The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:46 pm

All these actors look familiar to me, but I’m pretty sure that’s because “deliberately generic” is the rule of the day with these things

You don’t want someone who is actually someone, that would be too much like flavor. Too distracting. What you want is the televisual equivalent of a wedge salad
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:51 pm

Also 15 days to shoot, jeepers cripes, it’s nice to know Roger Corman may be dead but his spirit lives on

Wait, Roger Corman isn’t dead yet? Does he know about Hallmark? He could totally get himself a piece of this Christmas pie.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:58 pm

i think i might've seen that actor in one of sci-fi channel's low budget disaster/monster flicks

would make sense, those are also shot in vancouver
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Mon Nov 11, 2019 1:12 pm

Yeah, 15 days to shoot a film seems rough. Do they only do one or two takes for each scene? :ponder:
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Mon Nov 11, 2019 1:27 pm

I think Roger Corman made entire movies on a WEEKEND just because he didn't want to waste money on the sets he already built.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:18 pm

A Christmas Miracle
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Ever-optimistic single mom Emma Sanderson is looking for a Christmas miracle to write about for the lifestyle magazine at which she has landed a temporary job. While following her lead on the story, Emma discovers unexpected romance with a supportive colleague and takes it upon herself to bring about a Christmas miracle for a lonely street musician.


:-I And they went all out with the budget on this one. The movie is set in "Denver", and they actually paid for some stock footage shots of Denver's skyline.

:lol: and when the protagonist does an internet search, she uses the "Search" search engine.

:spoiler: Barry Bostwick is in this, so, we know who the asshole will be.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:35 pm

The Doctor wrote:
Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:18 pm
:lol: and when the protagonist does an internet search, she uses the "Search" search engine.
Microsoft needs to get on this and sponsor Hallmark movies so that their characters always use Bing.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:46 pm

Mechanical Ape wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:51 pm
Also 15 days to shoot, jeepers cripes, it’s nice to know Roger Corman may be dead but his spirit lives on

Wait, Roger Corman isn’t dead yet? Does he know about Hallmark? He could totally get himself a piece of this Christmas pie.
I think he's still making movies too
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Thu Nov 14, 2019 10:51 pm

Gloomy Rube wrote:
Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:46 pm
I think he's still making movies too
Yep. Most recently he produced a movie called "Abduction", which was released by Shout Factory few months ago.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Fri Nov 15, 2019 10:08 am

Mr. Big wrote:
Thu Nov 14, 2019 10:51 pm
Yep. Most recently he produced a movie called "Abduction", which was released by Shout Factory few months ago.
A series of extraordinary events and dangerous encounters ensue as Quinn and Connor set out on their trek. They discover that aliens live among us, preying on humankind and that the abductions are part of a centuries-long plot. With the help of a local psychiatrist and an eccentric scientist, the two men resolve to take on this merciless, unknown force bent on destroying the human race.
But will they also find love, save the family greeting card shop and have a picture perfect Christmas??? :flutterdear:
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Ragnar (?) » Fri Nov 15, 2019 6:32 pm

The Doctor wrote:
Thu Nov 14, 2019 9:18 pm
A Christmas Miracle
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:-I And they went all out with the budget on this one. The movie is set in "Denver", and they actually paid for some stock footage shots of Denver's skyline.

:lol: and when the protagonist does an internet search, she uses the "Search" search engine.

:spoiler: Barry Bostwick is in this, so, we know who the asshole will be.
Oh hey, not-white people in the starring roles. Have I placed the bar too low or should I be giving this choice a bit of actual respect? I'm sure the movie is shit, but honestly I think representation is just as important in disposable nightmare trash as it is in good movies, because it's an example of PoCs participating in mainstream culture without making a huge deal out of it. Imagine if schlocky action movies they play on airplanes sometimes had an explicitly gay protag and it wasn't a big deal -- not a "gay movie," laser targeted to filter out straight audiences so they could advertise more effectively. Just a movie. It has guns and trucks and two guys kiss a couple of times, and reviewers hate it for the usual reasons (it's shit) but it's fun while you're watching it.

