RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Wed Jan 03, 2018 6:23 am

Perpetual Lurker wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 03, 2018 12:59 am
Have you ever had something that you really wanted to do, that you feel you have to do, but you just can't do it? That's the way my whole life feels right now. Every moment I'm not at work is spent thinking "You know, you should write something right now," and then I just don't. I spend my time with meaningless distractions instead. Hell, I could be writing right now, but instead I'm just posting about how I wish I could write. Why is this so hard? Why am I so afraid of even writing for myself with no one to judge it? I can't wrap my head around the problem, and that prevents me from performing any of the usual analytical thought that I usually use to sort out my mental problems. I just have this enigmatic block in my head I can't get rid of, and it's frustrating as hell.

I think you answered your own question, there. I know it's easier said than stopped but intensely guilttripping yourself doesn't actually make you write more. If you are anything like me, guilt paralyzes you way more than it motivates you. Even if it sounds counter-productive, try to approach the issue less intensely and find a way to make yourself feel better about writing rather than just forced or pressured. The guilt builds up the activity so hard in your mind that it looks way more daunting than it is, so I feel guilt is not the answer.

diribigal · Post by **diribigal** (?) » Wed Jan 03, 2018 6:56 am

Perpetual Lurker wrote: ↑
Wed Jan 03, 2018 12:59 am
Have you ever had something that you really wanted to do, that you feel you have to do, but you just can't do it?

A little simplified, but this is basically the primary reason why I've been going to therapy.

I've learned that there are many causes for something like this, and many many different things to try that work with varying degrees of success for different people.

I can't possibly squeeze years of therapy and reading and seminars into this little post, and I wouldn't necessarily want to since I'm still struggling with this sort of thing, but aside from "work with a therapist on this if at all possible", I can offer at least one concrete suggestion.

If you are okay meeting deadlines (by rushing at the last minute, say) and financially stable, consider the website/app "beeminder", where you can set progress goals for yourself that come with deadlines and punishment for not meeting them.

If you are not financially stable, you can still do something similar with the help of a friend to hold you accountable, it'll just be more work to set up/maintain.

diribigal · Post by **diribigal** (?) » Wed Jan 03, 2018 7:01 am

Perry and I are likely coming from different flavors of struggle with this sort of thing, and I don't know which aspects of which would fit your situation best.

[This post originally said more, but I realized what I wrote was oversimplified to the point of probably being harmful. A trained professional is likely better equipped to give tailored advice.]

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:55 pm

A list of really good resources:
(I'll add these to the OP eventually for more handy reference)

Angry Critter · Post by **Angry Critter** (?) » Mon Jan 22, 2018 10:09 am

Winter depression, on top of year-round depression, on top of stressful living situation, on top of hormone mood swings and reliving trauma at random intervals as I'm transitioning... It hasn't been treating me very well the past few months.

Although, in between the breakdowns and panic, I can tell I'm still getting better and better. I'm learning to deal with triggers, I've been able to talk about traumatic experiences and parts of my life I've never been able to talk about before, my situation is stabilizing, I'm losing a lot of tension, getting healthier in general, and I've got some great things to look forward to coming up.

I just wish these changes would occur in a linear fashion rather than in surges of moments of crisis. Recently I've caused a lot of stress and hurt for some loved ones too, and I can barely handle myself during those moments especially since I'm alone most of the time... But...

Yeah, I've somehow managed so far, and I think the worst is over, so I guess for now I just gotta sit this out and keep on trucking. It'll be OK... Eventually.

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:11 pm

I've come on leaps and bounds in some ways. I've found jobs over the past few years, I've found a consistent group of friends IRL, I've learned to ride a motorbike and can now move around wherever I please. I can do all kinds of maintenance work. My art has come on slightly over time as well.

I used to feel like a lot of this was impossible when I was alone and jobless, but it can happen.

Yet I still have the thought of ending it all. It's not that I can't cope or that recovery isn't possible for me. I'm able to do almost anything I please, given enough time and hard work. It's that all of these things are a lot of work and I don't want to do all the crap that's necessary just to live. I can do it, nothing's stopping me doing it, it's just a matter of choice.

I feel like taking the option to hurt a lot of other people in order to avoid the long grind that living requires.

