PYF Onion, Clickhole, or Other Parody News Articles

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Sun Feb 04, 2018 1:06 pm

This thread was never revived after the forums died, so I'm bringing it back with a vengeance.

Should The Referees Be Allowed To Participate In The Post-Game Celebration If The Patriots Win The Super Bowl?

W.T. Fits · Post by **W.T. Fits** (?) » Sun Feb 04, 2018 2:10 pm

Popular New Amazon Service Just Comes To Your House And Kills You

Aramek · Post by **Aramek** (?) » Sun Feb 04, 2018 4:01 pm

Sci-Fi Film Presents Vision Of Future In Which Women Never Speak To Each Other.

Mr. Big · Post by **Mr. Big** (?) » Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:11 pm

Man Prefers Comic Books That Don’t Insert Politics Into Stories About Government-Engineered Agents Of War

Anyone who follows the comic book industry will know why this was written

Aramek · Post by **Aramek** (?) » Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:27 pm

Report: 78% Of Puppy Bowl Participants Die Before Reaching 50 Weeks

BIRMINGHAM, AL—Blaming the punishing physical toll the game takes on their bodies, an alarming report released Sunday by the National Center for Sports Safety revealed that 78 percent of Puppy Bowl participants die before reaching the age of 50 weeks. “Our data confirmed pugs, cocker spaniels, and huskies that participate in the Puppy Bowl rarely live to see 50 weeks,” said lead researcher James Henderson, noting that after 35 weeks, many former Puppy Bowl competitors no longer recognize the people rubbing their bellies, and simple acts like standing on their hind legs can cause excruciating pain. “Because these young canines are exposed to such brutal hits, by the end of their lives, most Puppy Bowl players can barely roll over, let alone chase around a sock. Many are in agony even when they are just gnawing on a squeaky toy. It’s devastating for families to watch former stars like Beebop and Wilma pass away in what should be their prime.” At press time, Puppy Bowl officials were denying any attempts to bury a previous study about the connection between hits on defenseless retrievers and peeing on the carpet.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:20 pm

Super Bowl Confetti Made Entirely From Shredded Concussion Studies

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Mon Feb 12, 2018 3:36 pm

Olympic Drug Testing Official Left Horribly Disfigured After Coming Into Contact With Russian Urine

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Mon Feb 12, 2018 7:18 pm

http://www.clickhole.com/article/cracki ... -pena-7301

I'm amazed he still scored his 400th career goal.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:39 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote: ↑
Mon Feb 12, 2018 7:18 pm
http://www.clickhole.com/article/cracki ... -pena-7301

I'm amazed he still scored his 400th career goal.

I love the idea, but it's really irking me that they didn't even do the tiniest bit of research to find out that hockey doesn't have 3-minute penalties.

Aramek · Post by **Aramek** (?) » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:49 am

Those are only if you're odd.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Wed Feb 14, 2018 9:41 pm

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

This one is probably gonna get posted here a lot during the length of this thread.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Thu Feb 22, 2018 8:55 pm

Amazing: The Papal Bobsled Team Just Took Home Bronze For Vatican City

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Tue Feb 27, 2018 9:56 am

Priest Regrets Vow of Celibacy After Learning About Furries

Brings a whole new meaning to "wearing the collar."

Aramek · Post by **Aramek** (?) » Tue Feb 27, 2018 3:17 pm

As a confirmed Catholic, the final dig at Episcopalians is appreciated.

The Ghost of Ember · Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:56 pm

American People Admit Having Facebook Data Stolen Kind Of Worth It To Watch That Little Fucker Squirm

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Wed Mar 28, 2018 9:06 pm

Man Confidently Hits ‘Send’ On Worst Job Application Company Has Ever Seen

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Sat Mar 31, 2018 7:43 pm

Jumbled Nest of Cords Makes Move to Third New Apartment

Auxiliatrix · Post by **Auxiliatrix** (?) » Sat Mar 31, 2018 8:54 pm

The Hard Times has some pretty funny music-related articles.

College student discovers Pink Floyd syncs up perfectly with failing grades, loss of friends

West Filly · Post by **West Filly** (?) » Thu Apr 12, 2018 5:54 pm

https://politics.theonion.com/congress- ... 1825180873

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Tue Apr 24, 2018 5:53 pm

Raccoon Crushed To Death By Garbage Truck Hits Jackpot With Reincarnation

(?) · Post by **Fizzbuzz** (?) » Tue Apr 24, 2018 5:55 pm

Octavia wrote: ↑
Tue Apr 24, 2018 5:53 pm
Raccoon Crushed To Death By Garbage Truck Hits Jackpot With Reincarnation

This is one of those times when there needs to be more than just a goofy headline. I was confused for a while because I was thinking "okay, being a human is better" but I didn't know until later that this baby is apparently British royalty.

Mr. Big · Post by **Mr. Big** (?) » Tue Apr 24, 2018 6:18 pm

The royal couple had a new baby recently, hence that headline.

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Tue Apr 24, 2018 9:16 pm

Fizzbuzz wrote: ↑
Tue Apr 24, 2018 5:55 pm
This is one of those times when there needs to be more than just a goofy headline. I was confused for a while because I was thinking "okay, being a human is better" but I didn't know until later that this baby is apparently British royalty.

lol if you can't recognize the onion's stellar coverage of the british royal family from 20 paces

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Thu Apr 26, 2018 1:30 pm

Bears GM Wavering Between Drafting Good Player Or Bad Player

The Ghost of Ember · Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:56 pm

‘Sometimes Things Have To Get Worse Before They Get Better,’ Says Man Who Accidentally Turned Shower Knob Wrong Way

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Fri May 18, 2018 8:11 pm

Octavia wrote: ↑
Wed Feb 14, 2018 9:41 pm
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

This one is probably gonna get posted here a lot during the length of this thread.

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens