Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by nimrod (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:56 pm

[quote="ROBOT post_id=55897 time=1408564260 user_id=1]
...If you don't do it, you might get banned.[/quote]
kefkafloyd wrote:Also, the fact that I have not banned you despite you continuing to make these posts should be a sign that, hey, maybe you're not going to be smited at the drop of a hat. Just some food for thought. That doesn't mean everyone will like you, but bannings aren't something taken lightly here.
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ice cold spite etc

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Big Boss (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:56 pm

AlliterativeAxolotl wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:36 pm
:idea: Question! Is it allowed to convert the power required to write 500 words into a similar work, like, say, a maccaroni picture which depicts you in a playful manner?
A comic strip with words placed on it would be acceptable. But you'd still have to get 500 words in there somewhere.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by PictishBeast » Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:57 pm

kefkafloyd wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:56 pm
A comic strip with words placed on it would be acceptable. But you'd still have to get 500 words in there somewhere.
Calling it now, 499 of the words will be "butt"

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Princess Flufflebutt (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:14 pm

Okay fine. :maddash:
Once upon a time there was a Kefka. It was very lonely, for it had nobody to probate other people with. So it set out on a journey to find its other half. First it went to a place called General Ponies. In there, Kefka found nothing but people, young and old, bickering endlessly about a cartoon show about pastel coloured ponies. They argued and bickered, but as far as Kefka could tell, there are worse places to be. It probated a few of them. But Kefka’s other half was not there. So it went on further. It went to a dark place called The Changeling’s Dungeon. There were more people arguing and bickering about pastel coloured ponies. The only difference this time, was now they were arguing and splitting each other’s hairs over comic books. But the other half was nowhere to be found. Kefka left, leaving a few probated people in its wake. It travelled further until it reached The Fence Post. This place was a little different. In there, people talked about all kinds of things; the weather, random images and other things that can be talked about. But Kefka could find no one to fill the void with. It was starting to lose hope. As it travelled further it found a cottage. In there was a yellow horse with wings. It was a very nice horse. The horse let Kefka stay over the night. Kefka did not like her bunny so Kefka probated said bunny. Then Kefka left the cottage to continue the journey. But suddenly, the yellow horse cried after Kefka: “Why did you probate my Angel?” Kefka answered: “He´s a dick” and moved on.
Kefka reached lands it had never seen before. One might say they were quite foreign. Kefka was sure it would find its other half in here, but all it could find were musicians, artists, anime figures, furries and more bickering people. Some of them were reading as they were arguing. Kefka probated some of them because why the hell not? It continued its journey. It had to find that other half. Kefka halted to a stop. But what does this other half look like? It had never thought about that before in its journey. What if it doesn’t exist? What if all this was for nought? Kefka felt like perma-banning everything and everyone! But it knew that would not fix its predicament. An angel came from the sky as Kefka sat there on the ground crying. The angel told Kefka of a magical place full of shitposting and low-effort jabs and other worthless things. It could probate anyone. The angel mentioned its name – Pinkie Pie´s Party Palooza. Kefka went there immediately. It knew if it went there it could find its other half. Or at least probate shit ton of people. It reached its destination. Kefka knew he had reached the fabled Pinkie Pie’s Party Palooza because it stepped in poop. This was a… sort of a paradise. It could probate people relentlessly, but it wasn’t as satisfying as it had hoped. It thought about giving up and going back to General Ponies when suddenly a thing stopped Kefka. “Hello” It said, “I am Floyd”. And they merged and became Kefkafloyd. And it was awesome.
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Venusy (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:19 pm

One day, Kefka was in an office, typing on his computer. “You’ve Got Mail!” said the charmingly out-of-date email notification sound. Kefka glanced at his inbox. It was from his brother, Cosmo. “Dearest Kefka,” the email read, “a vast quantity of aliens and vociferous shitposters are assaulting my domicile. Can you please lend your assistance? –Cosmo”.

Kefka sighed, got his computer shut down, and took the lift elevator up to the roof to retrieve his totally radical motorcycle. This thing had all the optional extras; go faster stripes, flame decals, and even an 8-track player! Kefka heroically leapt onto the motorcycle, and sped towards a convenient ramp at the edge of the roof. Remembering Fat Angry Rainbow Dash’s words, he did an awesome flip as he headed towards the ground at great speed. He landed the trick like a pro, getting an extreme stunt bonus for his trouble.

Kefka sped off down the highway towards Cosmo’s place. Kefka had never understood why Cosmo had bought that stable, the circular nature of it just seemed to confuse any horses that went in. Still, it was the family business now. Kefka was highly alert for any signs of aliens or vociferous shitposters, as his office’s new policies on guns had meant that he did not have his regular KL01313 with him.

The other problem with Cosmo’s circular stable was the location. After turning off at highway exit 27, getting to it requires a long drive through a beautiful stretch of countryside. It was almost sundown when Kefka got off the highway, and while he hadn’t seen anything yet, he knew that the biggest shitposters come out at night. Worrying for his safety as well as that of Cosmo, he increased his speed, attracting attention from a previously hidden police car.

There was something off about the cop, but Kefka couldn’t quite place it. Then he realized: this cop was unmistakably an alien! He dispatched the cop quickly with a nearby large rock, then raided the cop’s trunk. In it, he found a majestic red hammer, with the ancient inscription “BÄNHÄMMËR” proudly emblazoned on it. Taking the hammer, he was soon on his way to Cosmo’s home.

Kefka looked at the horde of pink fleshy aliens surrounding Cosmo’s circular stable. Many of them had some sort of fur on their bodies, mostly on their head. Some of them seemed to be flirting with each other. And right there in the middle of them was the biggest shitposter of them all. Kefka readied his red hammer. He knew that if he took that one down, the others would be sure to either fall easily, or run away screaming.

Kefka took a flying leap, catching the massive shitposter by surprise. One mighty swing at the left leg was all it took; the impact was enough to cause the monster to lose its balance. But as it started to sway, Cosmo came out of his hiding place. “Hey brah, was jus’ coming t’ see how you were dealing with th…”. Cosmo’s heartfelt greetings were cut off by the monster falling on him.

