Well yeah, there's all that; I was just responding to a question from the previous page, from a clinical viewpoint. Wasn't considering the deeper mechanics of the emotions of the people involved. Are "dick guys" a real thing?Hi! wrote: ↑Sun Jun 09, 2013 12:30 pm
Yeah, that would probably be Bi, but a man dating a woman with a penis is a heterosexual relationship, not a homosexual one.
However, it's worth noting that in the case of trans women, you have to be very cautious if you are a dick guy. Being attracted to someone's body is wonderful, but in the case where you have someone who is *not* comfortable with their body, you have to make sure that you're not initiating a relationship based on attraction to parts of their body they don't like.
Fetishization and objectification of one's partner is not a way to start a stable relationship, and a part of the reason behind the 'chaser' stereotype is that men who have a preference for women with penises are, by definition, attracted to a part of the body many women don't want, which can be dehumanizing.
Hidden for somewhat frank sex chat.
The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wonders
- CorvusCaw
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
- Hi.
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Yeah, that was a bit of a tangent, sorry.CorpusCavernosum wrote: ↑Sun Jun 09, 2013 2:28 pmWell yeah, there's all that; I was just responding to a question from the previous page, from a clinical viewpoint. Wasn't considering the deeper mechanics of the emotions of the people involved. Are "dick guys" a real thing?
But, sure. Objectification and silly nomenclature aside, different people like different things. Some have preferences for some types of legs, or butts, or breasts, or muscles, and some people have a preference for particular genitalia. Sexual preferences come in all shapes and sizes.
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Lazy
Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Guys who like the idea of penises on women are actually not all that uncommon.
Well, I think it's pretty cool that you're more comfortable with it now than when we talked earlier. Repressing what you like sexually is bad, and being open about it(within reason, time and place etc.) is a lot more fun besides being better for your mental health.Venusy wrote: ↑Sun Jun 09, 2013 2:05 pmYeah, I went through that discussion with the few people I'd discussed it with before, I was making a much, much bigger deal out of it than I needed to be. Still, I know people wanted to keep that kind of chat out of the thread before, so I was still hesitant to mention it here.
- Bigdog
- implied
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
This is something that I'm really happy about (though at the same time it isn't happening nearly fast enough for me, see my constant fears like the related ones I mentioned up the page that our society will go Big Brother before we actually reach the point where we're well-adjusted enough to use Big Brother somewhat properly).PictishBeast wrote: ↑Sun Jun 09, 2013 1:56 pmYou know, one of the positive side effects of the Internet and information sharing is the gradual realization that everyone has their harmless secrets, and therefore that none of them really matter all that much. Sex scandals that would have sunk careers decades ago are now increasingly yawned away. Everybody's weird, even if everybody isn't weird in exactly the same way.
It's not just fetish stuff, either. I long for the day when people don't have to worry at all about their academic, professional or social standing just because somewhere a digital image exists of them drunk with their dick or boobs (or both! ) out.
In an unrelated but still on-topic note, the SA Pride thread made me wonder when my city's pride stuff was going on, so I looked it up and found out that of course I already missed it because I'm a shut-in shithead with no friends.
- Bigdog
- implied
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
On the subject of at what point (and for what reasons, and from whose perspective) something crosses the line from valid manifestation of sexuality into problematic pariah-bait, I was just glancing over a stack of my mother's Ms. magazines and saw one with the headline "Is One Woman's Sexuality Another Woman's Pornography?"
The date? 1985.
The more things change
The date? 1985.
The more things change
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Luneshot
Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
So, yesterday was...interesting. I was driving on a fairly long trip with my mom, and we were just randomly chatting. The topic eventually came around to dating, and she said something along the lines of "You've never really shown much interest in girls." So without really thinking, I blurted out "That's because I'm gay." "Are you?" "Yes." "Okay." Which was immediately followed by me saying "Holy shit, I can't believe I just came out like that." Pretty much the best way I can describe it is that the feeling I got was approximately the same as the feeling of your stomach dropping as you jump out of a plane.
Turns out she had been suspecting it for a while, but she seemed pretty okay with it. I hadn't expected to come out this early but hey, at least I don't have to hide it. Now I just have to worry about my dad and my sister.
Turns out she had been suspecting it for a while, but she seemed pretty okay with it. I hadn't expected to come out this early but hey, at least I don't have to hide it. Now I just have to worry about my dad and my sister.
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londonarbuckle
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Alright Herr! Glad it went reasonably well! Proud of you!
