The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Ragnar (?) » Wed Nov 06, 2019 4:37 am

Why do they do a greeting card channel if there isn't a cool adult cartoon about Maxine? In fact I should get an av now that I come here sometimes, so there's an idea

By the way, a couple of these movies in the lineup don't have Christmas in the name. Which holiday are they about?
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Wed Nov 06, 2019 5:47 am

Halloween.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Wed Nov 06, 2019 6:25 am

DaikatunaRevengeance wrote:
Wed Nov 06, 2019 5:47 am
Halloween.
Makes sense, considering that the first three of them aired on or before Halloween!
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Thu Nov 07, 2019 9:52 pm

A Blue Ridge Mountain Christmas

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Hotel manager Willow returns to her stunning Virginia hometown to help her sister plan a Christmas wedding at the inn her family once owned. She must work with current owner and single dad David, who wants to let go of the past.

The two leads have spent a surprisingly little amount of time together so far, considering she will no doubt be running the inn and be the kid's new Mommy in 60 minutes.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Thu Nov 07, 2019 9:55 pm

Does either lead ever have personality in these movies? They're always like "average woman A meets generic man and they smooch. On christmas."
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:02 pm

I get the feeling that Hallmark's big audience for these movies is aging singles who are desperate for love but don't see a way to get it other than experiencing it vicariously through a highly generic character on TV.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by W.T. Fits (?) » Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:17 pm

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:02 pm
I get the feeling that Hallmark's big audience for these movies is aging singles who are desperate for love but don't see a way to get it other than experiencing it vicariously through a highly generic character on TV.
Kinda like harem anime.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Bigdog (?) » Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:18 pm

A few days ago I became aware of the existence of The Cthulhu Casebooks, which is a series of Sherlock Holmes/Lovecraftiana mashup novels. Genre-schlock as fuck.

My immediate reaction to this was "hnnnnnng I want that shit in my veins right now." So I checked out the first book in the series and it is indeed bonding with a significant number of my pleasure receptors.

The relevance of this apparent non sequitur to this thread is that I do not feel as though I have the standing (or, frankly, the desire) to look down on the people who consume these movies, at least not for reasons related to their guilty pleasures of plot or premise. I wish those aging singles happiness and I hope that one of these years their strong-jawed, Christmas-sweater-wearing prince will come.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:28 pm

W.T. Fits wrote:
Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:17 pm
Kinda like harem anime.
it's only now I realize that harem anime's target audience is supposed to identify with the generic guy, not the interesting women :-I
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:43 am

Ragnar wrote:
Wed Nov 06, 2019 4:37 am
Why do they do a greeting card channel if there isn't a cool adult cartoon about Maxine? In fact I should get an av now that I come here sometimes, so there's an idea

By the way, a couple of these movies in the lineup don't have Christmas in the name. Which holiday are they about?
Holy shit somebody else remembers Maxine.

She used to have a newspaper comic about 20-30 years ago (called "Crabby Road" or "Maxine's Crabby Road"). My local paper ran it until the very end. In fact, I think I have the very last comic published in papers somewhere. The punchline, IIRC, was "Butt wiggle is my way of saying goodbye".
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:48 am

Gloomy Rube wrote:
Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:28 pm
it's only now I realize that harem anime's target audience is supposed to identify with the generic guy, not the interesting women :-I
You DO know who the target audience for most harem anime is, right????? :-I
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:56 am

Hey I watched stuff like Tenchi Muyo, not Love Hina, I didn't realize :-I
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Perpetual Motion (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 1:30 am

Tenchi is the progenitor of the modern harem anime. They hadn't quite nailed the "protagonist has to be a complete blank slate" part yet. :v:
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Ragnar (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:31 am

Mr. Big wrote:
Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:43 am
Holy shit somebody else remembers Maxine.

