The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wonders

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Cthulhu Inc (?) » Mon Jan 27, 2014 9:18 pm

[quote="Kitty post_id=53617 time=1390871457 user_id=137]Yeah, for me, it wasn't liking girly things that made me realize I'm trans, since I still love guns and swords and giant robots and explosions; it was wishing every night that I could be female that tipped me off.

Also wanting a pair of boobs to squish together and make weird noises at. Do other women do that?[/quote]
:lol: OH GOD MY LUNGS

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For a very specific definition of 'other' :gotcha:
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Aurora » Mon Jan 27, 2014 9:53 pm

I want boobs for reasons like squishing them together, yes. :-I

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Mon Jan 27, 2014 9:56 pm

For some reason I kept reading Kitty's sentence as "a pair of boots to squish together" and was thoroughly confused. :v:
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Mon Jan 27, 2014 9:57 pm

Kate makes a very excellent point. Just because you have interests that are of the "traditionally" opposite gender doesn't mean that you have to drop them when you fully transition or start presenting as the other gender that you were born as. It just makes you more interesting and multifaceted as a person when you do finally do make it to the end.
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by JaneCV » Mon Jan 27, 2014 10:47 pm

For what it's worth, I went through a phase where I was wondering if I was a transperson because I hate traditional male gender roles. I ended up deciding I'm genderqueer because I feel largely indifferent about my genitals even if I really want to make myself look like a pretty androgynous princess. :party:

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by ShieldedDiamond » Mon Jan 27, 2014 10:51 pm

So... kind of being inspired by Corpy and Knuckleshy (congratulations to you too! :yay: ) I realized that I had to stop avoiding what I didn't want to look at. I've been hesitant to post this, because I was worried about someone looking at me and seeing me as just some attention-whore. And quite honestly, I'm still worried I'll come off like that, but I realize if I try to think about it much longer, it'll prevent me from posting this. So, I'll hide the text just so you can avoid it if you want, it'll be a little long. Well, here I go. :ohdear:
As many of you may have noticed, I did change my gender on the site here to "bigender" from nothing before. I myself have been a bit hesitant to change it to female, so I left it at that for the time being, because at least I know I can at the very least identify with both genders, though part of me still feels that female side of me, just being born male. But I'm not sure the best way to express it entirely, and I'll explain why.

One thing that at least has been pointed out before is that I don't just like girl stuff, and maybe that's not a reason to consider myself female on the inside. I mean yes, I like Transformers. Yes, I like comic books. But I feel that people's interests are interests, and it shouldn't define gender. Should it though, is my style of thinking wrong? And I'm not talking about personal things, simply fictional works/entertainment. As I said, I feel that none of these should really affect how I view my own personal gender. Or am I mistaken?

Another big problem for me about all of this is how my family would react. Not "other people", just my family members. Because as I've posted before, I have a lesbian relative whom my grandmother refuses to even allow in her home. My dad also has had problems with things that I do, such as my interest in jewelry, less masculine things, etc. My concern is, although I can accept them rejecting me and having to be on my own, I don't know when is best as I'm still reliant on them. I don't know when it would be best to say something about myself, and my concern is that I won't get a chance to until it's too late. And I really am not sure what to do.

Something else about this on my mind is the idea of an operation, it concerns me. That is, when I'm older, and probably it would be a bit better. I don't know what it'll run me money-wise and such. And depending on the cost, if it'll even turn out good, what if something goes wrong? What are the chances of that? I wish it could be so simple as "Oh, just take this pill!" but it bothers me that it isn't. I mean, I know it'll take time and effort, but because of that, the fear that "What if something turns out not as expected, and it doesn't turn out well, possibly ruining the chances I have for a successful operation?"

I mean, the reason I feel more like a female is because personally I feel I have more feminine traits. I'm not sure how to describe that any other way. I've gone into it before and I don't really want to repeat myself, but being raised my mom always told me "Oh you need to act like a man because that's what you are." and that never sounded... right.
So honestly, I want to be able to label myself as female. But because I feel nervous about an operation, or nervous how my family will react, I don't know if I can actually try to call myself female. Just "bigender" still thinking I can associate with both.

I'm sorry for going on, I feel like I'm ranting. But does this make any sense?

