Relationships & Co. Thread

[Mr. Big]

Congrats!

[diribigal]

Nice!

[Madeline]

so uh I may have blundered into a ldr and it took me a really long time to realize it

status: clueless disaster lesbian

[Princess Flufflebutt]

Congrats

[Snowfire]

Wooooo

[Madeline]

Congrats

Wooooo

aww, thank you, Smowfire

[Mr. Big]

Congrats!

[Madeline]

Thanks, Mr. Big

Anyway, the funniest part about all of this is that you always hear “it just happened” when it comes to these sorts of things. And, like, when we started out PMing each other, there wasn’t any ulterior motive other than mutual support. For like 3 years we discussed our problems, how our days were going, cartoons, furry stuff, just chatting. Both of us were like “how are we ever going to meet anybody.”

And then I got a crush on her but I wasn’t sure what to do about it and we kept chatting and started getting silly and flirting a little while back. And then recently another poster here was talking about something somewhere else (name withheld unless they are okay with me mentioning them here but they are a good person), how a relationship started that way for them, and it hit me like, “wait, is that what we’re doing?” So I asked Fluffles if that was what we were doing and she was like “maybe?” and I was like, “oh, okay, I guess we’re dating now.”

So yes, it just happened. I don’t know how either.

[Princess Flufflebutt]

It just happened and holy fuck, it's been so good. Madeline is such a charming woman.

[Mr. Big]

[Skipper]

Congratulations!

Very happy for the both of you!

[Madeline]

It just happened and holy fuck, it's been so good. Madeline is such a charming woman.

Congratulations!

Very happy for the both of you!

Thank you, Skipper. May your voyages be blessed (or whatever nautical term for “going well” you would prefer to use) because you are a smart and thoughtful person who makes smart and thoughtful posts.

e: not that giving us a compliment is required for me to call anyone smart & thoughtful because it’s not

[Octavia]

Yessss more forum love

[Fizzbuzz]

Ponygoon love is the best love.

[DaikatunaRevengeance]

It keeps happening

Congrats!

[Snowfire]

Ponygoon love is the best love.

[Princess Flufflebutt]

It keeps happening

Congrats!

No one is safe.

Thanks!

[Jill]

i think i'm pretty safe

congrats tho

[Madeline]

i think i'm pretty safe

congrats tho

You never know. I was convinced that I would always be alone until it turned out that I had a crush on somebody I’d already been talking to and then it got serious somehow and here we are

Never give up hope

[Madeline]

Relationships are a mistake. I can’t handle being in a poly situation, especially not with so eone who constantly sends me unwanted messages and makes me feel belittled and condescended to. I’m leaving any LGBT community behind and I’m just gonna be a fucking voluntary celibate loser for the rest of my life. It’s easier than trying to understand human emotions or people because they are completely beyond me.

[Madeline]

feel free to laugh at me or heap abuse on me. it’s what I deseve

[Princess Flufflebutt]

It doesn't have to a be a poly thing. Especially not with someone you don't like. I'm sorry I put this pressure on you. I was selfish and I hurt you. I am so sorry. I should have thought about your needs more.

[Madeline]

It doesn't have to a be a poly thing. Especially not with someone you don't like. I'm sorry I put this pressure on you. I was selfish and I hurt you. I am so sorry. I should have thought about your needs more.

She’s a perfectly good and nice person who also makes me feel like a completely inadequate fool. I can’t compete with anyone because I have absolutely nothing worthwhile to offer anyone. Just a basket of terrible learned behaviors and abuse baggage and shitty nerd hobbies that everyone has looked down on forever (albeit now it’s because of fucking nazi assholes).

It isn’t that you’re poly. It’s that I wanted to feel loved and special for the first time in my life and now I know, it’s confirmed, I’m the complete opposite of special or interesting. Just another boring nerd asshole on the internet with nothing to offer anyone, wasting oxygen and food amd water and resources smarter ans better people need.

[Princess Flufflebutt]

She’s a perfectly good and nice person who also makes me feel like a completely inadequate fool. I can’t compete with anyone because I have absolutely nothing worthwhile to offer anyone. Just a basket of terrible learned behaviors and abuse baggage and shitty nerd hobbies that everyone has looked down on forever (albeit now it’s because of fucking nazi assholes).

It isn’t that you’re poly. It’s that I wanted to feel loved and special for the first time in my life and now I know, it’s confirmed, I’m the complete opposite of special or interesting. Just another boring nerd asshole on the internet with nothing to offer anyone, wasting oxygen and food amd water and resources smarter ans better people need.

