The Emperor Sheev Palpatine

Fontra · Post by **Fontra** (?) » Sat Jan 25, 2020 8:11 am

Finally. Star Wars memes have peaked.

DaikatunaRevengeance · Post by **DaikatunaRevengeance** (?) » Sat Jan 25, 2020 8:16 am

Fontra wrote: ↑
Sat Jan 25, 2020 8:11 am
Finally. Star Wars memes have peaked.

The Ghost of Ember · Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:56 pm

Fontra wrote: ↑
Sat Jan 25, 2020 8:11 am
Finally. Star Wars memes have peaked.

Factory Factory · Post by **Factory Factory** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 8:57 am

Update: Sheev did not fuck.

DaikatunaRevengeance · Post by **DaikatunaRevengeance** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 9:15 am

disney are cowards

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 11:05 am

Factory Factory wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 05, 2020 8:57 am
Update: Sheev did not fuck.

what how did he have a child that had Rey without fucking

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 11:08 am

tell me how Rey could be Sheevspawn if Sheev didn't fuck!! I am Angry at my lack of Information!

Pocket · Post by **Pocket** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 11:17 am

I'm sure I'm not remotely the first person to realize this, but I bet the whole reason they decided to make Palpatine matter in Episode IX is that they wanted to take advantage of his actor still being alive.

Also, here's some irony for you: J.J. Abrams, who is infamous for setting up mysteries and then leaving them hanging in the end, failed to do that the one time it would have been a good idea.

W.T. Fits · Post by **W.T. Fits** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 11:17 am

Apparently Rey's dad was just a clone of Sheev instead of being Sheev's son.

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 11:35 am

A Sheev fucked I guess

but if there's at least two sheevclones then it seems like the setting is forever fucked because how much havoc and destruction and death one Sheev can cause, and there being a theoretically infinite supply of Sheevs

because each clone being as powerful as the og sheev has to rub up against how limitless cloning has been depicted

each one of these is an entire jango fett

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 11:35 am

it's really grim and the only bright spot is that many sheevs cackling evilly

Pocket · Post by **Pocket** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 12:49 pm

Hell, that would have been a viable explanation for how the First Order was able to rise up within a generation and become a bigger threat than the Empire ever was. Except I'm guessing that wasn't a plot point in the movie proper, if we're just now learning it.

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 2:09 pm

a plot point of rise of skywalker was only shown in fucking fortnite so who the hell knows

DaikatunaRevengeance · Post by **DaikatunaRevengeance** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 2:10 pm

i forgot about that

god

Pocket · Post by **Pocket** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:03 pm

Actually real talk has anyone in this thread actually seen the movie yet or are we all avoiding it because it sucks

Or because fuck paying to see movies

Or both, both is good

Adiwan · Post by **Adiwan** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:09 pm

I've paid, I've seen it, I was mildly entertained for the wrong reasons.

DaikatunaRevengeance · Post by **DaikatunaRevengeance** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:14 pm

i think several people in the thread have seen it

Angel Beat · Post by **Angel Beat** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:30 pm

Factory Factory wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 05, 2020 8:57 am
Update: Sheev did not fuck.

Fuck.

Angel Beat · Post by **Angel Beat** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:31 pm

Pocket wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:03 pm
Actually real talk has anyone in this thread actually seen the movie yet or are we all avoiding it because it sucks

Or because fuck paying to see movies

Or both, both is good

I saw it twice, once on opening day, and once with a friend a few weeks later.

SlateSlabrock · Post by **SlateSlabrock** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:57 pm

Pocket wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 05, 2020 3:03 pm
Actually real talk has anyone in this thread actually seen the movie yet or are we all avoiding it because it sucks

I saw it on opening day

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 4:33 pm

I don't watch movies

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 4:35 pm

I mean, it's not like watching the movie would help me any, they don't actually have the events of the story in it

(?) · Post by **Fizzbuzz** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 4:45 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 05, 2020 4:35 pm
I mean, it's not like watching the movie would help me any, they don't actually have the events of the story in it

You have to play Fortnite for that.

