Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 2: Where bad days go to die.

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Re: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 2: Where bad days go to

Post by Throbulator (?) » Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:11 pm

Got a big exam tomorrow, and I'm starting to feel stressed. I've been studying every single day the last 2 weeks, but I still manage to worry myself to the point of a nervous breakdown. Also when I start to worry I lose all motivation to study. And that makes me more worried. :fluttersmith:
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Post by Glaed (?) » Sun Jan 15, 2012 1:23 pm

I've been debating making this thread for a while, kinda as a depository of information. A bunch of people around here know what's going on with me, but there's a bunch more that little or no idea and then go "huh?" when I mention it.

Warning: considering the subject matter, there probably WILL be information in this that can and will be "gross". Not much I can do about that, although I'm gonna try to skirt the grossness somewhat.

Like any good story, this one should be started from the beginning. The very beginning. So, let's go back 20-something years ago, to my dad as a late teen. He goes to the doctor about blood in his poop. Doc says "you're fine if it's only a little". Being a late teen, my dad thinks "oh I'm fine then" and for the next 20-something years keeps on thinking nothing is wrong. Meantime he has a family: Me, born in '92; my middle brother Hunter, born in '97; and Tyler, born in '01.

In 2004, at 12 years old, I end up in the hospital with a large massive tumor inside my ribcage, an EXTREMELY rare (insert complicated doctor-speech here). The gist of it is that it was 6 pounds, completely encapsulated (meaning instead of growing into stuff like a normal tumor is just pushed stuff out of the way), and almost killed me by crushing my lungs and heart, and grew slowly enough that of course noone realized it was there till it was almost too late. Doctors had nothing to tell them how/when it started growing and more importantly *why*. Without any information to go on we attribute it to effectively extremely bad luck.

Fast forward again to 2008. My dad decides that with him recently turning 40, it's time for a second opinion. He goes in for a colonoscopy, from hereon referred to as a "scope". Enter his new GI doctor, a Dr. Hogan, who almost from the second he starts the scope believes he is looking at the colon of a dead man. He finds thousands of polyps, small generally pre-cancerous fleshy growths, all over the inside of my dad's colon. They grab samples of as many of them as they reasonably can, expecting to find cancer cells in all of them, and expecting Dad to already be lost to cancer. Not a one of them turns up as cancerous. However, still expecting the worst they give my dad the bad news. The diagnosis? Familial adenomatous polyposis. The only possible treatment? Total removal of the colon...

Familial Adenomatous Polyposis can be described pretty simply. Remove the middle word, and translate that doctor speak into English, and you get "Family Polyps". It's a disease that affects a gene known as the "APC" gene, a gene which protects DNA from errors during DNA Replication. It mostly affects cells found in the colon, causing polyps, and it can travel from parent to child regardless of sex or any other factor. There are no carriers, you either have it or don't. Flat 50% chance of getting it from an affected parent. It has some weird genetic markers associated with it too: missing, malformed, or extra teeth, weird color spots in eyes, freckles on the insides of eyes, weird tumors, among others.

...My dad of course, knowing that the odds are against him (no one lives to 40 without getting cancer with FAP) arranges the surgery long enough down the road for him to get everything in order incase he doesn't make it, and to take a nice long family vacation. The J-Pouch surgery is most often a two-part surgery, and his was no exception. In August of '08 they did part 1, and in September or October they did the second. Of course, when they removed his colon they did more testing across the entire thing, and found no cancer. My dad is a miracle man. He goes back to work after recovering, happy to be alive.

In late 08 myself and Hunter, my middle brother, are tested for FAP via colonoscopies and both of us are found to have it. I'm a freshman in high school at the time, so we decide to wait until I graduate high school to do my surgery, and we figure we'll do Hunter's before he gets in high school. Tyler isn't tested because he's too young.

