Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 2: Where bad days go to die.

[The Ghost Of EmberPINKIE VSWATERSPOUTS]

Uggggh.... an anxiety attack I've been having since 2PM yesterday just broke. I feel awful but I'm glad it's over.

Yikes. I guess fits of depression and anxiety attacks are kind of like allergic reactions that you have limited control over and pass with time.

Ever fret obsessively over whether you've passed an important test or did well on an interview or not, even when its already out of your hands? I think that's a normal thing people go through. It's probably the closest thing I can relate to an anxiety attack in a normal person's context. The funny thing is the thing you're worried about doesn't actually matter. It's a bottom up thing. The fear is there because you have an overactive part of your brain stimulating the fear, so your mind desperately scrambles for a reason to be afraid.

The anxiety attack I mentioned earlier in this thread? I spent most of it worrying about whether or not the people I got presents for Hearts and Hooves day would even like their presents, or if they would dislike them, or if they would even be mad at me for sending them. Or let down- or- or- or the reasons keep piling up but the reasons don't actually mean anything, because you are afraid, and your mind needs to justify that fear to preserve your sense of self.

Periods of depression are normal for even the mentally well adjusted, depression allows for greater clarity about yourself divorced from ego based self-delusion, and promotes developing solutions to life issues. It's when you're permanently depressed all the time or depressed during certain periods of the year (Seasonal Effective Disorder) that it becomes a problem.

Also, Jesus Pony Factory Factory, I haven't had one that long since I was a teenager. Sorry to hear that.

[Pineapplebecause I do not]

Update on this: Rims are straight, everything is fine. I'm just thinking back to when the Playstation 3 was first released and people were " $600?!!! I gotta have it but I'm being gouged! "
This whole ordeal is ~$400. And while something like a PS3 is a 'want', this is a 'need'.
Though, if I'd just changed to the spare on the highway and bought the road hazard insurance offered to me for ~$100 when I bought the tires, I would have saved like $300.

Hindsight and yadda yadda. Glad it turned out ok!

The anxiety attack I mentioned earlier in this thread? I spent most of it worrying about whether or not the people I got presents for Hearts and Hooves day would even like their presents, or if they would dislike them, or if they would even be mad at me for sending them. Or let down- or- or- or the reasons keep piling up but the reasons don't actually mean anything, because you are afraid, and your mind needs to justify that fear to preserve your sense of self.

I was both surprised and delighted by my gifts.

[diribigalNeither dirigible nor dirigibal.]

But mercifully, these things always come with an epiphany attached, and I think this one was a very important one to learn. I'm not ready for grad school.

And that's fine. As someone who jumped into grad school perhaps too hastily, I wish you luck on your well pre-meditated path.

[Baked Bads]

Whoops, this one was still hidden, sorry guys

[Lazy]

So I went to the orthodontist today and got these things called "spurs" put in my mouth.

What are spurs, you ask?

They are barbs.

Barbs in my mouth, and they're not really dull.

They poke up from my bottom jaw and prick my tongue whenever it goes into a position I'm used to it being in.

Goddammit orthodontia.

[numsOic]

Oh, man, I feel you. I had braces for over four years. The day they took them off was one of the most pleasant days of my life. Granted, I didn't have actual hooks inside my mouth, but there were pointy wires that would regularly painfully scratch the insides of my cheeks, and they would keep digging at the same wound.

It only took my sister less than two years to have hers removed. I hate her a little for it.

[Concerned ReaderI didn't inhale]

Oh, man, I feel you. I had braces for over four years. The day they took them off was one of the most pleasant days of my life. Granted, I didn't have actual hooks inside my mouth, but there were pointy wires that would regularly painfully scratch the insides of my cheeks, and they would keep digging at the same wound.

It only took my sister less than two years to have hers removed. I hate her a little for it.

I ate so much of that wax that they gave you to put over the pokey bits.

[Lazy]

I've had braces for a while now. Got them off at one point, but then had them put back on again.
There was this one weird thing I had at one point as well that was like... hollow tubes that fit inside one another, and sometimes one would slip out and stab me in the cheek. Fun times.
Also, that wax is fucking useless. I got a callus on the inside of my cheek for a while.

[Super Karoru]

Goddammit orthodontia.

Oh man. That sucks. What is exactly the reason for those barbs? And why do they have to be sharp and pointy?