Anything can be a long grind. Depression doesn't go away, it's like there's a mental fitness where I have to constantly grind to keep my strength up in order to even stand up on a heavy day. Any skill like art or riding a motorbike is a long grind of practice, where the better you get the more grinding the next step requires. Working for a living and a retirement later in life is a day to day grind. Keeping up relationships requires so much work. Tidying a house and maintaining a machine are a constant grind.

I feel like the enjoyment I get out of any of this isn't worth the grind I put into it. I have talked at length to therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists about this and have gotten the best care available to me, but recovery is a grind. It's one I am capable of but I question whether it's one I'm willing to go through.

It's not about whether or not my progress is good enough. No one's saying it is or isn't. It's not about whether I'm a worthwhile person or not. That doesn't swing it either way here. It's about deciding whether I want to keep putting the effort in to do anything in life. Be it the necessities of work, food and shelter or the luxuries like a motorcycle, anything I do needs an energy from me that I'm wondering about giving in the first place.

diribigal · Post by **diribigal** (?) » Sat Feb 03, 2018 11:34 am

It's about deciding whether I want to keep putting the effort in to do anything in life. Be it the necessities of work, food and shelter or the luxuries like a motorcycle, anything I do needs an energy from me that I'm wondering about giving in the first place.

I am not a professional, and I don't know much about your personal struggles, but I feel like this is the sort of thing a professional can help you manage safely, and it's definitely not all or nothing. Like maybe you need to do things that will generate more energy, or maybe you need to manage the energy you have in a different way, or slow down/modify the recovery steps you're taking, etc.

The Ghost of Ember · Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:56 pm

I dunno if this goes here, there or where. I certainly don't feel like starting another 'I grew up in a fucking cult thread,' unless some other cartoon wants to get all apologist to cult leaders, but I got told something on Christmas this year that's been chewing me up a little.

See I was supposed to be a Christmas baby. December 25th was my predicted birthday. Maybe it would've been and maybe it wouldn't have been, but since my mother was a good Jehovah's Witness she felt that having a baby on Christmas would be sacrilegious. So she took a bunch of castor oil to prevent me from being born on Jesus's fake birthday, and I got born two days early.

Its not that I have any delusions that if I had been two days later I would have been The Messiah or anything. It just rubs me to no end of a wrong way that these people had so much control over my life they dictated the terms of my fucking birth.

Edit: On the bright side, every dumb motherfucker who now says 'almost a Christmas Baby!' whenever they get told my birthdate gets a taste of weird culty trauma to help ruin their day. Nosey shitstains.

diribigal · Post by **diribigal** (?) » Sat Feb 17, 2018 8:17 am

Sorry to hear you had more stuff piled on you like that.

The Ghost of Ember wrote: ↑
Sat Feb 17, 2018 2:47 am
Edit: On the bright side, every dumb motherfucker who now says 'almost a Christmas Baby!'...Nosey shitstains.

Unless there's context I'm missing, you know they're just trying to make conversation, right?

Kronos · Post by **Kronos** (?) » Tue Feb 20, 2018 2:59 pm

Just got fired from my job because of an incident last Wednesday where I lost my cool over a simple assignment, so now I've lost everything I've worked for over the past seven months.

Worse, I don't know how I'm going to recover from this, exactly. My temper has always been a problem but now it's gotten me out of something I desperately needed. I don't know how to keep it in check if I blow up over things so simple. I'm a computer programmer - specializing in Java - but I don't really have a passion for it and honestly I just struggle with anything long term. But my degree is in Computers so it's the only field I can even get entry level jobs in, so I feel like I've just completely screwed myself over for life.

diribigal · Post by **diribigal** (?) » Tue Feb 20, 2018 3:07 pm

I'm sorry that happened; getting fired after one incident is a real raw deal.

Since we no longer have separate threads, are you looking for advice, just commiseration/validation, etc.? Basically, let us know how we can help.

Kronos · Post by **Kronos** (?) » Tue Feb 20, 2018 3:31 pm

diribigal wrote: ↑
Tue Feb 20, 2018 3:07 pm
I'm sorry that happened; getting fired after one incident is a real raw deal.

Since we no longer have separate threads, are you looking for advice, just commiseration/validation, etc.? Basically, let us know how we can help.