Fast forward again to 2010. We've planned Hunter's surgery for sometime at the end of summer, and mine for the next summer since I graduate in May 2011. During the first half of the year though, Dad starts getting sicker and sicker. After an upper GI-tract scope, it's decided that he needs surgery to remove an obstruction that's grown in his small intestine. He goes into the hospital and is in for 40 days and at least 4 surgeries. It turns out that his small intestine has been eaten by small, non-malignant but sticky tumors, called "desmoids"- a sad "side-effect" of the disease. Nothing can be done. 10% of his small intestine is removed, 70-80% is left, disconnected and uselessly clumped together by the tumors, and 10% is left connected to his stomach. This leaves him permanently disabled and according to the doctors without long to live.

Hunter finally had his first surgery in June 2011, the summer solstice and Tyler's birthday to be exact. June 21. I had my first surgery on August 30th, and he had his second 2 weeks later in the middle of September. My dad has beaten all odds as far as life expectancy go, but in exchange for being addicted to certain drugs that slow down his digestive tract enough to actually absorb food. However, we still don't know how long he has. Could be a year, could be 5 years, but one thing is for sure: he's living on borrowed time. We're living on his disability (a measly 1200 a month, and almost half of that disappears for drugs he literally can't live without) and mom's minimum wage job at a local dry-cleaner's. My second surgery has been put on hold (for reasons I won't get into here) and I cannot work or go back to school until I've had it, and then had about 6 months to recover.

That's about everything.
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Post by Glaed (?) » Sun Jan 15, 2012 1:24 pm

I've had some people ask me what the colon is, so I figure I'll also answer that here. The colon is the final part of the digestive system, the part connected to your exit to put it mildly. The digestive tract is mouth->esophagus->small intestine->large intestine AKA colon->exit at the rectum. It packages waste, but it's more important role is recovering liquid from that waste and thus preventing dehydration. It is completely possible to live without it and impossible to create a "replacement" or artificial colon. The options for living without it include an "ileostomy" (what I have right now, a poop-bag :bluh: ) and a surgery known as the J-Pouch.

Well Glaed what is a J-Pouch? It's the most common "treatment" for FAP. The end of the small intestine is stretched into a pouch in the shape of a J (these doctors sure are creative :v: no offense!) and then connected to the rectum (the exit for those not paying attention earlier). It's generally done as a two-step process, about 3 months apart, because it lessens the risk of infection. First part of the surgery is removal of the colon and creation of the J-Pouch, and creation of a temporary ileostomy. Once the pouch has had proper time to heal, the ostomy is undone. Part 2 is a lot simpler and less punishing than part 1, but both take a lot to recover from. Most people with J-Pouches are able to live completely normal lives after a few years of adjustment. The major changes are: Hydration, the colon's most important job; and bathroom usage. The small intestine can and will take on some of the colon's work but it's not perfect and takes a while to adapt to it, so someone without a colon has to worry about keeping hydrated constantly.



So what's my overall thoughts about this all? It sucks, plain and simple, but I refuse to be stymied. I have my bad days, my ups and downs, but I refuse to let life keep me down. Some days I feel like rolling over and giving up, like everything's screwed up. Then I remember that things could be way worse and TBH I've actually got it pretty well right now.
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Post by Daionus The 23rd (?) » Sun Jan 15, 2012 3:41 pm

So...are you going to die? :nnngh:
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Post by Aramek (?) » Sun Jan 15, 2012 4:49 pm

:drpony: *hugs*
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Your MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue.

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Post by Walkin Goon (?) » Sun Jan 15, 2012 4:57 pm

Daionus The 23rd wrote:So...are you going to die? :nnngh:


Eventually, though hopefully this was caught soon enough that it'll be by something unrelated, such as a dopamine overload, heart attack after a night of hard partying, or some other swell way to go, yes?
:v:

Still, sucks to hear that. Biology art a cruel bitch when it comes to dealing bad hands.
Hopefully healthcare hasn't been been too much of a pain to go through for you, has it?

In any case, glad to hear you're not letting it keep you down. Some stories take their time in getting to the good bits, after all. Image
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Post by Glaed (?) » Sun Jan 15, 2012 7:53 pm

Daionus The 23rd wrote:So...are you going to die? :nnngh:

Yes. :v:

Is it going to be from this disease? Possibly, but I doubt it. Highly doubt it.