I had braces for about 4 years to fix crooked teeth and a bad overbite. I had them removed about a decade ago but I have remnants of the glue still on my teeth. It was a pretty miserable experience with all the poking and the pain, but on the bright side, I now have nice teeth. A good smile and fresh breath is particularly important in my line of work (sales), but I think it's something most people aspire for.

[Lazy]

Basically, to help fix my (slight at this point) overbite, I currently have the braces+rubber bands. For some reason, the positioning of my tongue is an issue with this, so I have those spikes in there now to prick my tongue until it stays away from that spot through sheer muscle memory.
The upside to this is that this is supposedly the last stuff I'll need done with my mouth. After these come out, that's it.

e: Also the row of spikes rising up behind my teeth looks pretty metal

[BobinatorGreedin' ain't easy.]

So, a couple of nights ago, I was doing a test for my Psychology college course. Thing is, I do this class online. So, during the middle of this test, my internet crapped out completely, and it apparently wouldn't submit. So, today, I call my professor, explain that my internet was being terrible, and if I could reschedule the test to do it again.

So, instead, she submits the test as it was BEFORE the internet went dead, before I had every question answered. Which left me with a 54. And I know I answered every single question. I had my dad help me out. The only thing the professor said was talk to the college's IT people to see how an answer could end up not sending, and I have no idea what they could do to help with MY internet.

I REALLY don't want a 50 over a terrible ISP.

[Concerned ReaderI didn't inhale]

So, a couple of nights ago, I was doing a test for my Psychology college course. Thing is, I do this class online. So, during the middle of this test, my internet crapped out completely, and it apparently wouldn't submit. So, today, I call my professor, explain that my internet was being terrible, and if I could reschedule the test to do it again.

So, instead, she submits the test as it was BEFORE the internet went dead, before I had every question answered. Which left me with a 54. And I know I answered every single question. I had my dad help me out. The only thing the professor said was talk to the college's IT people to see how an answer could end up not sending, and I have no idea what they could do to help with MY internet.

I REALLY don't want a 50 over a terrible ISP.

Your campus should have a grade repeal program in place where you can take up issues like this with them. Check into it as soon as you can!

[Walkin GoonWith Celestia on our side!]

Just got word that my other grandmother was rushed to the emergency room, with the only description to go on being, "bad state."

This year is proving to be exhausting. I hate it.

[Scuderia Ferrarity]

Yeah, well my uncle died yesterday from a kind of leukemia. So he was kept alive with blood transfusions for the past three years. Yuck. His wife of 60 years died not too long ago of a sudden stroke, so I don't think he was too keen on staying around.

89, so how many miles do you want on those tires?

[Walkin GoonWith Celestia on our side!]

Sorry to hear that Scuderia.
2012 really has it out for relatives. What's its problem?


And to revise my last post so it isn't too much of a downer: apparently the emergency wasn't serious enough to commit my grandmother to an overnight stay in the hospital, although the doctors want her back the next day for some more testing and diagnosing. Or something. Still haven't heard much about the symptoms, although the consensus is that "she's doing much better, now." Gonna check in on her today, just in case.

[AramekYour MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue."So you're saying..."Your brain is about 20% tumor.]

a kind of leukemia.

Sorry, friend. *hug*

We have a guy with that one too. His bones have just completely shut off as well. He's in his early 40's, and, every day, M-F he has to come into the clinic for blood work, and a platelet transfusion. Literally gets 2 pints of blood 1-2 times a week, and there's nothing else to be done.

[Octavia]

Fuck cancer.

[AramekYour MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue."So you're saying..."Your brain is about 20% tumor.]

Fuck lots of stuff, medically, but, yes, Cancer blows.

[MetalSonicHello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?]

I´ve read me along this thread and come to the conclusion my problem is not as far as important as some others posted here.
Well my problem is I´m slowly losing my faith in my math skills and have sorrows I fail my first great Maths test in 2 weeks. I wrote a test paper on Friday. There were 2 exercises on it. Both had to do with geometry, and I suck at geometry. The first one I think got all wrong, because I tend to miscalculate myself. The second I couldn´t even begin, because I had literally no idea how to begin. This will get me a mark D or F (marks acc. to wikipedia) for sure. I got some backup with my big test on the beginning of the semester with one mark B, but I don´t want to fail this year. Especially not on my finals in 5 weeks or so.