I don't really know - kinda just need a place to vent but also just advice, I guess? Already on the ball looking for another job (hopefully one involving Java instead of this last job, which honestly is a bit of a relief as one or two aspects of the job just...didn't feel right for me even before the incident). The fact I was let go instead of just given a warning caught me off guard, though, and the family is in desperate straights right now, so I needed the medical coverage and the salary.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:27 pm

Can you trace back what made you lose your cool? Understanding what happened and looking for ways you might be able to cope better in the future could be a big help and give you more confidence for future challenges. I'm really rooting for you, no matter what.

Kronos · Post by **Kronos** (?) » Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:54 pm

Perrydotto wrote: ↑
Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:27 pm
Can you trace back what made you lose your cool? Understanding what happened and looking for ways you might be able to cope better in the future could be a big help and give you more confidence for future challenges. I'm really rooting for you, no matter what.

The problem was that I'd been doing this one task the super slow manual way (I'm no good with excel), but was then told that I needed to finish the task in an hour and that there was a faster way to do it.

Knowing all the facts now, there really wasn't a reason why my co-workers couldn't have helped me when I asked the first time, but overall it was still my fault because I got myself all stressed out and I get really, really frustrated when I stress out.

I really couldn't have afforded to lose that job, because it had great medical care and my family's finances are in the red right now because dad's been out of a job for years (fired from his old job, chose to persue the last three exploring his dream of script writing...which has gone nowhere if you ask my personal opinion), mom's working part time, and I kind of really fucked up because I spent a lot of money assuming my job's salary for granted BEFORE getting fired.

I'm also still stuck on the Atkins diet (a.k.a. the "grain and potatoes are evil!" diet) and have never felt at 100% ever since, though my parents ignore it because the diet works for them in how "energetic" they feel.

There's just not a whole lot of positives in my life right now and today only made it all that much worse. The fact it all largely is because I have anger issues I can't seem to get a grip on no matter how hard I try just makes me feel like a horrible human failure. And yes, I've tried therapy, it just doesn't work when I get stuck in the moment.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sat Mar 10, 2018 12:06 am

I'm not doing great at the moment. Received some very shitty news about a friend last Sunday. (discussion of death and terminal illness ahead)

----------------------------

My friend has been struggling with brain cancer for the second time within 5 years, and this time looks like it'll be the last because he's going to die.

I received a text from his girlfriend Sunday night that he had been moved to palliative care, and that he's unlikely to make it to the end of the week.

It's all such bullshit. I'm going through the whole nine yards of trying to look for logic, trying to blame some greater factors that don't exist, and lamenting the unfairness of it all. Rationally, I know it's a situation created purely by happenstance and bad luck and there will never be any kind of logic or human morals to it. It's just a shitty disease. It's just also really hard to cope with.

He had a brain tumor for the first time about 3 years ago. Early detection, surgery done a few days later, everything went incredibly smoothly. The entire tumor was removed, and all lasting damage was an annoying scar on his head. He was out of the hospital about a week later, and back at work 2 weeks after that. I visited him in the hospital and it was like nothing had happened to him.

We've been close for several years, he helped me with my move, he was at my wedding last June. We sometimes spent hours in late evenings just talking on voice chat and shooting the shit or pouring our hearts out. I supported him through some depressive ruts and encouraged him to seek therapy. He eventually managed to beat some of his dark outlooks on life, got less cynical about relationships, found a very caring girlfriend for the first time in many years. We'd play Overwatch together and sometimes joke about him being Genji, because he does Kendo and similiar sword fighting sports.

2-3 months after my wedding, he had a severe seizure at work, and was quickly diagnosed with another brain tumor. More agressive and ingrown this time, surgery could only remove a portion of the damn thing. Some damage to his speech center occured, he struggled finding words after the surgery and had to take speech therapy to regain most of his vocabulary. He described it as being perpetually stuck in "tip of my tongue" mode. When I visited him in the hospital, it was especially bad, he stuttered a lot.

He was promptly blasted with chemo and anti-seizure medication. He was well enough to see an Eisbrecher concert with me in November, but his stamina deterioated as the weeks progressed. In February, he told me he had to go back to the hospital because the chemo was barely doing anything about the tumor and the metastases, and had just severely impacted his own mobility instead. I sent him care packages, because he insisted I shouldn't visit because "he'd rather see me when he got better". I unhappily but dutifully respected his wishes.

