RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Wed Jun 26, 2019 2:38 pm

Hang in there, Madeline! You rock! :yay:
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by RudeCyrus (?) » Tue Jul 02, 2019 12:28 am

I am so fucking sick of life. I feel numb and alone. I go to my job and do meaningless things and feel like a stranger despite working there for nearly 8 months. No one talks to me besides the usual courtesies. The stress builds up every day. I want to write but I can't get into the right frame of mind. I don't have a support network. On my days off I get to listen to my parents scream at each other. I wish I was someone else. I feel like an alien.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Sat Jul 06, 2019 5:31 pm

I've been having constant anxiety issues all week, and it has kept me from making and scheduling my therapy appointments, so I don't have anyone to talk it through with. My family has been kind enough to kinda get me a job helping take care of my grandmother, but that's not exactly a stress free environment, either. Half the time she doesn't remember who I am or who I'm related to, and it's just kinda painful to watch someone's mind go like that.

My writing's slowed down, too. I've gotten positive responses to what I've posted, though the actual amount of feedback is next to none. I know I shouldn't be bothered by that, since the audience for original fiction online is pretty small, but the whole deal just kinda sucks. I just have to keep trudging through until I've built up a large enough work to actually try publishing it, I guess. It's just hard, and if I wasn't being propped up by my family, I would have starved on the street years ago.
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Sat Jul 13, 2019 8:49 pm

I just spent over an hour and a half reading all of this massive Twitter thread. It starts with this question: "What's a dirty secret that everybody in your industry knows about but anyone outside of your line of work would be scandalized to hear?" The OP tells a story then she posts anonymized screenshots of stories that people messaged her, reaching out to well over 200 tweets.

It seems to me that virtually all the problems come down to greed and self-interest running rampant across virtually all industries and societies. The problem feels pervasive enough to where anyone who would seek to participate has to engage in the same same self-serving behavior. I want more than anything to make this world a better place, but when I see this and realize that if I ever want to get the power to make things better (especially in the tech industry) then I'll have to participate in a society that seems to reward the ruthless and inconsiderate the most.

Is it better to ultimately do some measure of good in this world even if it means compromising your morals in the process, or better to achieve nothing but cause no harm either? The latter seems like perpetuating the problem by inaction, but the former is directly perpetuating the problem. I don't want to do anything that benefits myself if it means it harms someone else, but when I look at this and see that it's practically a requirement, I feel horrible about participating at all.

Or am I just worrying too much?
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Bigdog (?) » Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:10 pm

That's something that I struggle with as well, but off the top of my head, you should keep in mind that such a twitter thread/aggregation is by definition selecting for horror stories. I'm sure you could throw out a "tell me about all the good you've done in your line of work" or "tell me about all the amazing people you've met in your industry" and get 200+ tweets also.

Yes, human beings in general have the potential to be shitty enough that, if you cast a line out into any category of human beings, you're going to come up with some garbage. It's like a variant on Sturgeon's Law, although fortunately the number of truly shitty human beings is much less than ninety percent. But the good news is that the same variance that gives us the worst in humanity also gives us the good. And that's not just a motivational poster, it's a reminder that you and plenty of other people have this nearly unbounded potential to do good.

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Madeline (?) » Wed Jul 17, 2019 2:29 pm

Do the best you can to do good with the resources you have and within the limitations of your situation.

Going to see the psychiatrist shortly. As usual, my meds keep being changed, and also as usual, they didn’t work right. Instead of having bad side effects, they worked for about a week, then stopped. Although that isn’t unusual for me with psych meds, either.

At the point where I’m starting to think psych meds are entirely useless to me again. I’m sick of being put on new shit every month and having it do:

A) nothing
B) make me sick
C) do the opposite of what they’re intended to do
D) combo of A & B
E) combo of B & C

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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:56 pm

Bigdog wrote:
Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:10 pm
But the good news is that the same variance that gives us the worst in humanity also gives us the good. And that's not just a motivational poster, it's a reminder that you and plenty of other people have this nearly unbounded potential to do good.
Is there really that much potential, though? The more I learn, the more it feels like there's no hope and that we will destroy ourselves in our greed and ignorance (more like the 1% destroying the 99%, but I digress).

Maybe my perspective is skewed, though. I found that Twitter thread I mentioned earlier via this thread on SA, which I discovered recently and have been reading from the start for a few weeks now. I suppose what I'm doing is standing in front of a firehose of capitalism's excesses, getting blasted in the face and left feeling sad, angry, and hopeless. Yet despite that, I feel like there's maybe a useful purpose to it, that if I'm getting angry then that means I'm not being ignorant, and that the more I learn the more likely I am to find a way to make things better despite the way things are.

Am I being unreasonable? It occurred to me earlier today that maybe it's possible to stay aware of what's wrong without subjecting myself to it quite this harshly. I feel like I owe it to the world to make things better instead of using whatever scraps of privilege I have for my own comfort, but if I completely crush myself beneath the weight of the world then I'll never accomplish anything. To what degree is it acceptable to look away and think and act for myself?
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Re: RUSP: Rainbow Unicorn Sunshine Palace 3: Getting Better Every Day

Post by Bigdog (?) » Sat Jul 20, 2019 1:41 am

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:56 pm
Is there really that much potential, though? The more I learn, the more it feels like there's no hope and that we will destroy ourselves in our greed and ignorance (more like the 1% destroying the 99%, but I digress).

Maybe my perspective is skewed, though. I found that Twitter thread I mentioned earlier via this thread on SA, which I discovered recently and have been reading from the start for a few weeks now. I suppose what I'm doing is standing in front of a firehose of capitalism's excesses, getting blasted in the face and left feeling sad, angry, and hopeless. Yet despite that, I feel like there's maybe a useful purpose to it, that if I'm getting angry then that means I'm not being ignorant, and that the more I learn the more likely I am to find a way to make things better despite the way things are.

Am I being unreasonable? It occurred to me earlier today that maybe it's possible to stay aware of what's wrong without subjecting myself to it quite this harshly. I feel like I owe it to the world to make things better instead of using whatever scraps of privilege I have for my own comfort, but if I completely crush myself beneath the weight of the world then I'll never accomplish anything. To what degree is it acceptable to look away and think and act for myself?
Two things. First, I think I understand the sort of mindset you're coming from—I have to talk myself down from something similar quite often—but you're laboring under a cognitive distortion that amplifies the negative and diminishes the positive. Make no mistake, the negative is present, serious, and hard to avoid, and bad things will continue to happen before it's all over. But "there's no hope" is absolutely a form of catastrophizing that is not borne out by the facts.

I'd like to recommend to you the book The Better Angels of our Nature, by Steven Pinker. Pinker is a somewhat, uh, divisive figure on some points, so hopefully you don't have an allergic reaction to his name, but the pertinent thing for our purposes is that he is an optimistic humanist and makes a rational, empirical case that things are better than you think and have the potential to get much better still.

Secondly, I agree with your last paragraph; it sounds like you definitely need to unplug a bit. Part of my self-care recently has taken the form of tuning out the day-to-day news as much as I can. This should not be confused with doing nothing—I'm still involved in service and outreach where I can, and I'm sure as hell gonna be active for the next year and a half (and beyond). But that's going to happen regardless of whether or not I'm torturing myself with the day-to-day. They say that if you're not outraged you're not paying attention, but the syllogism that you have to keep paying attention constantly in order to keep being motivated to action is a false one.

Log yourself out of Twitter on all your devices, just for starters.

Remember: Everything will be all right in the end; if it's not all right, it's not yet the end.

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