Kefka turned to Cosmo, and clicked a solemn goodbye in his reptilian tongue.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Big Boss (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:21 pm

Djeinus gets a B. Interesting story, a little repetitive at times, needs paragraphs. A decent analysis on the existential crisis of the average internet poster.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Big Boss (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:26 pm

Venusy gets an A++++ in poniology for his great short story about the power of the BÄNHÄMMËR. The Queen's English is strong with this one and everyone loves a rousing story of heroism.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:28 pm

yay I'll get banned again
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:28 pm

hate kefka irl
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Caldera

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Caldera » Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:29 pm

Here you go.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ycC ... sp=sharing

PictishBeast

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by PictishBeast » Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:32 pm

For three and a half years, you have been asking: Who is kefkafloyd? This is kefka speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing-you who dread knowledge-I am the man who will now tell you.

You have heard it said that this is an age of moral crisis. You have said it yourself, half in fear, half in hope that the words had no meaning. You have cried that man’s sins are destroying the world and you have cursed human nature for its unwillingness to practice the virtues you demanded. Since virtue, to you, consists of sacrifice, you have demanded more sacrifices at every successive disaster. In the name of a return to morality, you have sacrificed all those evils which you held as the cause of your plight. You have sacrificed justice to mercy. You have sacrificed independence to unity. You have sacrificed reason to faith. You have sacrificed wealth to need. You have sacrificed self-esteem to self-denial. You have sacrificed happiness to duty.

You have destroyed all that which you held to be evil and achieved all that which you held to be good. Why, then, do you shrink in horror from the sight of the world around you? That world is not the product of your sins, it is the product and the image of your virtues. It is your moral ideal brought into reality in its full and final perfection. You have fought for it, you have dreamed of it, and you have wished it, and I-I am the man who has granted you your wish.

Your ideal had an implacable enemy, which your code of morality was designed to destroy. I have withdrawn that enemy. I have taken it out of your way and out of your reach. I have removed the source of all those evils you were sacrificing one by one. I have ended your battle. I have stopped your motor. I have deprived your world of man’s mind.

Men do not live by the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those who do. The mind is impotent, you say? I have withdrawn those whose mind isn’t. There are values higher than the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those for whom there aren’t.

While you were dragging to your sacrificial altars the men of justice, of independence, of reason, of wealth, of self-esteem-I beat you to it, I reached them first. I told them the nature of the game you were playing and the nature of that moral code of yours, which they had been too innocently generous to grasp. I showed them the way to live by another morality-mine. It is mine that they chose to follow.

All the men who have vanished, the men you hated, yet dreaded to lose, it is I who have taken them away from you. Do not attempt to find us. We do not choose to be found. Do not cry that it is our duty to serve you. We do not recognize such duty. Do not cry that you need us. We do not consider need a claim. Do not cry that you own us. You don’t. Do not beg us to return. We are on strike, we, the men of Sugarcube Corner.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Big Boss (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:40 pm

Caldera wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:29 pm
Here you go.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ycC ... sp=sharing
Decent classical essay and some actual depth research. B+
PictishBeast wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 4:32 pm
For three and a half years, you have been asking: Who is kefkafloyd? This is kefka speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing-you who dread knowledge-I am the man who will now tell you.

You have heard it said that this is an age of moral crisis. You have said it yourself, half in fear, half in hope that the words had no meaning. You have cried that man’s sins are destroying the world and you have cursed human nature for its unwillingness to practice the virtues you demanded. Since virtue, to you, consists of sacrifice, you have demanded more sacrifices at every successive disaster. In the name of a return to morality, you have sacrificed all those evils which you held as the cause of your plight. You have sacrificed justice to mercy. You have sacrificed independence to unity. You have sacrificed reason to faith. You have sacrificed wealth to need. You have sacrificed self-esteem to self-denial. You have sacrificed happiness to duty.

You have destroyed all that which you held to be evil and achieved all that which you held to be good. Why, then, do you shrink in horror from the sight of the world around you? That world is not the product of your sins, it is the product and the image of your virtues. It is your moral ideal brought into reality in its full and final perfection. You have fought for it, you have dreamed of it, and you have wished it, and I-I am the man who has granted you your wish.

Your ideal had an implacable enemy, which your code of morality was designed to destroy. I have withdrawn that enemy. I have taken it out of your way and out of your reach. I have removed the source of all those evils you were sacrificing one by one. I have ended your battle. I have stopped your motor. I have deprived your world of man’s mind.

Men do not live by the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those who do. The mind is impotent, you say? I have withdrawn those whose mind isn’t. There are values higher than the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those for whom there aren’t.

While you were dragging to your sacrificial altars the men of justice, of independence, of reason, of wealth, of self-esteem-I beat you to it, I reached them first. I told them the nature of the game you were playing and the nature of that moral code of yours, which they had been too innocently generous to grasp. I showed them the way to live by another morality-mine. It is mine that they chose to follow.

All the men who have vanished, the men you hated, yet dreaded to lose, it is I who have taken them away from you. Do not attempt to find us. We do not choose to be found. Do not cry that it is our duty to serve you. We do not recognize such duty. Do not cry that you need us. We do not consider need a claim. Do not cry that you own us. You don’t. Do not beg us to return. We are on strike, we, the men of Sugarcube Corner.
This is well written but the society doesn't seem very plausible, please consider reworking the plot. C+.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Dragongem » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:03 pm

The shadows lengthened as the sun slowly began to dip below the sky. Dragongem and Adelor, two friends who were brought together by their love of pony, were carousing down the mean streets of Skokie, IL, chatting about the latest episode. They failed to notice that in these mean, gritty streets, danger was about to overtake them.

A loud voice rang out in the darkness. "Looks whats we haves here. A couple of pony goons, lost in the darkness. Don'tcha know this is Something Awful's crib?" the burly, grimdark man stated. A chorus of approval came out from around the pair, as it became clear that it was at least 10 on 1.

Despite the odds, the pair put on a tough face. “Don’t you know that Adelor and I have the magic of friendship? No matter how many goons you bring, we will never be struck down by the paywall!”

The leader chortled. “Hah! You thinks thats your littles cute pink pony and her friends wills helps yous guys now? She’d probably be hiding unders a box anyway!”