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Mon Jan 27, 2014 11:18 pm

It's understandable if you feel threatened by your family and what they might do to you for being non-cis. Remember, though, that this forum is a safe space. You can be who you want and we won't attack you for it (unless you're giving suggestions on recipes for cooking babies or something). If the whole world were similarly safe, would you then publicly identify as a woman, or would you still wish to be known as bigender?
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Momo (?) » Mon Jan 27, 2014 11:21 pm

JaceNV wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2014 10:47 pm
For what it's worth, I went through a phase where I was wondering if I was a transperson because I hate traditional male gender roles. I ended up deciding I'm genderqueer because I feel largely indifferent about my genitals even if I really want to make myself look like a pretty androgynous princess. :party:
I did this, only it took me a hell of a long time to figure out.

Also, FeministPony reblogged this:

I wish I could say I was remotely surprised. This person actually got off light.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon Jan 27, 2014 11:52 pm

Never mind, thought better of it.
Last edited by Anonymous on Mon Jan 27, 2014 11:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 12:00 am

I'm not sure whether I should post this in RUSP or here, but since I already made a post on this topic here I might as well continue the discussion. My two major problems with my gender identity is that I simply haven't done anything with it, and that I made my realization about it when I was at my absolute lowest, and used the temporary euphoria to springboard myself back up well enough to get a job. It just looks like I made it all up to help me cope with my depression.

On the other hand, my depression could be the very thing that's keeping me from exploring my identity. I just can't motivate myself to do things like shave or go shop for clothes or go find a gender therapist or LGBT support groups.

It's all a big Catch 22. Is my gender identity an excuse for my depression, or is my depression what's keeping me from figuring things out more? I can't explore both options, because trying one requires a huge investment and completely disregarding the other.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by StarCharmer » Tue Jan 28, 2014 12:44 am

JaceNV wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2014 10:47 pm
For what it's worth, I went through a phase where I was wondering if I was a transperson because I hate traditional male gender roles. I ended up deciding I'm genderqueer because I feel largely indifferent about my genitals even if I really want to make myself look like a pretty androgynous princess. :party:
Ayo pretty androgynous princess buddy! :party:

On the depression/identity question: I had that question for a long time, too. I have clinical depression,a nd for the longest time I was like, well, do I want to not just be a girl because I don't like myself, or is it because I'm nto happy, or what? And then I decided that I was just going to take things a little at a time and see how that goes. So far, I think it's been going pretty well. I try to do little things to see if I like it/feel comfortable with it. Like, I've started wearing guyliner while also having other, feminine presentation aspects, and even though I won't be mistaken for a guy any time soon (stupid breasticles), I think I'm doing okay. I think it's just kind of a try things out and see if you like it sort of thing, if that makes sense. I mean, worst case scenario you don't like it and then you do something else.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by M14Brony » Tue Jan 28, 2014 1:06 am

[quote="Highbrow post_id=53615 time=1390869981 user_id=114]

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think transgenderism has anything to do with gender roles and your likes/dislikes. If you're fine with your plumbing and you don't have gender dysphoria, there's your answer. A bunch of dumb, arbitrary gender roles don't get to tell you who you are :pinkieshrug:

Congrats, Corpy and Knuckleshy :party:[/quote]

I agree with this. I am a cis male, and this doesn't stop me from being interested in painting my fingernails and toenails. My interest in using nail polish also has nothing to do with my bisexuality.

My activity has been sporadic as of late (I am often busy 14 to 16 hours a day between college and work), but I congratulate Corpy, Knuckleshy, etc. :yay:

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by ShieldedDiamond » Tue Jan 28, 2014 12:49 pm

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2014 11:18 pm
It's understandable if you feel threatened by your family and what they might do to you for being non-cis. Remember, though, that this forum is a safe space. You can be who you want and we won't attack you for it (unless you're giving suggestions on recipes for cooking babies or something). If the whole world were similarly safe, would you then publicly identify as a woman, or would you still wish to be known as bigender?
Nobody wants my baby recipes? Awwww. :fluttersmith:

Well, I still would want to publicly identify as a woman, but the thing is, as I said in my post, I don't know if my concerns for surgery would prevent me from saying that and, I don't know, sounding "legit". Part of me feels like if I'm concerned about surgery and something going wrong, I shouldn't say I feel like a woman. And it's not even surgery itself that's bothering me, just if one tiny little factor goes wrong and screws up everything for me, ruining my goals. My point is, if I identify as a woman, is that "fair" then? I mean, I know there are people doing much more than I.

But yes, at the moment I do feel safe here. Thanks. :flutterunsmith:

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 1:05 pm

Your feelings and desires are legit. There is no bar that needs hitting, no "you must be this trans to ride". Of course there will be people who tell you otherwise, sadly both outside and inside the trans community, but it doesn't make your feelings any less legit.

