The three brothers had been cleaning out their grandfather’s basement for nearly two hours before they found the FoodSaver.
“What’s this?” said Kyle, holding it up.
“Looks old,” said Jake. “I’d guess circa second half of the 2010’s.”
Terry took it from Kyle and inspected it. “Wait, I know these things. It’s an early model weed-sealer. You know? The devices for vacuum-packing weed so it wouldn’t go bad.”
“All this talk of weed remind me, have you guys taken your three o’clock edibles yet?” Jake asked.
Kyle and Terry nodded.
“But wait,” Kyle said, “why does it say FoodSaver on it, if it’s for weed?”
“You have to understand, Kyle, this was before weed was legal everywhere,” Terry explained. “They didn’t even put it in the water back then!”
Kyle looked at the FoodSaver perplexed. “Really?”
“I’m serious,” Terry said. “So people weren’t as acclimated to it as we are now. They considered it a drug. Thus, when people took some, they got ‘high,’ which basically meant they thought without logic. So it’s likely that the inventor of the ‘FoodSaver’ only named it such because he was super high, and probably pretty hungry.”
“So strange to think that the same substance that keeps us calm and measured, used to have almost the opposite effect!” Kyle said.
Now Jake had the FoodSaver. “Are you sure this is a weed-sealer? To me, it looks like an early sous-vide-assistant. That would make more sense with the FoodSaver name.”
“Did they even sous vide back then?” Terry asked.
“Sure,” Jake said. “It was more of a luxury, though, given that it was before the Microwave And Oven Act of 2035.”
“When I read about those times, and all the negative-energy-pollution caused by those now illegal kitchen appliances, it just makes me sick,” Terry said.
“Guys, you’ve got me thinking…” Kyle paused to gather his thoughts. “Well, you know how when we put stuff in the freezer, it just freezes together and gets covered in weird ice?”
“They’re called water diamonds, Kyle,” Terry said.
“They mean the moisture has accepted the food, so we know it’s safe to eat,” Jake said.
“I’m well aware of them and what they mean. Don’t forget, I’m the one who studied health at Dove For Men Presents: College. But I was thinking, the food doesn’t always taste good after the water diamonds form.” Kyle took the FoodSaver from Jake. “And I know this is going to sound crazy, but if this thing could keep weed fresh, and be used with food products for sous-vide purposes, maybe we could combine the two functions. Like, we could use it to seal food before we freeze it so it stays fresher longer.”
“You mean, you want to eat food that’s been frozen but hasn’t emitted its proper water diamonds?” Terry said.
“Isn’t that illegal?” Jake added.
“Sure, on Earth. But not here,” Kyle said, “on Mars.”
Jake and Terry had to admit he had a point: they definitely had been on Mars this whole time.
Post the last thing you laughed at online
Moderator: Fizzbuzz
- Mr. Big
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Meh's product flavor text has once again done a funny. Quoting because it'll be gone in 24 hours (they do get archived somewhere, because they linked to a past one at one point, but darned if I can figure out how to generate a link):
Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of...
- Aramek
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"So you're saying..."
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.
- Fizzbuzz
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
You can go to nearly any past deal by visiting https://meh.com/deals/MM-DD-YYYY (for example, here's a permalink to what you quoted).
Also, everyone else who likes cheap stuff should visit that site, it is ran by the guys who founded Woot and is literally just Woot from when Woot was cool and not owned by Amazon.
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
My mother wanted that I order an accessory for a vacuum and I encountered this rather unfortunate placement on an Amazon product page.
Unrelated:
Unrelated:
"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams
- SlateSlabrock
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- Aramek
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"So you're saying..."
Your brain is about 20% tumor. - Posts: 314
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Wow that's from Christ I not Christ II and also he got the quote wrong obviously he's not the lore master he believes himself to be.Hail Earendel brightest of angels,
over Middle Earth sent to men.
- Factory Factory
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
There is no guarantee that the wizard selling you that bag full of magic sand is wearing pants underneath his robes.
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Pfft. I sat next to that artist at one of my convention appearances few years back. Nice guy, and I love his style.
- Aramek
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"So you're saying..."
Your brain is about 20% tumor. - Posts: 314
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
I'm at work.
And I'm crying.
Because "enveloped me in a miasma of flatulence" is one of the best things I've ever read.
And I'm crying.
Because "enveloped me in a miasma of flatulence" is one of the best things I've ever read.
There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
That's the fanciest way to say "dutch ovened" I've ever heard.
- Aramek
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"So you're saying..."
Your brain is about 20% tumor. - Posts: 314
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Oh fuck, I reclicked this thread forgetting what awaited me and now I'm dying all over, my lungs hurt.
There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.
- Aramek
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Ok but why is Mario Kart trending on Twitter?
- Fizzbuzz
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Swear to God if this results in Toad becoming the new Pepe
Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of...
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Nobody is allowed to be mean to or about Toad, it's against the law.
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
I'm trying to reconcile my old Toad memes with this new revelation in anticipation of a new generation of Toad memes.
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of...
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Never-ending
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Heaven-rending
Ire, fury borne
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Here's my favourite of all time
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Re: Post the last thing you laughed at online
Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of...
- Momo
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- Aramek
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