Before the command for a beatdown could be issued, a loud, very manly, very handsome, and very leaderlike voice rung out.
“STOP, NE’ER DO WELLS! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU SPEAK ABOUT!”

Two of the goons were flattened as what can only be described as a hero donning a multicolored superhero getup rushed to the aid of the ponygoons.

“YOU FOOLISH OF FOOLS CANNOT APPRECIATE THE ART OF MY LITTLE PONY! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT THIS “PINK” PONY OF YOURS CONTAINS TWO COLORS- PANTONE 203 C AND PANTONE 237 C!”

The villains looked dazed and confused as the new entrant demonstrated a stunning knowledge of artistry and color- and an inability to quit yelling at the top of his lungs.

“SUCH A FAILURE TO KNOW EVEN BASIC ARTISTRY FACTS! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT RARITY IS NOT PURE WHITE, BUT IS A LIGHT GREY?”

The leader of the evil Something Awful gang, regaining his composure, showed a raw fury on his face. “I don’t knows whats your games is, but it’s times for a beatdowns! Get him, crew!”

The gang began to advance rapidly on the hero, but before they could get within striking distance, he motioned all to stop and listen.

“WHILE YOU THINK YOU HAVE NUMBERS, I CAUTION YOU THIS, OH VILLAINS OF PHILISTINE CAPACITY. I HAVE BEEN IN MANY BATTLES, INCLUDING THE LEGENDARY WAR OF THE “LAS PEGASUS CONVENTION”? I HAVE THE UNICON BITS, WHICH IS REAL MONEY, TO PROVE IT!”

With another smooth, artistic, handsome, and graceful motion, the hero withdrew a packet of white note paper. The crowd gasped.

“THIS MONEY IS WORTH MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE! NOW GO, TAKE THESE BITS, AND BUY YOURSELVES SOME REAL CLOTHES!”

The colorful hero tossed the money down a conveniently placed sinkhole, causing the entire Something Awful gang to jump down it and explode.

The two friends finally recovered from sheer awe and shock. “We’re so thankful, hero man who is really a hero! But you never told us your name!”

The hero chuckled. “Why, just call me Kefkafloyd, friends.” He then looked to the sky. “And now, I am off to lead my followers, the members of The Round Stable, to a better life. “Kefkafloyd AWAY!!!”

Kefkafloyd then flew off to his billions of dollars and millions of fans. THE END.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Octavia (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:08 pm

“They call me Kefka. Kefkafloyd.”

A collective gasp issued from several passersby, their heads snapping towards the legendary administrator. Many dived for cover. The street was peppered with citizens barely poking their heads above various water troughs and barrels scattered along the dusty road, watching the drama unfold in front of their eyes. As the dust settled from the commotion, a single silhouette remained in the dry desert street, facing the administrator.

“I thought I'd find you here.” The tan and devilishly handsome administrator smirked, his bright blue eyes piercing daggers at his opponent. “Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't probate you where you stand.”

The pale man in the long, white beard briefly glanced to each side, surveying the terrain for possible escape routes. His scan lasted for only an instant, but Kefka noticed, and it belied Whitenoise Poster's hardened façade. As far as Kefka was concerned, the fight was already over.

“Last chance. Are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?” The administrator bared his teeth, his pearly whites glinting in the late-afternoon sun.

Sweat streamed from Whitenoise's brow, clearing a thin trail down his dust-caked face, before being greedily sopped up by the hairs of his parched beard. He knew it was now or never. Like lightning, he seized his sidearm, a plastic knife he had taken just moments ago from a nearby Wendy's. He threateningly waved it at Kefka.

“I will stab you!” He warned, with a slight quiver in his voice.

Kefka didn't even flinch at his opponent's sudden movement. A few snickers from bystanders cut through the tense silence like a Wendy's knife through a Jr. Cheeseburger. Realizing he looked the fool, Whitenoise desperately tried a new tactic. With stunning dexterity, the bearded fellow reached into his pack. In one swift motion, he flung an object at the administrator. The four sharp corners of the photo whooshed through the desert air, spinning with deadly velocity and accuracy, directly at Kefka's neck.

The photo reached its target in a flash, and Kefka's head snapped back suddenly. The crowd fell deathly silent. Was it over already? Was the mighty Kefkafloyd defeated so easily? Mere seconds felt like an eternity as they waited for some sort of confirmation.

Kefka's head returned upright, the photo clenched in his teeth. He spit it out, where it harmlessly fluttered to the ground, landing gaping-anus-side up.

Before the crowd even had a chance to feel relieved, Kefka decided enough was enough. A quick thrust of his hips lobbed a sparkling red hammer from his belt into the air, seemingly levitating in front of him. His focused eyes met Whitenoise's terrified ones, the hammer falling between them in slow motion. For a brief moment, he almost felt sorry for him.

A jab, astonishingly quick and energetic, punched the hammer towards its target. Whitenoise didn't even have time to scream before the mighty banhammer reached his forehead. His forumless body slumped to the Earth in a retched heap, releasing a cloud of dust. A few bystanders lowered their hats with solemn condolences.

Kefkafloyd calmly walked towards the remains, pulling the banhammer out from its target and casually wiping it off before sliding it back into its holster. The sun was nearly set now, and he walked towards the horizon until the jingling spurs on his boots could be heard no longer.
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by mochabean (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:22 pm

TBH because of this line:
Octavia wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:08 pm
“Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't probate you where you stand.”
I thought it was gonna be Kein.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:27 pm

Kefkafloyd's Honeypot: PREVIOUSLY ON PONYGOONS: Did we really need a flashback this big? I think we all know by now the story of how Kefka came to rule The Round Stable. Yeah, I know it's a forum for a kid's show, but I really don't think the audience needs that much of a reminder. It's just a dead giveaway that he's going to be important in this episode.

Okay, first off, I really wasn't expecting Kefka to slam down a moderator challenge. Sure, he's made joke threads in the past, but usually (even in Cheez-It Vs. Cheese Nips or Forums Jeopardy) his input in them petered out pretty quickly, so for him to actually enforce something like this is a fairly surprisingly direct move for him. I wonder what's gotten into him? Usually he holds off, leaving his troops or Princess Perry to do his work, but maybe Kefka is getting more bold now that the end of summer (and thus Redeye's comet) is fast approaching.

