Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 2: Where bad days go to die.

[Concerned ReaderI didn't inhale]

I didn't try meds until I was 23 because I was terrified of all the stupid propoganda that's spread about psych meds and the stigma about taking them. I wish I'd had someone to tell me when I was much younger that it was all horse shit and I'm not a worthless person for not being able to "bootstrap" myself out of mental illness.

Pretty much exactly this is what kept me off my add meds for so long. I'm only 21 now, but those are still years of high school and college and money that I'll never get back.

[Frosthawkwhat is this. what is this SHIT]

I didn't get the job I wanted.

Unless I get an extension on the deadline, I will not be able to apply for the grad school I want this fall. This will mean I won't be able to apply AT ALL, as all the deadlines for fall application have passed.

That will mean my loans will start firing off.

I have no prospects and I feel like my life is flying to pieces in front of me. I can't even focus on doing the schoolwork to finish the degree I'm working on NOW, I'm so goddamn worried about my future.

And beyond that I feel like I'm never, ever, going to be given enough time to just think ever gain.

From reading this it looks like your problems are a magnification of mine, or maybe a precursor. Right now I have one class holding me up from graduating, which is screwing things up in terms of being able to enter grad school, and I'm just looking for a job or an internship or SOMETHING to hold me over/give me experience for when my loans start boomeranging me in the face. I haven't gotten any call backs yet or anything and I'm starting to get nervous.


From the looks of this thread, this is a common problem, and maybe one of those stupid parts of life we all have to go through at some point unless we fall ass-backwards into luck. So here's hoping for the future, man.

[Flippity FlopSecretly a sponge]

I'll keep this fairly short.

In November 2010 I was kicked out of a once-a-week homeschool get-together thing that my family had helped make, just because I came out as lesbian and the main teacher completely flipped his shit and thought that I was trying to make moves on his daughter or something. Before that, I had been legitimately depressed because my friendship with said teacher's daughter was falling apart and all she was doing was sitting around and complaining about what a terrible friend I was, and another fellow student was running around, saying things like ''That's so gay!'' and ''Don't be such a fag''. I hadn't come out to that particular student for that exact reason, and it made me panicky whenever he used that language because he was the most homophobic person I had met at the time and if I had let anything slip, he probably would've turned out to be one of those creepy creepers asking me sex questions.
Anyway, I only talk to one person from that school now, but I'm still kind of missing the social aspect of the school. Everything else was terrible and I'm happy to live without, but I do really miss being able to talk and joke with other people when drudging through homework.

tl;dr homeschooling sucks for social people and teenage boys are really really obnoxious an overwhelming majority of the time.

[AramekYour MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue."So you're saying..."Your brain is about 20% tumor.]

tl;dr homeschooling sucks for social people and teenage boys are really really obnoxious an overwhelming majority of the time.

Good thing you're a Lesbian then, boys suck.

[Flippity FlopSecretly a sponge]

Boy, do they.

[numsOic]

Throw rocks at 'em

Seriously though I hope things turn out for the better for everyone here. I can't believe how easy I have it in comparison.

[Pony Factory Factory]

I'll keep this fairly short.

In November 2010 I was kicked out of a once-a-week homeschool get-together thing that my family had helped make, just because I came out as lesbian and the main teacher completely flipped his shit and thought that I was trying to make moves on his daughter or something. Before that, I had been legitimately depressed because my friendship with said teacher's daughter was falling apart and all she was doing was sitting around and complaining about what a terrible friend I was, and another fellow student was running around, saying things like ''That's so gay!'' and ''Don't be such a fag''. I hadn't come out to that particular student for that exact reason, and it made me panicky whenever he used that language because he was the most homophobic person I had met at the time and if I had let anything slip, he probably would've turned out to be one of those creepy creepers asking me sex questions.
Anyway, I only talk to one person from that school now, but I'm still kind of missing the social aspect of the school. Everything else was terrible and I'm happy to live without, but I do really miss being able to talk and joke with other people when drudging through homework.

tl;dr homeschooling sucks for social people and teenage boys are really really obnoxious an overwhelming majority of the time.

Most teenagers are idiots, and some never grow out of it; it sounds like you were in close contact with some of those people. That does suck, no two ways about it. If you pick your college right, you should be able to find a really nice community that gives no shits who you wanna makes smooches with. Things will get better.

Just also keep in mind, even the homophobic jerk guy, he's going through being a teenager, too. He doesn't have a very good idea of who he is or how to establish that. He's latched onto behaviors he can mimic for the approval of people around him. Someday, God willing, he'll find himself and his own opinions, and he won't feel compelled to put others down just to feel less insecure about himself.

