Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by diribigal (?) » Wed Aug 27, 2014 11:13 pm

kefkafloyd wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:15 pm
Anyone who posted in this thread must write at least a 500 word minimum essay or story about me or how great I am. Fiction is allowed (as long as it's good)!

:sweetielarm: ALERT! :sweetielarm:

Note that the minimum 500 words must form a coherent story or essay, and you will be graded (in humorous ways). If you fail to submit a story/essay, do not abide by the challenge or write nonsense garbage, you will FAIL and be thusly probated for a period of time. Essays and stories will be graded on how well they're written and how funny or interesting they are.
I haven't written an essay in quite a while, so here goes:

Once upon a time, on a night just like this, midnight approached. The Overlord Kefkafloyd sat on his throne, pondering the fates of mortals. "How am I to decide who may post, and who must part?", he wondered silently. After much internal turmoil, he addressed his direct reports in a great booming voice: "Will no one who serves me come to my aid?".

"O Greatness, how can we be of service?", inquired Baked Bads.

"As much as it pains me to say this, I might find some guidance helpful in my troubled state", admitted The Overlord. He continued, "The ghost of the red eye haunts my dreams, and urges me to ruminate further on my treatment of the little people. I fear I cannot quell this urge myself." "I have consulted my plushie of my OC Cosmo Bot, but he does not answer my prayers; can any among you satisfy me?"

"Sire, I mean no disrespect, but have you considered emoticon use as a bar with which to cast judgment?", proposed drunkill. "Fool!", Kefka cried out. "Have you considered that people will just resort to unofficial emoticons, followed by a quagmire of discussion about what exactly constitutes an emoticon anyway? You try my patience; begone!"

"My liege, perhaps we can make front page contributions mandatory. Might that be judged a reasonable and objective criterion?", suggested ixnay. "Neigh!", brayed Kefka's great steed, Nightmarity. "Rightly so, Nighty. With mandatory contributions, I'd have to sort through even more user generated fuff as posters attempt the bare minimum to maintain their basic rights. No, ixnay, I shall not abide such a method."

@Zebra_ebooks sheepishly asked "Milord, may I speak?" The Overload peered with discerning eyes, and icily repsonded "You may - at your own peril...". @Zerba continued: "Milord, I fear I must insist that you give up this novice's errand of searching for the ultimate discriminator between those who may post and those who may not. A more nuanced view, using your experience and personal judgment-" Kefka struck the man across the face and yelled (nearly a shriek). "Use your tongue in that manner one more time in my presence, and I will not permit you to use it ever again! I hope I've made myself clear; see yourself out."

VoidChicken began to whimper. "Your highness," he squeaked out, "perhaps if we could have a bit of time to mull things over, we may be able to provide alternatives that would please you." Kefka barked back, "You may keep your rank only as long as you can provide me immediate answers! A million idiots could stumble upon a good idea if given enough time! Leave me in peace, and do not make a habit of this."

Addressing Baked Bads, the Overlord sighed: "I grow weary; where is Momar?". Suddenly, from behind the throne, an eerie, cackling laughter arose. "Not only can you not perform your duties satisfactorily, you did not even detect my presence?" asked Momar, with an unsubtle undertone of arrogance. "I deem you unfit to rule, and aim to usurp you. Draw your sword."

Kefka, attempting to conceal his shock, blurted out "What is this insolence? Baked Bads, arrest this former mod at once!" But Baked Bads just shook his head slowly, with an air of faint sadness.

Momar took a step forward, and said "This is your final warning. I may not stab you in the back, but I will not hesitate to advance, in spite of your indecision.", while brandishing her sword.

Suddenly, the Cosmo Bot plush came alive, and declared that the self destruct sequence had been activated. There were no survivors.