- Fizzbuzz
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
That's an awkward topic to bring up in general, but I'm glad she took it so well. Do you think the rest of the family would be more negative about it, or is it just the act of coming out (again) that bothers you?
- Snowfire
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
[quote="Perpetual post_id=48714 time=1370752647 user_id=77]Speaking of self identification and the weirdness involved, I've made a rather... odd discovery.
Hidden for very personal sexual stuff:
Your post made me want to talk about myself PL. Again, hidden because... well... because.
Hidden for very personal sexual stuff:
[/quote]
Your post made me want to talk about myself PL. Again, hidden because... well... because.
EDIT: Grats Herr!
Name: Tammy
- Aramek
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"So you're saying..."
Your brain is about 20% tumor. - Posts: 314
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
[quote="Herr post_id=48745 time=1370819233 user_id=1] "Holy shit, I can't believe I just came out like that." [/quote]*super amazingly huge hug*
There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.
- Perrydotto
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Animal Crossing New Leaf already owns.
/// ///
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Lazy
Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
^^^ Owns hardcore. ^^^[quote="Herr post_id=48745 time=1370819233 user_id=1] So, yesterday was...interesting. I was driving on a fairly long trip with my mom, and we were just randomly chatting. The topic eventually came around to dating, and she said something along the lines of "You've never really shown much interest in girls." So without really thinking, I blurted out "That's because I'm gay." "Are you?" "Yes." "Okay." Which was immediately followed by me saying "Holy shit, I can't believe I just came out like that." Pretty much the best way I can describe it is that the feeling I got was approximately the same as the feeling of your stomach dropping as you jump out of a plane.
Turns out she had been suspecting it for a while, but she seemed pretty okay with it. I hadn't expected to come out this early but hey, at least I don't have to hide it. Now I just have to worry about my dad and my sister. [/quote]Hooray! That's a pretty big hurdle to jump. Parents often are actually suspecting like that, too-which I suppose doesn't make much of a difference except they're less likely to make a big deal over it.
Turns out she had been suspecting it for a while, but she seemed pretty okay with it. I hadn't expected to come out this early but hey, at least I don't have to hide it. Now I just have to worry about my dad and my sister. [/quote]Hooray! That's a pretty big hurdle to jump. Parents often are actually suspecting like that, too-which I suppose doesn't make much of a difference except they're less likely to make a big deal over it.
- Snowfire
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
It's the latter. I don't know whether it is because I'm nervous, or I really am not attracted to them. But the second I am talking to them, my mind just doesn't go there. I don't look at a woman for only her physical attributes, and honestly, I don't want to (because I think it sucks that guys do that), but... damnit, I should feel SOMETHING talking to them right?
This sucks.
Also Perry, that picture is awesome.
Name: Tammy
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Luneshot
Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
I was getting used to chickening out before saying anything about it so I think I surprised myself more than her by being so blunt about it. As for family, I know for sure my closest sister wouldn't care at all. Of my older two sisters, one won't have a problem with it and I have no idea about the other. My dad is a total wildcard though- I have no clue how he would react, and I asked my mom and she doesn't know either. I worry about what my stepmom will think. Not because I care how she feels- she's a massive jerk and I couldn't give two shits about her. Instead, I worry about whether she'll influence Dad into holding it against me- she basically hates anything related to Mom's side of the family (including my sisters and I) and she'll probably pull the "well obviously he wasn't brought up right" card and shit like that.
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Kiith Soban
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Congrats, Herr! I hope your dad and sister are okay with that if you ever come out to them.
Last edited by Anonymous on Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- diribigal
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
I don't remember if you tried this or not, but you could see if there's an LGBT/ethical society near you. Thanks to one, I just heard about Baltimore pride happening next weekend that I'm going to try to volunteer at.
- Octavia
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Congrats, Herr General!
The first person you come out to (that you're close with) is always the hardest. It gets easier from here on out.
The first person you come out to (that you're close with) is always the hardest. It gets easier from here on out.
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Timber72
Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Yeah, congrats man, way to go. Hopefully your dad will be on board as well.
- Bigdog
- implied
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
The first time I came out to somebody I was "close" to, I made sure to be "far" away from them.
As in, they were in Kansas City and I was in Los Angeles.
It's always a good thing when that goes well. Almost makes up for the incapacitating nausea that precedes it.
As in, they were in Kansas City and I was in Los Angeles.
It's always a good thing when that goes well. Almost makes up for the incapacitating nausea that precedes it.
- BackgroundPony
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Nice, HG. That's substantially better than my experience, which could initially be charitably described as 'disgusted' and led to me moving out a few days later.
Good times.
But it sounds much better for you, so hooray!
