GSM IV

Where everybody knows your name. (Safe Spaces and Self-Help)

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Thu Dec 05, 2019 9:13 am

My sister (and I think a few people here) said "Thomasina" was used as a female version of Thomas. I didn't like that but there are alternates to Thomasina too.

One was "Tamsin". Which I'm sure some women have as their name but I was like :starity: .

The other was "Tammy" or "Tammi", which I like a lot more, especially with the y.

I was debating feminizing my middle name to Richarda, but I decided I'll use my mom's middle name "Ann".

Tammy Ann Borgnis sounds nice. :flutterunsmith:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Thu Dec 05, 2019 3:09 pm

Hi, I got your email and I want you to know you can talk to me anytime you want, love you
My brother just now. :allears:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Thu Dec 05, 2019 6:48 pm

Oh gosh :allears:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Sun Dec 08, 2019 6:12 am

You go, Tammy!! :yay: :yay:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Octavia (?) » Sun Dec 08, 2019 9:16 am

Snowfire wrote:
Thu Dec 05, 2019 9:13 am
My sister (and I think a few people here) said "Thomasina" was used as a female version of Thomas. I didn't like that but there are alternates to Thomasina too.

One was "Tamsin". Which I'm sure some women have as their name but I was like :starity: .

The other was "Tammy" or "Tammi", which I like a lot more, especially with the y.

I was debating feminizing my middle name to Richarda, but I decided I'll use my mom's middle name "Ann".

Tammy Ann Borgnis sounds nice. :flutterunsmith:
I know a lot of people test their name by going to Starbucks and seeing how it feels when the barista calls it out.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Sun Dec 08, 2019 11:01 am

Octavia wrote:
Sun Dec 08, 2019 9:16 am
I know a lot of people test their name by going to Starbucks and seeing how it feels when the barista calls it out.
Starbucks and I have a bad history, so I don't think I want to go back in there. They treated me like shit when I said I needed more surgery for my Crohn's.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Bigdog (?) » Tue Dec 10, 2019 12:56 am

Are there other coffee shops around you where they'll call your name? :v:

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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Wed Dec 11, 2019 11:17 pm

Snowfire one of the things I did when figuring out what name I wanted was to write it out and just see how each name flows to the next and if you want to change you last name or not. If your family is supportive then you could stick with your last name. I changed my last name not because my immediate family wasn't supportive but because I wasn't sure how my fathers side of the family would react. I,several years ago, didn't really want to get in contact with my dads side of the family because I have a bad relationship with my dad. Not trans related but other stuff. Anyway someone on that side of the family was FB friends with my mom and I think she friended me and after a year or so of being her FB friend I kinda started to reaching out to them and they have been great.

But yeah try on different names that you might want to use and see how you like it. I just looked up the feminine version of Richard and those suggested came up but something close to that in meaning is Regina.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Wed Dec 11, 2019 11:25 pm

Thanks Alexis. I don't know when I'll come out to my mom and step dad yet. Probably not till after I'm recovered from this upcoming surgery, so end of January at the earliest.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by BeautifulShy (?) » Thu Dec 12, 2019 6:44 pm

Snowfire wrote:
Wed Dec 11, 2019 11:25 pm
Thanks Alexis. I don't know when I'll come out to my mom and step dad yet. Probably not till after I'm recovered from this upcoming surgery, so end of January at the earliest.
Yeah that would be wise. Giving you a chance to figure out how to come out to them if you choose to. But yeah I wish you well in your recovery for your surgery.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Thu Jan 09, 2020 10:20 pm

So, today I'd like to talk about how I've done one little thing that has managed to somehow be one of the most affirming and comforting things I've done for myself just about ever.

A little context: I am an AMAB non-binary person of indeterminate expression and interest. I don't really have much of a desire to dress femme-y at all, but rather just have super intense body-dysphoria. As such, about a year and four months ago, I started feminizing HRT. The results have been rather... interesting, to say the least, at least in the last two months or so. I was never particularly muscular, and was pretty damn overweight at the time, so visually obvious results were pretty minimal. Then I got sick. Like, really sick. Nausea and vomiting and being unable to eat or get out of bed for like a month and a half. I managed to get treatment and proper medication that solved the problem, but the whole ordeal combined with depression just completely rewired my eating habits and I lost a lot of weight, and am still losing weight, as a result. That's all well and good (though my doctors are still a bit concerned that I'm losing weight too fast), but it made one thing super apparent: I have breasts now. Basically, every part of me has been slimming down as I lose weight except my chest, which has actually continued developing if anything.