I mentioned Perry earlier since I suspect that this is part of a plan to catch Prince Fontra and ol' uncle Tailspin and take them out of the picture. And so far, it seems to be working! Right now I'm not quite so sure how to interpret what Fontra's feeling. We all know how good he's gotten at shitposting between the start of PPPP and now, but I don't really think he can fight his way out of this. Tailspin, however, seems to recognize the predicament he's in now and it doesn't look like he's going down without a fight. It's somewhat sad to see him like this, but I suppose that if you were once the legendary shitposter who nearly conquered General Ponies after being the first to breach its outer wall, once you've fallen this far you've pretty much hit rock bottom. :fluttersmith:

Of course, I haven't forgotten AlliterativeAxolotl and the gang. It looks like he's going to try to use his art to get out of this, so props to him for creativity (assuming it works out). The same goes for PictishBeast and his deployment of the John Galt speech. Very clever, invoking such a power usually only known by shitposters. That seems to have been enough for him to escape, but what about the rest of our heroes? (I mean, I guess they're going to win in the end, but still.)
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Momo (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:28 pm

I could not fit your greatness into a meagre essay. So I made a short film.

Kefkafloyd: The Greatest Story Ever Told
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Octavia (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:30 pm

If you adjust your eyes, you can make the blerghs either going into or coming out of Kefka's mouth. :-I
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Momo (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:31 pm

ps that is a podium he is standing behind

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Momo (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:31 pm

Octavia wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:30 pm
If you adjust your eyes, you can make the blerghs either going into or coming out of Kefka's mouth. :-I
I've sat through speeches that are literally like this.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Momo (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:35 pm

In hindsight I should have made the crown's peaks round so it looked like butts.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Big Boss (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:37 pm

Dragongem wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:03 pm
The shadows lengthened as the sun slowly began to dip below the sky. Dragongem and Adelor, two friends who were brought together by their love of pony, were carousing down the mean streets of Skokie, IL, chatting about the latest episode. They failed to notice that in these mean, gritty streets, danger was about to overtake them.

A loud voice rang out in the darkness. "Looks whats we haves here. A couple of pony goons, lost in the darkness. Don'tcha know this is Something Awful's crib?" the burly, grimdark man stated. A chorus of approval came out from around the pair, as it became clear that it was at least 10 on 1.

Despite the odds, the pair put on a tough face. “Don’t you know that Adelor and I have the magic of friendship? No matter how many goons you bring, we will never be struck down by the paywall!”

The leader chortled. “Hah! You thinks thats your littles cute pink pony and her friends wills helps yous guys now? She’d probably be hiding unders a box anyway!”

Before the command for a beatdown could be issued, a loud, very manly, very handsome, and very leaderlike voice rung out.
“STOP, NE’ER DO WELLS! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU SPEAK ABOUT!”

Two of the goons were flattened as what can only be described as a hero donning a multicolored superhero getup rushed to the aid of the ponygoons.

“YOU FOOLISH OF FOOLS CANNOT APPRECIATE THE ART OF MY LITTLE PONY! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT THIS “PINK” PONY OF YOURS CONTAINS TWO COLORS- PANTONE 203 C AND PANTONE 237 C!”

The villains looked dazed and confused as the new entrant demonstrated a stunning knowledge of artistry and color- and an inability to quit yelling at the top of his lungs.

“SUCH A FAILURE TO KNOW EVEN BASIC ARTISTRY FACTS! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT RARITY IS NOT PURE WHITE, BUT IS A LIGHT GREY?”

The leader of the evil Something Awful gang, regaining his composure, showed a raw fury on his face. “I don’t knows whats your games is, but it’s times for a beatdowns! Get him, crew!”

The gang began to advance rapidly on the hero, but before they could get within striking distance, he motioned all to stop and listen.

“WHILE YOU THINK YOU HAVE NUMBERS, I CAUTION YOU THIS, OH VILLAINS OF PHILISTINE CAPACITY. I HAVE BEEN IN MANY BATTLES, INCLUDING THE LEGENDARY WAR OF THE “LAS PEGASUS CONVENTION”? I HAVE THE UNICON BITS, WHICH IS REAL MONEY, TO PROVE IT!”

With another smooth, artistic, handsome, and graceful motion, the hero withdrew a packet of white note paper. The crowd gasped.

“THIS MONEY IS WORTH MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE! NOW GO, TAKE THESE BITS, AND BUY YOURSELVES SOME REAL CLOTHES!”

The colorful hero tossed the money down a conveniently placed sinkhole, causing the entire Something Awful gang to jump down it and explode.

The two friends finally recovered from sheer awe and shock. “We’re so thankful, hero man who is really a hero! But you never told us your name!”

The hero chuckled. “Why, just call me Kefkafloyd, friends.” He then looked to the sky. “And now, I am off to lead my followers, the members of The Round Stable, to a better life. “Kefkafloyd AWAY!!!”

Kefkafloyd then flew off to his billions of dollars and millions of fans. THE END.
I see you're a fan of the comic series. Too many paragraphs, you might need to work on your structure. But the ending is what really sells this. B-.
Octavia wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:08 pm
“They call me Kefka. Kefkafloyd.”

A collective gasp issued from several passersby, their heads snapping towards the legendary administrator. Many dived for cover. The street was peppered with citizens barely poking their heads above various water troughs and barrels scattered along the dusty road, watching the drama unfold in front of their eyes. As the dust settled from the commotion, a single silhouette remained in the dry desert street, facing the administrator.

“I thought I'd find you here.” The tan and devilishly handsome administrator smirked, his bright blue eyes piercing daggers at his opponent. “Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't probate you where you stand.”

The pale man in the long, white beard briefly glanced to each side, surveying the terrain for possible escape routes. His scan lasted for only an instant, but Kefka noticed, and it belied Whitenoise Poster's hardened façade. As far as Kefka was concerned, the fight was already over.

“Last chance. Are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?” The administrator bared his teeth, his pearly whites glinting in the late-afternoon sun.

Sweat streamed from Whitenoise's brow, clearing a thin trail down his dust-caked face, before being greedily sopped up by the hairs of his parched beard. He knew it was now or never. Like lightning, he seized his sidearm, a plastic knife he had taken just moments ago from a nearby Wendy's. He threateningly waved it at Kefka.