Good times.
But it sounds much better for you, so hooray!
- Mir
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Congrat HG! That must be a huge weight off your shoulders. Here's hoping it goes just as smoothly with the rest of your family.
- Ninetails
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Way to go, Herr General! I hope it goes well with the rest of your family!
...Come to think of it, I still haven't come out to my brother. I hope it goes well with me too
...Come to think of it, I still haven't come out to my brother. I hope it goes well with me too
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Luneshot
Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Actually, for some reason I feel a lot more anxious now than I did before- I've still got butterflies in my stomach and it's been like 24 hours. Beforehand I hadn't really planned on telling anyone for a while, so it wasn't something I was really worried about. But now it's kind of a "oh shit what the hell did I just do" feeling.
- Momo
- THIS IS FINE.
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Your mom took it better than you thought - sometimes people will surprise you.
But just because you came out to your parents doesn't mean you need to step up your coming out schedule. The rest of the world can wait, and I am sure your parents will protect your privacy.
But just because you came out to your parents doesn't mean you need to step up your coming out schedule. The rest of the world can wait, and I am sure your parents will protect your privacy.
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londonarbuckle
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
[quote="Herr post_id=48762 time=1370831393 user_id=1]
Actually, for some reason I feel a lot more anxious now than I did before- I've still got butterflies in my stomach and it's been like 24 hours. Beforehand I hadn't really planned on telling anyone for a while, so it wasn't something I was really worried about. But now it's kind of a "oh shit what the hell did I just do" feeling.[/quote]
This happened with me too. The feeling of relief you often hear about isn't universal by any means.
Actually, for some reason I feel a lot more anxious now than I did before- I've still got butterflies in my stomach and it's been like 24 hours. Beforehand I hadn't really planned on telling anyone for a while, so it wasn't something I was really worried about. But now it's kind of a "oh shit what the hell did I just do" feeling.[/quote]
This happened with me too. The feeling of relief you often hear about isn't universal by any means.
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Chaos Sonic
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
This thread got kinda freaky for a bit.
Congratulations, Herr! Hope the rest of your coming outs (comings out?) go just as well or better.
Also Venusy, either that's more common than you think, or you and I are riding in the same weird boat.
Congratulations, Herr! Hope the rest of your coming outs (comings out?) go just as well or better.
Also Venusy, either that's more common than you think, or you and I are riding in the same weird boat.
- Ragnar
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Your shared boat makes no sense to me at all, which for some reason makes it hilarious.
Venusy, your fetish is the tamest thing this side of small dogs that live in rich lady's purses. I'm almost disappointed.
I was imagining all sorts of things when you first starting dropping dark hints, and I figured you'd eventually crack and then post a detailed explanation, to the awe and horror of everyone here.
Venusy post your porn folder
we won't laugh!
tell us your hangups
I have all fetishes and I'm wondering which one I share with you
Venusy eat the eggs describe the fetish
DO IT
Okay fine I'll tell you.
War crimes.
ppphffhahahahahaha
Yep, got that one
Don't mind me, just an ace who doesn't care about any of this
You're all fired.
Venusy, your fetish is the tamest thing this side of small dogs that live in rich lady's purses. I'm almost disappointed.
I was imagining all sorts of things when you first starting dropping dark hints, and I figured you'd eventually crack and then post a detailed explanation, to the awe and horror of everyone here.
Venusy post your porn folder
we won't laugh!
tell us your hangups
I have all fetishes and I'm wondering which one I share with you
Venusy eat the eggs describe the fetish
DO IT
Okay fine I'll tell you.
War crimes.
ppphffhahahahahaha
Yep, got that one
Don't mind me, just an ace who doesn't care about any of this
You're all fired.
Gloriosa Did Nothing Wrong
- Venusy
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
To be fair, I did always say that my fetishes are tame, just unrealistic, but you weren't the only one that had mentally built them up to be something much worse than they actually are. Apparently, a couple of people had got worried when I first started dropping hints, and me dancing around the issue didn't help at all.
[quote="Chaos post_id=48765 time=1370836845 user_id=92]Also Venusy, either that's more common than you think, or you and I are riding in the same weird boat. [/quote]
Well, it's always good to hear that I'm not alone!
I don't know how common it is, it's hard to get a read for these things, as they generally aren't discussed. It does seem to be a lot less common than my other fetish though, but maybe the other one is just easier to search for.
--
Also, congratulations Herr, hope everything continues to go well.
[quote="Chaos post_id=48765 time=1370836845 user_id=92]Also Venusy, either that's more common than you think, or you and I are riding in the same weird boat. [/quote]
Well, it's always good to hear that I'm not alone!
