The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wonders

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Mon Nov 04, 2013 3:44 pm

Wish it were that simple. It's more like I want to be perceived female, but don't care as much how I look or sound. If I was cis, I'd be the biggest tomboy in the universe. It doesn't make much sense and really comes off like I want to have my cake and eat it too. But it's more that when I present, I have to dress and act girlier than any of my female friends, mostly because I won't have a chance of being regarded as female otherwise. And I'm just not that girly. I'd much rather wear a comfy sweater and jeans, but then I just look mannish.

Timber72 · Post by **Timber72** » Mon Nov 04, 2013 6:07 pm

Sorry, I must have worded that badly. I meant more for me.

Heliodor · Post by **Heliodor** » Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:01 pm

Random post from new person. Wow, so shocked to see thread like this in brony space. I have seen a lot of transphobia and other hate in the brony community before. I identify as male with regards to my body (I'm FAAB) but I don't feel my gender complies with the binary. I have very short hair and wear more male clothes. If I had a choice I would prefer male pronouns but can't expect other people I don't know to be sensitive to that. Sorry I don't know anybody here but it's so cool this thread it exists so thank you for creating a welcoming atmosphere for all identities.

Bigdog · Post by **Bigdog** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:19 am

It's always such a nice moment whenever someone new finds this thread and likes it.

Mr. Big · Post by **Mr. Big** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:21 am

Heliodor wrote: ↑
Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:01 pm
Random post from new person. Wow, so shocked to see thread like this in brony space. I have seen a lot of transphobia and other hate in the brony community before. I identify as male with regards to my body (I'm FAAB) but I don't feel my gender complies with the binary. I have very short hair and wear more male clothes. If I had a choice I would prefer male pronouns but can't expect other people I don't know to be sensitive to that. Sorry I don't know anybody here but it's so cool this thread it exists so thank you for creating a welcoming atmosphere for all identities.

New user! Let's throw a party!

Or not. It's up to you

Bigdog · Post by **Bigdog** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:27 am

Oh! I almost forgot! Let me give you a hug!

Uh, I mean, if that's okay with you.

Call of Duty Ghosts · Post by **Call of Duty Ghosts** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:31 am

Everyone on this site will respect your wishes with regards to gender pronouns, don't worry.

As always, though, it's easier for people to remember your gender if you set it in your profile, as it'll display next to your post.

CorvusCaw · Post by **CorvusCaw** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:31 am

Heliodor wrote: ↑
Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:01 pm
Random post from new person. Wow, so shocked to see thread like this in brony space. I have seen a lot of transphobia and other hate in the brony community before. I identify as male with regards to my body (I'm FAAB) but I don't feel my gender complies with the binary. I have very short hair and wear more male clothes. If I had a choice I would prefer male pronouns but can't expect other people I don't know to be sensitive to that. Sorry I don't know anybody here but it's so cool this thread it exists so thank you for creating a welcoming atmosphere for all identities.

People here tend to be very sensitive to that, old chap! So welcome to the forums, dude! I'm sure a fellow like you will have a grand time here.

Lazy · Post by **Lazy** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:33 am

Heliodor wrote: ↑
Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:01 pm
If I had a choice I would prefer male pronouns but can't expect other people I don't know to be sensitive to that. Sorry I don't know anybody here but it's so cool this thread it exists so thank you for creating a welcoming atmosphere for all identities.

At the very least you can expect people here to be sensitive to that.

e:f,b
It's the off-season so it's not as active around here as it would be, but feel free to hang around wherever and see what's up.

Ninetails · Post by **Ninetails** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:40 am

Heliodor wrote: ↑
Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:01 pm
Random post from new person. Wow, so shocked to see thread like this in brony space. I have seen a lot of transphobia and other hate in the brony community before. I identify as male with regards to my body (I'm FAAB) but I don't feel my gender complies with the binary. I have very short hair and wear more male clothes. If I had a choice I would prefer male pronouns but can't expect other people I don't know to be sensitive to that. Sorry I don't know anybody here but it's so cool this thread it exists so thank you for creating a welcoming atmosphere for all identities.

Welcome, Heliodor!

Like it's been said before, just put your gender in your profile, and we'll do our best to honor your identity and use the pronouns you prefer

This is interesting, though; we have quite a few people here born male who identify as female, but I don't know if we have anyone else born female who identifies as male

If we do, y'all should speak up.

Still, would you like to tell us a bit more about yourself, Heliodor?

You're under no obligation to, of course, and we won't mind if you prefer to lurk, but we'd love to hear about your experiences! If it's alright with you, anyway.