In the meantime, you've got a leg up on him: you've figured out something important about yourself and had the courage to tell others about it even though you knew some one react like he did. That's pretty neat.

Good thing you're a Lesbian then, boys suck.

[Lazy]

Teenage boys are really REALLY bad way too often.
"You deviate from the norm in some way that I don't actually know anything about? SOUND THE SOCIAL ISOLATION AND ABUSE ALARM!"

Hearing people unwittingly using homophobic language around you is one of the most frustrating things. I mean, you'd think that these people would realize that they aren't going to know who is and isn't gay and'll be bothered by that, but I guess it makes sense that people that ignorant won't really think it through.
One of the best things that happened to me as a gay guy was switching from the public high school to a tiny(probably no more than 150 students), super-liberal and artsy charter school where absolutely no one gives a shit.
Although, I've had kind of a different experience with this kind of thing than most-I actually had a much harder time in elementary school. I guess a big part of that is probably that most people don't realize that early, but the difference in high-school compared to elementary for me was going home depressed instead of going home with a black eye.
So going to high-school actually seemed kinda better from my perspective. Not that it wasn't still really good to get away from that.

Just also keep in mind, even the homophobic jerk guy, he's going through being a teenager, too. He doesn't have a very good idea of who he is or how to establish that. He's latched onto behaviors he can mimic for the approval of people around him. Someday, God willing, he'll find himself and his own opinions, and he won't feel compelled to put others down just to feel less insecure about himself.

Let's start placing bets about whether or not he'll turn out closeted gay trying to smother his insecurities.

[Pony Factory Factory]

Teenage girls can be vicious, as well. Being teenage is the problem here.

[Flippity FlopSecretly a sponge]

^Yeah, as said in the original post, there was that girl who I was friends with, but as soon as I came out she started with the passive-agressive crap and I bailed. And from what I've heard, the guy who was in my class is still ''Lol gay people''. I have a hunch that his attitude is a mixture of hearing his parents spew off their beliefs and all of the other guys his age being the exact same way as he is now.


Thank you for the support, guys. It's nice to just let out all the crap in your life sometimes. The collages around here seem to be of the ''Give No Shit'' variety, and I know quite a few teens my age who are LGBTQ and are going to be attending collage stateside, so hopefully I'll know at least a few people there.

[brakelessA pegasus will fly long and hard for a bit of gilded brass.]

In the meantime, you've got a leg up on him: you've figured out something important about yourself and had the courage to tell others about it even though you knew some one react like he did. That's pretty neat.

Seriously. Being true to yourself is one of the most important things in life. It sounds like something out of a wishy-washy self-help book, but it really is the basis of a good life. The world is full of interesting things to do and good people to meet, and inner peace will allow you to appreciate them fully.

Unfortunately there's also no shortage of assholes, so never hesitate to stand up for yourself or others.

[Octavia]

I've been out of the closet for over 6 years now and I have three words for you, Flippity Flop:

IT GETS BETTER.

Being a gay teenager sucks and it's confusing and it feels like everyone is against you. Casual homophobia is all too common in social environments, and now that I'm older, more confident and not the shy, closeted teenager I used to be, I will actively call out anyone I hear throwing homophobic words around. College will be a much better experience for you, and if you look at the numbers, young people are far more accepting of gender and sexual minorities than the older ones, so things are moving in the right direction. It may not feel like things are moving fast enough, but things will get better.

[Pineapplebecause I do not]

I'll keep this fairly short.

*hugs* You can make better friends than those assholes. Look at your interests and check out local clubs and organizations, even volunteering at the animal shelter or a an activist organization can be fun and you'll meet people.

IT GETS BETTER.

This x100. 10 years since I came out as a lesbian. It does get better.

[LASTCARRainbow Dash1st Career Last-Place Finish2011 Running of the Leaves]

I just wanted to thank you guys again for your kind words in this thread last November when I didn't pass the California BAR Exam.

Yesterday afternoon, I finished retaking the BAR, capping off 100 consecutive days and nights of studying through the holiday season. And, when I was done, I felt awesome, like I put it all out there. Without a doubt, that was the most emotionally and mentally draining experience of my life. But I think it was a performance worthy of what it took to get there. I really felt much better prepared and more capable instead of just trying to survive it, which should be enough to pass. I struggled with Wednesday's multiple-choice component, but after some late-night studying after that, the final essay sessions on Thursday really finished strong.

Plus, I think wearing my Twilight Sparkle shirt during all three days of the exam helped a bit.

I'm still on pins and needles waiting for the scores to be released on May 18. Until then, you just don't know how it will turn out. But I am sleeping a little easier than last time.