The second problem is that I want to either study Psychology or Computer studies - both require good marks and good math knowledge in some ways. It´s just I´m afraid not to get my university place if I continue not to accomplish any good marks.

Also I´ve did some other exercise homework (with algebra, I usually am good with these) to improve my skills and my motivation at some point yesterday and tomorrow, and the same thing happened: I don´t know where to begin. Something always blocks my mind when I´m trying to do these.

Maybe it is not an important thing after all, but it bothers me because it might kill my future perspective - or maybe I´m overreacting like Twilight.

[thatbastardkenWant it, Need it]

I'm doing a law degree, still in my first year. I am, by objective standards, a pretty smart and committed guy by virtue of having gotten into the degree at all. But I'm scared all the time that I'm fucking it up for myself, that I can't read fast enough or organize my time for tutorials or just stop wasting my time on the internet long enough to get assignments done. I did alright on my first set of subjects, I feel like I should have a handle on the subject matter and workload, but every time I open my study guide I find another dozen cases I've neglected to read, or a piece of work that I should have started on last week. I scurry around to catch up but the hits just keep coming. People who were more confident and better prepared than me have disappeared from campus, presumably dropped out. One of my friends is now on medication for anxiety and depression, and she was fine before starting the course. I've started to shut off contact with all my real-world friends, and I know I can't afford to do that for my own mental health, but I just don't have time to go and see them.

I guess I'm worried about becoming either a grim robot or a basket case, dropping out or falling so far in to the law that I never get out. And it's only week 3 of semester 2. I try to stay focused on the reasons I want to be a lawyer: helping people resolve disputes, doing legal aid work and keeping vulnerable people out of the prison system, but those are pretty abstract concepts when I'm neck deep in civil liability legislation or a super-important contracts authority from long enough ago that the subject matter is whether the sale of a plantation was intended to include the slaves.

It actually felt pretty good to write that down. Maybe I should be keeping a journal. Anyway, thanks for reading. I'll get back to work.

[Concerned ReaderI didn't inhale]

I'm doing a law degree, still in my first year. I am, by objective standards, a pretty smart and committed guy by virtue of having gotten into the degree at all. But I'm scared all the time that I'm fucking it up for myself, that I can't read fast enough or organize my time for tutorials or just stop wasting my time on the internet long enough to get assignments done. I did alright on my first set of subjects, I feel like I should have a handle on the subject matter and workload, but every time I open my study guide I find another dozen cases I've neglected to read, or a piece of work that I should have started on last week. I scurry around to catch up but the hits just keep coming. People who were more confident and better prepared than me have disappeared from campus, presumably dropped out. One of my friends is now on medication for anxiety and depression, and she was fine before starting the course. I've started to shut off contact with all my real-world friends, and I know I can't afford to do that for my own mental health, but I just don't have time to go and see them.

I guess I'm worried about becoming either a grim robot or a basket case, dropping out or falling so far in to the law that I never get out. And it's only week 3 of semester 2. I try to stay focused on the reasons I want to be a lawyer: helping people resolve disputes, doing legal aid work and keeping vulnerable people out of the prison system, but those are pretty abstract concepts when I'm neck deep in civil liability legislation or a super-important contracts authority from long enough ago that the subject matter is whether the sale of a plantation was intended to include the slaves.

It actually felt pretty good to write that down. Maybe I should be keeping a journal. Anyway, thanks for reading. I'll get back to work.

See if your campus has a mental health services thing, you might be able to talk with them about seeing a counselor about some of this stuff. It's usually pretty helpful.

[Willsun]

Hoo boy, my grandma's joined a scam. Worst part is that she trusts a friend who roped her into this because like all good scams, they need to introduce 2 new members who have to pay a introductory fee. With a name like Zeek Rewards who promises you can earn tons of free money by simply posting an ad a day (where?) and grabbing 2 new recruits a month, what can possibly go wrong? She's sunk USD $200 into this and I'm not sure my mom can convince her to stop doing this even after the 90 day rolling point period where you can't get your money out. My grandma can barely log into the website itself, no less manage bidding of sample auctions for points that do...something. No one is clear who is bidding on what and all things point to the company's only income from introductory fees. Her friend is wily enough to offer my grandma to spend $20 a month to have her "manage" her account for her and I just want to punch her "friend" as she is trying to explain things to my own mom through Skype.