On the surface, this is great! It's super comforting and affirming and I'm super happy that I've gotten something tangible out of the whole ordeal. It raised a few issues, though. One, this development happened extremely fast and is super obvious. If I lose any more weight (which I likely will), then I wouldn't be surprised if I'm just instantly outing myself to anyone that hasn't been seeing my frequently over the last few months. Two, they just kinda... look weird. In an unfortunate combination of having a very broad chest, the original basis for the breasts being just plain, old fat, and the peculiarities of MTF post-puberty breast development in general, they've just come out rather pointy, which doesn't help how obvious they are in the slightest.

Here's a few (bad) pictures illustrating what I'm dealing with, here (forgive the ill-fitting shirt, I need a complete wardrobe overhaul after losing so much weight, but clothes are expensive):
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So, yeah. Cone shaped with nipples just poking through all the time for everyone to see. It makes me pretty uncomfortable and if it wasn't winter, thus necessitating coats, I wouldn't want to leave the house at all. "But PM, why not just get a bra?" you ask. That's the thing. As I said earlier, feminine clothing never really interested me after some early experimentation, so I never bothered. That left me high and dry in the research and general knowledge department when suddenly I found myself needing one for practical reasons rather than dysphoric or gender-affirming ones. I spent about a month freaking out over how to measure myself and what style to get and how to shop and try one on and all that junk, and it caused me a lot of stress. Only after talking things over with people on Discord a few days ago did I decide to just go ahead and just get some cheap XL sport bras off of Amazon because that was way less stressful and the sizing was vastly simpler. They came in yesterday, and this is the result:
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Much, much better! I still obviously have boobs if you know to look for them, but things are a lot more under control and, uh, publicly presentable. No more unnecessary movement, either. They also look a lot more natural under a shirt, as they're contained in a far better shape. It's also way more comfortable than I was expecting. I got super lucky with this fit, it's pretty much perfect after I messed around with the positioning of the padding a bit. I do fill out the cups completely, though, which means that if I develop further I won't be able to get a bigger size in this particular brand as I already bought the largest they had. That'll be fun. It also means that I'm in the C-cup range, which just kinda has me feeling :-I after either not thinking about it or just not expecting much.

In conclusion, I look and feel much better now! I'm still not used to the sensation of wearing this thing, but it's not unpleasant by any means. Now I just have to talk with my family about it before I have to put them through the wash and confuse a bunch of people. :-I

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Geomancing (?) » Thu Jan 09, 2020 10:36 pm

Glad they worked out so well for you. Sports bras are my choice as well, both for comfort and aesthetic reasons. As was said in the discord, it's best to take the padding out before washing or else it could get scrunched up or deformed in the cycle. I'm very glad they're comfortable.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Sat Jan 11, 2020 3:17 pm

So because my mom was cleaning and going through all my stuff, and I was at risk of her finding my bras and trans pride flag and pin, and I didn't have the strength to tell her to stop, I decided to tell her once the VNA left.

She said that she'll love me no matter what, but that she wants me to fully recover from this surgery before looking into transition. Which yeah since a lot of my skin is now gone, that should probably take priority.

She did joke about not wanting another daughter, but she said she was kidding because my sister was bad growing up. I told her I'll try and be better than her. She said it might take her some time for her to adjust but she will support me no matter what.

She said she'll maybe tell my step dad but left it up to me when. But she does get the gravity of the situation and said she won't tell anyone else until I'm ready (she's a gossiper).

