ITT we're humans in equestria

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Lazy

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Lazy » Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:06 am

[quote="The post_id=56122 time=1410234840 user_id=143]:allears: Twilight, have you met Ember? He's the new pony around town. I think h-he likes me a little
:flutterunsmith: maybe
:-I No, I haven't! What about you, Pinkie Pie?
:-D He's helping me put on the best party in ponyville history by introducing me to!
:v: He's not a very good racer though, could barely manage a full trot! What a loveable nerd!
:wink: Well, he's certainly bold about fashion, always dressed in those full linen white sheets, even after labor day
:-I Huh... Well, that's interesting, but Applejack, you've been rather quiet, have you met this Ember?
:bluh: ...
:squintyjack: I have... and I got to be frank with ya'll. He's a monkey. A giant monkey.
:beggarshy: :skeptical: :offendash: :wat: :yikes:
:-/ Well that's an odd accusation.
:applejargh: I'm serious! He's a giant monkey!
:rariwhat: Now Applejack, you can't be serious. He's just... large for a pony is all. Look, here he comes now! Trust me, you'll see he's no monkey!
:angry: He's a monkey I tell ya, a giant monkey!
:vogue: Oh! Ember dahling! Please come here! We'd like you to meet our friend, the fair Princess Twilight Sparkle.
:twismug: Hello there.
:iiam: Ah, Princess Twilight Sparkle, an honor to meet you. I've heard so much about you from your friends.
:excite: Just Twilight is fine. So, when did you move to ponyville?
:eyebrow: Look! His back legs never move, and his tail never swooshes! He's a monkey I tell you!
:ohrarity: Be quiet Applejack, this is no time to offend a new neighbor!
:iiam: Heh. Neighbor.
:rariwhat: I beg pardon?
:iiam: Oh, nothing! I'm a recent arrival as a matter of fact, though I've managed to bump into your friends by coincidence one way or another.
:-P I threw him a welcome to town sheeted stranger party!
:-/ Right.
:eyebrow: So, er, Ember fellar, why's your neck so long? You a giraffe.... or maybe a monkey?
:whatsup: I will murder you
:iiam: Oh, my great grandfather on my mothers side was a giraffe, so long necks run in the family. That makes sense, right?
:skeptical: Uhh...
:q: Makes sense to me!
:ohrarity: Of course it does! I swear Applejack if you say another word...
:colbert: Hey Twilight, you gonna do anything about this?
:spoiler: No I kind of want to see how this plays out.
:notthisshitagain: Oh yeah? How's about your complete lack of a snout?
:iiam: Oh.... I uh... Lost it. In the war.
:eyebrow: What war? The great monkey war?
:iiam: ... The war on poverty?
:vogue: See, charming and generous, if a little odd looking, and you doubted him Applejack!
:iiam: .... Aaaaanyways, I think I'll be going now. Nice meeting you Twilight, and I'll see the rest of you around.
:squintyjack: *Steps on the tail end of his sheet as he walks away, causing it to pull off and reveal him to be a six foot human with the hind end of a hose costume attached behind him*
:ghost: ... Fuck.
:applejargh: See, I told you he was a monkey!
:shock: :-o :saddershy: :shutup: :tinfoil:
:ghost: I just remembered, I have an appointment in alpacapoco *Flees*
:applejargh: And don't come back now y'hear! Ya nasty varmint!
:twasnothin: I told you he was a monkey.

Ghosty-Boo, Ghosty-Boo what's the matter with you? You wear a disguise to look like pony guys, but your not a horse, you're a Ghosty-Boo.[/quote]this is actually literally a fanfic. like I don't mean that in a bad way but you should probably just write fanfic

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Scuderia (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:07 am

Octavia wrote:
Mon Sep 08, 2014 10:35 pm
"Why is nobody weirded out that I know everything about them without them having ever met me?"
:notgonnadoit: :"You retconned me with a song?!!"
:sheepish: :"Retcon is such a harsh word..."

