Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Where everybody knows your name. (Safe Spaces and Self-Help)

Moderator: Momo

Post Reply
Snowfire
User avatar
Night Mares
Posts: 188
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 1:51 am
Gender: Female
Location: Lenox, Massachusetts
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Snowfire (?) » Thu Jul 18, 2019 7:50 am

A girl I knew from frequenting the restaurants she owned in the area committed suicide the other day. Her boyfriend killed himself and she followed him. :fluttersmith:

Also, the Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. For those in need.
Image

Name: Tammy

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1271
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Female
Location: The Final Frontier

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:07 am

Sincere condolences to both of you, Octavia and Snowfire.
Image /// Image /// Image

Sailor Yue
User avatar
Hnnnggggghhhhh
Posts: 244
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:58 pm
Gender: Female
Location: Getting just done with everything

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Sailor Yue (?) » Sat Jul 20, 2019 10:33 pm

Well we're absolutely fucked untill next Friday. My bank account is in the hole almost $100 we are out of gas. And have no food. I hate this bullshit.

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Wed Jul 24, 2019 4:09 pm

Been feeling anxious about my freelance work lately because it's been slow this month. Feeling a little better now, though, since I might be getting some new work, having talked to an editor I worked with in the past (also heard back from current client, so that's a good sign).

Something to keep in mind if you want to make a living thru freelance, folks :-I

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1271
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Female
Location: The Final Frontier

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Wed Jul 24, 2019 6:55 pm

Droughts are always bound to happen. Try to have savings if you can to soften the blow a bit. Best of luck, dude!
Image /// Image /// Image

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Wed Jul 24, 2019 9:10 pm

Perrydotto wrote:
Wed Jul 24, 2019 6:55 pm
Droughts are always bound to happen. Try to have savings if you can to soften the blow a bit. Best of luck, dude!
Yeah, thankfully my saving's been improving the past few week! I should be good at the moment.

An editor I worked with in the past is gonna call me this Friday to talk about how to pitch to a new publisher he's working. Hopefully that can help me get some new gigs. Crossing my fingers.

Sailor Yue
User avatar
Hnnnggggghhhhh
Posts: 244
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:58 pm
Gender: Female
Location: Getting just done with everything

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Sailor Yue (?) » Thu Jul 25, 2019 12:37 am

The excessive heat is so draining. I get seriously sick due to my inability to regulate my temperature. I hate it.

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Thu Aug 01, 2019 5:48 pm

The past few days have been rough for me.

I feel I'm not getting anywhere with my cartooning career, in fact, I feel like there's been a set-back. I'm pretty much freelancing for the same group of people without adding anyone new (hell, I LOST more than gained), and no matter what I draw I don't seem to be gaining more interest. I've been even submitting and applying to multiple places, but heard nothing so far.

And this will sound petty, but I also feel I'm missing out not going to the final Bronycon. I had fun last year, and it was nice hanging out with others. Especially since a bunch more forum members I'd always wanted to meet in person are going there, yeah. Not gonna lie, this is making me more depressed that I'd care to admit.

I really need to increase my savings by several percent so I can move out faster. To me, progress is too fucking slow.

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Fri Aug 02, 2019 10:51 pm

Doing better now. Talked to a bunch of friends the past couple of days, which eased a bit. :vogue:

In hindsight, I came across as a bit "woe is me" there :modesty:

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:12 pm

I could REALLY use good vibes right now. I just got an email today that, while not 100% verified (I likely won't know until next week), the prospect of my regular income doesn't look good right now. And I've already lost two of my major clients due to both of them going out of business.

I was just starting to get out of my funk, then THIS happens. Ughhh. I'm really hoping the outlook won't be as bleak as I think it is, but I'm not feeling optimistic about it.

Skipper
User avatar
Rainbow Racers
Patreon platinum
Posts: 150
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 5:01 am
Location: Between my ears

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Skipper (?) » Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:29 pm

I hope things will soon improve for you, Mr. Big. :hug:

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1271
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Female
Location: The Final Frontier

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:28 pm

That's the shittiest part of the freelance business - You work three times as hard to be stable since you can easily lose what keeps you afloat. I really feel for you, and I wish you the best of luck. Don't hesitate to branch out - See if there are local businesses that need illustrations or a mascot, see if a school or pool needs cute safety education pictures, see if you can do art classes for kids, online or offline, see if you can find an okay part-time job to give you some safety (they're not all factory shit! How about the library, a bookstore, small administrative work in general?)