Fin.
ImageImageImage Very math.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Big Boss (?) » Wed Aug 27, 2014 11:25 pm

If mr man can turn in a wonderful drug-induced story, I will accept it late. But it'll only count if it makes me feel like I'm trippin some mad acid on Pink Floyd.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Momo (?) » Wed Aug 27, 2014 11:31 pm

Also that half tab of acid I slipped in your sock.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Big Boss (?) » Thu Aug 28, 2014 8:37 am

Man look at all these people who posted in the honeypot and didn't write their story

I have a lot of names to put on the banlist

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by mr man » Thu Aug 28, 2014 8:43 am

I started writing a thing but then I passed out. I then woke up took some drugs and finished and I didn't really proofread it so it's really bad.
It is the year 2120. Ponygoon island is finialy complete. Supreme ruler princess Kefkafloyd surveys his realm from his balcony on the upperfloor of the ivory tower. Directly below him are the vast fields of pony, with it's giant T.V screens, to his left were the arcades, bars gaming rooms and skate parks of the off topic quarter, to his right the the comic stores, libraries and art galleries containing the worlds largest collection of state approved pony fan media.

Kefka gave a breif thought towards the many proof readers and boorumods driven insane ensirning none of that frankly creepy shit ever makes it onto his island. Many have clawed their own eyes out and one poor person had even attempeted a self lobotomy. He felt no guilt however, such sacarifices often must be made to ensure the prosperity of ponygoon island.

Beyond off topic lay the collection of rundown buildings and ramshackle huts that was pppp, where the various outcast and dregs of ponygoon society made their home. Kefka often wondered if he had made a mistake creating that slum epically on days when the wind was just right and he was sure he could smell the raw sewage. But it keep the most terrible elements of the population in one place which made dealing with them easier.

Kefka turned to sound of a door opening, his fellow ruler Cosmbot strode onto the balcony. “We have been receiving reports from the mods in pppp, the shitposters are trying to start another revolt. They have set the weed feilds alight and a marching on the tower.” Turning the gaze towards the slum a smoky haze could be seen drifting across the island. Kefka glanced at Cosmo “The usual instigators I presume?” “The leaders appear to be Tailspin and Fontra, but we know the furking is involved.” Replied his fellow admin. “The furking? This doesn't seem like his style.” Cosmo just shrugged “He may just be taking advantage of the turmoil.” “No matter” said Kefkafloyd “We a due another round of probations anyway. The dungeon has been criminally underused for a while. Summon the mods.” Cosmo nodded his assent and left to gather the mod team.

Looking back over the island Kefka could make out the mob approaching, it seemed they were singing. "Probably another Les Mis song" he chuckled. After a few more minutes he could make out the words and they were certainly not from a musical about France.

We don't need no moderation
We dont need no forum control
No mod edits in the subforum
Admins leave them posts alone
Hey! Admins! Leave them posts alone!
All in all it's just another post in the thread
All in all you're just another bad shitposter.

We don't need no moderation
We dont need no forum control
No mod edits in the subforum
Admins leave them posts alone
Hey! Admins! Leave them posts alone!
All in all it's just another post in the thread
All in all you're just another bad shitposter.

Kefka turned from the balcony, his eyes ablaze with rage. Of all the musicians they could have butchered...
His loyal mods were assembled before him. Momar stepped forwards and knelt "We are yours to command your highness.'

"Fetch me my banhammer. It is time to burn that shithole to the ground."

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Momo (?) » Thu Aug 28, 2014 10:21 am

That is an accurate representation of the moderator subforum.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Venusy (?) » Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:29 pm