And now here I am. Typing that novel out there makes it feel a bit more real, but it doesn't do anything about the horrible physical emptiness I've had in my chest since Sunday. It feels like my ribcage is being tied together by really tight string. I can't remember the last time I had stress pain like this.

I texted his girlfriend back with offers of help and asking one last time if he would like us to visit. I got no response, which is fair enough I suppose. It's an incredibly difficult time for everyone involved. I know his girlfriend is allowed to stay in his room at the palliative care facility, so he's not alone. She sent me a photo of him with the cat plush I gifted him in my last care package. I'm guessing that's as close as he feels comfortable letting me now. At least he had a very genuine smile in the picture, a good way to remember him in.

I was on track to draw more, be more social again, and finally get the courage to talk to my general doctor about getting medication. I still want to do all these things, in a way I'm actually more determined than ever, but I'm also just a fucking mess of feelings and spent the last week doing nothing but staying inside and playing videogames from morning to evening. Someone I care about deeply, someone full of spirit to live and love is going to die any minute now. He's not even 30.

----------------------------

If anyone here messaged me or needed something from me or whatevs, and you didn't get a response, this is why. My energy this week has gone into coping with the fact that the next time I look at my phone could be the time I get the text that says the cancer won. My energy the next few weeks is likely not gonna be any better, because it'll have to go into coping with him being gone, with going to the funeral, with helping clear out his house, the works. I will have to evaluate every step of the way what I'm capable of handling. I barely sleep, and when I wake up it feels like I didn't sleep at all.

I got good people around me IRL. I clued them in and I don't have to cope with this alone. I'll still do my best to reach out to professional help, because I'll need it now especially. Just ... if you don't see me doing much of anything, or you're not getting responses to messages or whatever, it's because I need to manage what little steam I got. I'm sorry. Life really fucking sucks sometimes.

Princess Flufflebutt · Post by **Princess Flufflebutt** (?) » Sat Mar 10, 2018 12:13 am

Oh no. That's terrible. I'm so sorry.

Mr. Big · Post by **Mr. Big** (?) » Sat Mar 10, 2018 12:14 am

I have no words. Really, really sorry about this. Cancer sucks.

theGECK · Post by **theGECK** (?) » Sat Mar 10, 2018 11:11 am

I'm so sorry Perry, losing a somebody close to you is incredibly difficult. I'm glad you have people around you; having a group makes all the difference in the world.

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Sat Mar 10, 2018 1:29 pm

I lost my cousin to brain cancer. I'm very sorry for your friend, and for what you're going through. I wish I had more words. Please take care of yourself, and don't be afraid to reach out to people.

Princess Flufflebutt · Post by **Princess Flufflebutt** (?) » Wed Mar 14, 2018 10:33 pm

I don't know one aspect of my life in which I'm not terrible at. I can't keep up with friends, I can't connect to anyone, I can barely draw, my finger picking is in shambles, I can't write to save my life and every time I try to open up to a therapist it falls flat because I just don't know how to talk to people. At all. Like, I'm not even joking. What the fuck is a conversation?
Mosr of my written ones don't work out well. Even my own diary doesn't make sense. Even to me. Sorry. Nust needed to, I don't know, vent I guess?

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:05 pm

It's always important to note how much your personal view of yourself and how others view you differ. See, I would say that you draw super nicely, that I like having you around, and that you are fun to talk to. Also I'm glad you talk to a therapist, even if you don't feel like you can say everything the way you want to. Remember that the way you see yourself is not necessarily accurate or healthy, and that your warped perception of yourself is the most likely cause of the disconnect you feel with others. It's hard to feel connected when you don't even feel remotely connected with yourself. You are valuable and worthy of respect, and I hope you can do more things that make you feel that about yourself, too.

Princess Flufflebutt · Post by **Princess Flufflebutt** (?) » Thu Mar 15, 2018 6:53 pm

Thanks, Perry. I was gonna post earlier but I couldn't think of anything to say. And I suppose that makes sense.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Mon Mar 19, 2018 12:49 am

A big thanks for everyone's support posts, by the way. It's been 2 weeks since I heard about my friend and I haven't heard a single peep from his girlfriend since. This is more than understandable given the circumstances, but I still think I need at least some kind of update or I'm going to go completely nuts. I've basically lived the last 2 weeks in a weird fugue state and my usual sleep problems are worse than ever, so I need some kind of resolution, awful as it might be.

