ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Where everybody knows your name. (Safe Spaces and Self-Help)

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ToastGhost, whyyyyyyyyyy??? :twonk:
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ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by ToastGhost (?) » Sat Jul 06, 2019 6:57 am

Wait, before you click that report button, let me at least make my case. :nnngh:

Okay you decided to keep reading, cool. I've spoiled the rest for discretion, so if you don't want to hear about what a fetish is, please click the back button and maybe watch some ponies or something. I swear nothing in here will be harmful to you or others, though, and hope that this will result in you learning something you may not've known. That being said, reader discretion is advised.
Still with me? Cool, thanks! Let's start with the definition of fetishism: :spike101:
fet·ish·ism
noun
1. a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.
Now if you're like me, you've probably heard people say something like "Oh I have so many fetishes, lol." Well they'd be wrong, probably. :rainbert:

Now if you're still like me, you might have a lot of kinks, but a fetish is usually just one thing. One main thing that overrides all other sexual desires, to the point where it is the only thing you can think about that will get you off.

Hi, my name's ToastGhost, and I have a fetish. :-I And it sucks for me. :fluttersmith:

Most people can get aroused by regular sexual activity. Not fetishists. They need the one thing that calls to them in order to achieve sexual gratification, or sometimes just regular gratification. It won't matter if someone is perceived as sexually attractive, it won't matter to a fetishist unless it involves the object of their desire. Sometimes this can be a nonsexual bodypart, which is also called partialism, being attracted to a part of the body, like feet for example.

Plenty of people have foot fetishes, and heck, I wish I had that over my dumb fetish. :ohrarity:

Let's say I have a balloon fetish. I don't, but maybe I do, but let's just use it for the sake of an example. I swear I don't have a balloon fetish though. Or maybe I do and I'm just trying to throw you off my tracks. Anyway, example time: since I have a balloon fetish, that occupies my thoughts maybe 20% of the time. Like, I'll be playing a videogame, then I'll think, Damn, wish I had some balloons or was a balloon or something. Also, seeing balloons in public or on TV will make me aroused, which can be problematic. Lastly, I could never form a romantic relationship with anyone who dislikes balloons or is afraid of them, thus making it that much harder to find someone who will be accepting of me. Doesn't matter if they're attractive, intelligent, friendly, etc. If they don't like balloons, you'll find yourself isolated again.

As I mentioned earlier, having a fetish sucks. :fluttersmith:

People might ask you "Are you a boobs or ass guy?", and then your thoughts will drift to balloons for a few seconds before you make up a fake answer. You might take physical discomfort in seeing a balloon popped, which is a surprisingly common occurrence in the right or wrong places. You might end up having to spend a lot of money on helium tanks because blowing up balloons is the only thing that'll grant you a true feeling of joy or reprieve from the various mental ailments you face.

I'd like to reiterate that I don't have a balloon fetish and this is all still a series of examples. :v:

Even with online communities, having a fetish can lead to varied feelings of isolation. Not having anyone to personally or physically share said fetish with will be really difficult, and even if you do find someone who is accepting of it, they might not be able to reciprocate or support it. Or if you do find someone who shares your fetish, they might not be willing to share it with you simply due to personal differences. "Ewww, you like balloons filled with helium? I only like balloons filled with water."

If anyone here has a balloon fetish I am so sorry. :flutterdear: Heck, I'm sorry if you have any fetish, because chances are it's difficult for you on some level. Even more so if your fetish is illegal, but for the sake of safety and sanity I won't go into that.

A fetish is by definition abnormal, and no one really wants to feel abnormal. Having a fetish is often really difficult: it will constantly battle for your attention, make it harder for you to form connections with others, and almost definitely label you as a weirdo in the eyes of yourself and others.

So, if you encounter someone with a weird fetish, try to be accepting. Chances are they've already encountered plenty of people who have immediately disliked them for it.
TL;DR I swear I didn't reveal my fetish but it's stressful to me, and I created this in the hopes I could talk about my feelings in a safe and safe-for-work way. If mods/admins feel this has gone too far, do what you will. Otherwise, I hope this can be used as a safe space to talk about fetishes in a broader context.

Thanks for listening, have a good day. :flutterunsmith:
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Sat Jul 06, 2019 8:40 am

I don't think I've ever experienced such an overwhelming attraction, and from the way you describe it, I suppose I'd know it if I did. Thank you for sharing your perspective on it.