[HollowThis place needs a miracle.]

Same thing happened to my grandparents, except it was some kind of "charity" scam. There was literally no money left by the time my grandfather died, and we found out about said scam too late. It'd probably be best to explain to both your grandma and mom exactly what kind of thing this is.

[AramekYour MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue."So you're saying..."Your brain is about 20% tumor.]

MLM is such a perfect super scam that I'm angry at myself for not starting one.

[Pony Factory Factory]

I have just discovered what spalting is, and I now know why my apartment's floors had such odd patches of white before they were replaced. They were rotting due to exposure to mold.

The underflooring was also spalted with white and brown rot. It was not replaced during the floor repairs. I have been living on top of rotting wood ever since I moved in, even after the management company's floor experts reviewed the floor.

Or, more accurately, the repairmen were willing to replace the whole shebang, but the management company would not give them a work order. In retrospect, that kind of structural work would require a visit from a building inspector to sign off on, and a building inspector would not like seeing an entire floor rotting away.

It's interesting, in a sense. Spalting is an effect highly sought after in woodworking, and it's both rare and very hard to reproduce naturally. And my apartment has been a veritable spalting factory for years.

I seem to have temporarily swapped anxiety for rage.

[FemtoYour hearts desire is to be told your destiny through your cutie mark. The destiny is that there is no destiny.]

Finally got to a doctor for my two-week depression spree, found out that I probably have some manic tendencies in there as well, and that I'm going to have to try and bounce around specialists in my hometown and in my University town for the next month that this semester is going to last.

I mean, I really do want to see doctors and get better and everything, but I really wish that this hadn't happened during crunch time when all my essays are due and I really wish things hadn't gotten this bad in the first place. I have an assignment due midnight and I don't think I could care less (I'm gonna do it, but it's going to take forever and there's no way I'm getting a good mark). I've been having wild mood swings for two weeks and I haven't slept more than six hours a night in all that time, except when I pass out exhausted and get eight. Still better than I was ten days ago and I managed to do a ton of assignments, but I'm just so tired and I wish I could just get myself back to normal, even if the highs are the most wonderful thing in the world.

I'm just so goddamned tired, every day I feel like I'm exhausted emotionally when I wake up and when I go to bed. I can't remember what it feels like being well rested and I would love to get some sense of normalcy back and feel comfortable knowing who I am again. Most of all I just want to stop making my friends and family worry about me, every time they bend over backwards for me like I've never had to for them I feel like I've failed them just a little more.

Good thing I have a therapist appointment Wednesday, it's going to be well-earned and I don't think I'm going to have a shortage of things to talk about.

[Lhet]

Cell phone got stolen today. Long story short I set it down in an arcade, turned away for a minute, wave of teenagers passed by, and it was gone. I'm trying to think of it as a ticket for lack of awareness, but it's still pretty annoying.

[VoodooTikiALL the gems.]

My grandmother suffered a heart attack this past week, and while in the hospital her kidneys started shutting down. She's recovering now, but I don't think she's going to make it much longer (she has all kinds of other medical problems). The sad thing is, she's actually kind of a horrible person - I could tell you stories. She physically and mentally abused my mom and my aunts and uncles, she's an alcoholic, bigoted (and not in a "cute old folks" way, she referred to a neighbor's mixed-race child as an animal), was cruel to my uncle when he was dying of AIDS, stole from my grandfather after divorcing him, admitted to marrying my step-grandfather only for his money then abandoned him when he developed Alzheimer's, so on and so on. Suffice it to say, it's very hard to be in her presence and I won't miss her when she's gone. The ones I feel sorry for are my mom, who still manages to love this witch somehow, and my uncle - my grandmother lives with him as he's paraplegic, he has a number of health problems and will probably have to go into a nursing home once she passes away.

Also, to be kind of selfish for a moment, seeing my grandmother's health problems makes me think about what it will be like to lose my own mother on down the line.

[MochaBean]

Also, to be kind of selfish for a moment, seeing my grandmother's health problems makes me think about what it will be like to lose my own mother on down the line.