Aramek wrote::drpony: *hugs*

Thank you.
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Post by Lazy (?) » Sun Jan 15, 2012 8:24 pm

Oouf, that's rough. I'm in no way able to give meaningful advice about something like this, but I hope you're all right.
Good thing it was caught as early as it was, even if in such an unfortunate way.
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Post by Artificer (?) » Mon Jan 16, 2012 3:45 pm

I'm really sorry to hear that. :fluttersmith: I hope life gives you a couple of natural 20s on that regard. Good luck!
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Post by Humorless Clod (?) » Tue Jan 17, 2012 4:10 am

I go back to school in six days and I don't want to. I don't even want to go to the website and pay my bills (any time) to do so. I don't even want to think about school. Something inside me wants to curl up and hibernate in a little pod drifting through outer space. :fluttersmith:
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Post by Mordja (?) » Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:49 am

Man Glaed, I hope you get through all of this alright. It's good that they caught it early though.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. :fluttersmith:

Edit:
Humorless Clod wrote:I go back to school in six days and I don't want to. I don't even want to go to the website and pay my bills (any time) to do so. I don't even want to think about school. Something inside me wants to curl up and hibernate in a little pod drifting through outer space. :fluttersmith:

What year are you in? And have you declared a major?
Oh, and are you living away from home for the first time?
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Post by DarkMatter (?) » Tue Jan 17, 2012 8:06 am

Glaed, I'm really sorry to hear about all that. I wish I had something more meaningful to say but that's all I can think of. I'm sorry. *hug* :fluttersmith:
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Post by Wooten (?) » Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:55 pm

My problems seem pretty silly in comparison to yours Glaed. I hope you get through the whole thing and can live your life normally. The upbeat attitude you take toward the situation is very inspirational.

I own a small wedding photography business and things have been getting pretty bad. People just don't have the money to spend on weddings. The big bridal show that keeps me going every year was this past weekend and it was deserted in comparison to previous years. I still have quite a few clients, but they are less frequent than previous years, and I don't have much of a margin to work with. I even got a part time job scrubbing toilets in office buildings and factories to help pick up the slack, but it's still not enough. Every day brings more phone calls and threatening letters from people wanting money. Today I got a court document saying I'm getting sued by a lady who cancelled her wedding 3 weeks before the date and wants her deposit back, even though she signed a contract that said deposits are not refundable upon cancellation. That's the whole point of a deposit! She already cost me quite a bit of money by eating up a Saturday in July that I had other prospects for. I know she doesn't have a case but I'm feeling pretty doomed lately and that's the last thing I need. I have a problem with depression and anxiety to begin with, which I take medication for, but it doesn't seem to do a whole lot these days. I keep telling myself that things will get better any day, but I'm not sure how much longer I can believe that.
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Post by Pony Factory Factory (?) » Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:18 am

Wooten wrote:Today I got a court document saying I'm getting sued by a lady who cancelled her wedding 3 weeks before the date and wants her deposit back, even though she signed a contract that said deposits are not refundable upon cancellation. That's the whole point of a deposit!


Go to the Clerk for the court in which you were sued with a copy of the contract (the specific court will be on the document you received). Bring the document, tell the Clerk what I quoted, and ask for advice.

My family has been in a similar situation. What we did was file a motion for summary judgement - such a motion asks a judge to rule on your case without a trial. If you decide to file such a motion, you will want to write that there was a valid contract between both of you, the specific exchange central to the contract (your services in return for deposit plus payment on completion), that the contract stated "<quote the language about deposits being non-refundable>," and that she signed the contract. Then describe when and how she informed you of the cancellation and state that this cancellation is an event clearly covered by the terms of the contract. Include a photocopy of the contract, especially her signature page. She will have about 30 days to dispute the facts of what you have said. Assuming she doesn't lie like mad or something, you then have a 99.9% chance that the Judge will toss her on her ass and dismiss the case with prejudice, meaning that she cannot sue you again on the same issue.

Shouldn't take you more than an evening's worth of work, maybe a weekend if you're a meticulous writer.

