Meh's product flavor text has once again done a funny. Quoting because it'll be gone in 24 hours (they do get archived somewhere, because they linked to a past one at one point, but darned if I can figure out how to generate a link):
The three brothers had been cleaning out their grandfather’s basement for nearly two hours before they found the FoodSaver.
“What’s this?” said Kyle, holding it up.
“Looks old,” said Jake. “I’d guess circa second half of the 2010’s.”
Terry took it from Kyle and inspected it. “Wait, I know these things. It’s an early model weed-sealer. You know? The devices for vacuum-packing weed so it wouldn’t go bad.”
“All this talk of weed remind me, have you guys taken your three o’clock edibles yet?” Jake asked.
Kyle and Terry nodded.
“But wait,” Kyle said, “why does it say FoodSaver on it, if it’s for weed?”
“You have to understand, Kyle, this was before weed was legal everywhere,” Terry explained. “They didn’t even put it in the water back then!”
Kyle looked at the FoodSaver perplexed. “Really?”
“I’m serious,” Terry said. “So people weren’t as acclimated to it as we are now. They considered it a drug. Thus, when people took some, they got ‘high,’ which basically meant they thought without logic. So it’s likely that the inventor of the ‘FoodSaver’ only named it such because he was super high, and probably pretty hungry.”
“So strange to think that the same substance that keeps us calm and measured, used to have almost the opposite effect!” Kyle said.
Now Jake had the FoodSaver. “Are you sure this is a weed-sealer? To me, it looks like an early sous-vide-assistant. That would make more sense with the FoodSaver name.”
“Did they even sous vide back then?” Terry asked.
“Sure,” Jake said. “It was more of a luxury, though, given that it was before the Microwave And Oven Act of 2035.”
“When I read about those times, and all the negative-energy-pollution caused by those now illegal kitchen appliances, it just makes me sick,” Terry said.
“Guys, you’ve got me thinking…” Kyle paused to gather his thoughts. “Well, you know how when we put stuff in the freezer, it just freezes together and gets covered in weird ice?”
“They’re called water diamonds, Kyle,” Terry said.
“They mean the moisture has accepted the food, so we know it’s safe to eat,” Jake said.
“I’m well aware of them and what they mean. Don’t forget, I’m the one who studied health at Dove For Men Presents: College. But I was thinking, the food doesn’t always taste good after the water diamonds form.” Kyle took the FoodSaver from Jake. “And I know this is going to sound crazy, but if this thing could keep weed fresh, and be used with food products for sous-vide purposes, maybe we could combine the two functions. Like, we could use it to seal food before we freeze it so it stays fresher longer.”
“You mean, you want to eat food that’s been frozen but hasn’t emitted its proper water diamonds?” Terry said.
“Isn’t that illegal?” Jake added.
“Sure, on Earth. But not here,” Kyle said, “on Mars.”
Jake and Terry had to admit he had a point: they definitely had been on Mars this whole time.
Also, everyone else who likes cheap stuff should visit that site, it is ran by the guys who founded Woot and is literally just Woot from when Woot was cool and not owned by Amazon.
