Page 20 of 69
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Tue Apr 23, 2019 8:23 am
by PonyHag714
I thought it was going to be cold so I plugged my electric blanket in beside my toaster. I kept popping out of bed all night.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed Apr 24, 2019 8:27 am
by PonyHag714
Why are circus clowns often stressed?
Because their job is in tents.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 9:16 am
by PonyHag714
I arrived at a hotel, and said I was there for the Twitter conference. Concierge said “Follow me."
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2019 8:08 am
by PonyHag714
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat Apr 27, 2019 8:41 am
by PonyHag714
I can tell I’m having a bad day when even my Rice Krispies won’t talk to me.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:17 am
by PonyHag714
A friend got chased into a haunted blinds shop, but we saved him from curtain death.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2019 8:18 am
by PonyHag714
I some flies playing soccer in a saucer earlier. They hope to be in the cup next week.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2019 1:56 pm
by ToastGhost
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2019 8:08 am
by PonyHag714
I had dinner once with a Chess Grand Master in a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed May 01, 2019 8:12 am
by PonyHag714
A friend of mine keeps getting emails offering him cans of chopped ham and pork. I’ve told him that it’s just spam.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu May 02, 2019 8:03 am
by PonyHag714
Not so sure why everyone goes on about genetically modified food. I had a lovely leg of salmon the other day.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu May 02, 2019 5:17 pm
by ToastGhost
Just so you know I repost a fair deal of these jokes on facebook so they're greatly appreciated by me and many others.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu May 02, 2019 7:19 pm
by PonyHag714
Oh, nice
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri May 03, 2019 8:53 am
by PonyHag714
Why did the newspaper reporter talk to the ice cream?
He was looking for a big scoop.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat May 04, 2019 8:27 am
by PonyHag714
I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159, then it CLIX.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun May 05, 2019 8:07 am
by PonyHag714
When I was a student, I was worried that my parents would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon May 06, 2019 8:34 am
by PonyHag714
I like all sorts of puzzles, like jigsaws and crosswords, but dot to dots are where I draw the line.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Tue May 07, 2019 8:41 am
by PonyHag714
I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed May 08, 2019 8:53 am
by PonyHag714
I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn’t been made up yet.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu May 09, 2019 8:33 am
by PonyHag714
Why did the ants dance on the jam jar lid?
It said twist to open.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri May 10, 2019 8:06 am
by PonyHag714
An actor friend got a part in a version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but it wasn’t the one he wanted. He wasn’t happy.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri May 10, 2019 8:58 am
by ToastGhost
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat May 11, 2019 8:36 am
by PonyHag714
I saw a sign in a window, “Flat screen TV for sale, only $20. Broken volume control”. I couldn’t turn it down.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun May 12, 2019 9:02 am
by PonyHag714
Standing on the edge of the lake, someone shouted across “How do I get to the other side?”
“You are on the other side.” I replied.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon May 13, 2019 8:09 am
by PonyHag714
I almost dropped a bowl of Alpha-Ghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Tue May 14, 2019 8:05 am
by PonyHag714
A friend won “Dentist of the year”. All she got was a little plaque.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed May 15, 2019 8:21 am
by PonyHag714
Where do sharks go for their summer holidays?
Finland.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu May 16, 2019 8:22 am
by PonyHag714
I was arguing with a friend in a pizza restaurant the other night when another friend came over, grabbed the garlic bread and coleslaw from our table and ran off. I wish he would stop taking sides.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri May 17, 2019 7:56 am
by PonyHag714
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat May 18, 2019 8:48 am
by PonyHag714
I’m using my printer to put jokes on the labels of boullion cubes. It’s become a laughing stock.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun May 19, 2019 8:20 am
by PonyHag714
Superman inherited his X-ray ability from his family. He has parental super vision.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon May 20, 2019 8:59 am
by PonyHag714
My company is better at making sunblock cream than our competitors, but I don’t like to rub it in.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Tue May 21, 2019 7:25 am
by PonyHag714
What kind of dog has the most coins?
A bloodhound, they are always picking up cents.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Wed May 22, 2019 8:36 am
by PonyHag714
Dropped a really big crumb on my laptop keyboard. Nothing to worry about, though, it’s under Ctrl.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Thu May 23, 2019 8:13 am
by PonyHag714
I'm very good friends with the other members of my time travelling club. We go back years.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Fri May 24, 2019 7:18 am
by PonyHag714
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sat May 25, 2019 7:46 am
by PonyHag714
For sale: Watch with half a face. For a limited time only.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun May 26, 2019 8:24 am
by PonyHag714
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Sun May 26, 2019 9:56 am
by ToastGhost
My girlfriend is into electric currents. I couldn't resistor.
Re: Horse Laughs
Posted: Mon May 27, 2019 8:30 am
by PonyHag714
If we got rid of all the margarine and spreads, the world would be a butter place.