You're not boring, uninteresting or a waste of resources. Nor are you an asshole. You are wanted and loved. I love and want you. I never wanted to make you feel like you were competing. I'm sorry I let that happen.

[Jill]

I can’t handle being in a poly situation

If I'm being honest, most of us can't. Any relationship between 3+ people is invariably going to generate some feelings of being left out and singled out and betrayed. Even in people without self-esteem issues, jealousy is a powerful and miserable force that goes underestimated all the time. There's something of a social taboo around envy where no one wants to admit when it's something they feel. We might have our feelings belittled and considered petty and immature. We don't get to feel all righteous about it like we do with anger. We might tell ourselves we're being petty and immature, and the feeling might stick around even though we've acknowledged it and keep coming up again. Few people are equipped to actually defuse it.

I'm not one of them. Consciously I know that whenever my partners spend time with each other and not me, it doesn't automatically mean I'm inadequate and unwanted in the relationship. I'll still feel that way though, and those are feelings I'd rather just avoid having. I've still got my share of issues with regards to abandonment and isolation, and I would only consider a poly relationship if all of us knew each other super well and were on the same page about each other's emotional baggage.

I've gone off on a bit of a tangent as Jills are wont to, but at the very least I hope this perspective is helpful to someone.

[Madeline]

If I'm being honest, most of us can't. Any relationship between 3+ people is invariably going to generate some feelings of being left out and singled out and betrayed. Even in people without self-esteem issues, jealousy is a powerful and miserable force that goes underestimated all the time. There's something of a social taboo around envy where no one wants to admit when it's something they feel. We might have our feelings belittled and considered petty and immature. We don't get to feel all righteous about it like we do with anger. We might tell ourselves we're being petty and immature, and the feeling might stick around even though we've acknowledged it and keep coming up again. Few people are equipped to actually defuse it.

I'm not one of them. Consciously I know that whenever my partners spend time with each other and not me, it doesn't automatically mean I'm inadequate and unwanted in the relationship. I'll still feel that way though, and those are feelings I'd rather just avoid having. I've still got my share of issues with regards to abandonment and isolation, and I would only consider a poly relationship if all of us knew each other super well and were on the same page about each other's emotional baggage.

I've gone off on a bit of a tangent as Jills are wont to, but at the very least I hope this perspective is helpful to someone.

it is helpful. thank you.

I don’t know what else to say but that I was absolutely not ready or emotionally mature enough to be trustworthy in a relationship either, since I lied about seeking help in a mental health crisis situation (I didn’t, I was too scared to go, so when a cop showed up, that was startling and unwelcome).

I’m not even mature or nice enough to stay friends. I can’t even stay offline when I’m supposed to.

huge asshole fuckup right here <—

[Snowfire]

So uh, Medley (Pseudo) and I are getting back together.

We were actually LDRing before when she had just come out as trans. I couldn't remember why we broke up, but she reminded me it was because I said I wouldn't be comfortable if she was bigender, because well, OBVIOUSLY I was a straight guy (albeit demi).

Well... turns out the only part of that that was true was the demi part.

Lately, we've started talking again and decided that since her being bigender is no longer a problem since MY coming out as a trans woman also made me realize I was bi, we are going to try LDRing again for the time being. And obviously try to physically see each other at some point.

Also Ponygoon love best love etc. etc.

[diribigal]

So uh, Medley (Pseudo) and I are getting back together.

Congrats to you two!

[diribigal]

On an unrelated note, am I the only one here who's feeling the pandemic put a strain on their relationship? Anyone have any tips?

[Octavia]

On an unrelated note, am I the only one here who's feeling the pandemic put a strain on their relationship? Anyone have any tips?

Are you living with your partner? If so, it could be helpful to do an activity every so often without them. Being forced to spend every minute with the same person for over a year can get tedious, regardless of how much you care for them. Time apart is really important. Being a better independent person helps you be a better partner.

I'm lucky because it feels like my relationship has gotten stronger during the pandemic. It's really nice to have someone to lean on when it feels like the world is crumbling around you. He helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed and vice versa.

[diribigal]

Are you living with your partner? If so, it could be helpful to do an activity every so often without them. Being forced to spend every minute with the same person for over a year can get tedious, regardless of how much you care for them. Time apart is really important. Being a better independent person helps you be a better partner.

Thanks Octavia. I need to do more without them and hope that I can once my vaccine kicks in. Right now our balance of time together/apart versus what each person would like is just off.

[Smoke]

5 years ago today:

[Smoke]

So 10 years ago I asked for some advice in this thread's predecessor on the forums pre-hack.

Worked out pretty well I'd say.