The Round Stable

A thread for people identifying or questioning their self-identity as non-cis non-heterosexual.

Glossary:
Cis -- short for 'cisgender'. You identify as the gender you were assigned at birth. If you don't know what this word means, you're probably cis.
Heterosexual -- straight. You're a man who's into women or a woman who's into men.

Gay -- aka homosexual. You like people of the same gender; you're a dude who likes other dudes or you're a woman who likes other women
Lesbian -- a word specifically for women who are attracted to other women
Bi -- bisexual. You like people of both genders. (in practice this usually also includes non-binary but the word predates awareness of non-binary genders so we stuck with it I guess )
Pan -- pansexual. You like people of all genders (including non-binary)
Ace -- Asexual. You're not interested in sex/don't feel sexual attraction/don't want to have sex with people.
Demi -- Demisexual. You only experience sexual attraction with people you have a close emotional relationship with.

Trans -- transgender. You identify as a gender different than what you were assigned at birth. Ex you were assigned male at birth but now you identify as/live as a woman, or vice versa. Also includes non-binary people.
Non-binary -- aka nb, enby. You do not identify as strictly either a man or a woman. Terms such as genderfluid, genderqueer, third-spirit, etc fall under this tent.
Genderfluid -- sometimes you feel male and sometimes you feel female.

Assigned gender -- The gender you were assigned at birth, aka whether the doctor/midwife said 'it's a boy!' or 'it's a girl!' when you were born.
AMAB -- assigned male at birth
AFAB -- assigned female at birth
Sex -- generally refers to physical sex, what genitalia and hormone levels you have.
Gender identity -- whether you identify as a man, a woman, or neither. Ex. I feel like a woman and I want to be treated by others as a woman, so I identify as a woman.
Gender presentation -- how you present your gender to society. Ex clothing, makeup, hairstyle, etc, as well as whether you tell people you're a man or a woman or neither.
Social gender -- how other people perceive you and what they expect from you based on that. Ex someone who has a beard is perceived to be a man, and is expected to act as such (be strong, stoic, etc)

My personal story:

I'm terrible at introspection. In middle school, around when puberty started, my grades went down significantly. Halfway through high school, I read some other trans TRS users' stories and noticed that my feelings matched the feelings they described to a statistically significant degree (yes, actually). I figured I wouldn't have these feelings if I were cis. And basically immediately after I became happier and my grades improved significantly

Also I'm gay but that's not related

Hello, GSM thread! Gay cis male checking in. I came out 12 years ago and I've been with my partner for over 8 years now.

Welcome back GSM thread!! . I am a Demi-Pansexual Transwomen and have been working on my transition since 2013 now. Electrolysis, HRT, school and finding jobs. Working on the latter two currently and the former two has been ongoing. Anyway I am a bit more stable than I was early on in my transition and hope to progress more smoothly with doing what I need to do.

hello again! i'm a pansexual trans woman with an affinity for cute and girly things. for several years now i've been very patiently trying to start HRT and being denied every last fucking step of the way

I'm Autumn and I realized back in the summer that I'm a girl & very gay. These last few months have been the first time in my life I felt like I could like myself and could see a life that I wanted to have and a person I wanted to be, and I'm still working on getting there. I've had some shitty irrational fears about myself crop up during that time, but I think I'm finally ready to put them behind me, and I'm still trying to move forward with my life. It's been a really slow process and I honestly haven't made much progress. I've managed to get myself some clothes I like (I found a dress the other week that I actually really like and even if I haven't really had an opportunity to wear it for more than a few minutes it's really nice to have one) and I've been to a few trans support groups in the city, but with my work schedule and the fact that I'm not driving yet and I'm not out to my parents and since I'm trying to save up some cash for a little bit now it's been hard to get out and do that regularly.

I'm in kind of a shitty place where I can't really start transitioning in earnest yet and getting there is going to mean clearing out a lot of just bigger life roadblocks, getting a car, finding a real job, moving into my own place, that kind of stuff, so I kind of feel like I'm trapped where I am right now and it's a bummer. There's a lot of stuff I want to do that I kind of just can't, and getting there is a process but right now it feels less like I'm making small incremental progress on something big and more like I'm spinning my wheels at the bottom of the hill.

So, uh, you know, that's where I'm at. Hi and stuff.

Hi I'm flufflebutt, I'm a trans lesbean. I found out by doing weird stuff. Didn't realize it until I was 24 despite all the signs were there in flashing neon colors. I have made some progress but not much. I'll still accept those small victories. Next step: Come out to mom.

I'm Minty, I'm asexual aromantic and have recently come to the conclusion that I must have some sort of gender dysphoria so I consider myself rather genderless.There's not much I can do about it right now, but I'm happy with the conclusion that I can live with this. I'm also super old compared to you kiddos (30s), so I'm realizing this later in life than most. Hey, I've always been a slow learner.