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by The Ghost of Ember (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:08 am

Lazy wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:06 am
this is actually literally a fanfic. like I don't mean that in a bad way but you should probably just write fanfic
:effort:
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RIP Syndrome wrote:
Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:56 pm
this universe is cursed

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PhoolCat (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 4:47 am

:gonkity: "OH GODS THEY DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THEY DO ON THE SHOW!!"
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PhoolCat (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 4:48 am

*Goes to learn how to be a Jedi from the Voodoo Lady who lives in the swamp*
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Throbulator

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Throbulator » Tue Sep 09, 2014 6:19 am

I could probably get a job picking apples.

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Your MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue.

"So you're saying..."

Your brain is about 20% tumor.
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Aramek (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:10 am

Throbulator wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 6:19 am
I could probably get a job picking apples.
Low hanging fruit there.
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Throbulator

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Throbulator » Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:22 am

With a ladder I could get those higher in the trees too.

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Angel Beat (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:53 am

Throbulator wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:22 am
With a ladder I could get those higher in the trees too.
Then Applejack kicks the tree you're in and it becomes a sad healing shipfic. :-I
New signature pending.

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:54 am

Throbulator wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 6:19 am
I could probably get a job picking apples.
*goes to magical idealized horse world, gets a job that back home is normally reserved for migrant workers and pays less than minimum wage*
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Aramek
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Your MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue.

"So you're saying..."

Your brain is about 20% tumor.
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Aramek (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:59 am

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:54 am
*goes to magical idealized horse world, gets a job that back home is normally reserved for migrant workers and pays less than minimum wage*
Yeah, seriously, at least get a job wherein you fill a niche.
Image There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.

Aramek
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Your MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue.

"So you're saying..."

Your brain is about 20% tumor.
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Aramek (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:04 am

Like, I could work at a hospital because they aren't all unicorns.
Image There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.

Aramek
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Your MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue.

"So you're saying..."

Your brain is about 20% tumor.
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Aramek (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:06 am

You have any idea how much easier it is to put IVs in horses? Marshmallow ponies couldn't be that much worse.
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by ToastGhost (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:07 am

Where's Lyra I'm sure she has an explanation for all this. :-/
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Throbulator

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Throbulator » Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:08 am

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:54 am
*goes to magical idealized horse world, gets a job that back home is normally reserved for migrant workers and pays less than minimum wage*
:eyebrow:

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:19 am

Throbulator wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:08 am
:eyebrow:
*explains humanity's injustices and inequalities toward its own kind, is met with shock and horror from ponies*
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Daikatuna (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:21 am

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:19 am
*explains humanity's injustices and inequalities toward its own kind, is met with shock and horror from ponies*
*writer is oblivious to the fact that ponies assholes as well*

PictishBeast

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PictishBeast » Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:59 am

*discovers that working on a farm or working in a bakery or working as a dressmaker's assistant is actually really hard*

"This isn't fair at all! Why back on earth I spent all day sitting in my room getting mad about video games on the internet!"

*visits the background ponies to see where all the easy jobs are at*

*realizes Bon Bon hauls garbage for a living*

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Logicgate (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:17 am

[quote="The post_id=56108 time=1410231180 user_id=81]Assuming there's no way back, seek out some magic pony to just transform me.

:awesomedash: into a Pegasus, of course.[/quote]
Pretty sure it's canon that turning a mare into a stallion is a nigh-impossible feat of magic, so I'm gonna be super pissed if they developed a spell for turning sentient primates into horses before developing a simple procedure to make life better for trans ponies.

*becomes an advocate for health benefits for transgender cartoon horses I guess*

PictishBeast

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PictishBeast » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:24 am

Logicgate wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:17 am
*becomes an advocate for health benefits for transgender cartoon horses I guess*
love this :awesomedash:

PictishBeast

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PictishBeast » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:27 am

*visits Cheese Sandwich*

"Your best album was 'Running With Scissors.'"

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PhoolCat (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:29 am

Logicgate wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:17 am
Pretty sure it's canon that turning a mare into a stallion is a nigh-impossible feat of magic, so I'm gonna be super pissed if they developed a spell for turning sentient primates into horses before developing a simple procedure to make life better for trans ponies.