Your style is unique but also pretty niche. Don't hesitate to try to expand your niche and think of new ways to find customers. Ask your friends and colleagues for advice, too - You're far from the first one with these struggles, see how others have dealt with them.
Image /// Image /// Image

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:53 pm

Yeah, I'm looking into my options now. Hoping for the best. My local library is planning to expand and I know some of the people who work there, so I'll check them out.

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Wed Aug 07, 2019 10:30 am

I should add, I DO have a day job, so it's not the end of the world for me, even if it still sucks.

Trying to make a lemonade out of this situation by spending more time on more art'ing. Like maybe I should work on improving my own business...

Octavia
User avatar
Octavia's Orchestra
Patreon supporter
Posts: 1358
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:59 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Chicago, IL
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Octavia (?) » Wed Aug 07, 2019 12:38 pm

I've had that happen a lot. A major client of mine got bought out by a giant music library and fired everyone working there. It's a big hit, but remember that all the people working there are probably going to find other jobs in the same industry. Stay in touch with everyone you know from the old company and it's likely they'll be able to find you work with their new places of business.
ImageImageImageImageImage

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Sat Aug 10, 2019 3:13 am

Yeah, I'll definitely keep them in touch!

In the meantime, I've been using the extra time to work on my own stuff and getting it out there. I figure, if I can get my own stuff noticed more, the better it is for me in the long term.

I've also started seriously working on losing weight. I've been eating significantly less the past few days. No midnight snack, curbing my stress eating, trying to walk more. The result has been me feeling energetic enough to actually draw more pages in a shorter time, something I have been struggling to do the past few years.

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1271
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Female
Location: The Final Frontier

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Sun Aug 11, 2019 7:11 am

Yeah, when you're at the point where your diet and weight are directly feeding into each other, even small improvements make a lot of difference. Putting less and instead more healthy stuff into your body and moving more makes such a big difference already in terms of energy levels and general wellbeing. Super proud you got started on that! Keep it up :yay: Try to replace more drinks with water, and don't feel discouraged when progress slows down at some point.
Image /// Image /// Image

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Sun Aug 11, 2019 5:54 pm

Perrydotto wrote:
Sun Aug 11, 2019 7:11 am
Yeah, when you're at the point where your diet and weight are directly feeding into each other, even small improvements make a lot of difference. Putting less and instead more healthy stuff into your body and moving more makes such a big difference already in terms of energy levels and general wellbeing. Super proud you got started on that! Keep it up :yay: Try to replace more drinks with water, and don't feel discouraged when progress slows down at some point.
I'll keep in mind, and thanks Perry! It means a lot :flutterunsmith:

Mr. Big
User avatar
いいんですよ
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 920
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:00 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Sat Aug 17, 2019 9:13 pm

Been feeling low this week. Trying not to let bad thoughts consume me, though. Especially helps I have some friends and supporters believing me, which makes a huge difference.

Thanks to those who I've spoken to!

diribigal
User avatar
Special Flowers
Posts: 174
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:35 am
Gender: Male

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by diribigal (?) » Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:43 am

diribigal wrote:
Fri May 24, 2019 5:19 am
So the main reason I go to therapy is because I have trouble with some aspects of executive function.

Recently, work has become very busy...


... I worry about letting my team down -- either by not getting enough of the right things done, or by overworking myself in the short term and burning out.
My boss's position has been empty four months. Two full time positions under me left. For better and worse I think I've used up all of my worry. The stress builds up and my therapist has only been a little helpful with things. Financial situation isn't ideal. There's been car trouble and I see my partner less given their classes and my commute. And we just got a tidy up or else notice from the landlord.

Just venting here right now because I don't have a great support network and my energy to spend more effort looking for one is kinda drained by other things.
ImageImageImage Very math.

Blarghalt
User avatar
Gaze into the Abyss, until the Abyss awkwardly comes up with a reason to leave.
Patreon platinum
Posts: 445
Joined: Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:31 am

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Blarghalt (?) » Fri Sep 20, 2019 10:46 pm

I think I killed my brain's sibling or something and it swore an eternal grudge on me without my knowledge.

So I signed up for a trade school to be a plumber, and things were going well, until I actually ended up having to go to my first job site. Wouldn't you know it, I had a really, really bad panic attack at the job site, and more at the prospect of going back. I don't know what triggered it, but leaving the job means I'm out of the trade school. Union wasn't particularly interested in listening or understanding about the panic attack, so fuck 'em.