IAN(Y)AL, so this is not Official Legal Advice.
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Post by The Ghost Of Ember (?) » Fri Jan 20, 2012 2:31 pm

My family has a history of colon cancer on my mothers side, it hasn't effected her, but I understand she gets checked every two or three years. I've had a colonoscopy a time or two just to check things out. If it does strike me, it probably won't hit me until I'm much older. Even then, I'll probably survive minus a colon. All the same, your story reminds me how lucky I am to have the time that I do have, and that it hasn't effected my immediate family as of yet.

I can't say I understand what you're going through Glaed, but I at least got a glimmering hint of insight. And yeah, that really fucking sucks. :fluttersmith:
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Post by Glaed (?) » Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:44 am

Oh uh, hey mods? there was a reason I wanted my own thread. There are times I feel like complaining but don't because it would be more than slightly gross. And I don't want to gross anyone who is reading/posting in this thread to have to look past any of my complaining about... well, can't put this any other way, crap.

Note that I won't complain if it's left here. And also will just keep doing what I'm doing as far as not grossing anyone out.
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Post by Gandore (?) » Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:18 pm

I feel swamped...

I can't describe it any other way. I normally don't post (I tend to just be a background lurker/enjoyer of other's posts) but for the first time in my life all I want to do is run away from my current situation; although I know others who wish they were as lucky as me to be in my position. :facehoof:

I've been an IT guy with the same place for over 4 years, and in that time I've loved my job with all my heart. I show up to work with a big smile on my face, and have never had to have to much responsibilities or projects thrown at me since I've generally taken care of the "grunt" work while my co-worker handled more of the big issues. I mean sure every once and a while she would take a couple months off and I would have to run things by myself; generally I've done extremely well except for when I have a big issue come out of no where (i.e. Servers are down). I've become the company favorite by most of our users since they often go over my co-worker's head to talk directly to me. (I can't help being likeable :smug: and she does kind of take things personal when talking to people...)

For those four years I thought this gravy train of semi-work/semi-fun would never end, but the train has started derailing in a bad way. My co-worker is retiring SOON, and now my relaxed world is crashing down HARD. I've been thrust into several different projects where I and I alone am the only IT contact, I've had to attend multiple meetings with the biggest IT directors of my state (I look so unprofessional compared to them :ohrarity: ), and I feel like I know nothing when it comes to handling any big issues. :fluttersmith:

I've never been this scared of failing anything before since I normally have this magical luck that gets me out of every hairy situation. (Parents won the lottery after I was born; just trying to describe how unusually lucky I am :iamapony: )

Not only am I in the middle of trying to get this work life under control, but my friend just asked me to be his best man (I'm very happy about this :awesomedash: but I know the best man has a TON of duties for the wedding) and my father found polyps during his colonoscopy (my brother apparently had them when he was a kid but I'm not sure I've ever been checked); so that's been on the back of my mind while trying to get things going fluid and trust me it hasn't helped. :rainbert:

I actually tried to jump trains by getting another job with different companies but all I get are rejection letters, so now I feel trapped in this situation. :psygum:

Of course I'm going to give it my all because damn it that's what I have to do! I just have never been filled with so much self doubt in my life, and I really REALLY hate feeling trapped into anything.

Thank you for taking the time to read this; it felt nice getting it off my chest at least.
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Post by Octavia (?) » Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:54 pm

Gandore wrote:I feel swamped...


Now would be a good time to negotiate with your superiors for a raise. You're taking on a lot more work, so you should be paid more as well. You've got four years of experience with them, so they'll definitely want to keep you on. Extra responsibility is all just a part of moving up in the world. It will seem overwhelming at first, but the more experience you get with it, then the easier it will be. It just sounds like you're at a transition point in your career, and if you embrace it instead of fear it, then it will be a lot more fulfilling, both emotionally and financially.
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Post by Gandore (?) » Thu Jan 26, 2012 11:52 pm

Actually my boss tried getting a raise for me at the beginning of this year; but before I go on let me provide a little back story about my employment (nothing too personal though).