Is there any research into how many people have any kind of a fetish? I don't know if it even is possible to reliably gather such data, much less find funding and institutional support for such research, but it would be interesting to know if such attraction is common enough that'd it'd be considered "normal" were it not for our society's shame over sexuality.
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by diribigal (?) » Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:11 am

[Someone with a fetish] could never form a romantic relationship with anyone who dislikes [a relevant object] or is afraid of them.
There are details that could make this true for certain people, but I don't think it's true across the board. Not every romantic relationship needs to involve sexual gratification. One (if the other(s) is/are asexual) or more could just indulge their sexuality privately/independently.
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by ToastGhost (?) » Sat Jul 06, 2019 11:52 am

diribigal wrote:
Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:11 am
There are details that could make this true for certain people, but I don't think it's true across the board. Not every romantic relationship needs to involve sexual gratification. One (if the other(s) is/are asexual) or more could just indulge their sexuality privately/independently.
Yeah, fair point, I did worry I was painting with too broad strokes when writing that. Guess I was right. :v:
Fizzpbuzz wrote:Is there any research into how many people have any kind of a fetish?
Let's go to wikipedia and find out! :ponynet:
In a review of 48 cases of clinical fetishism, fetishes included clothing (58.3%), rubber and rubber items (22.9%), footwear (14.6%), body parts (14.6%), leather (10.4%), and soft materials or fabrics (6.3%).[7]

A 2007 study counted members of Internet discussion groups with the word fetish in their name. Of the groups about body parts or features, 47% belonged to groups about feet (podophilia), 9% about body fluids (including [STUFF I CONSIDER GROSS]), 9% about body size, 7% about hair (hair fetish), and 5% about muscles (muscle worship). Less popular groups focused on navels (navel fetishism), legs, body hair, mouth, and nails, among other things. Of the groups about clothing, 33% belonged to groups about clothes worn on the legs or buttocks (such as stockings or skirts), 32% about footwear (shoe fetishism), 12% about underwear (underwear fetishism), and 9% about whole-body wear such as jackets. Less popular object groups focused on headwear, stethoscopes, wristwear, and diapers (diaper fetishism)
So no numbers, but it gives you an idea of percentages. Sadly my thing is either not on there or not popular.

I mean, popular enough that I can find a few isolated communities and artwork and what not, but still, I wish it was feet or something more normal. :pinkieshrug:

Also, as partially brought up by diribigal, fetishes don't necessarily have to be sexual in nature. I didn't do the research on this one, but I think instead of being called sexual fetishism, you'd call it plain fetishism or a fixation. And you can have a nonsexual interest in these things, or maybe it'll be a mix of sexual and nonsexual feelings! You may like feet so much in a nonsexual way you become a podiatrist, or you may appreciate muscly men or women without any sexual attraction!

Fetishes, fixations, and kinks are a rainbow, embrace it! :awesomedash:
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Sat Jul 06, 2019 1:07 pm

ToastGhost wrote:
Sat Jul 06, 2019 11:52 am
Also, as partially brought up by diribigal, fetishes don't necessarily have to be sexual in nature. I didn't do the research on this one, but I think instead of being called sexual fetishism, you'd call it plain fetishism or a fixation. And you can have a nonsexual interest in these things, or maybe it'll be a mix of sexual and nonsexual feelings! You may like feet so much in a nonsexual way you become a podiatrist, or you may appreciate muscly men or women without any sexual attraction!
Both that definition in the OP and the way I've always seen "fetish" used have specifically referred to a sexual interest in a (generally unusual) subject. I had wondered if "fetish" could be more broadly applied since for years I had been used to goons decrying nearly anything as a fetish, but if sexuality is at the core of the word's meaning then I guess that attitude really was one of "sex is bad."

Nonsexual interest I have usually just called an interest.
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Venusy (?) » Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:55 am

I mean, I've said my piece on this before, but those posts are lost to time now.

While I have heard fetish/kink used to describe the non-sexual version, "obsession" might be the more applicable term if it goes beyond more than just an interest.

But yeah, I was fascinated as a kid by the idea of changing sizes (the Garfield & Friends VHS I had containing Nighty Nightmare was probably one of the ones I watched most often; there was an old bad Simpsons game where two of the randomly selected levels were a Godzilla knockoff and one where you go inside the bloodstream to pop viruses, and I played that game more than I should have without knowing about the level select cheat; my favourite attraction at Disneyland Paris was Honey, I Shrunk the Audience - and my favourite place to eat there was Buzz Lightyear's Pizza Planet because of the weirdly scaled part of Andy's bed + giant Army Men box you could play round with*), and that interest continued into later life. :-I

* I do want to go back at some point to check out the Ratatouille attraction and restaurant.

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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by diribigal (?) » Sun Jul 07, 2019 9:03 am

Venusy wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:55 am
While I have heard fetish/kink used to describe the non-sexual version, "obsession" might be the more applicable term if it goes beyond more than just an interest.
There's some varying terminology in this thread and I'm already getting lost. Like I thought ToastGhost was saying "a kink is any weird sexual interest, but a fetish is a sexual requirement".

I imagine a non-sexual kink would be a weird interest or obsession, but a non-sexual fetish would be...something that's required to hold one's interest at all??