I hate this. I hate how my brain self-destructs every time I try to fix things or make things better. Hate hate hate hate hate it.

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1271
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Female
Location: The Final Frontier

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Sat Sep 21, 2019 12:46 am

Really sorry to hear about both of you struggling. For all it's worth, I'm really rooting for you.

Are you seeing someone about the anxiety and panic attacks, Blargh?
Image /// Image /// Image

Bigdog
User avatar
implied
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 12:26 pm

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Bigdog (?) » Sat Sep 21, 2019 1:30 am

by dint of serendipity, this came across my screen a couple of minutes ago, re: panic attacks. It's about a MLB pitcher's life with panic attacks and other mental health issues.

https://www.kansascity.com/sports/mlb/k ... 35742.html

It shouldn't be paywalled.

There is a video of a very good dog partway through.

Blarghalt
User avatar
Gaze into the Abyss, until the Abyss awkwardly comes up with a reason to leave.
Patreon platinum
Posts: 445
Joined: Thu Nov 02, 2017 12:31 am

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Blarghalt (?) » Sat Sep 21, 2019 6:49 pm

Perrydotto wrote:
Sat Sep 21, 2019 12:46 am
Really sorry to hear about both of you struggling. For all it's worth, I'm really rooting for you.

Are you seeing someone about the anxiety and panic attacks, Blargh?
Just started to, but the first visit was mostly just introductory stuff. I'll see if they're a good fit for me, then try to recover from there.

Skipper
User avatar
Rainbow Racers
Patreon platinum
Posts: 150
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 5:01 am
Location: Between my ears

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Skipper (?) » Wed Sep 25, 2019 1:24 pm

At 38 years old, you'd think I would've learned by now when to keep my stupid mouth shut.

:-I

diribigal
User avatar
Special Flowers
Posts: 174
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:35 am
Gender: Male

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by diribigal (?) » Wed Sep 25, 2019 3:00 pm

kookwowse wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 1:24 pm
At 38 years old, you'd think I would've learned by now when to keep my stupid mouth shut.

:-I
Sorry if something bad happened.

If you made a mistake, people make mistakes and I think you should forgive yourself.

I any case, I don't referring to yourself with terms like "stupid mouth" is productive. You're a good person, regardless of whatever happened.
ImageImageImage Very math.

Perrydotto
User avatar
Agents of Chaos
Posts: 1271
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:20 am
Gender: Female
Location: The Final Frontier

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Thu Sep 26, 2019 1:21 am

Diribigal hits the nail on the head. Not being perfect does not make you stupid, or unloved, or unwelcome. Nobody here is perfect, or has to be perfect. You are cherished, and being frustrated about a mistake doesn't mean you should ignore that. Allow yourself the leeway you'd give a friend, too, because that friend would do the same thing for you - Meaning you deserve that kindness and leeway.

I very much like having you around, and I hope you take care of yourself.
Image /// Image /// Image

RudeCyrus
User avatar
nightmare eyes
Rainbow Racers
Patreon supporter
Posts: 135
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:01 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Illinois

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by RudeCyrus (?) » Thu Oct 03, 2019 8:02 pm

So, I had a bad accident yesterday. Was going through an intersections, other car didn't even slow down, my car's totaled. Nobody was hurt, thankfully. Lady gets out of the car, loses her shit, accuses me of not stopping, etc, etc. I was calm, we exchanged information, she calls insurance, I call my parents, she leaves in her car, which has a damaged headlight. Parents get there, we call the police, cop arrives (after an hour), technically I'm at fault but he won't ticket me because it's suspicious she left, we find out she has no license, we call a tow truck and go home. My mom has a friend who deals with insurance so we go through the whole nonsense of contacting insurance, it turns how she has a long criminal record, she doesn't have insurance -- the information she gave me was bullshit. She's called my house twice (because I gave her my home phone number), saying that was "my only vehicle," claiming I hit her, I didn't want to call the police (bullshit), she's contacted her lawyer and "has a claim," she just wants money for the damage, etc, etc. Her number's blocked now and I doubt she has a leg to stand on.