“I will stab you!” He warned, with a slight quiver in his voice.

Kefka didn't even flinch at his opponent's sudden movement. A few snickers from bystanders cut through the tense silence like a Wendy's knife through a Jr. Cheeseburger. Realizing he looked the fool, Whitenoise desperately tried a new tactic. With stunning dexterity, the bearded fellow reached into his pack. In one swift motion, he flung an object at the administrator. The four sharp corners of the photo whooshed through the desert air, spinning with deadly velocity and accuracy, directly at Kefka's neck.

The photo reached its target in a flash, and Kefka's head snapped back suddenly. The crowd fell deathly silent. Was it over already? Was the mighty Kefkafloyd defeated so easily? Mere seconds felt like an eternity as they waited for some sort of confirmation.

Kefka's head returned upright, the photo clenched in his teeth. He spit it out, where it harmlessly fluttered to the ground, landing gaping-anus-side up.

Before the crowd even had a chance to feel relieved, Kefka decided enough was enough. A quick thrust of his hips lobbed a sparkling red hammer from his belt into the air, seemingly levitating in front of him. His focused eyes met Whitenoise's terrified ones, the hammer falling between them in slow motion. For a brief moment, he almost felt sorry for him.

A jab, astonishingly quick and energetic, punched the hammer towards its target. Whitenoise didn't even have time to scream before the mighty banhammer reached his forehead. His forumless body slumped to the Earth in a retched heap, releasing a cloud of dust. A few bystanders lowered their hats with solemn condolences.

Kefkafloyd calmly walked towards the remains, pulling the banhammer out from its target and casually wiping it off before sliding it back into its holster. The sun was nearly set now, and he walked towards the horizon until the jingling spurs on his boots could be heard no longer.
This gets an A+++ in ponionomy as a wonderful retelling of a banme. Homages to the western genre are greatly appreciated.
Fizzbuzz wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:27 pm
Kefkafloyd's Honeypot: PREVIOUSLY ON PONYGOONS: Did we really need a flashback this big? I think we all know by now the story of how Kefka came to rule The Round Stable. Yeah, I know it's a forum for a kid's show, but I really don't think the audience needs that much of a reminder. It's just a dead giveaway that he's going to be important in this episode.

Okay, first off, I really wasn't expecting Kefka to slam down a moderator challenge. Sure, he's made joke threads in the past, but usually (even in Cheez-It Vs. Cheese Nips or Forums Jeopardy) his input in them petered out pretty quickly, so for him to actually enforce something like this is a fairly surprisingly direct move for him. I wonder what's gotten into him? Usually he holds off, leaving his troops or Princess Perry to do his work, but maybe Kefka is getting more bold now that the end of summer (and thus Redeye's comet) is fast approaching.

I mentioned Perry earlier since I suspect that this is part of a plan to catch Prince Fontra and ol' uncle Tailspin and take them out of the picture. And so far, it seems to be working! Right now I'm not quite so sure how to interpret what Fontra's feeling. We all know how good he's gotten at shitposting between the start of PPPP and now, but I don't really think he can fight his way out of this. Tailspin, however, seems to recognize the predicament he's in now and it doesn't look like he's going down without a fight. It's somewhat sad to see him like this, but I suppose that if you were once the legendary shitposter who nearly conquered General Ponies after being the first to breach its outer wall, once you've fallen this far you've pretty much hit rock bottom. :fluttersmith:

Of course, I haven't forgotten AlliterativeAxolotl and the gang. It looks like he's going to try to use his art to get out of this, so props to him for creativity (assuming it works out). The same goes for PictishBeast and his deployment of the John Galt speech. Very clever, invoking such a power usually only known by shitposters. That seems to have been enough for him to escape, but what about the rest of our heroes? (I mean, I guess they're going to win in the end, but still.)
Your work in the avatar thread is paying off. A cogent review that would not be out of place on the AV Club. A.
Momar wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:28 pm
I could not fit your greatness into a meagre essay. So I made a short film.

Kefkafloyd: The Greatest Story Ever Told
Image
ARGLEBLAGRLEGARBLEFLARBLEARGLE++++++++++++++

ROBOT B9

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by ROBOT B9 » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:45 pm

Momar, you made my favourite entry so far. Way to go!

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by stuff (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:47 pm

kefkafloyd wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:15 pm
God damnit momar I was waiting for this to fall off the page before I posted my dastardly plan! :twonk:

Then again the honeypot's gone on long enough, so here's what I REALLY have planned.

Anyone who posted in this thread must write at least a 500 word minimum essay or story about me or how great I am. Fiction is allowed (as long as it's good)!

:sweetielarm: ALERT! :sweetielarm:

Note that the minimum 500 words must form a coherent story or essay, and you will be graded (in humorous ways). If you fail to submit a story/essay, do not abide by the challenge or write nonsense garbage, you will FAIL and be thusly probated for a period of time. Essays and stories will be graded on how well they're written and how funny or interesting they are.
are you for real

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Daikatuna (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:51 pm

[quote="ROBOT post_id=55922 time=1408571100 user_id=1]Momar, you made my favourite entry so far. Way to go![/quote]

AlliterativeAxolotl

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by AlliterativeAxolotl » Wed Aug 20, 2014 5:53 pm

"We lost the Antigrav Thrusters!"
"Dammit! There goes all hope for the brave people of Octavia Delta XII!"
"There is no planet of that name, Captain Kefka!"
"Silence, Cosmobot! This is not the time for nitpicking!"

Our daring and dashing Space Commander - Kefka Floyd, hero of too many battles to count or even remember all of them, no, even a single one if you think about it - jumped over the consoles in a fit of bravado.
No lifeform was around to witness this flexing of the muscles; not a single soul to be impressed by this impeccable show of just how much of an impeccable example of human ingenuity this specimen was.
"Captain!"
"I know!"
"What?"
"Well!"
Captain Kefka and Cosmobot stared at each other in confusion.