Some trans people get surgery, some don't. Some get hormones, some don't. Some present full time as their desired gender, some don't. Some come out to their social circles, some don't.
All of them are valid in their identity.
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Momo (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 1:09 pm

Frame that post.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Logicgate (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 1:10 pm

You know, when you get right down to it, there are plenty of people who publicly identify as women and never get surgery or even hormone therapy.

We call many of them "cis women"

There's no "your transition must be THIS medicalized to ride" sign, and if anyone ever tells you there is I will fight them.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 1:27 pm

ShieldedDiamond wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2014 12:49 pm
But yes, at the moment I do feel safe here. Thanks. :flutterunsmith:
Well, that's the important part... but yeah, what the other, smarter people said. It's not a competition to see who's the most trans. Yeah, there will probably be envy of people who are better-looking, or farther along... but none of that makes you less.

One of the things I wonder about is if cisgender women are (or should be) angry at transgender women for stealing something that isn't theirs, but posts like Perry's make me think that's not the case (at least not universally).
Logicgate wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2014 1:10 pm
There's no "your transition must be THIS medicalized to ride" sign, and if anyone ever tells you there is I will fight them.
That's pretty meaningful coming from you. Thanks.
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by BackgroundPony (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 1:47 pm

Caveat: if I come across as trying to 'cis-splain' here, as it were, please shoot me. This is just my personal way of understanding things that may or may not be useful.

I've always seen gender as something that exists first and foremost within an individual's mind or heart or soul (pick your favorite term). The question of when a trans person becomes the right gender is, in some ways, meaningless. They are always male or female inside, and whatever external changes they make or don't make to match internal and external more closely isn't a deciding factor. A hairy bearded balding person possessed of a penis can damn well be a woman if that's what she feels is truly right. And no one else anywhere can make that call.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Venusy (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 2:00 pm

Gender is a construct of the individual, but it is also a construct of society. The hypothetical person in your example may not just want to identify as a woman, but may want to be seen as a woman by others, and that is something she may not feel is possible because she has an expectation of what society expects women to look like. Situations where she is misgendered (or worse, may feel that she has to misgender herself, for example in the case of gendered bathrooms or official forms) could very easily cause dysphoria.

But she may be happy with her appearance as well, and that doesn't change the validity of her identity. Gender expression is a separate scale to gender identity.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Momo (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:49 pm

Yeah, I would love a society where acceptance of your gender identity wasn't tied at all to expression, but that's a fiction. I've said before and I'll say it again - gender is a social construct, and thus gender identity has a social aspect to it. Self-identification is one thing, but for many that's not enough. They need acceptance as well. Whether it's just from loved ones, or from a wider circle of society, it's not just about how you feel but how you're treated. And because many transpeople don't have the right body shape or voice to effectively 'pass' for their correct gender. For instance, if I want to present as female, I need to overcompensate for these shortfalls. If I wear pants and a plain t-shirt, the most I'll look like is a slightly effeminate man with boobs. If I was cis female, I doubt I'd be as into skirts as I am.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:10 pm

StarCharmer wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2014 12:44 am
On the depression/identity question: I had that question for a long time, too. I have clinical depression, and for the longest time I was like, well, do I want to not just be a girl because I don't like myself, or is it because I'm nto happy, or what? And then I decided that I was just going to take things a little at a time and see how that goes. So far, I think it's been going pretty well. I try to do little things to see if I like it/feel comfortable with it. Like, I've started wearing guyliner while also having other, feminine presentation aspects, and even though I won't be mistaken for a guy any time soon (stupid breasticles), I think I'm doing okay. I think it's just kind of a try things out and see if you like it sort of thing, if that makes sense. I mean, worst case scenario you don't like it and then you do something else.
I don't know what to try out, though. I mean, the majority of my feelings on my gender is from a physical body-image perspective rather than a presentation perspective. You don't get to just try out having a feminine body. You only get to go down that path after making a full commitment and knowing with 100% certainty that it's what you want. The most I'm able to do is grow out my hair, which is a long and annoying process. I wish I was like others here and could just know. But I'm not. I have idle fantasies that make me feel good, with a cloud of depression hiding all of the details and fudging the reality.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by West Filly (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:12 pm

I have enough experience now to know I don't pass. "Yeah, this chappy here" and "I'm talking to this bloke" or, the worst one to date... "did you lose a bet?"