What gets me is how badly I'm taking this. I keep replaying the crash over and over in my head. Even worse, I feel taken advantaged of. I was fucking lied to and now someone's trying to extort me. And I feel so soft and weak. I try to be kind and trusting of other people and I think I'm a big target because of that. The world is cruel and selfish and ruthless, and it grinds people like me to dust. This event made me realize how sheltered I am. Even more, it made me realize how reliant I am on others. Without my mom and dad, I would've sat at the side of the road like a fucking idiot. I wouldn't have known the lady gave me bullshit info. I would be helpless. Who else do I have? Other than my mom and my therapist, I can't talk to anyone about how I really feel. Without my dad, we wouldn't have insurance or connections or any other shit that allows us to survive. They're not going to be around forever. My mother has chronic pain issues, my dad had a hip replacement not so long ago -- what happens to me if they die? I'll die. I don't want to die.

And that's my big fucking problem: I so badly want to live on my own, be independent -- but if I do become independent, I know I'll be crushed. Society doesn't want people like me. When you tell people you're autistic, they think of some stereotype who draws on the walls in their shit. If you don't show emotion, people think you're weird and aloof. If you complain too much, they won't want to be around you.

PLUS, my fucking father can't get out of his fucking head for one minute because a company he applied to rescinded the job offer, even though we've told him he's better off and I WAS IN A FUCKING CAR ACCIDENT, he'll fucking dwell on it for weeks to come and be fucking miserable like always.

And now my mom is reaching an emotional crisis because she has to deal with what happened to me and my dad being a shit, and the insurance, and mailing things to lawyers (because of a case I can't talk about), and making appointments and a billion other things, so I can't talk about how I feel.

I'm making an appointment with my therapist and telling myself I'm just panicking, but everything feels like it's falling apart.

RudeCyrus
User avatar
nightmare eyes
Rainbow Racers
Patreon supporter
Posts: 135
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:01 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Illinois

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by RudeCyrus (?) » Thu Oct 03, 2019 8:11 pm

well I just had a full blown panic attack. that was unpleasant.

all in all it's been a shitty couple of days.

Madeline
User avatar
check out my kitty meow
Semper Pie
Posts: 984
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:45 pm

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri Oct 04, 2019 8:09 am

Do you have someone you can talk to about mental and emotional trauma?

RudeCyrus
User avatar
nightmare eyes
Rainbow Racers
Patreon supporter
Posts: 135
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:01 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Illinois

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by RudeCyrus (?) » Fri Oct 04, 2019 3:20 pm

I talked it out with some ponygoons last night. thanks to everyone for being there for me. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow.

Octavia
User avatar
Octavia's Orchestra
Patreon supporter
Posts: 1358
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:59 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Chicago, IL
Contact:

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Octavia (?) » Thu Oct 10, 2019 10:01 pm

Our family is all meeting in Cincinnati for a wedding, and when we picked up my sister and dad at the airport, we found out that sometime during the flight, my sister's 13-year-old mini schnauzer had escaped through a broken gate that my sister has been begging her landlord to fix for FOUR FUCKING YEARS. He was attacked and killed by coyotes. A neighbor found him and called the number on his tag, so she got a disturbing voicemail when she landed. Her neighbor had the audacity to say "there's not much left of him" in the voicemail and then her landlord made things worse by saying she saw a dog that looked like him on the street, falsely getting her hopes up.

She loved that dog more than anything and he didn't deserve to die the way he did. :cry:
ImageImageImageImageImage

Skipper
User avatar
Rainbow Racers
Patreon platinum
Posts: 150
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2019 5:01 am
Location: Between my ears

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Skipper (?) » Fri Oct 11, 2019 4:05 pm

Oh my, that poor dog. What a horrible thing to happen. I feel so sorry for your sister!

And man, what's wrong with that neighbor? "There's not much left of him"?! Wtf.

Bigdog
User avatar
implied
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 12:26 pm

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Bigdog (?) » Sun Oct 13, 2019 1:24 am

RudeCyrus wrote:
Thu Oct 03, 2019 8:02 pm
Who else do I have? Other than my mom and my therapist, I can't talk to anyone about how I really feel. Without my dad, we wouldn't have insurance or connections or any other shit that allows us to survive. They're not going to be around forever. My mother has chronic pain issues, my dad had a hip replacement not so long ago -- what happens to me if they die? I'll die. I don't want to die.

And that's my big fucking problem: I so badly want to live on my own, be independent -- but if I do become independent, I know I'll be crushed. Society doesn't want people like me. When you tell people you're autistic, they think of some stereotype who draws on the walls in their shit. If you don't show emotion, people think you're weird and aloof. If you complain too much, they won't want to be around you.
Late responding to this, but I want to say that this part is extremely relatable to me, and talk a little bit about it, just in case that's useful to you or anybody else.