I'm an LTE for a government facility, and that means "Limited Term Employment". What that means is I'm only allowed to work a certain amount of hours at the end of each year, if I go over then I'm laid off until the start of the next year (based on when I was hired); also an LTE can be fired at the drop of a hat, we have no rights in the workplace and our only benefit is a "Flexible schedule". I've been an LTE for the entire duration of my employment and to get around the issue of "not wanting to be broke for half the year" we have a work around where I only worked part time (3 days a week, 6 hours a day). Even though it hasn't been easy doing the whole "Adult" thing (renting an apartment, buying food, etc.) with such a low amount of hours, but the pay is good enough to afford the very basics.

Believe it or not I've really enjoyed this, it gave me plenty of free time and enough cash to be able to some things when I need too while affording my place/food.

Now back to the present; my boss wanted to give me a raise so I could still feel like I had some seniority if she hired another LTE for our department, and I think to butter me up to stay around (without giving me full time employment) since they need me so badly. Unfortunately the raise didn't go through and was rejected at the upper levels of Madison which blew up badly in the faces of my bosses (I have 3) who tried pushing for it.

SO instead of giving me the raise they figured a loophole in the system... instead of actually hiring another LTE to help with the workload they're just going to "hire" me at both LTE positions to give me a fake version of full time employment.

My employment situation is very very weird :pinkieshrug:

Thank you for your kind words, I know that once I get my "feet wet" it'll be easier but at the moment it just seems so daunting and kind of scary :flutterdear:

I'll do my best though and I will try embracing it! :-D
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Post by Octavia (?) » Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:48 pm

Welp, I just got "the call" that my grandmother died today. My dad told me yesterday that she was in bad shape and that he was flying out to Cincinnati to see her. She passed away peacefully in her hospital bed with her husband, two sons, three of her grandchildren, and a great grandchild at her side. I wasn't there, and I know I could have driven out there in time had I dropped everything, so now I'm feeling guilty about not being able to say goodbye to her properly. :fluttersmith:

So I'll be driving down to Cincinnati tomorrow to be with the family. I feel really awful for my dad. I've only seen him cry once in my life and it was probably the most heart-wrenching experience of my life.
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Post by Glaed (?) » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:10 am

I remember that feeling. My dad and his mom were super-close, and when she passed away back at the end of 06... jeeze, has it been that long ago? anyway, when she passed away the whole family felt it. We knew it was coming but that really doesn't make it any easier. You have my condolences.
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Post by CapacitorPlague (?) » Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:24 pm

My condolences, Octavia. I've been there on both counts (maternal grandmother, and not going with my parents to see her), so I know the feeling. :fluttersmith:
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Post by Octavia (?) » Thu Feb 02, 2012 3:12 am

I'm in Cincinnati now, and will be for the rest of the week. Her memorial will be on Sunday, and I plan on returning to Chicago on Monday.

Everything seems so bizarre, like there's a dark cloud hanging over everyone all the time, and no one in my family, including myself, is acting normally. We had to pick out the picture to use in her obituary, and I remember when the family all posed for it. Now whenever I get a photo taken of me, I'm going to get the thought that maybe this will be the one they end up using in my obituary.

This will actually be the 5th grandparent I've lost (my parents got divorced and remarried, and my dad's parents also got divorced and remarried, so I've had 8 grandparents), but this one feels the most difficult to lose, and I'm not sure why.
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Post by Pony Factory Factory (?) » Sat Feb 04, 2012 12:03 am

I think my shitty apartment is giving me a stress disorder, possibly even PTSD. My old psychiatrist will be in town this weekend, he's going to find someone local for me to see.

Good news is the health department inspector came down HARD on the building manager. She arrived at 12:15 PM, work began at 1:30 PM, and the infestation was cleared by 5 PM. Of course, all the walls of my closet are stripped off and I have to keep air blowing through the apartment until Monday to dry them out. So it's gonna be a cold weekend.

God, this apartment.
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Post by Lazy (?) » Sat Feb 04, 2012 2:31 am

Pony Factory Factory wrote:I think my shitty apartment is giving me a stress disorder, possibly even PTSD. My old psychiatrist will be in town this weekend, he's going to find someone local for me to see.

