The main intent of this thread is to be a resource for people who are coming out, dealing with their sexuality, or who are otherwise unsure and in need of help. This is an equal space. Whether gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, trans, asexual, genderqueer, or just curious, you can find help here.
I'll start with my coming out story. I was a bit of a late bloomer, and didn't really start questioning my sexuality until around age 18 or 19. I was always with girls until that point, but none of my relationships with women ever lasted more than a few weeks. To be honest, I still do feel an attraction to some women, but I can't ever see myself in more than a strictly physical relationship with one. All my deepest and most long-term relationships have been with guys. On the Kinsey Scale, I would rate myself a 5.
I dropped out of my first college after two years, mostly due to depression, which was in part caused by me being in the closet. I took a year off and worked a retail job while I tried to piece my life back together. I applied to a new college in a completely different field, in a place far away from everyone I knew. I started attending the following fall, and since it was a brand new beginning for me, I just acted like I had been out of the closet the whole time I was there. It was completely liberating, my mood improved, I loved my classes, and everything was great. When I got a serious boyfriend for the first time, I knew I needed to tell my family and friends back home.
The hardest person to tell was the first one, who was a high school friend of mine. He was attending a different school about 30 minutes away and he wanted to take me out for sushi on my birthday. On the ride back, I told him I was gay and I had a boyfriend. It was really difficult, I started stammering and stuttering, and would just go silent for a few seconds every so often. He knew what I was trying to do, he was very understanding, and he tried to coax me through it. We're still great friends today and I was a groomsman at his wedding last year.
A few days after telling my friend, I flew to my dad's place for Thanksgiving break. I waited until my dad and stepmother were about to go to bed, then told them. It was much easier the second time, and they had the best possible reaction I could hope for. They hugged me and said "we're glad you told us." I tried my best not to cry, since I thought that crying would make me look weak, or possibly not certain about my sexuality, but the tears came anyway. We talked in my parents' bedroom for a good hour after that, and went to bed. The following night, I told my sisters and brother-in-law. I knew they would be totally fine with it, and they were by far the easiest family members to tell.
I waited until Christmas to tell my mother. I was there during winter break and I made sure my sisters were there with me to back me up when I told her. When I told my mother, her exact response was, "...ooooookaaaaayyy..." Then she asked me what she did wrong when raising me to make me turn out gay. My sisters were a big help that night in helping me talk to my mother, and after a few months, my mother realized I'm still her son and still the same as I've always been. Today she's totally fine with me being gay.
I realize I'm extremely lucky to have such tolerant friends and family. I know people who have been kicked out of their houses for coming out. That first long-term boyfriend I mentioned earlier had his nose broken in high school for being gay. We were together for 3 years, but we broke up in 2009. A few months after we broke up, I met a new guy. We've been a couple for over 2 years now, and living together for 16 months. I couldn't be happier.
Anyone, even straight allies, can feel free to share any stories or ask any questions they may have here without being judged or ridiculed. Share away!
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- Joined: Sep 17, 2011
- Location: Chicago, IL
- Gender: Male