DaikatunaRevengeance · Post by **DaikatunaRevengeance** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 4:49 pm

there are better ways to hurt yourself

Pocket · Post by **Pocket** (?) » Thu Mar 05, 2020 5:12 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote: ↑
Thu Mar 05, 2020 2:09 pm
a plot point of rise of skywalker was only shown in fucking fortnite so who the hell knows

by the way somebody needs to explain to me how the hell that doesn't violate Disney's exclusivity clause with EA

The Ghost of Ember · Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:56 pm

i am in the process of making a kickstarter to make our own star wars: the rise of skywalker. writer/director j.j. abhrams has ruined star wars by making it so that sheev palpatine did not fuck

The Ghost of Ember · Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:56 pm

Why tell stories? We tell stories because they are enjoyable, we can learn lessons, help us grow, show us problems we have to face in life, show us aspects of human nature. They show US how to act or not to act in a given situation.

A villian is someone we can relate to, someone that faces obstacles and finds ways to either overcome them or cope and deal with them throughout their story. The more relate-able a villian is to human nature, the more compelling the story because people begin to see themselves in these villains. This is imperative to storytelling because if you don't care about the characters then you don't care to see where their story goes.

When we decide to edit out the human element from within a story then the story becomes no longer compelling.

This is why many of us tend to point at The Rise of Skywalker as having a bad story. The villain has lost his relatability by not having sex.

Hence, in moments when the audience should feel the most concern for palpatines sex life, be in anticipation of what happens next, we feel disconnected and almost indifferent and the movie fails to penetrate into the ethos of palpatines sex life (the basis for telling stories).

Pocket · Post by **Pocket** (?) » Mon Jul 06, 2020 12:27 am

I have finally gotten around to seeing this movie.

My final assessment of this trilogy is this: The Force Awakens is a high schooler throwing a party at their house when their parents are away, confident that everything will go smoothly. The Last Jedi is the other kids trashing the place because it's not a party if shit doesn't get wrecked, plus they never really liked the host anyway. Rise of Skywalker is the original kid, now panicked, trying to clean it up before realizing it's hopeless and going with plan B of just lying out their ass about what actually happened.

Because really, this whole thing was a mistake from the beginning. Abrams set up this ridiculous scenario in which, within 30 years, a bunch of wannabe fascists band together and, without any of the funding that the Empire would have had on account of being, you know, an EMPIRE, somehow manage to secretly build a new Death Star that's an order of magnitude more powerful than the original because STAKES. And then Johnson doubles down on those STAKES by having them whittle the resistance down to a single roomful of people because hey, it's not my job to write my way out of this one! I can't help but suspect that "let's bring Palpatine back and show that he's SUPER POWERFUL now because when a Sith dies and comes back to life they get all the powers of ALL THE SITH who EVER LIVED" was someone's idea of trying to finally explain all that other shit.

I'm also a lot less certain that this movie was specifically trying to pander to the chuds who hated Last Jedi for the worst reasons, because one of those reasons was believing Rey had all these Mary Sue powers and boy howdy did this movie double down on those. Seriously, healing magic now? You do realize that if Jedi can just fix mortal wounds with force powers, that means they could keep a person from aging by just constantly healing the parts of them that are slowly dying. And while those implications could apply to pretty much any fantasy story, it feels especially jarring in a series that once made such a big deal about how the Sith's biggest goal was figuring out how to cheat death, and how they'd all failed so far but if such a power does exist, it's definitely something only the Dark Side is capable of. And then Rey just... does it. Twice. And apparently both she and Kylo Ren have powers of teleportation now too so like sure why not.

The most boneheaded thing I didn't already know about was Rey at the end saying her last name was "Skywalker". Like, we were all expecting her to repeat the "Just Rey" line, and this came so out of nowhere that it didn't even feel like a deliberate subversion. It felt almost like a mistake, somehow.