So yeah, overall positive.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Sun Jan 12, 2020 4:29 pm

I'm glad you have a great mom.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perrydotto (?) » Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:17 am

Seems when it comes down to it, your mom has your back. I hope that continues. :flutterunsmith:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Mon Jan 13, 2020 8:02 pm

So, the last few days have been a bit of a wakeup call in terms of what I need to do next. Wearing a bra has shaped and held up my chest in such a way that shirts feel very different to wear. This wasn't much of a problem when wearing shirts sized similarly to the one I took the pictures in, aside from said shirts just looking really bad on me. Problems arose when I ran out of those shirts because of laundry issues and started wearing smaller ones that fit me just fine the last time I wore them 1-2 months ago. They are not designed to be worn by anyone with breasts, and are now uncomfortably tight across the chest, awkwardly form-fitting, and almost not long enough to cover my whole torso in some cases. Basically, the shirts large enough to fit look awful on me because I'm basically swimming in them, and the others just look worse and aren't good to wear at all.

So, obviously I need to get new shirts very soon. There's a big problem, though. What the hell kind of size/style am I supposed to get? I need to get something cut for breasts, but I don't have the body otherwise for the feminine cuts such shirts just naturally have. My shoulders are super broad, and I don't have the narrow gut and waist women are assumed to have, either. And even if I find something a bit looser in the lower half, then it will almost certainly have a low-cut neckline that I just don't want at all either. Clothing for my current body shape basically doesn't exist, at least not in anything not hyper-feminine. Basically, my only realistic options is to take a bunch of measurements and custom order things, which is way overkill for day-to-day casual-wear, especially since I have no money and got in trouble for spending some on the cheap bras I have now, or just spend hours in a Walmart or something trying on women's tops and hoping I find something that both fits and is androgynous enough.

I just want to wear something comfortable for my dumbass body and this is frustrating as hell. :-I

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Cthulhu Inc (?) » Mon Jan 20, 2020 12:14 am

FWIW I wear female-cut shirts just fine :pinkieshrug:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Sat Jan 25, 2020 9:25 pm

Just saw on Reddit that a trans woman is upset that she can't get bottom surgery because she has ulcerative colitis, which is almost the same thing as me. Crohn's and UC are fairly similar diseases.

She didn't say she heard this from her doctor. She just said "my immune system is weak and I get blood clots, plus there's a lot going on in that area".

Now I'm worried that when the time comes, my doctors are going to say no. Now, I know my situation is different. I don't have my large intestine. I have nothing even close to my penis to worry about. My ileostomy is even above where they did this last surgery I had.

I just... Don't know what I'll do if that's the final verdict for me. :fluttersmith:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by CorvusCaw (?) » Sun Jan 26, 2020 12:59 am

It's an extremely invasive surgery and the recovery is intense. There are many preexisting conditions that could make it very unsafe to proceed with vaginoplasty. Orchiectomy could still be an option, though.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Sun Jan 26, 2020 2:24 am

CorvusCaw wrote:
Sun Jan 26, 2020 12:59 am
It's an extremely invasive surgery and the recovery is intense. There are many preexisting conditions that could make it very unsafe to proceed with vaginoplasty. Orchiectomy could still be an option, though.
More invasive than having an entire colon removed or having a huge portion of my skin removed? If it's in the same league as this past surgery I had for my Hidradenitis (3 days in the hospital, 6-8 weeks recovery), then I should be okay. My doctor wasn't concerned about my Crohn's when she did this one.

That said, there's nothing I can do about it right now and this is years down the road probably. So hopefully I'll be in good enough shape health wise to do it.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Angry Critter (?) » Sun Apr 19, 2020 8:48 am

My transition is a mess! Insurance companies were hell last year, my treatment (including medication) crashed for a while in bureaucracy limbo, and my blood hasn't been checked in like 18 months while I've been developing serious health problems and I have no idea if they're connected to my hormones and neither does anyone who's been trying to treat me for any of those health problems. I finally got close to being able to go to a hospital again, and then COVID-19 happened and now it's all phone calls while I got messed up jaw joints (TMJ and accompanying hyperacusis) and can hardly talk...

This sucks, my transition was going really great for two years and then it just got fucked and... Blegh. I have no idea if I'm poisoning myself right now. Also, looking in the mirror has increasingly become a problem again. At least I had a brief few months of feeling great in my skin and that's more than I ever thought I'd have so I'm just cherishing that memory I guess.

