyond
Contact:

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:07 am

I'm really glad you took charge of your treatment like that! Good job being honest with your therapist. Nice work :hug:
Image /// Image /// Image

Perpetual Motion
User avatar
Enthusiasm makes everything an adventure.
Posts: 373
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:24 pm
Gender: Non-binary

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:55 pm

So, out of the blue a few days ago I got a text from someone who works for Aflac saying that they saw my resume and wanted me to come in for an interview. I had forgotten I had even sent them anything, since it was during the last time I tried to look for work about 10 months ago, and I was just applying to wherever. I went in for the interview today and boy am I not qualified for this job at all. But they had to have picked out my resume for some reason, and I wasn't laughed out of the interview, so who knows. This first interview was a group one and was more educational than anything, and they'll call me about a follow up one-on-one interview next week.

So, that's great, yeah? Too bad it has my anxiety acting up like crazy over this vague sense of dread I've got about the whole thing. And of course now I'm thinking "if I can't even handle anxiety about the interview, how am I supposed to hold down a real job?" I don't know. Chances are I won't even get the job, but I'm just so blindsided by everything here and I can't really handle it.

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon Jun 24, 2019 7:53 am

I missed an appointment with my psychiatrist last week because it was on the same day as my therapy appointment, at the same time, in the same building, and nobody said anything to me about the discrepancy.

Not looking forward to straightening this out because they get nasty about missed appointments there. I hate this place and if I didn’t like my new therapist so much, I would’ve gone somewhere else by now. Not that I have many options here.

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 931
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:44 pm

Madeline wrote:
Mon Jun 24, 2019 7:53 am
I missed an appointment with my psychiatrist last week because it was on the same day as my therapy appointment, at the same time, in the same building, and nobody said anything to me about the discrepancy.

Not looking forward to straightening this out because they get nasty about missed appointments there. I hate this place and if I didn’t like my new therapist so much, I would’ve gone somewhere else by now. Not that I have many options here.
Oof. Hope you can get this straighten out. Sorry to hear this :fluttersmith:

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:47 am

I got it straightened out, but it wasn’t fun. The person who does the scheduling said that it happens a lot :-I

Madeline
never existed
Semper Pie
Posts: 1003
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Jun 26, 2019 6:02 am

This week is turning out to be a shitburger and I’m really fucking miserable.

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 931
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Wed Jun 26, 2019 2:37 pm

Hang in there, Madeline. Hoping for the best.

Post Reply