[Aurora]

That's good to hear, Lastcar. Hopefully your results end up good!

Flippity Flop - Going to nth all the support here. Things will look up.

[AramekYour MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue."So you're saying..."Your brain is about 20% tumor.]

Any of you girls straight? I need to know who I can/can not hit on.

e: Not that being a lesbian means I can't hit on you. I just, you know, won't be making any headway.

[ConspiratorImagine a smile shining on a pony's face... forever.]

For Flippity Flop, other LGBT people, and anyone else for that matter, here's an article that you may or may not have read. It basically explores the question of "why can't some people tolerate others" and does so with a lot of self-awareness and humility. I like to consider myself a pretty tolerant person, but I have to admit that this article made me realize how often I unconsciously judge others without thinking and really made me aware of my personal biases. It also helped me better understand how lonely and hopeless it must feel for someone of a different sexual orientation to have to live in an environment that's so unforgiving and hostile towards that kind of identity. Here's an excerpt:

I think it doesn’t matter if you or I or anybody else thinks homosexuality is a sin. It doesn’t matter if you or I think anything is a sin. It doesn’t matter if homosexuality is a sin or not. In fact, it doesn’t matter if anything anybody else does is a sin or not.

Because sin is a very personal thing! It always has been and it always will be!

And it has nothing to do with love.

Absolutely nothing.

Disparity and difference have nothing to do with love.

We shouldn’t choose who we will love and who we won’t.

The author also posted some responses he got and they're quite moving. I'm generally pretty stoic, but some of these actually moved me to tears.

So yeah, all this to say that you're not alone. There's always hope and there's always love in the world, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes.

[CapacitorPlagueRari-tea]

For Flippity Flop, other LGBT people, and anyone else for that matter, here's an article that you may or may not have read.

Seriously, if you haven't read this, DO IT. I also posted it on my Twitter feed earlier this week that a coworker reads, who is also the first person I came out to earlier this year. He was pretty touched by it, getting misty at parts and pissed at others (something about "I can't believe the shit you guys have to put up with."). When I read it, I was pretty much misty throughout the whole thing and it reminded me of how insanely lucky I am in my situation.

[Headless Horse]

When I first joined this forum I think I was one of like three or four gay guys in the whole member list, if an informal show of hands in some unrelated thread was anything to go by.

Sounds like the cultural makeup of the fandom may be shifting a little bit.

[Octavia]

When I first joined this forum I think I was one of like three or four gay guys in the whole member list, if an informal show of hands in some unrelated thread was anything to go by.

Sounds like the cultural makeup of the fandom may be shifting a little bit.

It's all part of our gay agenda

[AramekYour MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue."So you're saying..."Your brain is about 20% tumor.]

You guys gayin' up my Ponies? I just want to watch magic colourful ponies and be all manly at the same time!

[Pony Factory Factory]

Gay and manly are not mutually exclusive concepts.

[Herr Generalfabulous]

Gay and manly are not mutually exclusive concepts.

Indeed.

[Octavia]

Gay and manly are not mutually exclusive concepts.

I bet I know more about baseball and football than 99% of straight guys. I also am pretty athletic, I know practically nothing about fashion, and I have a fantastic relationship with my father. The only difference between straight guys and gay guys is who they prefer to be in romantic relationships with. The whole "gays are unmanly" thing is just a stereotype.

[Super Karoru]

You're also posting on a forum for a show made for the manliest of men.

[ConspiratorImagine a smile shining on a pony's face... forever.]

It's all part of our gay agenda

[Concerned ReaderI didn't inhale]

I'm mostly straight, and like dressing nice, like sewing, like cooking sometimes, and like electro house music. I also like sports cars, guns, mechanicals, electronics, and just basically stereotypes are stupid.

[Octavia]

Speaking of the gay agenda, I made a thread!

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=1155

[Redeye]

So, I kind of had an emotional breakdown last night.

This wouldn't be the FIRST one I've had recently, either. They seem to be tied to stress, and this week was a nightmare.

But mercifully, these things always come with an epiphany attached, and I think this one was a very important one to learn.


I'm not ready for grad school. Not mentally, not organizedly, and possibly not emotionally. I can't jump in with both feet like I did with college, I'll collapse and burn up. I'm going to take a year off, defer my loans, try and pull my life together.

I'd like to thank all of you guys for all the emotional support--even if it gets brushed off in the short-term, deep down and in the long term it really, really helps when I'm in one of these moods to see everyone pulling for me.

[Herr Generalfabulous]

So, I kind of had an emotional breakdown last night.

This wouldn't be the FIRST one I've had recently, either. They seem to be tied to stress, and this week was a nightmare.