I've had issues for years but I ignored them because I got told that
a) I'm being misogynistic
b) I will eventually want to give birth, therefore I should embrace periods
c) my dislike of having some titties on my chest is sad
d) I'm giving into the patriarchy by being asexual.
e) I should show off my figure because otherwise I'm ashamed of my body

These days I say
a) I don't hate women, I just wish I weren't assigned female at birth.
b) hell no I'd rather eat a bucket of nails and also embrace the nails
c) no your face is sad
d) I'm not giving into anyone, it's my body. I know there's a history of men thinking women don't have sex drives and that's sexist, but that's not about me.
e) No, I'd rather show off this oversized tshirt of a Gengar, he's purple you should love him and I'm allowed to hide my body.

In short, it's MY body, MY life and what might be empowering to some is not empowering to all and that's okay.

Hey all, PL here. I guess I should really give some background on myself wrt my gender and sexuality. I currently consider myself to be asexual and genderless. My asexuality was extremely confusing to me growing up, mostly because I was a dumb child who barely even knew that gay people existed, much less people without sexuality. I just saw people with significant others and all of the importance society placed on having one and felt bad that I wasn't living up to what was expected of me. My parents even straight up asked me if I was gay because I never had a girlfriend. Eventually I learned about asexuality, though, and decided to ascribe to the label myself, and I'm much happier for it.

As for my gender, I displayed plenty of the classic signs of being trans throughout my childhood, but it wasn't until I spent time on this site with other trans people that I was able to educate myself and realize that something was wrong. I approached my mental health professionals (who had been treating me for depression) about transitioning and they pointed me in the right direction to doctors who could help. That was where things got messy. I found that MTF transitioning took a lot more than just hormones and surgery. Everyone, from my doctors to my therapist to my parents expected me to dress up in more feminine clothes, learn how to do makeup, and basically live up to the popular stereotype of a woman in every way. I just wasn't interested in that. All I wanted (and still want) was to have a female body with none of the other baggage. The pressure combined with the strain of my first month on HRT drove me to a mental breakdown that put me in the hospital for a few weeks. At that point I pretty much gave up on ever being a woman. It took many more months after that for me to again approach the idea of being trans. This time, since I knew that I didn't to be fully female (as per society's definition of it, at least), I figured that I sat somewhere in between, or more accurately, nowhere at all. I still wish I had a female body, and if I were to be given the chance to have one without any other catches, I'd jump at the chance, but I'm more or less contented with being genderless, even if I don't outwardly show any signs of being non-cis.

So, that's my story. Hopefully someone finds it helpful, and if not, at least it's nice to be able to talk about my problems openly.

Hi, I'm Jenna. I'm bisexual and recently realized that I'm a trans woman. Looking back on my life, i see that I've always had those sorts of thoughts and feelings that I wish I was born female instead, but never really put 2+2 together for so long. Instead of really thinking about it, I just kinda defaulted to being cis dude, since that was all I thought I was for so long. Unfortunately, I'm kind of at a lousy spot in my life where I need to focus on other stuff, like having a stable enough job to pay for therapy (among other bills) and sorting out some other stuff in my life that unfortunately needs more immediate priority. I'd love to go further and do more, and explore my options, etc, but I just really can't afford to right now, and it really sucks some days.

But it's just how it is at the here and now. It's a work in progress, I suppose.

Hey. I'm a pansexual guy.

As for whether I'm trans, my answer to the "if you could wave a magic wand" question is a definite yes. I've decided not to transition in actuality because it isn't a magic wand. Well, more accurately I came out and was presenting everywhere but work for a few months until I de transitioned. Time has passed since then and I still feel like a woman on the inside, but it seems to have diminished. I rarely feel it painfully or urgently to the point where it hurts to be a man or be considered as a man outwardly. If it sounds confusing then you're probably just receiving a part of the confusion I feel. I'm aware you can be gender neutral or bi gendered, and I have no idea about any of that in relation to myself. Right now I have no plans to explore or deal with it. It's not painful or urgent for me, and I have more painful and urgent needs like leaving the house where my father lives.

I feel uncomfortable talking about my trans experiences. Partly out of fear that it'll all come to the surface again and I'll "have" to transition for my health. Partly because the fact I de transitioned makes me feel almost like a traitor at times. I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut IRL because people out there will twist my experiences to their worldview and use it for the worse. The fact that there are people like me is the reason the NHS is such an asshole about how it treats the medical side of their services, for example.

Since I de transitioned I have all new friends, albeit through unrelated reasons, and now only a handful of people know this about my past. Right now it's easier for me to choose to outwardly live the life of a man, identify as a man as it were, even though in some ways I'm not. It's confusing, because being this way starts to make me question what I mean by man and woman in the first place.