I don't know how common it is, it's hard to get a read for these things, as they generally aren't discussed. It does seem to be a lot less common than my other fetish though, but maybe the other one is just easier to search for.
--
Also, congratulations Herr, hope everything continues to go well.
- Mr. Big
- いいんですよ
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Something I found: a 20-page comic about being an asexual.
Just a warning that it's NSFW, so beware.
Just a warning that it's NSFW, so beware.
- Factory Factory
- nice box
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Okay, so, please don't mistake people silently hoping the fetish chat will quiet down by itself for tacit permission to continue fetish chat.
There is no guarantee that the wizard selling you that bag full of magic sand is wearing pants underneath his robes.
- Snowfire
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
[quote="Pony post_id=48770 time=1370862109 user_id=54]Okay, so, please don't mistake people silently hoping the fetish chat will quiet down by itself for tacit permission to continue fetish chat.[/quote]
Sorry PFF. I hope my post didn't come off as fetishistic. I just was honestly looking for advice from someone who maybe wasn't able to feel attracted to someone out in public, but was attracted to them in private. Maybe someone who has gone through social anxiety or something.
Sorry PFF. I hope my post didn't come off as fetishistic. I just was honestly looking for advice from someone who maybe wasn't able to feel attracted to someone out in public, but was attracted to them in private. Maybe someone who has gone through social anxiety or something.
Name: Tammy
- Venusy
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
[quote="Pony post_id=48770 time=1370862109 user_id=54]Okay, so, please don't mistake people silently hoping the fetish chat will quiet down by itself for tacit permission to continue fetish chat.[/quote]
Sorry about that.
Sorry about that.
- BackgroundPony
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
I was wondering when that was coming. Almost thought we might make it off that topic without official orders for once, but it was not to be. Oh well, there's always next month, when the subject will probably come up again.
Edit: typo, argh
Edit: typo, argh
Last edited by BackgroundPony on Mon Jun 10, 2013 12:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mordja
Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
In the future, Ponygoons will be naught but a fetishistic speedtest.com community.BackgroundPony wrote: ↑Mon Jun 10, 2013 10:52 amOh well, there's always next month, when the subject will probably come up again.
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Daionus The 23rd
Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
Fetishchat is for the IRC.
Anyways, while the comic is pretty neat, I still find the online culture surrounding asexuality to be annoying and smug, because of people who either look down on others who have sex or aren't actually asexual and desperate to feel "special". Also that cake stuff is annoyingly memetic.
Anyways, while the comic is pretty neat, I still find the online culture surrounding asexuality to be annoying and smug, because of people who either look down on others who have sex or aren't actually asexual and desperate to feel "special". Also that cake stuff is annoyingly memetic.
- Fontra
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
[quote="Herr post_id=48745 time=1370819233 user_id=1] So, yesterday was...interesting. I was driving on a fairly long trip with my mom, and we were just randomly chatting. The topic eventually came around to dating, and she said something along the lines of "You've never really shown much interest in girls." So without really thinking, I blurted out "That's because I'm gay." "Are you?" "Yes." "Okay." Which was immediately followed by me saying "Holy shit, I can't believe I just came out like that." Pretty much the best way I can describe it is that the feeling I got was approximately the same as the feeling of your stomach dropping as you jump out of a plane.
Turns out she had been suspecting it for a while, but she seemed pretty okay with it. I hadn't expected to come out this early but hey, at least I don't have to hide it. Now I just have to worry about my dad and my sister. [/quote]
Forgot to respond to this yesterday. Congrats, dude!
Goddamn I can't imagine the stress and frustration of trying to come out if I were gay (especially considering where I live). I actually found out yesterday that one of my old friends from high school came out to his family after he got done serving a mormon mission. Apparently his family still accepts and loves him and he now has a boyfriend and is very happy with his life. Still, I've heard some really awful horror stories of young mormon boys or girls coming out and bad shit going down.
Turns out she had been suspecting it for a while, but she seemed pretty okay with it. I hadn't expected to come out this early but hey, at least I don't have to hide it. Now I just have to worry about my dad and my sister. [/quote]
Forgot to respond to this yesterday. Congrats, dude!
Goddamn I can't imagine the stress and frustration of trying to come out if I were gay (especially considering where I live). I actually found out yesterday that one of my old friends from high school came out to his family after he got done serving a mormon mission. Apparently his family still accepts and loves him and he now has a boyfriend and is very happy with his life. Still, I've heard some really awful horror stories of young mormon boys or girls coming out and bad shit going down.