But mercifully, these things always come with an epiphany attached, and I think this one was a very important one to learn.


I'm not ready for grad school. Not mentally, not organizedly, and possibly not emotionally. I can't jump in with both feet like I did with college, I'll collapse and burn up. I'm going to take a year off, defer my loans, try and pull my life together.

I'd like to thank all of you guys for all the emotional support--even if it gets brushed off in the short-term, deep down and in the long term it really, really helps when I'm in one of these moods to see everyone pulling for me.

We're all behind you, man. Do whatever you need to do to get your life straight- grad school can wait until you're ready. If there's any way that we as a community can help, let us know.

[Pineapplebecause I do not]

So, I kind of had an emotional breakdown last night.

This wouldn't be the FIRST one I've had recently, either. They seem to be tied to stress, and this week was a nightmare.

But mercifully, these things always come with an epiphany attached, and I think this one was a very important one to learn.


I'm not ready for grad school. Not mentally, not organizedly, and possibly not emotionally. I can't jump in with both feet like I did with college, I'll collapse and burn up. I'm going to take a year off, defer my loans, try and pull my life together.

I'd like to thank all of you guys for all the emotional support--even if it gets brushed off in the short-term, deep down and in the long term it really, really helps when I'm in one of these moods to see everyone pulling for me.

Yes, take a break if you need it. Trust me ignoring your mental health and forcing yourself to go to school ends up salvaging neither, that's how I flunked out of Rutgers AND had delusions the xenomorph from Alien lived in the drop ceiling of my apartment building.

Get some space, decompress, get your shit together at your pace, and when you decide to go back you will feel way better.

[MordjaLYRA is the cool pony who likes to hang out. You can find most of the cool ponies with her. LYRA can just chill and do whatever and totally relax. "Take it easy" is the LYRA motto, for example, that's how laid back she is.]

Yeah, taking a year off is a great idea because it really sounds like the stress has been piling up. But try to spend the time doing something you wouldn't normally do, I dunno, volunteer or something, just to get a fresh perspective on things. We're all rooting for you!

Well, just so long as it doesn't distract you from the important things in life, i.e. ponies.

[Octavia]

I took a year off between schools and it really helped me turn my life around. I worked a crappy retail job during that span, but it was fairly low stress and it gave me the time to focus on other things, like my music and my health. After a year, I went back to college in a different state and a completely different major. I was the happiest I had been in a very long time and a lot of it was thanks to taking some time to sort things out.

[Walkin GoonWith Celestia on our side!]

Echoing the others sentiments here, Redeye.
Having had a breakdown of sorts little more than a year ago, I can tell you from direct experience that trying to disguise it and stubbornly persisting in the manners that lead to it to begin with sure as hell won't improve the situation.
I can also tell you that the break will be very much welcomed, and will help you get a grasp on things so that you can plan and react more coherently. Let others know your intent (maybe talk to someone about it), try some new things, and be sure to not let yourself become too idle.


In other news, attended my grandfather's funeral today.
My family arrived early, and it was pretty damn harrowing at first, being there in relative vacancy and stifled silence.
Then the people started coming in. A lot more than we anticipated, what with his passing giving such a short notice and most relatives living whole states away. Needless to say, the atmosphere picked up considerably with catch-up conversations and laughing. Even had my grandmother smiling throughout a good portion of service.

I still feel his death was untimely, but it's nice knowing he'd prefer going out on that note.

[Frosthawkwhat is this. what is this SHIT]

I'm not ready for grad school. Not mentally, not organizedly, and possibly not emotionally. I can't jump in with both feet like I did with college, I'll collapse and burn up. I'm going to take a year off, defer my loans, try and pull my life together.

This is extremely common. A lot of fresh graduates like to take a few years off from school to get all of their affairs in order, and then tackle grad school later. I'm probably going to go this route myself. I mean, hey, I know people who are just getting their undergraduate degrees now at 28 - 36 years of age, and they're doing well. There's a lot of ways to get trudge life, and though it sucks that initial plans never even seem to quite pan out, there's usually something else out there.

In other news, attended my grandfather's funeral today.
My family arrived early, and it was pretty damn harrowing at first, being there in relative vacancy and stifled silence.
Then the people started coming in. A lot more than we anticipated, what with his passing giving such a short notice and most relatives living whole states away. Needless to say, the atmosphere picked up considerably with catch-up conversations and laughing. Even had my grandmother smiling throughout a good portion of service.