This situation also has given me another push to finally talk to my general doctor about help with getting therapy. Trying on my own has not worked out and I need more support badly. I know at this point it's very likely I would benefit from both medication and CBT and it needs to finally happen.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:11 am

I will go to the doctor's office on Thursday since I need to pick up Fontra's meds for the next 4 weeks, anyway. Hopefully I can arrange something with my doctor soon when I'm there.

Just sent a text to my friend's girlfriend, asking carefully for an update. I'm not expecting anything good, because there is nothing you can really call "good" in this situation, but having clarity will help I think.

Snowfire · Post by **Snowfire** (?) » Mon Mar 19, 2018 6:03 am

I hope you receive relatively good news Perry. Sorry this is happening to your friend.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Tue Mar 20, 2018 11:20 pm

I’m so sorry, Perry. FWIW the combo of getting a new therapist and an SSRI that doesn’t make my blood pressure skyrocket made me feel about a hundred times better. I hope you can get the support you want.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Wed Mar 21, 2018 12:19 am

Madeline wrote: ↑
Tue Mar 20, 2018 11:20 pm
I’m so sorry, Perry. FWIW the combo of getting a new therapist and an SSRI that doesn’t make my blood pressure skyrocket made me feel about a hundred times better. I hope you can get the support you want.

That's legit really great to hear from you

I'm always rooting for your recovery, and it's wonderful you are making more progress. I hope you can continue on this track!

And thanks for the well wishes, too. I still haven't heard anything back. It's driving me crazy, but there is really nothing else I can do other than wait for a response. I hate everything about this.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Wed Mar 21, 2018 3:52 am

Having to wait for news is the worst. Internet hugs coming your way

RudeCyrus · Post by **RudeCyrus** (?) » Sat Mar 24, 2018 3:33 pm

So.

I posted about this on Discord, but maybe I should post about it here too.

I've kind of reached a point of ennui about life in general. I'm stuck doing the same thing day after day because I don't have a job or any social groups I belong to (outside of the internet). I want to move forward, but it's near impossible in my situation. I'm not even sad about it, just... resigned? I don't know. It's hard to explain at the moment. Out of all the people I know, I feel like the only one left behind.

Y'know I was working with the Department of Human Services to find a job, but that fell through and was a huge disillusionment. I don't care about looking for one anymore. Don't care about much of anything anymore. I try hard, but it feels like all my effort means nothing.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sun Mar 25, 2018 12:18 am

I know this is the most typical question but are you seeing anyone/anything for mental health things?

Also, have you considered volunteer work in your area? It might sound trite, but it can really make a significant difference in providing you with something to do and seeing tangible results in your efforts. In my experience, a big part of feeling apathetic about everything stems from being stuck in the same old and not seeing any kind of change that you can affect. Volunteer work is basically the polar opposite of that - Within the boundaries of what said work can do, you being a helping hand even just to a small degree instantly makes a difference. And shit man, it feels nice especially when everything around you seems like your contribution doesn't matter. Worth considering, at least.

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Sun Mar 25, 2018 12:58 am

I find that I am entirely replacable in any occupation I find in the world, voluntary or paid. This is fine. The only slight value I have is the value my parents and others who care put on me. In that sense it's sad I can't be replaced in these areas because I don't want people to care about me. I want to slip quietly out of existence with no real splash, but everyone gives so much of a shit it's like dying would be an explosion that rips through the community around me. But they rigged that bomb themselves. They made me and cared about me so much that it'll hurt them if I die. Why do that to yourselves? Cut the wire between you and me and you'll be a lot safer.

Mr. Big · Post by **Mr. Big** (?) » Sun Mar 25, 2018 1:40 am

I've been feeling down about my work lately. It's not that I'm hurt financially; I'm actually making decent money doing cartoon stuff lately. However, I've been feeling like I'm stuck in a rut, like I could do bigger and better things, but I'm stuck to where I am for the foreseeable future.

