The Doctor Watches Awful Hallmark/Lifetime Christmas Films 2020 Edition

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Fri Oct 23, 2020 9:18 pm

Yes, it's that most wonderful time of the year. Halloween had it's chance, but it's time to kick it to the curb and put up the Christmas lights.

And this year, both Hallmark and Lifetime will have movies with gay couples.

And I kind of love that the two films are just the standard cookie cutter Christmas films, but with a gay couple.

The Christmas House (Hallmark): November 22

Working through some difficult decisions, Wade family matriarch Phylis (Lawrence) and patriarch Bill (Williams), have summoned their two grown sons—TV star Mike Wade (Buckley) and Brandon Wade (Bennett)—home for the holidays. It is their hope that bringing the family together to recreate the Christmas house will help them find resolution and make a memorable holiday for the entire family and community. As Brandon and his husband Jake (Harder) make the trip home, they are anxiously awaiting a call about the adoption of their first child. Meanwhile, Mike reconnects with Andi (Ayora), his high school sweetheart.

The Christmas Setup (Lifetime): December 12

Hugo, a New York corporate lawyer and his best friend, Madelyn, head to Milwaukee to spend the holidays with his mom, Kate, who is also in charge of the local Christmas celebrations. Ever the matchmaker, Kate arranges for Hugo to run into Patrick, Hugo’s high school friend and secret crush, who has recently returned after a successful stint in Silicon Valley. As they enjoy the local holiday festivities together, Hugo and Patrick’s attraction to each other is undeniable, and it looks as though Kate’s well-intentioned Santa-style matchmaking is a success. But as Hugo receives word of a big promotion requiring a move to London, he must decide what is most important to him.

For the full lineups:

Hallmark: https://www.hallmarkchannel.com/christmas

Hallmark Movies And Mysteries: https://www.hallmarkmoviesandmysteries. ... -christmas

Lifetime: https://www.mylifetime.com/christmas-mo ... l-schedule

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Fri Oct 23, 2020 9:19 pm

TONIGHT'S MOVIE: Christmas On Ice (Lifetime)

Two former athletes work together to stop the mayor from closing the local skating rink.

It's literally every teen movie from the 80s....

(?) · Post by **Fizzbuzz** (?) » Sat Oct 24, 2020 9:51 am

I'm a little surprised that the pandemic apparently didn't slow the production of these things.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sat Oct 24, 2020 8:13 pm

The Jingle Bell Bride:

Wedding planner Jessica Perez travels to a remote town in Alaska to find a rare flower for a celebrity client and is charmed by the small town during Christmas, as well as the handsome local helping her. Starring Julie Gonzalo and Ronnie Rowe Jr.

Our hero is literally traveling to a small town to try and bribe them out of a rate flower they use for their Christmas festival.

And our love interest is a minor supporting character on Star Trek Discovery.

(?) · Post by **Fizzbuzz** (?) » Sat Oct 24, 2020 8:15 pm

A rare flower, growing in Alaska, in the holiday season? Does such a plant actually exist?

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sat Oct 24, 2020 8:33 pm

Fizzbuzz wrote: ↑
Sat Oct 24, 2020 8:15 pm
A rare flower, growing in Alaska, in the holiday season? Does such a plant actually exist?

The flower is real, being unique to Alaska is not.

http://www.missouribotanicalgarden.org/ ... nid=261606

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sat Oct 24, 2020 10:01 pm

And in a shocking twist, the small-town guy relocates to the big city at the end.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sun Oct 25, 2020 10:48 pm

Forever Christmas:

When workaholic reality TV producer Sophie starts working on a holiday-season show about Will, a wildly sexy guy who celebrates Christmas every day of the year, she finds herself falling for her mysterious, unlikely new star, renewing her long-lost faith in Christmas in the process. Chelsea Hobbs, Christopher Russell, Matthew Anderson, Jill Morrison star. (2020)

lifetime movie summaries all sound like they could be a porno.

Mechanical Ape · Post by **Mechanical Ape** (?) » Tue Oct 27, 2020 8:34 pm

Now I just gotta ask: Hallmark knows how absurd they’re being, right? They’ve gone Sharknado and don’t pretend to be taken seriously, right?

(?) · Post by **Fizzbuzz** (?) » Tue Oct 27, 2020 9:08 pm

The general feeling I get is that these movies are still being made in earnest, though without cable TV at home I can't actually verify that.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Wed Oct 28, 2020 4:33 pm

I think they know they're not making high art, and are making basically fast food films.

Someone's making a very self aware movie about it though.

Hedonism Bot · Post by **Hedonism Bot** (?) » Wed Oct 28, 2020 7:51 pm

As far as idiotic Christmas plots go, it's hard to top "The Christmas Shoes". You have this kid busting his ass trying to earn enough money to buy a pair of fancy shoes for his dying mother to be buried in, so that she can look good when she meets up with Jesus. And the creators think they were speaking out AGAINST wanton Christmas commercialism (evidently, they were also operating under the Deep South megachurch version of Christianity).