I also did not know that the writer of this movie also wrote Batman v. Superman but it makes so much sense because I was even thinking at the time that the scene with Leia dying felt like a total "Martha" moment. Go with what you know, eh, Terrio?

One thing I do give credit for was that the retcon of what "the First Order" meant was kind of clever. Like, we thought it meant "Order" like in "New World Order" or something but it was actually "order" as in "edict", as in specifically "Order 66".

Pocket · Post by **Pocket** (?) » Mon Jul 06, 2020 1:05 am

Oh wait, I had two more things to mention. Because one thing this movie has in common with TLJ is that it just keeps going and introducing new plot points because God forbid a big event movie be any less than two and a half hours long.

Remember the end of TLJ the scene with the slave kids getting force powers? And it was obviously meant to feel like it was setting up for something down the line, except that makes no sense because it's the second movie in a trilogy and obviously they're not going to just time-skip to when they're all grown up? Well, when they mentioned that the First Order was abducting kids, I honestly thought they were actually going to try to bring that back anyway by having a subplot where some of them are the ones with force powers and they escape and deal a significant blow to the First Order thanks to the power of being underestimated. But instead it turned out to be literally nothing. Like, they never followed up on it at all.

But, speaking of which, one thing I did really like was near the end when Lando shows up with LITERALLY THE ENTIRE GALAXY or at least everyone who happens to own a spaceship with guns on it. Because if you're gonna chew out a Hollywood action movie for sending the wrong message about whether a hero can be anyone or just someone who's related to someone important, let's talk about how either way, 9 times out of 10 it's still about one person singlehandedly saving the day with their magic powers while everyone else just sits back and watches. But here we have a movie where a major plot point is everybody the First Order has been screwing over being all "OK you know what we're not gonna take this shit anymore" and rising up, together, every last one of them, until there's enough to wipe out a whole goddamn fleet of Star Destroyers.

And Godddamn if that's not exactly the kind of message people need right this very second.

SlateSlabrock · Post by **SlateSlabrock** (?) » Mon Jul 06, 2020 5:06 am

Pocket wrote: ↑
Mon Jul 06, 2020 12:27 am
You do realize that if Jedi can just fix mortal wounds with force powers, that means they could keep a person from aging by just constantly healing the parts of them that are slowly dying.

They didn't communicate it very well, but I thought the force healing stuff was supposed to be an equivalent exchange. You heal someone who's dying? You die. But if that was their intention, they probably should have made a bigger deal about it with the snake.

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Mon Jul 06, 2020 10:52 am

I think we can now decidedly say that the rise of skywalker has many issues but one, great, positive element that redeems the entire sequel trilogy.

Sheev fucks.

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Mon Jul 06, 2020 10:59 am

anakin: fucked poorly and killed his wife

luke: did not fuck

leia, han: fucked, but wrongly as their kid is a twerp

greedo: may or may not have, but he's dead from han shooting first second at the same time

obi-wan kenobi: volcel cheddar monk

galactic emperor sheev "death 2 da younglings" palpatine: fucks so right I would buy disney+ to watch it

DaikatunaRevengeance · Post by **DaikatunaRevengeance** (?) » Mon Jul 06, 2020 11:07 am

sheev fucks

Angel Beat · Post by **Angel Beat** (?) » Mon Jul 06, 2020 11:44 am

After the 3D Clone Wars series, I have a hard (heh) time believing Obi-Wan doesn't fuck.

Orange Fluffy Sheep · Post by **Orange Fluffy Sheep** (?) » Mon Jul 06, 2020 11:50 am

Angel Beat wrote: ↑
Mon Jul 06, 2020 11:44 am
After the 3D Clone Wars series, I have a hard (heh) time believing Obi-Wan doesn't fuck.

thats his devotion to the cheese

Mechanical Ape · Post by **Mechanical Ape** (?) » Mon Jul 06, 2020 12:34 pm

JOIN THE SITH
“We Let You Fuck”