Like you, I have a disability that makes it noticeably harder for me to navigate the world on my own. In my case, it's being hard of hearing. I really doubt that people who hear have any idea how much harder even a relatively moderate hearing impairment can make it to transact normal daily business, purely because so much of it involves being able to make and take phone calls. If I want to find a plumber or electrician and arrange for them to visit, guess who has to take care of it? (My parents.)

If people were equally ready to transact business by email or web form or whatnot, that'd be one thing, but in many cases they're not. Even people and organizations that you'd think would be right on top of accommodating disability, like health care professionals, are often way behind the curve (or way behind where the curve should be) on this. My current psychiatrist is my psychiatrist not because she was the best I knew of, although she's been fine for me, but because she was the only psych the referrer knew of who would make appointments via email. It was a paradigm shift when my main doctor's office moved to FollowMyHealth and holy shit, I can make appointments on a web form now! Granted, most of this stuff dates from like five years ago and it's probably better now, but damn, five years ago was like ten years too late, and it still leaves out a huge amount of stuff that people take for granted.

And all this isn't even factoring in my psychological issues like depression and anxiety, which obviously aren't the same thing as autism but probably have a similar (although lesser in my case) end result in terms of what they leave you feeling capable or incapable of doing: keeping track of all the escalating complexity of modern life, being able to confront situations, etc.

Anyway. There are a lot of things that can help when you're in this sort of situation, most of which I'll assume have already been suggested to you and which you've tried to do to the extent you can, which may not be much. Building a support network of friends, etc., to the extent you can.

The one thing that has really helped me in the past few years, though, is getting involved with a church congregation again. Now, suggesting this is a little bit like reaching towards the third rail, since a lot of people have some very bad associations (if not personal experiences) with organized religions. I get that, and I won't hold it against you if you don't want to listen to this part of my advice. However, if you can find one that works for you, I really feel like they're an institution that can fill a major set of gaps in modern life for many people. My own experience is with a very progressive Protestant denomination (the United Church of Christ, if you're curious-- and yes, they are woke as fuck) but I'm sure the same dynamic can be found among liberal Catholics, Unitarian Universalists, Buddhists, etc.

The basic underlying common factor is having a group of loving people who are willing to look out for one another and have the networking/connections/experience to enable them to do things for one another. So often, it seems, we only get one or the other of those: in an interest-based community like TRS, you have people who care deeply about you and would go a long way for you, but often can't, either because we're thousands of miles away or we don't have the resource/knowledge/networks to help; conversely, in things like social services that are (at least in theory) equipped to help you, there may not be the sort of familiar relationship and genuine caring that you'd get from a group of friends. A good church has the potential to be the best of both worlds: a network of dozens to hundreds of people who passionately care about their friends and their community, and have a surprising amount of expertise and resources to bring to bear when one of their number gets into trouble.

Anyway, I hope this doesn't come across as my shilling for religion qua religion (I do think spirituality has its benefits, but that's a whole other debate that I have no intention of trying to force on anyone here and now). If you could find the same sort of community somewhere else, more power to you. But if you can't, and if you feel like you can find some sort of spiritual community that you wouldn't mind being a part of-- like the aforementioned Universalists, if you're not into any of the more traditional denominations-- I really think it might be something that would help you.

Yuudachi
User avatar
I'll show you the Nightmare of Solomon!
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:19 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Yuudachi (?) » Sun Oct 13, 2019 1:36 pm

I'm sorry to come back after disappearing for a couple of years.

I feel like dying.

My mother is ill. She had a biopsy procedure done last week. Tomorrow we get the results. Whatever the results, I'm being assaulted by the realization about the frialty and mortality of a parent, my only parent -- something I guess I always ran away from by thinking "That's tomorrow's me problem" and now I cannot run away anymore.

I'm on the spectrum, I cannot take care of her, heck, I can barely take care of myself -- I only function in highly structured environments and without my mom, I feel like the wheels have just fallen off the cart that is my pathetic life. My brain constantly assaults me with thoughts of how bleak the future is, how I cannot take care of myself, how useless I am... and yet how I also want my mom to not worry about me, that I need to be strong for her, even though I can barely go 20 minutes without crying.

I cannot sleep, for what I get can barely be called that -- I doze off for 5 minutes, wake up for 10-15 -- rinse and repeat. I have no appetite. Feeding myself is a hassle -- like, why even bother?