She used to have a newspaper comic about 20-30 years ago (called "Crabby Road" or "Maxine's Crabby Road"). My local paper ran it until the very end. In fact, I think I have the very last comic published in papers somewhere. The punchline, IIRC, was "Butt wiggle is my way of saying goodbye".
I remember seeing her on gas station/dollar store greeting cards a lot, but I wasn't aware of a comic strip. It seems obvious in retrospect. Of course there was a newspaper comic.

Yeah, I thought she was Hallmark's OC, a G-rated Golden Girl character for your grandma to (be expected to) identify with. We have here another reason why we should all be grateful Bill Watterson refuses to sell.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 10:43 am

I think the greeting cards came first, then Hallmark licensed it to newspaper syndication.

Not the first time. "Ziggy" started out as a character put out by American Greetings. The strip ended up overtaking it.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:01 pm

Holiday For Heroes
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After a year's worth of letters exchanged between Audrey Brown and soldier Matt Evans, their worlds collide for the first time off the page. Will the spirit of the season bring Matt and Audrey's love beyond their letters?
Marc Blucas has become a staple of Hallmark holiday films, nearly always playing a military guy. And I hate them more than most of these movies because the presence of Marc Blucas reminds be that the 4th season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a thing.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:17 pm

so is there any reason they're sending letters to each other in the first place or is it just happenstance
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:19 pm

also it weirds me out that in all the movies you've reviewed over the years, there's never been one where the woman is taller than the dude.

I dunno about you but I'm pretty sure statistically at least one would at least have them be the same height.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:22 pm

Gloomy Rube wrote:
Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:19 pm
also it weirds me out that in all the movies you've reviewed over the years, there's never been one where the woman is taller than the dude.

I dunno about you but I'm pretty sure statistically at least one would at least have them be the same height.
Of all pieces of art that could challenge traditional norms of gender and relationships, Hallmark movies are perhaps the least likely.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:23 pm

Fizzbuzz wrote:
Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:22 pm
Of all pieces of art that could challenge traditional norms of gender and relationships, Hallmark movies are perhaps the least likely.
You made me laugh a lot with this. :-I

Not because I disagree, but because you really put it into perspective. I guess I am hoping for too much aren't I :-I
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:24 pm

Gloomy Rube wrote:
Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:17 pm
so is there any reason they're sending letters to each other in the first place or is it just happenstance
One of Riley's troops gave him some of his sister's coffee, and he sent a thank you letter to her, and they just kept writing.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:26 pm

Ah. That's... odd. :-I

I have trouble imagining that happening in anything close to reality. "My sister made this coffee" "dang that's some fine coffee, tell her she makes great coffee" but no he writes a letter, in this, the year 2019.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Bigdog (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:28 pm

Mr. Big wrote:
Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:43 am
Holy shit somebody else remembers Maxine.

She used to have a newspaper comic about 20-30 years ago (called "Crabby Road" or "Maxine's Crabby Road"). My local paper ran it until the very end. In fact, I think I have the very last comic published in papers somewhere. The punchline, IIRC, was "Butt wiggle is my way of saying goodbye".
I remember crabby road in newspapers but I don't think I knew her name

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:29 pm

Gloomy Rube wrote:
Fri Nov 08, 2019 9:26 pm
I have trouble imagining that happening in anything close to reality. "My sister made this coffee" "dang that's some fine coffee, tell her she makes great coffee" but no he writes a letter, in this, the year 2019.
Of all pieces of art ostensibly set in the present, Hallmark movies are perhaps the least likely to acknowledge technological and societal progress.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:20 pm

Picture Perfect Christmas
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The movie centers around an extreme sports photographer (who's ready for a lot of b-roll?) who returns home for the holiday to look after her grandmother and ends up lending a helping hand to a neighbor who needs assistance watching his nephew.
So, while she's falling the eligible bachelor, she breaks up with her old, more distant boyfriend who is also a photographer. Their boss tries to get her to put her career first and not stay in SmallTown USA.

AND THE DIABOLICAL BOSS WHO IS TRYING TO STOP LOVE AT CHRISTMAS IS NONE OTHER THAN.......................