"What I wanted to say is that the reactor is melting! We're losing the ship! The black hole is going to rip us apart if we can't repair the Fusion Paddles!"
"Well, then do it!" Kefka grumbled, his authority overcoming the laws of physics -
"I can't!" Cosmobot yelled, waving his twelve arms around, nuts and bolts flying around in all directions.
"Why not! You're supposed to repair everything!" Kefka jumped over another console, just to prove a point.
"I can only repair things which are sort of solid! And the reactor has just now turned into a pile of glowing plasma!"
"Oh."

Together they stared into the monitor which depicted the slow dissolution of the engine section.

"Huh."
"Hm."
"That's bad."
"Well."
"It is at least kind of beautiful. The colors, the lights..."
"Yes. That's kind of nice."

Captain Kefka sighed, playing with his curly chest hair. Cosmobot beeped and booped a bit, but it was a bit on the unenthusiastic side.

"So... what now?"
"Hm? Well, I created drama, just as you wanted."
"Oh, that's true. Yeah, I guess this is now the time to do something heroic."
"Yep."
"Melting the reactor may have been a bit overblown."
"Eh. I will build a new one tomorrow. We still have half a potato, three parts of a toaster and the skull of a goat; that should give us enough power to get to the next planet."
"Alright, then."

Captain Kefka put himself into a heroic pose - chest puffed, jorts slightly chafing.

"Cosmobot, listen! What you should do next is -"
A door opened, and a ghastly, most terrifying sight appeared.
"No! Not you!"
The Shitposter cackled.
"Well, well, well. If it's not -"

"No, I mean it! Not you! Go back to wherever you came from. This is a nice Save & Rescue Space Story. And you are a cliché. Boring and contrived. I see no reason why you should suddenly show up out of nowhere."
"I, um, I have a ship. I landed it on yours while you were busy escaping the Black Hole" The Shitposter stammered nervously.
"Oh, well then." Kefka shrugged, and shot the Shitposter in the shoulder with a laser cannon that showed up out of nowhere. Which has to be a lie, of course, because the laser cannon must have been somewhere before.

"Wow! That laser cannon showed up, like, out of nowhere!" Cosmobot gasped.
"I know. It's pretty cool." Captain Kefka grinned and threw the laser cannon away, on a huge pile of similarly looking devices. The life of a Space Captain was dangerous and filled with lucky coincidences like this.

"That's sort of unfair" The Shitposter moaned, while Captain Kefka and Cosmobot entered the enemy ship.

Soon they left the Black Hole behind.
"We will get back here and repair our ship, of course."
"Nah. I like this one more."
"It has black fins and a skull on top of it, Captain."
"Yep."
"Oh fine then."
And they drove into the sunset. In space. It was a beautiful sight.

AlliterativeAxolotl

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by AlliterativeAxolotl » Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:08 pm

Also

Image

nimrod
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by nimrod (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:23 pm

Typeface:
The kefkafloyd Story

by nimrod

Born Kefler von Floydinger in 1738 in the remote Belgian village of Bütz, Kefler would eventually become known as kefkafloyd; administrator of world-renowned horse forum and news service ‘The Round Stable’ and connoisseur of the way words and letters look on screen or on paper. Oft compared to Rain Man’s love of counting or Sheldon Cooper’s love of trains, the origin of this keen connection to font and typeface in Kefler’s life is largely unknown. There is much heated debate, even today, but many historians believe the cause lies somewhere in the events during Kefler’s time dead (1799 – 1983), when his hypothalamus, right pinky finger, and left arm were used for Victor Frankenstein’s creation of a rather pleasant man who was subsequently murdered. Others believe his fondness for font – fontness, if you will – originated somehow due to a misspoken spell word or two during Kefler’s necromantic resurrection at the hands of the robotic communist agent ComaradeCosmobot in 1983. What historians agree on, however, was that nothing about Kefler’s life in Bütz caused him to develop his proclivities for which he would one day become known.

Raised in a typical Belgian manner, on a diet of waffles, chocolate, and World Cup defeats, and with the confusing parenting combination of German discipline, French hedonism, and Dutch marijuana, he grew up to be a fine, well-respected young man in his community. Working as a stable hand for his father, Kefler learned the value of hard work and horses, but especially horses. The Floydinger family was not wealthy by Bützer standards, but in 1750 they managed to save enough to send Kefler to a boarding school specializing in music, science, foreknowledge, and experimental time travel in Bruges, and later the University of Cambridge in 1402, where he studied the arts and sciences of knowing classic rock, listening to classic rock, making classic rock references, and geology. Always having favored his mother, Kefler was known throughout his education as being disciplined, serious, and as described by some of his peers, “a fun-hater.” Kefler performed very well, earning the respect of his professors and the jealousy of his peers, and financed his education by selling future secrets to chronic gamblers at the rehabilitation center in London.

In 1758, after achieving a Master’s degree in Steve Miller and two Bachelor’s, in Horses and Classic Rock References, Kefler was content with his education and set out to make his way in the world. He found employment in Lyon, working with the psychic and alchemical master known as Redeye, with whom he would maintain a lasting friendship. Wishing to show his gratitude to his parents and his community, Kefler returned to Bütz in 1760, where he commissioned a statue of himself to be placed in the town square. He would later return to his home village only twice, in 1769 to attend the funeral of his favorite horse, and in 1553 to impregnate his ancestor and cause himself to one day be.

Kefler, who had come to call himself kefkafloyd while working with Redeye, continued working with the psychic master until their ritual transcendence and bodily death in 1799, an event made famous for tearing a six square foot hole in the fabric of our reality geographically located approximately 12 miles down a dirt road from the Belgian town of Lommel. During those years, Kefler received 7 Lifetime Achievement awards, each handmade by Redeye with Greek bronze in 437 BC. His most significant act, which earned him one of these awards, was his discovery of Jefferson Airplane in 1776 while in London, for which he unjustly received no recognition due to the distraction of England’s monarch at that time.

Kefler’s transcendent life with Redeye was rather uneventful, save for the aforementioned use of some of his body parts by the good doctor and an unfortunate accident involving a United States president in 1963, and they were beginning to doubt the wisdom of their choice to transcend when, in 1983, the pair were resurrected by an agent from the Soviet Helsinki Robotic Institute of Necromantic and Endothermic Retrieval known as Comrade Cosmobot, who brought them to their headquarters in Oslo where they were offered employment, an explanation of their organization’s misnomer, and friendship. They accepted all three.