- Weird Autumn
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
[quote="Daionus post_id=48775 time=1370877954 user_id=1]
Anyways, while the comic is pretty neat, I still find the online culture surrounding asexuality to be annoying and smug, because of people who either look down on others who have sex or aren't actually asexual and desperate to feel "special". Also that cake stuff is annoyingly memetic.[/quote]
I don't know that I got that vibe, but it did kind of bother me how "I can't be in a relationship with someone who won't have sex with me" was portrayed as something ridiculous and unfair. I get that it must have seemed that way and I definitely sympathize with her perspective, but ultimately having compatible sex drives or at least being able to find a compromise that works for both sides is an important part of maintaining the health of a relationship and if never having sex isn't an arrangement that works for your partner it's not unreasonable for that to be a dealbreaker.
Anyways, while the comic is pretty neat, I still find the online culture surrounding asexuality to be annoying and smug, because of people who either look down on others who have sex or aren't actually asexual and desperate to feel "special". Also that cake stuff is annoyingly memetic.[/quote]
I don't know that I got that vibe, but it did kind of bother me how "I can't be in a relationship with someone who won't have sex with me" was portrayed as something ridiculous and unfair. I get that it must have seemed that way and I definitely sympathize with her perspective, but ultimately having compatible sex drives or at least being able to find a compromise that works for both sides is an important part of maintaining the health of a relationship and if never having sex isn't an arrangement that works for your partner it's not unreasonable for that to be a dealbreaker.
- Bigdog
- implied
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
[quote="Opposing post_id=48777 time=1370879966 user_id=127]
I don't know that I got that vibe, but it did kind of bother me how "I can't be in a relationship with someone who won't have sex with me" was portrayed as something ridiculous and unfair. I get that it must have seemed that way and I definitely sympathize with her perspective, but ultimately having compatible sex drives or at least being able to find a compromise that works for both sides is an important part of maintaining the health of a relationship and if never having sex isn't an arrangement that works for your partner it's not unreasonable for that to be a dealbreaker.[/quote]
Yeah, that was my reaction as well, and I was actually going to ask for a check to see if I was being unreasonable.
The guy who wants sex certainly isn't a saint--I don't think he's being fair to either of them by accepting unenthusiastic oral or manual sex as tokens to buy his continuing participation in the relationship--but the scene where he first admits that, you know, he might not want to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of his life, it feels like he's pretty solidly being painted as the bad guy there. I mean, I can understand her frustration and even identify with it on a analogical level since I personally probably have about the same odds of ever finding a partner that I'm wired close enough to for there to be no friction. But still, there are ways to deliver the message that being ace is OK without coming off as actively holier-than-thou.
I don't know that I got that vibe, but it did kind of bother me how "I can't be in a relationship with someone who won't have sex with me" was portrayed as something ridiculous and unfair. I get that it must have seemed that way and I definitely sympathize with her perspective, but ultimately having compatible sex drives or at least being able to find a compromise that works for both sides is an important part of maintaining the health of a relationship and if never having sex isn't an arrangement that works for your partner it's not unreasonable for that to be a dealbreaker.[/quote]
Yeah, that was my reaction as well, and I was actually going to ask for a check to see if I was being unreasonable.
The guy who wants sex certainly isn't a saint--I don't think he's being fair to either of them by accepting unenthusiastic oral or manual sex as tokens to buy his continuing participation in the relationship--but the scene where he first admits that, you know, he might not want to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of his life, it feels like he's pretty solidly being painted as the bad guy there. I mean, I can understand her frustration and even identify with it on a analogical level since I personally probably have about the same odds of ever finding a partner that I'm wired close enough to for there to be no friction. But still, there are ways to deliver the message that being ace is OK without coming off as actively holier-than-thou.
- Scuderia
- Tired,
but
Strong - Posts: 8
- Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 8:52 pm
Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond
[quote="Daionus post_id=48775 time=1370877954 user_id=1]Fetishchat is for the IRC.
Anyways, while the comic is pretty neat, I still find the online culture surrounding asexuality to be annoying and smug, [/quote]
Online life is the very face of posturing bullshit. It's not real life. It's like they're considering sexual orientation as a kind of personal branding to the world.
We aren't in high school anymore, jeez.
Anyways, while the comic is pretty neat, I still find the online culture surrounding asexuality to be annoying and smug, [/quote]
Online life is the very face of posturing bullshit. It's not real life. It's like they're considering sexual orientation as a kind of personal branding to the world.
We aren't in high school anymore, jeez.