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Wed Oct 28, 2020 10:32 pm

Did someone say "The Christmas Shoes"

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sat Oct 31, 2020 8:20 pm

One Royal Holiday:

When Anna (Osnes) offers a stranded mother (Clark) and son (Tveit) shelter in a blizzard, she learns that they are the Royal Family of Galwick. Anna shows the Prince how they do Christmas in her hometown, encouraging him to open his heart and be true to himself. Starring Laura Osnes, Aaron Tveit , Krystal Joy Brown, Victoria Clark and Tom McGowan.

The Christmas Grump Prince is even more of an asshole than they usually are

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sat Oct 31, 2020 9:29 pm

Hallmark trying to capture the Knives Out sweater energy.

Mechanical Ape · Post by **Mechanical Ape** (?) » Sun Nov 01, 2020 1:29 am

Do you suppose Galwick of One Royal Holiday shares a cinematic universe with Aldovia of the A Christmas Prince series

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sun Nov 01, 2020 10:42 pm

The Christmas Aunt

When Rebecca Miller returns home to Tennessee two weeks before Christmas to take care of her niece and nephew while their parents are away, the last thing she expected is to reconnect with her childhood best friend, Drew. As she attempts to revive the kids’ Christmas spirit and redeem their faith in Santa, she rediscovers her favorite childhood activity: 12 Days of Christmas–something she always did with Drew. As the kids’ faith in the holiday grows, Rebecca and Drew’s friendship returns, and she starts looking at Drew in a whole new light. Keshia Knight Pulliam, Jarod Joseph star. (2020)

Poor girl moved to Tennessee at the end.

SlateSlabrock · Post by **SlateSlabrock** (?) » Mon Nov 02, 2020 1:02 am

I suppose it's no different than Miracle on 34th Street, but summaries like that always seem a little weird when they say, "You need to believe in your Christmas faith... in Santa Claus!" He's just a saint!

Aria Genisi · Post by **Aria Genisi** (?) » Mon Nov 02, 2020 1:24 am

It’s that time of year for bad made-for-tv Christmas movies?

God help us all

(?) · Post by **Fizzbuzz** (?) » Mon Nov 02, 2020 6:36 am

The Doctor wrote: ↑
Sun Nov 01, 2020 10:42 pm
Poor girl moved to Tennessee at the end.

Maybe in Magical Christmas Land my home state isn't as heavily infested with chuds.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Fri Nov 06, 2020 8:57 pm

A Yule Blog Christmas (Lifetime)

A social media travel writer is sent to Carte De Amor to cover a century-old Christmas parade.

It takes place in the south-west, so naturally there's an "ugly Christmas poncho" contest.

There's also a guy named Mr. C who looks just like Santa and acts all mysterious. I wonder what the twist could be about him?

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sun Nov 08, 2020 9:33 pm

A Very Charming Christmas Town

Travel and lifestyle blogger Aubrey Lang visits the small town of Slovang for a Christmas vlog.

This is dull, even for these kinds of movies. You get a travel writer trying to crap on the town for not really being as charming as it appears, but she's not a Christmas grump. She likes it, she's fine with the town, but she doesn't want to like the town at first.

"travel blogger" seems like the new marketing/real estate job for the protagonists.

Also, with a name like "Slovang", I thought this was going to be a Christmas royalty movie.

Dong Strongly · Post by **Dong Strongly** (?) » Mon Nov 09, 2020 3:26 pm

PonyHag714 · Post by **PonyHag714** (?) » Mon Nov 09, 2020 7:52 pm

It seems like the music in these Hallmark movies follows the same pattern: Something happens, play a snippet of music, something else happens, play another snippet of music, and they all sound alike.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Tue Nov 10, 2020 10:28 am

Two cute sisters live together. One loves Christmas movies and the other calls them predictable. They meet. They fall in love. It snows. The end. This time's different. They magically wake up in a Christmas movie.

This movie is not nearly as funny as it should be, given the premise.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Tue Nov 10, 2020 2:40 pm

This is just an asylum film where they had some Christmas decorations lying around. I expected better from a film staring Casper Van Dien.

Mechanical Ape · Post by **Mechanical Ape** (?) » Tue Nov 10, 2020 5:47 pm

Love driving to Chicago to see the Hancock Tower and the enormous mountain behind it

Mechanical Ape · Post by **Mechanical Ape** (?) » Tue Nov 10, 2020 5:54 pm

It used to be named Mt. Cook but now it’s the GoDaddy.com Entertainment Peak

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:41 pm

Mechanical Ape wrote: ↑
Tue Nov 10, 2020 5:47 pm
Love driving to Chicago to see the Hancock Tower and the enormous mountain behind it

The movie is set in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Fri Nov 13, 2020 8:51 pm

A Wild Netflix offering appears.

Netflix has been putting out decent Christmas films the last few years. Even the bad ones are very aware of it (looking at you, Christmas Prince). They're even doing a sequel to The Christmas Chronicles this year, which should be fun.

Tonight was Jingle Jangle

It was pretty good. Great cast, few fun songs. Some nice production design with the sets and costumes. Very boringly shot though. When the credits came up I was expecting to see Chris Columbus' name on it.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sun Nov 15, 2020 12:35 am

Christmas In Vienna:

Jess, a concert violinist whose heart just isn’t in it anymore, goes to Vienna for a performance. While there, she finds the inspiration she has been missing, and a new love. Starring Sarah Drew and Brennan Elliott.