Hallmark has the power to ruin this, of course. And I can't wait to see how they mutilate the Hanukkah movie.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Fri Nov 15, 2019 7:28 pm

Ragnar wrote:
Fri Nov 15, 2019 6:32 pm
Oh hey, not-white people in the starring roles. Have I placed the bar too low or should I be giving this choice a bit of actual respect? I'm sure the movie is shit, but honestly I think representation is just as important in disposable nightmare trash as it is in good movies, because it's an example of PoCs participating in mainstream culture without making a huge deal out of it. Imagine if schlocky action movies they play on airplanes sometimes had an explicitly gay protag and it wasn't a big deal -- not a "gay movie," laser targeted to filter out straight audiences so they could advertise more effectively. Just a movie. It has guns and trucks and two guys kiss a couple of times, and reviewers hate it for the usual reasons (it's shit) but it's fun while you're watching it.

Hallmark has the power to ruin this, of course. And I can't wait to see how they mutilate the Hanukkah movie.
It was honestly the least bad of the movies they've shown so far this year.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sat Nov 16, 2019 7:43 pm

We interrupt these awful movies, for something genuinely fantastic.



:allears: I watched this earlier today, and it is very sweet.

It's also 2D animated, despite it's appearance.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sat Nov 16, 2019 8:31 pm

Back to the crap.

Christmas Under The Stars
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When Nick, a career-focused investment banker, is fired from his high-powered firm at Christmastime, he takes a job at a Christmas tree lot owned by a warmhearted widower. There, he meets Julie, an astronomy teacher who’s always looked to the stars for hope. As the Christmas spirit washes over him — and he begins falling for Julie — the once self-centered Nick discovers the joy of helping others.
So, the nice man's Christmas Tree lot is going to have to shut down, since the land has been sold.

When asked why sales have gone down, they mention development, and not the popularity of artificial trees, which would step on the toes of one of the Hallmark Channel's big sponsors, Balsam Hill.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by W.T. Fits (?) » Sat Nov 16, 2019 8:42 pm

The Doctor wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 8:31 pm
When asked why sales have gone down, they mention development, and not the popularity of artificial trees, which would step on the toes of one of the Hallmark Channel's big sponsors, Balsam Hill.
COWARDS! :applejargh:
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Sat Nov 16, 2019 8:44 pm

lmao
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Sat Nov 16, 2019 11:32 pm

Instead of ham for Christmas, I think Nick the investment banker would make for a fine serving of long pork. Too bad Hallmark movies aren't made for the left...
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Ragnar (?) » Sun Nov 17, 2019 12:21 am



This video doesn't reflect my own opinion on the Hallmark Channel because it's not a prolonged, wordless scream of rage, but it's a fun perspective on the world they paint.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Sun Nov 17, 2019 3:24 pm

Hallmark Channel: The solution is smaller capitalism :derp101:
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Nov 17, 2019 4:54 pm

That movie is super duper weird, just like the guy said
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Mon Nov 18, 2019 9:41 pm

Write Before Christmas

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The movie centers around a recently single Jessica who sends Christmas cards to people who have impacted her life -- the aunt who raised her, her younger brother in the military, a popstar who was part of the soundtrack of her life, the music teacher who inspired her, and the best friend who always tells the truth
:cuckoo:
This movie had WAY too many subplots.

Main character and her old flame
Main character and her new flame
Main character's aunt and her new flame
Main character's aunt and her foster dog
Main character's brother and his new flame
Some guy's musical comeback

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Tue Nov 19, 2019 1:07 am

I think I can guess why Jessica is recently single.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Fri Nov 22, 2019 10:32 pm

So, no more Thursday/Friday hallmark movies. For some reason they moved all the Hallmark Movies and Mysteries movies for the rest of the year to Sat/Sun, so they air against their own movies on the Hallmark Channel.

:pinkieshrug: The movies and Mystery movies tend to be the worst of the worst, so no real loss.

:hiii: Tomorrow starts 9 straight days of new movies on the Hallmark Channel.


But for tonight, some Netflix crap.