:prettywings:

Nichole Oliver is usually in one of these every year in a small role.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:21 pm

Okay, I didn't expect that :-I

I take it these are filmed in Vancouver, then? Which...makes sense. I imagine the budget on these TV movies aren't very high.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:23 pm

Mr. Big wrote:
Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:21 pm
Okay, I didn't expect that :-I

I take it these are filmed in Vancouver, then? Which...makes sense. I imagine the budget on these TV movies aren't very high.
Michelle Creeber showed up in one a few years ago as the precocious child of the single dad.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:33 pm

Mr. Big wrote:
Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:21 pm
Okay, I didn't expect that :-I

I take it these are filmed in Vancouver, then? Which...makes sense. I imagine the budget on these TV movies aren't very high.
Here's a clue:


Abbotsford is a city a bit east of Vancouver, right on the border. I imagine it must be a wild sight to see production of these movies.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:42 pm

The fact that they film several of these at the same location within a month or two says it all :-I
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:43 pm

these are probably really cheap to produce :-I
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:45 pm

The fact that they film them in Canada is usually a sign they're cheap productions.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:53 pm

Mr. Big wrote:
Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:45 pm
The fact that they film them in Canada is usually a sign they're cheap productions.
https://www.countryliving.com/life/ente ... ies-facts/
Hallmark movies often film in and around Vancouver, Canada, because of tax incentives. But it turns out there's a limit to how many adorable holiday villages exist in the area for film shoots. "Every movie wants that small, cute town and there's only so many small, cute towns within driving distance of the film zone," Jamie Lake, production manager for Front Street Pictures, told the newspaper.
Business Insider, which also dove into the world of Hallmark movies, reports that each movie costs about $2 million to make, which is the cost of one episode of some television shows. And movie shoots are fast, with some filming just a month before they hit television screens. Lacey Chabert, a frequent Hallmark star, compared the process to "boot camp." "It's intense — it's hard to make a movie in 15 days," she told the website. "They know what they are doing,"

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sat Nov 09, 2019 10:00 pm

And the movie ends with her staying in the small town and hooking up with Handsome McEligible.

:gotcha: And Princess Celestia tells her she is very happy for her and she keeps her job.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:11 pm

The Mistletoe Secret
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When Aria convinces a famous travel writer to do a feature story on her beloved hometown, it looks like the town’s tourism drop is about to be reversed. However, when the travel guru and his ghostwriter both show up, Aria is torn between the two.
So, despite the picture, she is not choosing between the young guy and Patrick Duffy. The travel guru looks like an offbrand Jerry O'Connel.

In a surprising twist, the travel guru is a legitimate asshole, and not just another nice guy.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:12 pm

That's not a twist!

Well, it is if you just read the description text, but him not being in the picture made it pretty obvious they'd be the villain :-I
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by Fizzbuzz (?) » Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:19 pm

The Doctor wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:11 pm
In a surprising twist, the travel guru is a legitimate asshole, and not just another nice guy.
I know these movies are made in the Vancouver area and have featured at least one member of FiM's cast, but straight-up recycling Trenderhoof is lame no matter how rushed the production schedule is on these things. :trixeyes:
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:22 pm

Here's the OTHER guy.

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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:26 pm

why does that actor look familiar to me :ponder:
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by DaikatunaRevengeance (?) » Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:31 pm

the guy on the left, i mean.
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Re: The Doctor Watches Hallmark Christmas Movies (And One Hanukkah Movie) 2019 Edition

Post by The Doctor (?) » Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:39 pm

So, Patrick Duffy gives the nice guy some sage advice to buy a mistletoe ornament at the town Christmas auction. Douchebag McAsshole outbids him.


DaikatunaRevengeance wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:26 pm
why does that actor look familiar to me :ponder:
He's done a lot of Christmas movies, and he was a background character in a few episodes of Star Trek Discovery (I don't remember him)

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