There's nothing selfish about that at all, it's hard to see one of your parents go through the loss and not see yourself in that situation regarding them somewhere down the line. I lost both of my grandmothers a few years ago one right after the other, and it really made me stop a realize a few things. My parents are both in their mid-60s, and it suddenly hit me that I really didn't have as much time left with them as I'd like, especially considering the way time seems to speed up like a rocket as you get older.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother's relationship with the rest of the family (I have a few similar family members), but if the situation leads you to value your time with your mother more, then at least there's some silver lining to it all. Don't feel selfish - you're not!

[SmokeThis is what Isaak thinks I look like]

For those of you who have been following international news, this happened on tuesday evening.

I happen to live close to one of the towns, and I'm a Red Cross volunteer for the town's local department. I've spent quite a bit of time yesterday and today helping out and supporting people. It's certainly left a mark on me, and on wednesday there's a memorial service I will also have to attend(Either as volunteer or just member of the general public, but there's no way I'm not gonna be there) It's gonna be the hardest day of them all.

I personally didn't and don't know any of the victims or their families, but I feel connected to the whole thing, helping people cope with their grief and seeing the impact and emotional reactions.

Most impressive parts so far:
Seeing this up close due to sheer timing(My car's just barely visible there. It's near where the Red Cross building is and we were just leaving there to go back to the school/main memorial place. Those are 16 hearses carrying the coffins of victims, most of them kids)
Over 200 bikers arriving to show their support, and having a full minute of revving engines on their bikes to show their support, along with the huge amounts of people in general.

EDIT: Decided to replace the pic so my license plate isn't visible to half the internet.

[SmokeThis is what Isaak thinks I look like]

And a bit of a followup on my previous post.

The memorial service was today. And I feel there's closure for me. Had some tough times, but now it's time to move on.

All I gotta do is check and see if I'm on video somewhere.

[FemtoYour hearts desire is to be told your destiny through your cutie mark. The destiny is that there is no destiny.]

Wow, that's gotta be rough. Hope you're feeling better, Smoke; I don't know how I would take something like that. All those dead kids

I ain't Aramek so virtual hugs are out of the question, but the sentiment is there. Keep strong, dude.

[fensterawethome~!]

This is some life changing stuff Smoke. Good job man.

[DurandalHOLY MANURE CASTLES]

I've been dealing with chronic pain for the past 4 months or so (yes, it sucks).
Sometimes, Pinkie Pie is the only thing that can make me smile.




Thank you, Pinkie.

[Super Karoru]

About 5 years ago, I lost a friend that I had known since childhood. She was such a great person who was taken too soon and too suddenly from this world. Today would have been her 23rd birthday.

I miss her. Why do so many good people die so young?

[W.T. FitsSocii sunt mihi qui olim viri fortes rivalesque erant.Saeve certando pugnandoque splendor crescit.]

... so according to my XBox Live Profile, apparently I was playing FIFA 12 earlier today, and earned 3 achievements for it.

... I don't own FIFA 12. The only soccer game I own is Super Mario Strikers for Wii.

Apparently some asshole logged in with my account on a different console and was using it as if it were their own. Also, apparently, they stole nearly my entire Microsoft Points balance, which was around 2600+ yesterday... and is now only 140.

Microsoft has been contacted, I talked to someone on the phone. They're going to lock my account for about 3-5 days while they investigate this, and hopefully get my points refunded to me. Unfortunately, nothing they can do about the unwanted achievements.

I'm so mad right now I could just... I don't even know what I'd do, I'm so mad.

[Pony Factory Factory]

You'll learn to love KeePass/LastPass and randomized complex passwords, that's what you'd do. That and step up using techniques like long passphrases, symbol substitution for letters or numbers, and generation formulae (i.e. using a set of rules to make memorable but unique passwords for each login). In the meantime, be glad your first exposure to this was Xbox Live and not your online banking.

[PinkemonIts SO limited edition! :'D]

>Do Dutch and French oral exams last week (Along with two others that just went well)
>Think they went well for the most part
>Both end up a 5
>My final grade for Dutch is a 5.3 with no more chance to improve it
>Its one of those subjects where you REALLY shouldn't be getting a bad grade

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Well, there goes my good mood.

[londonarbuckleSee me walking around, I'm the mare about town that you heard of]

Somebody do me a favor and murder seasonal allergies for me TIA.

[Lazy]

Somebody do me a favor and murder seasonal allergies for me TIA.

Has spring been worse than usual where you are too?
I swear there have been a couple days where I could only barely see from my red, watery eyes.
While sneezing constantly.