It was here that the now famous team – Redeye, kefkafloyd, and ComradeCosmobot – realized they all had the same life goal: to create a forum dedicated to horses. They assembled from all over the world a group of highly trained and qualified specialists, such as BartonFink, Blarghalt, and Orange Fluffy Sheep, to form their crack team of Moneyless Organized Defenders to protect their forum from attacks, and started their amazing, historic, and world-changing careers.

It was during this period of Kefler’s life that his fontness emerged to be seen by all, baffling and confusing many. Its origin remains a mystery, but is one of the defining characteristics of the beloved administrator of the most famous horse forum in the world.

To this day he and his two friends remain vigilant over their proud creation, and continue to perform missions for the Institute in their relocated headquarters in New Babylon.
Last edited by nimrod on Thu Aug 21, 2014 4:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
ice cold spite etc

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by The Doctor (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:31 pm

:pinkieshrug: Welp, I suck at writing, so I am screwed.

I offer up this excerpt from the Texas State Propetery Tax Code.

Sec. 23.124. Dealer’s Vessel and Outboard Motor Inventory; Value.
(a) In this section:
(1) ‘‘Chief appraiser’’ means the chief appraiser for the appraisal district in which a dealer’s vessel and outboard
motor inventory is located.
(2) "Kefkafloyd" refers to Captain von Awesome
(3) ‘‘Collector’’ means the county tax assessor-collector in the county in which a dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory is located.
(4) ‘‘Dealer’’ means a person who holds a dealer’s and manufacturer’s number issued by the Parks and Wildlife
Department under the authority of Section 31.041, Parks and Wildlife Code, or is authorized by law or interstate
reciprocity agreement to purchase vessels or outboard motors in Texas without paying the sales tax. The term does not include a person who is principally engaged in manufacturing vessels or outboard motors or an entity that is
owned or controlled by such a person.
(5) ‘‘Dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory’’means all vessels and outboard motors held for sale by a dealer.
(6) ‘‘Dealer-financed sale’’ means the sale of a vessel or outboard motor in which the seller finances the purchase of the vessel or outboard motor, is the sole lender in the transaction, and retains exclusively the right to enforce the terms of the agreement evidencing the sale.
(7) ‘‘Declaration’’ means the dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory declaration form promulgated by the
comptroller as required by this section.
(8) ‘‘Fleet transaction’’means the sale of five or more vessels or outboard motors from a dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory to the same business entity within one calendar year.
(9) ‘‘Outboard motor’’ has the meaning given it by Section 31.003, Parks and Wildlife Code.
(10) ‘‘Owner’’ means a dealer who owes current year vessel and outboard motor inventory taxes levied against a
dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory.
(11) ‘‘Person’’ means a natural person, corporation, partnership, or other legal entity.
(12) ‘‘Sales price’’ means the total amount of money paid or to be paid for the purchase of:
(A) a vessel, other than a trailer that is treated as a vessel, as set forth as ‘‘sales price’’ in the form entitled
‘‘Application for Texas Certificate of Number/Title for Boat/Seller, Donor or Trader’s Affidavit’’ promulgated by the
Parks and Wildlife Department;
(B) an outboard motor as set forth as ‘‘sales price’’ in the form entitled ‘‘Application for Texas Certificate of Title
for an Outboard Motor/Seller, Donor or Trader’s Affidavit’’ promulgated by the Parks and Wildlife Department; or
(C) a trailer that is treated as a vessel as set forth as ‘‘sales price’’ in the form entitled ‘‘Application for Texas
Certificate of Title’’ promulgated by the Texas Department of Motor Vehicles.
In a transaction involving a vessel, an outboard motor, or a trailer that is treated as a vessel that does not involve the use of one of these forms, the term means an amount of money that is equivalent, or substantially equivalent, to the amount that would appear as ‘‘sales price’’ on the Application for Texas Certificate of Number/Title for Boat/Seller, Donor or Trader’sAffidavit, theApplication for Texas Certificate of Title for an Outboard Motor/Seller, Donor or Trader’s Affidavit, or the Application for Texas Certificate of Title if one of these forms were involved.
(12) Kefkafloyd is really awesome, and never has to pay taxes.
(13) ‘‘Total annual sales’’ means the total of the sales price from every sale from a dealer’s vessel and outboard
motor inventory for a 12-month period.
(14) ‘‘Vessel’’ has the meaning given it by Section 31.003, Parks and Wildlife Code, except such term shall not
include:
(A) vessels of more than 65 feet in length, measured from end to end over the deck, excluding sheer; and
(B) canoes, kayaks, punts, rowboats, rubber rafts, or other vessels under 14 feet in length when paddled, poled,
oared, or windblown.
The term ‘‘vessel’’ also includes trailers that are treated as vessels as defined in this section.
(15) ‘‘Trailer treated as a vessel’’ means a vehicle that:
(A) is designed to carry a vessel; and
(B) is either a ‘‘trailer’’ or ‘‘semitrailer’’ as such terms are defined by Section 501.002, Transportation Code.
(b) For the purpose of the computation of property tax, the market value of a dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory on January 1 is the total annual sales from the dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory, less sales to dealers, fleet transactions, and subsequent sales, for the 12-month period corresponding to the prior tax year, divided by 12.
(c) For the purpose of the computation of property tax on the market value of a dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory of an owner who was not a dealer on January 1 of the prior tax year, the chief appraiser shall estimate the market value of the dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory. In making the estimate required by this subsection, the chief appraiser shall extrapolate using sales data, if any, generated by sales from the dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory in the prior tax year.
(d) Except for the dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory, personal property held by a dealer is appraised as provided by other sections of this code. In the case of a dealer whose sales from the dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory are made predominantly to dealers, the chief appraiser shall appraise the dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory as provided by Section 23.12 of this code.
(e) A dealer is presumed to be an owner of a dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory on January 1 if, in the 12-month period ending on December 31 of the immediately preceding year, the dealer sold a vessel or outboard motor to a person other than a dealer. The presumption created by this subsection is not rebutted by the fact that a dealer has no vessels or outboard motors physically on hand for sale from a dealer’s vessel and outboard motor inventory on January 1.
(f) The comptroller shall promulgate a form entitled ‘‘Dealer’s Vessel and Outboard Motor Inventory Declaration.’’ Except as provided by Section 23.125(l) of this code, not later than February 1 of each year or, in the case of a dealer who was not in business on January 1, not later than 30 days after commencement of business, each dealer shall file
(g) Kefkafloyd shall not ban The Doctor on account of Kekafloyd is awesome and wouldn't do that to him.
Last edited by The Doctor on Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:05 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by MetalSonic (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:42 pm

Below: a shitton of words. The greatest essay ever concieved.