I still feel his death was untimely, but it's nice knowing he'd prefer going out on that note.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather, man. But it sounds like the funeral went as well as it possible could have. I lost my grandfather about a year and a half ago, and he didn't want a funeral or even anyone to visit him on his deathbed (Irish pride), so I never felt like there was much closure. But, then again, it's how he wanted it. No grieving, just living while you can. That said, if an event as tragic as a passing of a close relative could still inspire some solace in unity, it sounds like there could be no better closure.

[Pony Factory Factory]

Uggggh.... an anxiety attack I've been having since 2PM yesterday just broke. I feel awful but I'm glad it's over.

[Scuderia FerrarityThe Corndogs Of Today are the Tacos of Tomorrow]

Uggggh.... an anxiety attack I've been having since 2PM yesterday just broke. I feel awful but I'm glad it's over.

Yikes. I guess fits of depression and anxiety attacks are kind of like allergic reactions that you have limited control over and pass with time.

When I first joined this forum I think I was one of like three or four gay guys in the whole member list, if an informal show of hands in some unrelated thread was anything to go by.
Sounds like the cultural makeup of the fandom may be shifting a little bit.

I'm tempted to ask the open ended question: "How does being gay or lesbian color your what attracts you to the show?"

And then I think, "Well Scuddy, how does being straight color your appreciation for the show?"

Darned if I know, I liked Bridesmaids and Azumanga Daioh ... so there's a certain novelty in an all female cast. And concerns over hurt feelings and lines like
:"We can always fix the hole in the roof, but we could never fix the hole in our hearts!"
:"bluh"
are part of the fun of the show. And so this question is meaningless, maybe?


It's just that looking at the FiM pre-history thread, there's the G1 - G3.5 forums like MLP arena and there's excitement over the first episodes 'Oh my gosh! Male ponies! '
And I'm, "Sure, okay. I think you're ignoring the larger issue of "

[Scuderia FerrarityThe Corndogs Of Today are the Tacos of Tomorrow]

From the picture it doesn't look too bad at all, the rim doesn't appear warped or dented and an impact hard enough to fuck up the suspension is unlikely to leave the wheel looking so clean and unfucked up. Obviously I can't inspect it in person but I'd be estimating for the tow + a new tire (2 if the set had a decent amount of wear, mismatched diameter on the same axle is bad!) + possibly an alignment.

Update on this: Rims are straight, everything is fine. I'm just thinking back to when the Playstation 3 was first released and people were " $600?!!! I gotta have it but I'm being gouged! "
This whole ordeal is ~$400. And while something like a PS3 is a 'want', this is a 'need'.
Though, if I'd just changed to the spare on the highway and bought the road hazard insurance offered to me for ~$100 when I bought the tires, I would have saved like $300.

"You know if you sold your car and took the bus everywhere it's be like giving yourself a $4000/yr tax free raise if you factored in the cost of gas, maintenance, speeding tickets, and insurance, not to mention the sale of the vehicle itself! A reasonably reliable japanese sports sedan shouldn't be worth too much less than what you'd paid for it! You'd completely eliminate that slice of your budget."
:"Together we are budget pie!"
The big advantage of living in a dense city like Chicago or San Fran or NYC is that if my job situation changes, which as a contractor it - by definition - will, I could get to a different job by taking a different bus or train.

:"Or you could get a job in chicago and move back in with your parents like you did when you were first out of college! You'd save a whole boat load of money that way!"
: "That sounds like a fantastic idea!"

[Concerned ReaderI didn't inhale]

Update on this: Rims are straight, everything is fine. I'm just thinking back to when the Playstation 3 was first released and people were " $600?!!! I gotta have it but I'm being gouged! "
This whole ordeal is ~$400. And while something like a PS3 is a 'want', this is a 'need'.
Though, if I'd just changed to the spare on the highway and bought the road hazard insurance offered to me for ~$100 when I bought the tires, I would have saved like $300.

What type of car is this again? And what size tires? When I inevitably have to change my rear tires on the MR2 it'll cost me upwards of 500 dollars for the rubber alone. (Staggered sizes, no rotation.)

[Scuderia FerrarityThe Corndogs Of Today are the Tacos of Tomorrow]

235/45ZR -18 Michelin Pilot Sport A/S Plus XL Sotto Rosso Nero Potenza Pikachu Edition

:"but scuddy why are you buying all seasons?! you don't get snow..."
But Seattle stays at 40 degrees nearly year round and it's basically raining all the time. I dunno.

Infiniti G35 sedan with a six speed that apparently has different wheels and a slightly different engine than the automatic and a bit more depreciation than the coupe, because that's what the aftermarket is all about, so not super fancy, but 300 HP gets you going.

So $150 for towing, $50 for inspection because I thought I'd hosed things badly, $200 for the tire and installation after rebates, etc.