Page 28 of 69
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed Dec 18, 2019 7:09 am
by PonyHag714
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed Dec 18, 2019 9:23 pm
by Mechanical Ape
What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long?
A π-thon.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 7:21 am
by PonyHag714
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 4:06 pm
by Mechanical Ape
I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!
You
are the lawyer.
Exactly, so where’s my present?
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 4:07 pm
by Mechanical Ape
Just opened a weight-loss website and it asked me if I accept cookies.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 4:09 pm
by Mechanical Ape
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 4:12 pm
by Mechanical Ape
I hate snakes and worms because they have no feet.
You might say I’m lacktoes intolerant.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 4:12 pm
by DaikatunaRevengeance
dohoho
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 6:46 pm
by PonyHag714
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 7:33 pm
by Mechanical Ape
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 7:38 pm
by Mechanical Ape
People who sell meat are gross, but people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2019 8:14 am
by PonyHag714
What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 7:41 am
by PonyHag714
Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 8:00 am
by DaikatunaRevengeance
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2019 7:35 am
by PonyHag714
What do you call two witches who live together?
Broommates!
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon Dec 23, 2019 8:16 am
by PonyHag714
Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?
Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Tue Dec 24, 2019 8:03 am
by PonyHag714
What kind of camera does Santa use?
A North Pole-aroid!
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 7:30 am
by PonyHag714
Elves use what kind of money?
Jingle bills!
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 7:43 am
by DaikatunaRevengeance
hah
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2019 7:11 am
by PonyHag714
Why don’t bananas snore?
Because they don’t want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 8:21 am
by PonyHag714
What does that sign say?
It dosen't say anything. You have to read it.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 2:37 pm
by Mechanical Ape
We saw a magician whose signature trick was turning audience members into windmills.
I immediately became a huge fan.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat Dec 28, 2019 8:40 am
by PonyHag714
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2019 8:06 am
by PonyHag714
How did the bird break into the house?
With a crow bar.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 7:29 am
by PonyHag714
How did the gardener know his herbs were fully grown?
It was just about thyme.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Tue Dec 31, 2019 7:15 am
by PonyHag714
Did you hear that Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
There was a count down.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2020 8:07 am
by PonyHag714
What do cows celebrate on December 31st?
Moo Years Eve.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Jan 02, 2020 8:18 am
by PonyHag714
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 8:01 am
by PonyHag714
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:53 am
by PonyHag714
My son came to visit for summer vacation.
Did you meet him at the airport?
Oh, no. I've known him for years.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun Jan 05, 2020 7:36 am
by PonyHag714
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2020 7:25 am
by PonyHag714
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2020 7:27 am
by DaikatunaRevengeance
haha
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Tue Jan 07, 2020 7:18 am
by PonyHag714
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
I find you very attractive.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:57 am
by PonyHag714
Why did the Archaeopteryx catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2020 7:30 am
by PonyHag714
What happens when fruits die?
They get berried!
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri Jan 10, 2020 8:42 am
by PonyHag714
How do you know a sailor isn’t ready for commitment?
They weren’t ready to tie the knot.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2020 8:05 am
by PonyHag714
What kind of orange juice do fiction writers like?
Pulpy.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun Jan 12, 2020 8:05 am
by PonyHag714
What do you call a cute donut?
Adoughrable!
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 8:18 am
by PonyHag714
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.