I'm not fulltime, but I've taken my part timing outside of safe spaces, just to get more used to the world and how my life might be. Honestly, it sucks to hear these things. Thing is, I somehow feel generally better, even if these specific events are quite stabbing. What's more, I always feel bad when I step out of my female presentation. When I put my male clothes on, I feel like I'm lying, out of place, or in some way giving up. I think these experiences have been really important for me, and I'll keep exploring myself.

Not sure if that's entirely relevant :v:
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Scuderia (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 9:01 pm

Aurora wrote:
Mon Jan 27, 2014 12:21 pm
The zombies in the first 3 games don't say anything. :rainbert:

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by sandmane » Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:49 pm

Um hi, I was encouraged to post here by Raganti. It's probably a good idea to start being a bit more open about myself.

I'm Sandy, a bisexual transgender woman just starting her journey. I'm currently living in Texas and dependent on my very religious family until I graduate college or manage to make other plans. As such, I'm trying to stay under the radar until I can get out to the West Coast and independent.

I'm a bit scared and more than a little nervous, but I've got a wonderful boyfriend who has been and continues to be very supportive of me. Raganti has been a huge help as I'm still trying to figure things out.

I'm still not comfortable coming all the way out, so I'd be very appreciative if those of y'all who know me elsewhere keep a lid on it for a bit.

So, howdy y'all.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Ninetails (?) » Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:52 pm

Welcome, sandmane! :party:

I live in Texas too! I don't have any particular pride in that fact but woo! :yay:

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by ShieldedDiamond » Wed Jan 29, 2014 12:00 am

Hello Sandmane! Welcome! :)

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by CCMAC » Wed Jan 29, 2014 12:01 am

Welcome to the party. I don't live in Texas but if you ever need anything. Feel free to come talk to us!

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by ABitS (?) » Wed Jan 29, 2014 12:07 am

Welcome, sandmane! I don't really have anything of use to add, but I congratulate you on wanting to move to the Best Coast™ (spoiler: Washington is the best state) and for what it's worth I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough to open up to the forums :pinkietoot:

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by londonarbuckle (?) » Wed Jan 29, 2014 12:10 am

Welcome sandmane!

And belated but much deserved congrats to Corpy and Knuckleshy! :party:

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Wed Jan 29, 2014 12:23 am

Hey SandyMane. Hope everything goes well for you in the future.
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Luneshot » Wed Jan 29, 2014 12:32 am

Welcome to the friendliest community I've ever been a member of. I hope you like it as much as I do! :allears:

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:01 am

Welcome, sandmane.

And thanks to everyone who replied to my post from the other night. :flutterunsmith:
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:12 am

Welcome, new lady! Lovely to have you around. :)
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Wed Jan 29, 2014 1:29 am

I, too want to say thank you for all of the kind replies from the other night.

I have been trying to think of a reply to your posts Perpetual Lurker and the only thing that I can think of is try to seperate the two from each other or find something that can make yourself happy that doesn't have to do with your gender identity so you can know if it is one or the other. I'm not saying give up on finding out about your gender identity just try to localise if there is anything else that is causing your depression. This may not be the best advice but I didn't want your post to go unnoticed after the above replies.
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by ROBOT B9 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:31 am

Hello, sandmane! I hope you have a great time here! :party:

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Logicgate (?) » Thu Jan 30, 2014 8:52 am

Starting the countdown!

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Thu Jan 30, 2014 11:44 am

Sandmane... Wish I had thought of that. :rainbert: But welcome! :party:
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Momo (?) » Thu Jan 30, 2014 3:36 pm

Hey guys, great news! The "Anti-Gay Stuff" in Russia is compeltely overblown! Apparently because all you'll get is kidnapped, beaten and/or tortured, often with the police helping your attackers, and not much worse punishments like they have in other countries, it's not a big deal! Golly, that's a load off my chest. Time to pick out a mink stole so I can go walk around in Russia completely absent from fear.

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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by Aramek (?) » Thu Jan 30, 2014 3:41 pm

Your avatar is certainly skeptical at those claims.
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Re: The Gender and Sexual Minorities Thread II: So Many Wond

Post by ShieldedDiamond » Thu Jan 30, 2014 3:44 pm

Golly gee wilikers, that makes everything so much better! What's next, are they going to say that Stalin was a really nice guy, too?

I really, really hope they don't honestly think by saying "Oh it's overblown" that'll fix everything. :roll:

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