*becomes an advocate for health benefits for transgender cartoon horses I guess*
If anypone can, it's Celestia - also she wouldn't be turning a mare into a stallion per se, but changing a stallion's outsides?
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:32 am

*Is injured and hospitalized the first week thanks to being surrounded by large horses*

IT AIN'T SAFE IN EQUESTRIA I TELLS YA :twonk:
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Scuderia (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:36 am

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:54 am
*goes to magical idealized horse world, gets a job that back home is normally reserved for migrant workers and pays less than minimum wage*

Alternatively:

*uses hands to click two metal spoons rhythmically like this *

:yay: :"Oh my gosh! Everypony look at what the human is doing!"
:crack: :"That is SO COOL!"
:pcstare: :"I want you to play for my royal court."
:no: :"I could have come up with that!"
:twiright: :"Don't be envious of the human, Spike!"

*is now world famous*

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Logicgate (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:37 am

PhoolCat wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:29 am
If anypone can, it's Celestia - also she wouldn't be turning a mare into a stallion per se, but changing a stallion's outsides?
Yeah, we're definitely gonna have to nail down the sex/gender distinction in gendered terms for horses.

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Logicgate (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:41 am

*advocates for better representation of males in local and federal government, just for the novelty of it*

PictishBeast

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PictishBeast » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:44 am

Tailspin wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:21 am
*writer is oblivious to the fact that ponies assholes as well*
*unknowingly violates dozens of social taboos due to not being raised in Equestria, disgusted ponies never stop making this face*

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Aramek
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Your MRI results have shown total infection to now be approximately one fifth of the full mass of the tissue.

"So you're saying..."

Your brain is about 20% tumor.
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Aramek (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:44 am

*performs hamboning*
Image There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.

PictishBeast

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PictishBeast » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:47 am

*corners Cadance, explains at length the difference between an empire and a principality*

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by blasmeister (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:20 am

Grilox wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:32 am
*Is injured and hospitalized the first week thanks to being surrounded by large horses*

IT AIN'T SAFE IN EQUESTRIA I TELLS YA :twonk:

*writes angry letters to hasbro concerning false advertising in product titles*
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:23 am

Finally, I can live my dream and go to the post office naked.
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Dragongem » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:31 am

*trips constantly*

PictishBeast

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PictishBeast » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:32 am

Image

"Hey Doctor Whooves! Over here!"

Image "Excuse me, are you talking to me?"

"Exterminate! Bad Wolf! Silence will fall!"

Image "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying."

"Why don't you wear a bow tie? Bow ties are cool! Fezzes are cool!"

Image "Um, I guess?"

"Geronimo! Jammy dodgers! Allons-y!"

Image "Listen, I'd like to help you, but I've really got to go."

"Got to go get fish fingers and custard, I bet! Farewell Doctor! Don't blink!"

Image "My name's Time Turner, asshole."

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:40 am

"Let me explain to you all about Human Jesus ..."
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Daikatuna (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:55 am

Aramek wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:44 am
*performs hamboning*
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:58 am

PictishBeast wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:47 am
*corners Cadance, explains at length the difference between an empire and a principality*
Same, except with Celestia.
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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PhoolCat (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:03 pm

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:58 am
Same, except with Celestia.
"Yes yes, my little ape - but you see being a human is actually illegal in my realm. In fact, it is the only capital offence on the books." :pcstare:
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Dragongem

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Dragongem » Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:04 pm

*rides Celestia around*

:pcstare: "This is ridiculous and absurd! You will be banished to the moon for this!"

:skeletor: "Here, have another slice of cake."

:pcstare: "But not yet!"

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Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by Scuderia (?) » Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:09 pm

:pcstare: :"So if I understand you correctly, the Earth in your world revolves around the Sun?"

:speakest: :"Literally writ into the very fabric of the heavens - My Sister is the center of attention."

:pcstare: :"That is the nuttiest thing I have ever heard."

:speakest: :"And what pray tell does the moon revolve around in your quote-unquote Heliocentric model of the world?"

:pcstare: ".... it ... revolves around the Earth ... Which in turn revolves around the Sun ..."

:gotcha: :"Oh my gosh! It must get so dizzy!"

:unenthused: :"My poor moon..."

PictishBeast

Re: ITT we're humans in equestria

Post by PictishBeast » Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:09 pm

*remembers all the times that ponies have acted racist toward mules, zebras, minotaurs, and even other types of ponies, and realizes they're almost certainly talking shit behind your back*

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