Horse Laughs
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- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I thought it was going to be cold so I plugged my electric blanket in beside my toaster. I kept popping out of bed all night.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Why are circus clowns often stressed?
Because their job is in tents.
Because their job is in tents.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I arrived at a hotel, and said I was there for the Twitter conference. Concierge said “Follow me."
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I can tell I’m having a bad day when even my Rice Krispies won’t talk to me.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
A friend got chased into a haunted blinds shop, but we saved him from curtain death.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I some flies playing soccer in a saucer earlier. They hope to be in the cup next week.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- ToastGhost
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- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I had dinner once with a Chess Grand Master in a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
A friend of mine keeps getting emails offering him cans of chopped ham and pork. I’ve told him that it’s just spam.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Not so sure why everyone goes on about genetically modified food. I had a lovely leg of salmon the other day.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- ToastGhost
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Re: Horse Laughs
Just so you know I repost a fair deal of these jokes on facebook so they're greatly appreciated by me and many others.
- PonyHag714
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- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Why did the newspaper reporter talk to the ice cream?
He was looking for a big scoop.
He was looking for a big scoop.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159, then it CLIX.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
When I was a student, I was worried that my parents would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I like all sorts of puzzles, like jigsaws and crosswords, but dot to dots are where I draw the line.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn’t been made up yet.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Why did the ants dance on the jam jar lid?
It said twist to open.
It said twist to open.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
An actor friend got a part in a version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but it wasn’t the one he wanted. He wasn’t happy.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- ToastGhost
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- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I saw a sign in a window, “Flat screen TV for sale, only $20. Broken volume control”. I couldn’t turn it down.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Standing on the edge of the lake, someone shouted across “How do I get to the other side?”
“You are on the other side.” I replied.
“You are on the other side.” I replied.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I almost dropped a bowl of Alpha-Ghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
A friend won “Dentist of the year”. All she got was a little plaque.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Where do sharks go for their summer holidays?
Finland.
Finland.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I was arguing with a friend in a pizza restaurant the other night when another friend came over, grabbed the garlic bread and coleslaw from our table and ran off. I wish he would stop taking sides.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I’m using my printer to put jokes on the labels of boullion cubes. It’s become a laughing stock.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Superman inherited his X-ray ability from his family. He has parental super vision.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
My company is better at making sunblock cream than our competitors, but I don’t like to rub it in.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
What kind of dog has the most coins?
A bloodhound, they are always picking up cents.
A bloodhound, they are always picking up cents.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Dropped a really big crumb on my laptop keyboard. Nothing to worry about, though, it’s under Ctrl.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
I'm very good friends with the other members of my time travelling club. We go back years.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
For sale: Watch with half a face. For a limited time only.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")
- ToastGhost
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Re: Horse Laughs
My girlfriend is into electric currents. I couldn't resistor.
- PonyHag714
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Re: Horse Laughs
If we got rid of all the margarine and spreads, the world would be a butter place.
("Don't try to reform me, Hag, because I'm made of cold stone.")