Madeline · Post by **Madeline** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:00 am

Welcome, Heliodor!

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:44 am

Corpy wrote: ↑
Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:31 am
People here tend to be very sensitive to that, old chap!

Trusay. The only person who screws up pronouns regularly is the genderqueer mod of the Cottage.

CorvusCaw · Post by **CorvusCaw** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:22 am

Momar wrote: ↑
Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:44 am
Trusay. The only person who screws up pronouns regularly is the genderqueer mod of the Cottage.

No, there is another...

Call of Duty Ghosts · Post by **Call of Duty Ghosts** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:27 am

Momar switches between referring to herself with feminine and masculine pronouns, while Watcher will not remember anyone's gender if it's not on your profile or she's speaking to you off-site, such on the Octagonal Pasture (a place where we watch stuff together) where I've yet to implement gender markers next to everyone's names.

(?) · Post by **Venusy** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:21 am

My username causes a lot of people to initially imagine me as female.

Also yeah, on the non-binary discussion yesterday, I'm happier seeing myself as mostly male, somewhat female. But I haven't done anything about it other than telling my mother I might occasionally cross-dress - until I gain independence, it seems like the confidence to know I could do it is more important than actually doing it. It really does feel like I'm taking the easy route, constantly testing the water because I don't feel strongly enough to jump in. I'm so male, I don't feel like I can identify as non-binary even here.

On the other hand, if seeing myself like that makes me happier, then that counts for something.

Call of Duty Ghosts · Post by **Call of Duty Ghosts** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:29 am

I can't help but feel that I'm not "girly" enough or whatever to be a girl. I'm not a guy, but maybe I'm not a girl, either. I don't know at this point.

Snowfire · Post by **Snowfire** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 7:47 am

Welcome Heliodor!

Like others have said, I believe you are the first FtM transgender member we have had on the forums (or one of the first). And like others have said, don't worry about other people using pronouns here. We are very good about calling each other what we are.

And Pseudo, you don't need to be "girly" for me or anyone else. I don't even know if there is a definite term for "girly". Is liking pink and wearing dresses a requirement?

There are guys who are very feminine, just as there are girls who are very masculine. It doesn't matter as long as you feel "I am a girl". If you do, then that is who you are, regardless of how many feminine qualities you have or how you look.

You also keep forgetting you showed me a picture of you, and I still see you as a girl, and my girlfriend.

The Fonz · Post by **The Fonz** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 8:10 am

Heliodor wrote: ↑
Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:01 pm
Random post from new person. Wow, so shocked to see thread like this in brony space. I have seen a lot of transphobia and other hate in the brony community before.

We prefer to be called Friends of Megan.

Also, welcome to TRScom. Anything is possible with TRScom. Anything at all.

Mordja · Post by **Mordja** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 8:53 am

Pseudonym wrote: ↑
Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:31 am
As always, though, it's easier for people to remember your gender if you set it in your profile, as it'll display next to your post.

[quote="Kitty post_id=52505 time=1383630054 user_id=137]Like it's been said before, just put your gender in your profile, and we'll do our best to honor your identity and use the pronouns you prefer

[/quote]
Or don't, and be a rebel like me.

(?) · Post by **Perrydotto** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 8:54 am

Remember that gender is not some kind of contest. There is no "minimum of X feelings to have a valid identity" going on. I can understand why you feel like you are taking the easy route because you're not on a more extreme end of the spectrum - But if that's how you feel, then it's valid and genuine. Your feelings matter.

Ninetails · Post by **Ninetails** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 9:06 am

I'm an extremely tomboyish gal who loves explosions, giant robots, and punching; but being a gal is my choice, and I'm allowed to be who I want to be and like what I want to like.

I actually have been wondering lately if I'm not really trans, though, that maybe I'm just desperate to play with my identity. I mean, I like so many things that boys like, because I grew up as one. Sometimes I feel like it's wrong to say I'm a girl without actually making my behavior any more girly. It's sort of like how I mentioned once that I'm afraid that sometimes, I'm just appropriating women's struggles for myself to make myself more interesting. Plus, based on my experience in video games, I'm almost always changing my identity; I'm the sort of person who spends ten hours in character customization, except it's always a different name and face that comes out. I just love that feeling of control over how I'm presented, and if I could magically change my appearance, I'd be doing it every ten seconds.