I'll mainly be focusing on my sexuality, so I assume, because the real world side of my trans experiences is pretty much dead right now even if the mental aspect is still up there and confusing as ever.

Hey, it's me, Kate! Just checkin in here.

Came out as a trans lady back when I first joined the forums (pretty much first thing I did!) and now I'm living happily with a pair of boobs. It's been a really rough few years on that, with some awful interactions with therapists and parents and a couple failed years of college, but I'd like to think I'm doing kind of alright now, livin on hormones and all that. I'm also a lesbian and I love girls but I'm terrified of intimacy so I'm still painfully single and not interested in doing much about it.

Not sure I need to introduce myself.

Anyway, the surgeon who's building my vagina in July was featured in the Washington Post. It's a great article. https://www.washingtonpost.com/national ... story.html

Hello. I'm Lucky, and I'm pansexual and trans(?)

It's always been hard for me to talk about these things, as I've spent 20-some years repressing it. I've known that I'd rather be a girl since my early teens. I finally came out to my mom and sister a few years ago, and was surprised that she accepted it and was supportive of me. I had thought I was trans, but my financial situation has been pretty terrible over the years until it stabilized, so I haven't been really able to transition.

Lately, I've been in a more comfortable place and I thought about it again, and the thought kind of doesn't appeal to me? I'm not sure whether it's lingering fear over my the rest of my family and coworkers/job taking it badly (my brother literally disowned me because he thought I was gay), my age, which I'm not really all that young anymore, or just the state of things in general in the U.S., especially living in a conservative rust belt area, which I don't think it would be very safe.

The worst part is I'm not really all that broken up about not being able to, which is making me start to question myself again, because it was such a huge issue for other trans people that I know and am friends with, and it's really painful for me to admit it because it makes me feel kind of fake.

I'm going to come out to my parents tomorrow. I've put it off too long, it's one of the only things on my big life checklist right now that isn't a time or a money thing, and if I do it I knock out one of the barriers to getting at those other goals, so... I'm just gonna do it. Wish me luck, I guess.

Diamondheart wrote: ↑

Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:57 pm

The worst part is I'm not really all that broken up about not being able to, which is making me start to question myself again, because it was such a huge issue for other trans people that I know and am friends with, and it's really painful for me to admit it because it makes me feel kind of fake.

I'm cis and thus definitely not an authority on this matter, but I think it's frankly bullshit that being trans somehow has to be defined by how much you suffer from it. Gender identity is such a fluid and vast subject, and we still don't know everything about it - Intense dysphoria being a necessary part of being "a real trans" just doesn't seem right to me, at all. Being horribly torn up about the gender you were assigned at birth shouldn't be a minimum requirement for feeling better with a different gender identity/expression. You are not fake, IMO. There is no "you must suffer this much to ride" sign.

I hope you find the right answers for yourself, and the right place in life to move ahead with whatever you feel right with. If trans doesn't feel quite right after all, maybe you are non-binary? Genderfluid? Agender? Something else entirely? Whatever fits you, fits. Your existence and your feelings don't invalidate the feelings others have about their gender identity.

Weird Autumn wrote: ↑

Thu Nov 16, 2017 12:00 am

I'm going to come out to my parents tomorrow. I've put it off too long, it's one of the only things on my big life checklist right now that isn't a time or a money thing, and if I do it I knock out one of the barriers to getting at those other goals, so... I'm just gonna do it. Wish me luck, I guess.

I truly hope things work out okay for you. Parents can need some time and patience to grasp what's going on, so if they're apprehensive at first, give them some time. It doesn't mean you are wrong or invalid. You deserve their support, though, and I really do hope they give it.

In case you need it, I've seen this wonderful PFLAG pamphlet recommended time and time again: https://www.pflag.org/ourtranslovedones

Weird Autumn wrote: ↑

Thu Nov 16, 2017 12:00 am

I'm going to come out to my parents tomorrow. I've put it off too long, it's one of the only things on my big life checklist right now that isn't a time or a money thing, and if I do it I knock out one of the barriers to getting at those other goals, so... I'm just gonna do it. Wish me luck, I guess.

Wishing you all the luck in the world! I'll be thinking of you and cheering for you.

Hi, this is Lynn, Angry Critter (formerly Snakebite) on the forums. I identify as a woman, born a dude, and started transitioning with HRT last Summer.

I wore a skirt out yesterday and nobody looked at me weird. I think that's progress.
I actually smile when I look in the mirror now, and I only got started 4 months ago so I'm really excited to see how this will work out for me. :3

Sup

Heeeey Snakebite! It's been so long! Looking hella good!

Hi :3

Say, how would I set my gender indicator to female here?

User Control panel > Profile: the setting should be all the way at the bottom.