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Sir Knight is traveling to be present for his brother's knighting. He meets an old-crone (this term is said no less than 3,513 times in the movie). After being nice to her, the crone gives him a magic glowy amulet, and sends Sir Knight to the future to learn about the greatest of knightly virtues, "Love". Wacky, man-out-of-time hijinks ensue.

Once he discovers true love, he goes back to the past, and then immediately finds the old crone to send him back to the future.

:pinkieshrug: Gotta burn 5 minutes somehow. I guess he did get to see his brother again, and advise him to always help people.

It's a pretty goofy movie, and at least has some higher production values than the Hallmark movies.

It's basically gender reversed Enchanted.


I was let down that immediately upon transporting to the future, he doesn't freak out and start slashing people down when he sees the witchcraft that is a cellphone and a selfie.


:lol: The movie also ends with a cliffhanger. The old crone asks his brother for help, and when he helps, her magic pendant starts glowing.

:moonie: except it's glowing red instead of blue like it did with his brother, so I am assuming that Star Wars rules apply and brother is going evil.
Last edited by The Doctor on Fri Nov 22, 2019 10:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mechanical Ape (?) » Fri Nov 22, 2019 10:39 pm

Isn't "modern day romance" an oxymoron? In this day and age it feels like an inherently old-fashioned genre. :pinkieshrug:
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Fri Nov 22, 2019 10:54 pm

Oh, and during the required "setting up the Christmas tree" scene, she mentions an ornament that her parents bought on their trip to Aldovia, the fictional country from The Christmas Prince.


Netflix Christmas Movie Cinematic Universe is totally happening.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Ragnar (?) » Sat Nov 23, 2019 4:15 am

Who is this... for?

e: If this were a one-off then I'd say it's just them throwing darts at the wall like a Harlequin novelist, but if they're dropping sequel hints in there, they must have confidence this is really going to appeal to someone. And I can't work out who.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sat Nov 23, 2019 10:07 pm

Christmas At Graceland: Home For the Holidays

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World-traveler Harper returns to Memphis for the holidays and nannies for wealthy widower Owen while awaiting news about a job overseas. As they grow close, Harper encourages Owen to break out of his routine and spend more time with his children, while Owen encourages Harper to have confidence. Harper and Owen prepare for a joint event at Graceland featuring a fundraiser for Owen’s company and an Elvis at Christmas exhibit Harper is producing. They develop feelings for each other, Harper realizes how much she enjoys living near family and must decide if her home for the holidays will be her forever home.
This one was bad, even by Hallmark standards. Usually the leads have some chemistry, but not here.

:unenthused: And I'm pretty sure there was no Elvis music in this movie, just covers.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Sat Nov 23, 2019 11:01 pm

Did they at least shoot it on location at Graceland?
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Madeline (?) » Sat Nov 23, 2019 11:20 pm

They’re banking on Elvis’s (waning) fame but couldn’t even pay out for one (1) Elvis song? :bwuh:

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sun Nov 24, 2019 12:21 am

So apparently they were Elvis songs. I just couldn't tell.
Fizzbuzz wrote:
Sat Nov 23, 2019 11:01 pm
Did they at least shoot it on location at Graceland?
I assume so. Priscilla Presely was in it, and there were some decked out shuttle buses with Elvis on them. Probably still got to make it real cheap as it works as a commercial for the place.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sun Nov 24, 2019 9:44 pm

Cherished Memories: A Gift to Remember 2


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A year after Darcy ran over Aiden, his amnesia is gone but not their love. Now she’s gotten him a first edition signed copy of his favorite book, Patricia Highsmith’s Found in the Street, for Christmas, perfect since that’s where she found him – under her bicycle! Aiden’s also creating a wonderful gift for Darcy, a carved replica of her hometown, just like the one her dad carved for her mother. But Aiden’s gift, which includes a carving of Darcy’s beloved rec center, which is in jeopardy of closing, holds another big surprise, which might just sweep her off her feet.

:applejargh: The plot of this movie should be that he hits her with a car and she loses her memories this time.