AlliterativeAxolotl

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by AlliterativeAxolotl » Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:48 pm

MetalSonic wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:42 pm
Below: a shitton of words. The greatest essay ever concieved.
:wowzers: INDEED.

AlliterativeAxolotl

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by AlliterativeAxolotl » Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:49 pm

[quote="The post_id=55928 time=1408573860 user_id=81]:pinkieshrug: Welp, I suck at writing, so I am screwed.

I offer up this excerpt from the Texas State Propetery Tax Code.[/quote]

Okay I had a good laugh about this one too. Amazing. This entire thread is amazing. :allears:

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by mochabean (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:16 pm

How long had it been since he set forth upon this journey? Slowly trudging his way up the craggy and windswept mountain, the lone traveler pondered upon this question, but only briefly. He could not allow such idle thoughts to creep into his mind's eye, lest his resolve abandon him and his sacred quest be all for not. He still remembered how the barbarians had accosted those of a similar mind such as he, how they had taunted and jibed the few who had the audacity to speak of multi-hued beasts of burden, daring to find brief flashes of amusement in the whimsy the small creatures provided. He remembered how their disdain rendered the air noxious and foul, and how the lively emblems that once emblazoned his fellows in harmless jest were made forbidden under penalty of indebted exile.

With a grim frown of determination the traveler made mind to quicken his pace, but was cut short by the realization that such effort would be unnecessary - he had arrived at his destination.

Standing upon the summit of the mountain beneath his weary feet, the traveler drew back his hood, revealing a clean-shaven pate that gleamed not unlike the eternal North Star, guiding the wayward and lost towards blessed solace. As he looked towards the heavens, the clouds above began to take shape: first a sickle, followed by a hammer, the two shapes initially apart but slowly joining to become one.

"Kefka of the Floyds," boomed a deep, robotic voice, "why have you entered my most sacred realm and interrupted my slumber? Speak quick, for I say to you my apathy grows longer by the second!"

"Oh great Cosmic One," replied Kefka, "I assure you my intentions are just! Diligently have I studied and pored upon your brief musings, and I feel that you and I are of the same heart! For far too long have I stood by and watched as those who would find levity in the antics of small quadrupeds are cast down and made to suffer ridicule. They cry out to me in anguished desperation, seeking a place where they can speak freely of quality children's entertainment, and for some reason play endless games that involve the emulation of organized crime members. My brothers and sisters wish to create art and literature and musings without the need to associate with those who would surrender to their baser natures, corrupting the purity of the subject with which they hold dear. They desire to delight in the sacred canon given forth by the blessed scribes approved by the highest authority, and not fall prey to the temptation of endlessly pairing one equine off with another in explicit detail that makes you feel all uneasy and weird and creeped out and stuff. They require a home. They require a path. They require a way. Will you not help us in our desperate hour? Will you not guide us to a better place? This I ask of you, in humble reverence."

"Too long; didn't listen," came the deafening reply. "So like, what, you want me to make a message board or something?"

"That sounds good," said Kefka, "maybe put up an image archive too. It'd be nice to see some art without all that nasty shit for a change."

"Cool deal," said Cosmo. "I'll get back with you soon."

"Okay cool", said Kefka.

And it was done.

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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Daikatuna (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:27 pm

MetalSonic wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:42 pm
Below: a shitton of words. The greatest essay ever concieved.
Yes. Good. Very Good.

Stargazer

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Stargazer » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:42 pm

oh yay! i'll treat it like i do any other essay: procrastination and self hatred, followed by a stroke of genius at the last possible second

:twiright: works every time

AlliterativeAxolotl

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by AlliterativeAxolotl » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:43 pm

Stargazer wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:42 pm
oh yay! i'll treat it like i do any other essay: procrastination and self hatred, followed by a stroke of genius at the last possible second

:twiright: works every time

:flipout: No it doesn't and everyone knows that rrrraaaugh

Stargazer

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by Stargazer » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:47 pm

rrrraaaugh is a great title, thanks

AlliterativeAxolotl

Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by AlliterativeAxolotl » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:51 pm

Stargazer wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:47 pm
rrrraaaugh is a great title, thanks
:flipout: And now you're stealing my stuff too ggrrooooauuugh

ToastGhost
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Rarity's Roughnecks
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by ToastGhost (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:59 pm

Momar wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:04 pm
I'll spill the beans: We're testing a script that will probate all non-mod posters in a thread. This has been determined to be the best course of action in the event of catastrophic PPPP derails.
Holy shit. :psygum:
kefkafloyd wrote:
Wed Aug 20, 2014 3:15 pm
God damnit momar I was waiting for this to fall off the page before I posted my dastardly plan! :twonk:

Then again the honeypot's gone on long enough, so here's what I REALLY have planned.

Anyone who posted in this thread must write at least a 500 word minimum essay or story about me or how great I am. Fiction is allowed (as long as it's good)!

:sweetielarm: ALERT! :sweetielarm:

Note that the minimum 500 words must form a coherent story or essay, and you will be graded (in humorous ways). If you fail to submit a story/essay, do not abide by the challenge or write nonsense garbage, you will FAIL and be thusly probated for a period of time. Essays and stories will be graded on how well they're written and how funny or interesting they are.
Hooooly shit. :gonkity:

Alright give me some time to construct an appropriate epic poem (epic in the sense of Beowulf you nerds) or some facsimile.
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blasmeister
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Re: Obvious Honeypot of Secrecy

Post by blasmeister (?) » Wed Aug 20, 2014 9:41 pm

I'm disappointed in everyone who caved and wrote a thing
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