The yearly offering that's actually shot where the movie is set. It's also super hip with the modern day stuff, as shown by making a timely reference to Gremlins.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sun Nov 15, 2020 10:15 pm

A Timeless Christmas:

Charles Whitley travels from 1903 to 2020 where he meets Megan Turner and experiences a 21st Century Christmas. Starring Erin Cahill and Ryan Paevey.

Remember Kate & Leopold? Imagine if Leopold had absolutely zero charm or charisma, and you have this movie. He could never sell fresh creamery butter.

Smoke · Post by **Smoke** (?) » Mon Nov 16, 2020 6:27 am

I see NPR has made a list and probably checked it twice:

https://www.npr.org/2020/11/12/93384300 ... day-movies

(?) · Post by **Fizzbuzz** (?) » Mon Nov 16, 2020 9:38 am

A Nashville Christmas Carol (Hallmark, premieres 11/21): Buckle up. This one takes place in a famous location location location, which becomes the site of a Christmas Carol riff. It's packed with beloved celebrities from country world, including Wynonna Judd and Sara Evans. Our main character is a TV producer in charge of a wacky holiday stunt (a Christmas TV special) who cares too much about work. When her old flame shows up, she begins seeing ghosts, brought to her by, of course, actual supernatural forces. Will she learn the true meaning of Christmas?

Oh dear. My homeland doesn't deserve this.

W.T. Fits · Post by **W.T. Fits** (?) » Mon Nov 16, 2020 2:35 pm

Fizzbuzz wrote: ↑
Mon Nov 16, 2020 9:38 am
Oh dear. My homeland doesn't deserve this.

I liked this one better when it starred Bill Murray and was called "Scrooged."

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sat Nov 21, 2020 9:32 pm

A Nashville Christmas Carol

A television producer is forced to work with the man who broke her heart on a country music Christmas special while being interrupted by Christmas spirits determined for her to revisit her past. Starring

I am a complete sucker for just about any adaptation of A Christmas Carol, so this one is kind of fun. Not really a country music fan though, so I'm not appreciating all the cameos.

They're also running ads for tomorrow night's movie, which will feature a gay couple.

(?) · Post by **Fizzbuzz** (?) » Sun Nov 22, 2020 8:14 am

The Doctor wrote: ↑
Sat Nov 21, 2020 9:32 pm

Based on literally this one promo shot, I can confirm it was actually (at least to some extent) filmed on location.

(The red thing in the background is "Ghost Ballet for the East Bank Machineworks," a sculpture commemorating the industrial history of that side of the river, back before the Titans moved in. Based on the angle, this scene was likely filmed in the lobby of Nissan Stadium's riverfront event space.)

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sun Nov 22, 2020 3:05 pm

Netflix offerings have better production values than hallmark/lifetime. They're also pretty self aware about what they are. This one was silly and fun.

Fizzbuzz wrote: ↑
Sun Nov 22, 2020 8:14 am
Based on literally this one promo shot, I can confirm it was actually (at least to some extent) filmed on location.

(The red thing in the background is "Ghost Ballet for the East Bank Machineworks," a sculpture commemorating the industrial history of that side of the river, back before the Titans moved in. Based on the angle, this scene was likely filmed in the lobby of Nissan Stadium's riverfront event space.)

Seems like they always film a few in Nashville and/or Dollywood. Free advertising for various locations. Both Netflix and Hallmark have a Dolly Parton movie this week.

The Doctor · Post by **The Doctor** (?) » Sun Nov 22, 2020 9:00 pm

The Christmas House

Working through some difficult decisions, Mitchell family matriarch Phylis and patriarch Bill, have summoned their two grown sons – TV star, Mike Mitchell and Brandon Mitchell – home for the holidays. It is their hope that bringing the family together to recreate the Christmas house, will help them find resolution and make a memorable holiday for the entire family and community. As Brandon and his husband Jake make the trip home, they are anxiously awaiting a call about the adoption of their first child. Meanwhile, Mike reconnects with Andi, his high school sweetheart. Starring Robert Buckley, Ana Ayora, Treat Williams, Sharon Lawrence, Jonathan Bennett, Brad Harder, and Mattia Castrillo.

A standard Hallmark Christmas movie, but one of the couples is gay. They're treated just like any other couple in these movies and it worked. They're not the main couple of the film, since they're already together, but they get a lot more screentime than the side-plot couples usually do.

Also, Vincent from Eureka played the town magician (the town has a magician).

SlateSlabrock · Post by **SlateSlabrock** (?) » Sun Nov 22, 2020 10:07 pm

The Doctor wrote: ↑
Sat Nov 21, 2020 9:32 pm
A television producer is forced to work with the man who broke her heart on a country music Christmas special while being interrupted by Christmas spirits determined for her to revisit her past.

I'm going to imagine she spends the whole movie foisting the spirits off on her aide and demanding they make an appointment after the holidays.