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Cthulhu Inc (?) » Sun Apr 26, 2020 11:49 pm

That sucks! My current mental health isn't so good, but I remember a few months when it was good, so I try to look on it as evidence that it's possible to feel good about myself.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Sat May 09, 2020 5:37 am

Hey, guess who*s on hormones!!!
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Re: GSM IV

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Sat May 09, 2020 7:00 am

:yay:
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;) ❤️ :twasnothin: ❤️ :fancyhat:

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Mon May 11, 2020 11:38 pm

Princess Flufflebutt wrote:
Sat May 09, 2020 5:37 am
Hey, guess who*s on hormones!!!
Yay! :yay:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Sun May 24, 2020 1:07 am

Princess Flufflebutt wrote:
Sat May 09, 2020 5:37 am
Hey, guess who*s on hormones!!!
:-D

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Angry Critter (?) » Tue May 26, 2020 6:55 am

Excellent. Splendid news, Princess. :vogue:

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Tue May 26, 2020 11:10 pm

Thanks folks :allears:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Thu Jun 18, 2020 11:30 am

Nothing major, but I have an appointment to see my PCP on Tuesday to talk about referrals for a therapist and an endo. Hopefully it goes well. :modesty:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Thu Jun 18, 2020 6:44 pm

Heck yeah! :yay:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Madeline (?) » Fri Jun 19, 2020 6:05 pm

Snowfire wrote:
Thu Jun 18, 2020 11:30 am
Nothing major, but I have an appointment to see my PCP on Tuesday to talk about referrals for a therapist and an endo. Hopefully it goes well. :modesty:
:yay: good luck!

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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Tue Jun 23, 2020 9:23 pm

So my PCP basically has no idea who to send me to for an endo or a therapist, but said if I did some homework and told him the people I want to see, he'd write the referrals no problem. So minus one having no idea about trans stuff, plus one just giving me the referrals anyway. He also called me Tammy in a follow-up email.

My mom is continuing to stress to me that I should go "glacially slow" when it comes to transitioning. I think she's convinced that I don't like my body because I'm overweight, and if I drop the weight, I will suddenly realize I'm not a woman anymore. She said that's not it, but I don't believe her at this point. It's fucking maddening that on one hand she makes me a trans colored blanket to show her support, but then she pulls this shit... :fluttersmith:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Wed Jun 24, 2020 4:09 pm

Good news. I found both an endo and a therapist.

The therapist is local and she supposedly specializes in gender dysphoria. Her name is Elizabeth Ann Kozik, out of Pittsfield. The endo is Dr. Chelsea Gordner, out of Baystate in Springfield (which is still okay because I have to drive out that way every day for work usually). She specializes in pediatric endocrinology, but also treats adults, so I'm hoping she will be good since she probably helps trans kids.
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Wed Jun 24, 2020 4:32 pm

Oh! That's some good news at least!
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Thu Jun 25, 2020 10:20 am

My first therapist appointment is Monday. :flutterunsmith:

Also my first endo appointment is August 26th. :yay:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Thu Jun 25, 2020 11:02 pm

One piece of minor bad news.

I wanted to see if I could start laser removal around the time I started HRT, but the dermatologist office said they aren't doing any appointments for the foreseeable future due to COVID.

Fuck. :fluttersmith:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Thu Jun 25, 2020 11:33 pm

Darn. :fluttersmith:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Snowfire (?) » Tue Jul 07, 2020 3:42 pm

Snowfire wrote:
Thu Jun 25, 2020 11:02 pm
One piece of minor bad news.

I wanted to see if I could start laser removal around the time I started HRT, but the dermatologist office said they aren't doing any appointments for the foreseeable future due to COVID.

Fuck. :fluttersmith:
That turned around quickly. I have an appointment for laser consultation on September 11th. :yay:

Sparkle reminded me not to mention how "excited I am for September 11th" out in public. :-I
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:38 pm

I came out to one of my sisters today. She was pretty cool with it and adjusted quickly. She even referred to me as her sister among other folks she knew. Overall, it was fucking nice :3:
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Re: GSM IV

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Tue Jul 28, 2020 8:10 pm

Supportive sibling heck yeah! :yay:

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