Or when ToastGhost talks about a non-sexual fetish it's automatically being demoted from requirement to obsession?

I'm obsessed with math, but I have other interests too and am just trying to understand where some people would call either a fetish, because from my perspective/usage experience it seems like that's just dragging in a sexual term where it doesn't belong.
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Sun Jul 07, 2019 9:22 am

I think things are being overcomplicated here.

A fetish or kink is a kind of sexual interest and it doesn't neceserally be one that completly overrides one's sexual desires. If anything the impression i've found most of the times is that its more add on to one's sexuality.

Having a non-sexual interest in a certian subject is really just a non-sexual interst in in it, i doubt i'd even label it as an obession. It could just be liking the aesthetics of something or because it's cool to think about.
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sun Jul 07, 2019 3:54 pm

I genuinely thought this would be a joke thread and it'd be about the buffs the dagger of darts and carnevil got.

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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sun Jul 07, 2019 3:57 pm

now that I am confronted with a genuine attempt to discuss sexual kinks I am powerless and confused.

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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Sun Jul 07, 2019 4:47 pm

rip
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Sun Jul 07, 2019 4:50 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 3:54 pm
I genuinely thought this would be a joke thread and it'd be about the buffs the dagger of darts and carnevil got.
Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote:
Sun Jul 07, 2019 3:57 pm
now that I am confronted with a genuine attempt to discuss sexual kinks I am powerless and confused.
Since the thread is completely in earnest, I've moved it to the Cottage to avoid confusion. A link will linger in PPPP for a while in case anyone missed it.
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Factory Factory (?) » Mon Jul 08, 2019 8:19 pm

Dear Toast, the Ghost with the Most,

I think your sense of shame about your fetish is causing you to self-isolate and heightening the obsessive feelings you're experiencing because you don't have a healthy safety valve. Posting this thread was an attempt to just be able to talk about things, but it was never going to work exactly because you felt you couldn't. And really, TRS isn't the place. But that doesn't mean there aren't places.

I think you could reduce your suffering quite a lot and be happier if you treated your situation as a three-part issue:

1) You have a fetish that it's difficult to talk about.
2) You feel obsessive about this fetish.
3) You are generally depressed because you feel isolated by the above.

Step one: Find a professional therapist for parts 2 and 3. You deserve to feel not-shitty, and therapy is a good way to accomplish that for tough problems.

Step two: Find a community where you *can* talk about your fetish. TRS is not that place but there are so many other places that might work. Now, I have no freaking idea about specifics re: where to go, but there are all sorts of furry subcommunities, and I'm pretty sure you're a furry, so I'm sure one of them would have some like-minded fetishists you could talk to as a sort of support group and healthy relief valve! Or if you just can't get away from the sexually charged nature or doing so within the furry fandom doesn't feel right, you could explore a more explicit community like FetLife.

Step three: Be kind to yourself. There are always walls we put up and contexts where things are inappropriate, even between friends, but... that's okay. Your friends don't need to have full knowledge of your recreational junk proclivities to be your friends. And "weird" doesn't mean "bad." Don't let your distress make you harm yourself further and unnecessarily with performative self-flagellation and self-enforced solitude.

I mean, unless that's your thing, in which case always remember: "Safe, sane, and consensual."

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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by diribigal (?) » Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:29 am

That's a really good post, Factories. Best of luck, Toastghost.
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Venusy (?) » Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:57 am

Yeah starting with a NSFW Twitter/Tumblr worked wonders in being able to talk about things openly and without the sense of shame I once felt about speaking about them.

Like, prior to 2013, I felt like I couldn't talk about things to anyone, and it was hugely isolating - 8 or 9 years without telling a soul, scared of a spectre of parts of Something Awful that hadn't been part of that site for years.

Even if you gained access to old TRS, my posts there about this are still just not so subtle references ("oh, it's a big part of my life!" :v: ) rather than just owning it outright.

I'm going through some things at the moment so might not be able to respond quickly, but my PMs are open if you'd like someone to talk to in a non-professional capacity.

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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:07 am

For me it helped talking with friends about it, especially with said freinds being just as weird as me and even into the same things.
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Highbrow Dash (?) » Tue Jul 09, 2019 11:07 am

im glad people are being civil, this thread could easily start ballooning out of control

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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by ToastGhost (?) » Wed Jul 10, 2019 3:24 pm

Thanks for the good posts, everyone, but especially factory. :-)
Highbrow Dash wrote:
Tue Jul 09, 2019 11:07 am
im glad people are being civil, this thread could easily start ballooning out of control
Don't kinkshame. :glare:
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Re: ITT I Talk About Fetishes

Post by Bigdog (?) » Wed Jul 10, 2019 7:36 pm

I started out with balloons, but soon I felt the urge for something longer and more rigid :fluttersmirk:
it didn't turn out so well :fluttersmith:
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