I feel like all my defenses have been torn down, all that's left is an expose and raw core -- everything hurts -- and I have no tools to cope with this. I feel like a parasite whose host is dying. I am alone.

I ended up calling the national suicide prevention lifeline because all I could think of was Mark Twain's quotes on Death from his "Letters from the Earth". The idea of giving up feels... almost... pleasing.

I felt I reached such a low that I also ended up going to church... I completely broke down and cried for an hour... it felt oddly weird to have strangers try to make me feel better... and then the pastor gave a message on which I have mixed feelings for -- on one hand, I found parts of it comforting, on the other hand I found one part very troubling since part of his sermon seemed like an attack on feminism if you read between the lines...

I honestly don't know what to do... giving up just feels so appealing...
SOLOMON!! I have returned!!!

ToastGhost
User avatar
Big adventure's waiting.
Rarity's Roughnecks
Posts: 399
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 7:23 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by ToastGhost (?) » Sun Oct 13, 2019 6:26 pm

Please don't give up. :cry: I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time, but I doubt your mother would want you to suffer or end your life because she cannot be around forever.

We as humans are social creatures. Though it may be difficult and likely no one will relate or understand you like your own mother, it's vital that you should reach out to others in this time of need. I'm glad you came back and reached out to us as a start, and we will try to help you through these trying times.

If you have trouble with taking care of yourself, it might be worthwhile to look into young adult assisted living. If structure is what you need, then you must find it somewhere, whether that's in a job, a partial hospitalization program, or assisted living facility.

Just... please don't give up. I don't want to see another forum member go out that way, ever. :fluttersmith:
ImageImageImage

Yuudachi
User avatar
I'll show you the Nightmare of Solomon!
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:19 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Yuudachi (?) » Sun Oct 13, 2019 8:47 pm

I wish I could find an open and affirming church, but my little podunk town is one of the least friendly cities in all of texas towards LGBTQ people.

My job provides me distraction for at least 9 hours, after that... my brain is my worst enemy.

All I ask is to have the strength to see my mom through. The last thing I want is to be another source of anguish for her -- after that, the powers that be can claim me, be it thru a heart attack or whatever, if they so want -- that's why Mark Twain's words resonate a lot with me... about Death: "Death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind; death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness; death was man's best friend; when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free."

I'm sorry to hear a fellow member passed away... would it be in bad taste to ask who?
:fluttersmith:
Last edited by Yuudachi on Sun Oct 13, 2019 8:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
SOLOMON!! I have returned!!!

Bigdog
User avatar
implied
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 12:26 pm

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Bigdog (?) » Sun Oct 13, 2019 8:48 pm

Toastghosts suggestions and sentiments are good ones. I would also suggest looking around for other religious congregations, if that's something that appeals to you at least in principle (I'm hazarding a guess it is, since it's something that occurred to you to do in the first place). See my big post above yours.


Pre post fake edit: oh. Welp. :(



actually real edit quite some time later: hazarding is a word you stupid phone :argh:
Last edited by Bigdog on Sun Oct 13, 2019 9:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yuudachi
User avatar
I'll show you the Nightmare of Solomon!
Posts: 106
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:19 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Yuudachi (?) » Sun Oct 13, 2019 8:58 pm

I stepped away from the faith because I started to question things, including myself and my sexuality.

I've never come out to my family but for my mom -- my mom being my mom, accepted me as I am -- but my cousins are basically the only support network I have and they're deeply religious... and they do want me to join a church, any church really... they just want me closer to God; and I'm afraid to ask around for open and affirming churches in the area so I could at least have faith and feel good about myself even if I remain closeted to my family as a bisexual man. I'm afraid I'd lose my cousins if they turn out to be intolerant and think it would be a good idea to pray the gay away, you know?

And I did look at the map, but there's nothing near me... I know for sure there are no UUA or UCC churches in the area, there's a CC, but I don't think they're actually associated with UCC, you know? I'm kinda tempted to go back to my grandpa's roots and join a synagogue, but I am not sure if they're ONA, so I'm back to square one.
SOLOMON!! I have returned!!!

Bigdog
User avatar
implied
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Oct 31, 2017 12:26 pm

Re: Pony Joe's: Post Not-So-Great Things That Happened

Post by Bigdog (?) » Sun Oct 13, 2019 9:51 pm

Do you mind telling people exactly where you are, town-wise? PM if not in the thread?

Post Reply