:v: Not that it would matter. These awful movies are forgettable and I don't remember anything about the first one.



Oh, and the lead in this movie was one of the Equestria Girl antagonists.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Madeline (?) » Mon Nov 25, 2019 12:34 am

The Goodreads plot synopsis of Found In The Street:
When Ralph Linderman returns a stranger's wallet he found during a morning stroll through Greenwich Village, he is entirely unprepared for the complex maze of sexual obsession and disturbing psychological intrigue he is about to be drawn into.

Patricia Highsmith, author of 'The Tremor of Forgery', 'Strangers on a Train', and 'The Cry of the Owl' has once again created an unsettling thriller that explores the bleakest alleyways of human desire.

Highsmith has been called "one of the finest crime novelists" by the New York Times and is now considered one of the most original voices in twentieth-century American fiction.
Highsmith was the author of The Talented Mr. Ripley. :-I Is the screenwriter subverting the Hallmark Christmas movie genre? :-I

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Tue Nov 26, 2019 7:41 pm

Following up the rousing success of Tom Arnold in.... one of these Hallmark movies. The trend continues of old guys from 90s shows showing up in these.


Check Inn To Christmas

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When New York City lawyer Julia Crawley returns to her Rocky Mountain hometown and her family’s lovely inn for the holidays, she finds herself at the center of a generations-old feud with the family that runs the town’s other inn. As the ongoing competition between the two inns escalates, “forbidden” romance blossoms between Julia and Ryan Mason, whose family runs the inn that is her family’s big competitor. Starring Rachel Boston, Wes Brown and Richard Karn.


Will this movie be any good?

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Tue Nov 26, 2019 9:40 pm

Star-crossed lovers from two feuding families? Romeo and Juliet killed themselves in the end, so these two don't exactly have a bright future ahead.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:05 pm

This was actually one of the less worse movies. Leads had good chemistry.

:smirk: There was a nice DOWN WITH CAPITALISM (well, big capitalism) message with the two feuding families coming together, buying the land that a really big fancy resort was going to buy, and the woman using her lawyer powers to push through a town law that gives their families (and other local business owners) the legal power to tell big business to smeg off.



:lol: And Al's name was Tim.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Wed Nov 27, 2019 2:23 am

The Doctor wrote:
Tue Nov 26, 2019 10:05 pm

:lol: And Al's name was Tim.
perfect
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Wed Nov 27, 2019 10:00 pm

The Christmas Club

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Two busy strangers, Olivia Bennett and Edward Taylor meet when they help an elderly woman find her lost Christmas savings. Thanks to fate and Christmas magic, they also find something they were both missing: true love. Based on the novel by Barbara Hinske. Starring Elizabeth Mitchell and Cameron Mathison.


:v: I spent the movie wondering where I saw the lead woman. She's the mean principal/Mrs. Claus from the 2nd Santa Clause movie.


:ehhh: I also don't think I've ever seen one of these movies where the two characters are such emotional wrecks.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sat Nov 30, 2019 9:29 pm

Christmas In Evergreen: Tidings Of Joy
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As the town searches for a rumored Christmas Time Capsule, a skeptical writer arrives in Evergreen to get the story on the town's "too-good-to-be-true" Christmas-fever. Stars Maggie Lawson and Paul Greene.
The epic Christmas In Evergreen Saga continues in the THIRD movie.

The only notable thing about these movies is a guy in town named Nick who is a really picture perfect looking "probably Santa but not really".




Christmas In Rome
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Lacey Chabert plays an independent-minded American tour guide named Angela, who is fired from her job in Rome just before Christmas. She crosses paths with an American executive named Oliver (Page), who wants to buy a high-end Italian ceramics company. Oliver hires Angela to be his tour guide around the Eternal City, as the owner of the ceramics company won’t sell it to him until he learns “the heart and soul of Rome.” But is there another heart and soul that he may win? Starring: Lacey Chabert and Sam Page
:starity: This was actually filmed in Rome.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Sun Dec 01, 2019 12:01 am

"Christmas in the Outskirts of Vancouver" just didn't have the same ring to it.
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