Good news is the health department inspector came down HARD on the building manager. She arrived at 12:15 PM, work began at 1:30 PM, and the infestation was cleared by 5 PM. Of course, all the walls of my closet are stripped off and I have to keep air blowing through the apartment until Monday to dry them out. So it's gonna be a cold weekend.

God, this apartment.
Wait, I remember you said horrible things about your apartment, but... what exactly was infesting it?
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Post by Pony Factory Factory (?) » Sat Feb 04, 2012 6:05 am

This time? Delicious blue and orange mold. Smelled like Grandma ten years ago, and she's been dead twenty, plus I was very badly allergic to it.

The inspector was awesome though, and she really cracked the whip. The work went from start to finish in three hours flat, starting a half hour after the inspection.
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Post by Octavia (?) » Sun Feb 05, 2012 9:08 pm

My grandmother's service was today. While going through photos this week, I found this fantastic picture of her:

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I miss you, Grandma. :saddash:
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Post by Pony Factory Factory (?) » Mon Feb 06, 2012 12:47 am

Oh geez, I'm sorry, Octavia. I picked a poor time and place for that kind of humor.
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Post by Stuff (?) » Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:25 am

Truly sorry to hear that, 'tavia.

My bad stuff: I have three exams on Monday and Tuesday. Two on the same day (and they are immediately right after another) :nngh: . Subjects: Organic chem (!) , ecology, and statistics.
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Post by Artificer (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:10 pm

Well, I basically slept past both of my classes today, despite alarms being set and all. Why am I so bad with that? I didn't even go to bed very late. :gonkity: How do I literally turn off my alarms in my sleep? :fluttersmith:

God. I hope I don't do this again, or get sick enough, because after 3 absences in either of the classes I start losing letter grades. :saddash:


It's not that bad compared to some of the other problems here, but it just frustrates and worries me to no end.
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Post by diribigal (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:41 pm

Artificer wrote:it just frustrates and worries me to no end.

Try to confirm the proximate cause: If your classes aren't that early, go to a doctor to try and find out why you slept so late. In either case, make sure another animal/person didn't turn the alarms off. Make sure the alarms are loud enough for you/not muffled by anything.

If, after all that, it still seems like you turned your alarms off and went immediately back to sleep, maybe look into other solutions like getting into a regular sleep/waking cycle, placing your alarms in more inaccessible locations, and/or expensive alarm clocks like Clocky (you have to find/chase it if you want to turn it off, potentially forcing you to get up) or those weird ones that shine more and more light at you as you approach waking time.
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Post by Pony Factory Factory (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:05 pm

Warning about Clocky: they can't really take a 3-foot fall onto hardwood floors like they say they can.

A few alarm tips I've found, since I am super bad at waking up sometimes:
* A structured sound helps a lot, as your brain tries to process it.
* Having that sound randomized prevents you from becoming accustomed to it and learning to ignore it.
* Multiple alarm clocks doesn't really help if your brain just craves sleep, so definitely do see a doctor if you're having problems waking up.

Best thing I've found is slightly mis-tuning an AM channel on my clock radio. The noise is structured yet randomized and obnoxious.
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Post by Xavier Genisi (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:14 pm

Today, I literally woke up to a text from my Dad saying that my grandma died.

She had been getting rather old and frail these past few years, so it was never going to come as a surprise. It doesn't change the fact that it still sucks. :fluttersmith:
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Post by The Ghost Of Ember (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:20 pm

So hey, I got one directly related to this place!

So, funny story, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Since I've long since gotten over the worst of it, most of the time this just means I get stressed out a lot more easily then most people, and have a hard time chillaxing. While it's probably not great for my health overall, I'm used to it so no big deal. :pinkieshrug:

Now, most people around here have been pretty cool to me and since I kind of wanted to repay the favor with nice gifts, I said I wanted to do the valentines day thing. I went out to shop for some valentines, pony related ones in particular, perhaps with presents. Then it hit me. Remember the worst of it I'd said I'd gotten over? Yeah, it came rolling on back.