Somebody suggested I try something new on the side, and I might take up on that.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Sun Mar 25, 2018 8:27 am

Mr. Big wrote: ↑
Sun Mar 25, 2018 1:40 am
I've been feeling down about my work lately. It's not that I'm hurt financially; I'm actually making decent money doing cartoon stuff lately. However, I've been feeling like I'm stuck in a rut, like I could do bigger and better things, but I'm stuck to where I am for the foreseeable future.

Somebody suggested I try something new on the side, and I might take up on that.

I would definitely suggest challenging yourself with something entirely different/new. Like, the sorta thing you doubt you'd be good at, but you wish you were. Try an entirely new genre/medium/whathaveyou. The things you make are very fun and cute, but also all very much the thing that they are - You don't go ambitious with your comics, and that's fine, but especially with how much you pump out in advance I can imagine you could really do with some fresh air. Whatever you try likely won't immediately be great, but that's how getting good at something starts, and it might give you a new perspective no matter what?

Best of luck dude

Don't resign yourself to the same kind of thing forever. Art and comics are such vast mediums, you can try all sorts of things and always find a new impulse.

Mr. Big · Post by **Mr. Big** (?) » Sun Mar 25, 2018 3:24 pm

Perrydotto wrote: ↑
Sun Mar 25, 2018 8:27 am
I would definitely suggest challenging yourself with something entirely different/new. Like, the sorta thing you doubt you'd be good at, but you wish you were. Try an entirely new genre/medium/whathaveyou. The things you make are very fun and cute, but also all very much the thing that they are - You don't go ambitious with your comics, and that's fine, but especially with how much you pump out in advance I can imagine you could really do with some fresh air. Whatever you try likely won't immediately be great, but that's how getting good at something starts, and it might give you a new perspective no matter what?

Best of luck dude Don't resign yourself to the same kind of thing forever. Art and comics are such vast mediums, you can try all sorts of things and always find a new impulse.

Thanks, Perry

Bought some animation supplies. Figured this is a good time to work on it further.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Wed Apr 11, 2018 6:23 am

I’m not sure where to talk about this. It’s kind of not a serious issue, and not a mental illness issue, but then, it kind of is?

Anyway, I have been feeling completely creatively blocked for months now. I don’t know what to do about it, as it is definitely linked to good old generalized anxiety disorder. I have been taught about/worked on knowing what triggers panic attacks, and how to avoid them, and that sort of thing. But it doesn’t help me at all when I sit down to do something. I shoot down every idea I have because it might be too cliche, or because I can’t figure out what would make a character get involved in a conflict without it seeming like an asspull. Or I just sit there and think of something and realize it has implications that I don’t want to present in my work anymore. I’m obviously being my own worst enemy here, but none of the exercises I learned in school to loosen myself up creatively are working now.

It’s actually getting to the point where it’s affecting my well-being, as silly as that sounds. But it’s not really a medical problem, and therapy usually ends up focusing on my more serious issues. I’m feeling very frustrated and unhappy about being blocked. If anyone has some suggestions, or experiences that they could share, I’d really appreciate that.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:42 am

Being overly critical and sabotaging your own efforts like that sounds serious enough to me, especially if it's connected to your other issues. Don't tell yourself it's silly and doesn't matter - I would bring it up with your therapist. You yourself say it affects your wellbeing, that is valid.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Wed Apr 11, 2018 4:35 pm

I should do that, then. Thank you.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Wed Apr 11, 2018 5:27 pm

No problem. I'm rooting for you, you deserve your own respect and support.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Wed Apr 11, 2018 8:53 pm

Thanks, Perry.

Perpetual Motion · Post by **Perpetual Motion** (?) » Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:53 am

Feeling pretty down right now. Two main things bothering me:

1) I hate my writing. I've spent months and months writing and rewriting the same 2k words over and over again trying to get a story off the ground. I've finally resorted to a hard reboot and shift in perspective in order to try and remedy the consistent problems I have with my work, but my anxiety over starting over is kicking in hard, which just damages my self-esteem even more.

2) I'm super lonely. I interact with almost nobody outside of work, and only have a few people I talk to online. Even then, my online friends aren't available all the time, and I can't help but feel like I'm bothering them whenever I attempt to initiate a conversation. Instead I just type and delete opening lines a bunch and end up saying nothing, kinda like the above problem. I'm so starved for human interaction, and I have no idea what to do about it.

I don't think there's any easy answers to these. I just needed to vent a bit. Thanks for reading.