Woke up with some bad mental weather:
First time I was awakened by a woman screaming in pain the next room over, likely someone having an extremely difficult time with dilation. The next time it was by a nurse from the clinic, come to poke at my vulva. The third time it was a loud knock at the door, with no one there.
Weird door shit is a trigger for my PTSD. It's much easier to handle now that I've got some coping mechanisms (and, not to mention, now that the pants situation is less of a drain on my mental resources). But it took me a while to get my mind to a good and relaxed place. One of the things my friend is good at is feeling safe to be around, so having this space not be wholly my own was just fine with me.
And so I was able to relax, and have a smoothie at the hotel's restaurant and watch some Avatar: The Last Airbender and generally be incredibly lazy. The guy who works the bar is
incredibly cute, although I am not permitted to have sexual thoughts until next week. And my roomie had a hilarious battle with a new ketchup bottle, which she REFUSED to abandon, despite having been offered a different ketchup bottle that was much, much easier to work with (I used it quickly, set it back down and continued to watch her struggle with interest).
And we chatted about stuff, and it helped me calm down and get relaxed, which is really the key to having dilation not be miserable.
This is my life right now: spend my day mostly doing things I want to do, with a couple hours devoted to doing painful things that are
very important in supporting the things I want to do.
I'm enjoying it. I've earned it.