So here's the deal, Generalized Anxiety Disorder means you get panic attacks. I don't know if any of you have experienced a panic attack, but it's fucking nasty. You get actual, physical symptoms. Your heart rate ramps up and your chest starts to hurt. You're convinced you're having a heart attack, you must be having a heart attack, there's no way your chest could feel that weird and not be having a goddamn heart attack. You're trembling 'cause you're certain this is it, you're done for, you're gonna sprawl out dead on the floor in a walmart at three in the morning as half-alseep shoppers roll on by. You're in such a visceral state of terror that every sensation you feel just confirms how dead you're going to be in the next few minutes. You can't even breathe, no matter how much you try to breathe you just can't get enough air.

Panic attacks can last anywhere from ten minutes to several hours.

In this case, it lasted about half an hour. I sat back in the Tire and Lube Express waiting area for it to subside. I hadn't had a panic attack in over two years before that moment. I kind of thought I was over it, that I was free from it. Guess you can never be that lucky.

I did a little more shopping today. Just on edge after that. I think I'll be able to manage to buy something tomorrow, if only just some of the cards.
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Post by Herr General (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:26 pm

Pony Factory Factory wrote:Warning about Clocky: they can't really take a 3-foot fall onto hardwood floors like they say they can.

A few alarm tips I've found, since I am super bad at waking up sometimes:
* A structured sound helps a lot, as your brain tries to process it.
* Having that sound randomized prevents you from becoming accustomed to it and learning to ignore it.
* Multiple alarm clocks doesn't really help if your brain just craves sleep, so definitely do see a doctor if you're having problems waking up.

Best thing I've found is slightly mis-tuning an AM channel on my clock radio. The noise is structured yet randomized and obnoxious.


I used to have a standard beeping alarm, which I would often turn off and go right back to sleep. On a whim, I changed it to my preferred radio station (classic rock). I've found that having something I can sing along with or at least listen to helps wake me up- I don't just fall asleep again, because I'm actively concentrating on the song. I get up pretty much without fail now that I changed it.

If that doesn't work, I'd suggest placing your alarm on the other side of the room so that you're forced to stand up and walk over there to turn it off.
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Post by Val Helmethead (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:58 pm

I have the waking up problem as well, where I will get up, walk across the room to snooze 2 alarms, then get back into bed to sleep until the alarms wake me up again.

On the other hand, my pager snaps me into "wide awake" mode instantly when it goes off...
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Post by Artificer (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 7:53 pm

The radio alarm may be a good idea, I'll have to look into that. In the meantime, I hope that having 2 alarms in two different places in the room will be sufficient. Thanks for the advice, ponygoons.
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Post by Aramek (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 7:54 pm

The Ghost Of Ember wrote:Panic attacks

Dude, I'm so, so sorry. :fluttersmith: That just sounds awful. I'd offer a hug, but that might kill you.
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Post by Artificer (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 7:56 pm

Aramek wrote:Dude, I'm so, so sorry. :fluttersmith: That just sounds awful. I'd offer a hug, but that might kill you.


I think I had to take care of someone suffering from a panic attack combined with alcohol, and from what I observed it seems awful. I really hope events like that don't happen to you again in the near future, though if they do I hope that they're at least less severe. :saddash:
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Post by Lazy (?) » Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:35 pm

Oouf, sounds rough, Ember. It's something I've been thinking about lately myself, because my family has a history of anxiety(plus depression). It's something I worry might start happening to me later on. I have definitely noticed some anxiety problems in myself-I've only had a few times in already stressful situations where I got really anxious, but they were pretty bad. Coming out to my parents comes to mind-I couldn't stop shaking for over an hour after that. I've been lucky that I've never had panic attacks, since that's something my mother and other family members have had.

Depression, on the other hand, is a hereditary issue that has happened to me in the past. I had a major depressive episode lasting around 2 months a while back, and looking back on it, I think I'm lucky to have come out of it like I did, since I didn't tell anyone and generally tried to cover it up.
:bluh: I guess I've just been worried that this stuff'll start affecting me sometime soon. I should probably try not to get stressed about it, worrying isn't gonna help me any.
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