Djeinus wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:14 pm
Okay fine. :maddash:
Once upon a time there was a Kefka. It was very lonely, for it had nobody to probate other people with. So it set out on a journey to find its other half. First it went to a place called General Ponies. In there, Kefka found nothing but people, young and old, bickering endlessly about a cartoon show about pastel coloured ponies. They argued and bickered, but as far as Kefka could tell, there are worse places to be. It probated a few of them. But Kefka’s other half was not there. So it went on further. It went to a dark place called The Changeling’s Dungeon. There were more people arguing and bickering about pastel coloured ponies. The only difference this time, was now they were arguing and splitting each other’s hairs over comic books. But the other half was nowhere to be found. Kefka left, leaving a few probated people in its wake. It travelled further until it reached The Fence Post. This place was a little different. In there, people talked about all kinds of things; the weather, random images and other things that can be talked about. But Kefka could find no one to fill the void with. It was starting to lose hope. As it travelled further it found a cottage. In there was a yellow horse with wings. It was a very nice horse. The horse let Kefka stay over the night. Kefka did not like her bunny so Kefka probated said bunny. Then Kefka left the cottage to continue the journey. But suddenly, the yellow horse cried after Kefka: “Why did you probate my Angel?” Kefka answered: “He´s a dick” and moved on.
Kefka reached lands it had never seen before. One might say they were quite foreign. Kefka was sure it would find its other half in here, but all it could find were musicians, artists, anime figures, furries and more bickering people. Some of them were reading as they were arguing. Kefka probated some of them because why the hell not? It continued its journey. It had to find that other half. Kefka halted to a stop. But what does this other half look like? It had never thought about that before in its journey. What if it doesn’t exist? What if all this was for nought? Kefka felt like perma-banning everything and everyone! But it knew that would not fix its predicament. An angel came from the sky as Kefka sat there on the ground crying. The angel told Kefka of a magical place full of shitposting and low-effort jabs and other worthless things. It could probate anyone. The angel mentioned its name – Pinkie Pie´s Party Palooza. Kefka went there immediately. It knew if it went there it could find its other half. Or at least probate shit ton of people. It reached its destination. Kefka knew he had reached the fabled Pinkie Pie’s Party Palooza because it stepped in poop. This was a… sort of a paradise. It could probate people relentlessly, but it wasn’t as satisfying as it had hoped. It thought about giving up and going back to General Ponies when suddenly a thing stopped Kefka. “Hello” It said, “I am Floyd”. And they merged and became Kefkafloyd. And it was awesome.
kefkafloyd wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:21 pm
Djeinus gets a B. Interesting story, a little repetitive at times, needs paragraphs. A decent analysis on the existential crisis of the average internet poster.
Hey Kefka, you apparently forgot Djeinus wrote something. :-P

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Big Boss (?) » Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:39 pm

Whoops. I went and counted up all the names I saw in a checklist and checked them off.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Thu Aug 28, 2014 2:09 pm

I AM FREEEEEEE :plonk:
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Aramek (?) » Thu Aug 28, 2014 2:19 pm

Welcome back, friend! It's Thursday, so, I can't join you in any sort of booze celebration, but, I'll be there in spirit.
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Momo (?) » Thu Aug 28, 2014 2:35 pm

All you had to do was follow the damn train, PPPP!

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Daikatuna (?) » Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:16 am

i regret nothing

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by RIP Syndrome (?) » Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:24 am

I feel powerful, standing up to authority and shit, here.
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Daikatuna (?) » Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:25 am

fuck da police and shit

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by blasmeister (?) » Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:26 am

I still did not read, a single essay
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by ROBOT B9 » Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:26 am

Oh, you crazy rebels. :v:

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by ſpectralunicorn (?) » Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:27 am

I think kefka knows very well that I'd never ever write anything that long. It was a setup!
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Fontra (?) » Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:38 am

here have a 500 word essay in video form:


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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Daikatuna (?) » Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:39 am

Fontra wrote:
Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:38 am
here have a 500 word essay in video form:


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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by diribigal (?) » Sat Aug 30, 2014 11:12 am

grade the rest of the things, tia
ImageImageImage Very math.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by W.T. Fits (?) » Sun Aug 31, 2014 11:45 am

KefkaFloyd, grade the things or eat the eggs. :-I

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Big Boss (?) » Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:51 pm

The rest of you get... I dunno, a Q.

Good day.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by diribigal (?) » Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:53 pm

kefkafloyd wrote:
Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:51 pm
Good day.
And the same to you. :twasnothin:
ImageImageImage Very math.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:55 pm

Part of me is disappointed that you didn't say "Goo Day". We could have made a Mike Lester joke at your expense. :-I

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by W.T. Fits (?) » Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:27 pm

kefkafloyd wrote:
Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:51 pm
The rest of you get... I dunno, a Q.

Good day.
As Star Trek has taught us, Q is the most awesome letter of the alphabet, so I'm satisfied with that. :excellent:

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