Still, sometimes, I just see a pretty dress and my heart skips a beat at the thought of wearing it. I'm still a long way off from ever doing that, because I haven't done much in the eay of transitioning (and the dresses I want that are actually available for purchase are hundreds of dollars), but the thought of presenting as a cute woman just makes me so happy, while the thought of presenting as a man makes me feel empty. Plus, when I think of how other people see me, I always imagine them speaking of or to a young girl named Katelyn, not the boy I am now. I seriously have to remind myself about how other people see me because me being female, to me, just seems... natural. Like, why would I ever think otherwise?

I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm just kinda in the mood to be really open for some reason. I guess it's that, if I love giant robots, explosions, and punching, I'm gonna do it all in a cute skirt.

Aramek · Post by **Aramek** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 9:20 am

Heliodor wrote: ↑
Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:01 pm
Random post from new person. Wow, so shocked to see thread like this in brony space. I have seen a lot of transphobia and other hate in the brony community before. I identify as male with regards to my body (I'm FAAB) but I don't feel my gender complies with the binary. I have very short hair and wear more male clothes. If I had a choice I would prefer male pronouns but can't expect other people I don't know to be sensitive to that. Sorry I don't know anybody here but it's so cool this thread it exists so thank you for creating a welcoming atmosphere for all identities.

Select Male as your gender in your profile and you're gonna get male pronouned.

The Fonz · Post by **The Fonz** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 9:38 am

Mordja wrote: ↑
Tue Nov 05, 2013 8:53 am

Or don't, and be a rebel like me.

Or you could be a Morpheus like me and realize gender is a social construct created for us by the robots using us as batteries in their Matrix. Whoa.

concerned reader · Post by **concerned reader** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:09 am

Heeyyooo welcome new person!

When in doubt I use Dawg as a gender neutral pronoun, so WELCOME DAWG!

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:21 am

That's a noun.

Perpetual Motion · Post by **Perpetual Motion** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:44 am

I think the main problem for me is that my gender issues are tied up in body image more than presentation. I couldn't care less what gender's clothes I'm wearing, or what mannerisms I use, but picturing my body the way I'd like it to be really does make me happy. I can't exactly safely ease into a physical transition, though. I'm goin to have to come out swinging and go all the way, obtaining the support of my family and doctors in one fell swoop, and I cant even handle vaguely hinting to my family that there's a problem. I mean, I can't even articulate how I feel in my own mind, how am I supposed to explain it to people for whom the idea is completely foreign? I'm just too... vague to properly come out.

Bigdog · Post by **Bigdog** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:42 am

Momar wrote: ↑
Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:21 am
That's a noun.

It's pretty pro, though.

Princess Flufflebutt · Post by **Princess Flufflebutt** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:06 pm

A bit late to the party, but hi, Heliodor!

Scuderia · Post by **Scuderia** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:46 pm

[quote="Headless post_id=52476 time=1383485779 user_id=126]People frequently have stories about coming out to their bosses. Well, mine is gay.

Times they are a-changin'.[/quote]

Mr Headless, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Joel Spolsky - probably the most prominent member of the Manhattan Gay Tech Startup Mafia

Aramek · Post by **Aramek** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:04 pm

Scuddy, your avatar text is spreading. You might wanna get that checked.

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:14 pm

Ow, my tables.

The Fonz · Post by **The Fonz** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:23 pm

I missed a blow-up or something if Momar's page snipe is any indication.

For once, I wasn't the cause any drama.

...I think.

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:24 pm

Nope, just Scuddy's table-breaking title text.

The Fonz · Post by **The Fonz** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:33 pm

Dammit Scuderia!

Call of Duty Ghosts · Post by **Call of Duty Ghosts** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 4:28 pm

[quote="Concerned post_id=52519 time=1383664198 user_id=109]Heeyyooo welcome new person!

When in doubt I use Dawg as a gender neutral pronoun, so WELCOME DAWG![/quote]When in doubt, aka Georgia.

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:17 pm

Congrats, Illinois! Welcome to the 21st century

(?) · Post by **ixnay** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:35 pm

The marriage equality bill just passed the Illinois House 61-54. It had already passed the state Senate and the governor said he'll sign it. It will go into effect June 2014, so congratulations Illinois!

Now I can start bugging my brother and asking him when he's going to get married

Hawaii looks like it's still on track to get their marriage equality bill passed by the end of the week, so that's two big wins in one week.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:50 pm

I love my state right now! :fluttercite:

Tears · Post by **Tears** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:53 pm

That's awesome, congratulations Illinois

Mordja · Post by **Mordja** » Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:56 pm

Congrats Illinois...ans?

Now go get married, Octavia.