Mir wrote: ↑

Fri Nov 17, 2017 4:46 pm

User Control panel > Profile: the setting should be all the way at the bottom.

that's where I am!

if you get my drift!!!

u is de angre

*boop*

By the way, coming out went fine. My parents didn't really get it but I told them I just needed space to work this stuff out for myself and they seemed okay with that. Maybe it's easier for them to be able to ignore it and they can for now so we'll see how things go. It'll be easier going forward if I can be honest about what I'm up to, which is the important part for me.

'Lo.

I'm pretty older to still be in the questioning stage and feel like even calling myself genderfluid isn't quite right, however, it is better than being ignorant of the options and feeling alone in the struggle. My situation makes it difficult to socialize in person so finding out more about myself is difficult in turn. Finding this thread and all y'all has helped me greatly with all the information and experiences that are shared.

You look fantastic, Snakebite/Critter!!

And I'm glad things went alright, Autumn, for the time being. Things can still evolve and deepen as time goes on, and if they respect your needs at the very least, that's something.

Congratulations Autumn! That can be a huge, scary step.
When I first came out to my parents I had to struggle to even speak.

Lynn, I missed your pic before! You look legit cute. I like your hair!

Hi everybody! I suppose I should do one of these introduction things too before I start talking about things.

I'm theGECK, because I have an agreement with my spouse that my personal name won't appear on a forum, so that's what you get to call me. I came out to myself as transgender in 2014 thanks to a fantabulous combination of Mechwarrior: Online and MLP where a fellow group member came out as trans and I tried to write a congratulations PM but ended up writing "I'm so jealous I wish I was you," deleted the PM, and broke down sobbing. That, along with something I wrote and journaled about that ended up talking about my struggle with my gender, was when I seriously decided that I needed to investigate these thoughts.

I came out to my spouse in 2015 and we both promptly broke down for a month. Neither of us remember much from that time, we just were surviving and dealing with the pain that we each felt. We weren't sure if we could stay together but we decided that we wouldn't be us if we didn't try. Almost 3 years later and we're still together, although we feel just as uncertain about our future together as we did back then. I don't blame them for it, my partner just isn't attracted to women, and I feel like asking them to change their sexual orientation would be incredibly hypocritical of me.

That brings me to the present, where I've started hormone treatment and learned to inject myself in under 10 minutes and I don't even have to have music playing to distract myself every time I do it! And that brings me to something that I don't know how to feel about - I've started (rarely) "passing". Passing is something that I never expected myself to be able to do. Firstly, because of my build - I've had people say my entire life that I should be in football on the defensive line because of my shoulders. Secondly, because of agreements with my spouse not to move quickly with transition or "feminize" myself too much and/or without talking to them so that we can decide together if it's something that they will be able to live with and something I'm not willing to live without. That means I don't own "lady clothes" or wear any makeup. But apparently as I have been doing laser treatment, as I've taken hormones, and maybe moreso how I've learned how to care for my hair, I've started randomly getting referred to as "she". In the grocery store recently I was looking for dark corn syrup because Pecan Pie just doesn't work right when you use something that isn't extremely unhealthy. When I asked an employee who couldn't find it, they went to another one and said that "This lady needs help finding blah blah blah." I didn't really listen after that, because I was so stunned. It's happened in a department store, at a restaurant, and it's not frequent but it occasionally happens, and I don't know how to feel about it. I've been preparing myself to be a non-passing transwoman, and I've suddenly found myself rarely being on the opposite side of that. I don't want to participate in the expectations of women, and especially transwomen, to look or act a certain way, but it just feels so gooood. I don't know if I have anything in particular to say about this, other than to mention that this is happening to me, and I'm having mixed feelings about it.

I also came out to our parents in the last few weeks. My partner's went well, they asked if we're doing ok, if we're going to try to stay together, if hormones will change my sexual orientation, etc. You know, normal questions. And then in the weeks afterwards they've continued asking if we're doing ok and empathizing with both of us. Mom said that she was in church two Sundays ago and just started crying because it hit her how hard it's been for me and how much she imagines I've hurt over the years. They've been incredibly sweet and, while I still don't know their opinions about transitioning, they've been loving and caring and still obviously want us in their lives. They have the obvious benefit of knowing that if things don't work out that their child and I can break up, so I wonder if that makes it easier for them.

My parents, as expected, were the more difficult ones. We knew that there would be the obvious issue that my father is a preacher in a small, conservative, evangelical, christian church. We also knew that my parents don't have the advantage that my spouse's parents did of having some distance from me via a marriage. The problem that we did not expect was that when I came out to them, literally every single reaction or question has been about them. They're mad that I came out to them last. They're upset that I didn't talk to them back in 4th grade. They're telling us about their experiences with bullying. They're telling me that I have to come out to the rest of our family by Thanksgiving so that things aren't akward for my parents. They're sad that they're losing their son. They're concerned that I'm subjecting myself to medical experimentation and turning myself into a guinea pig, which made me stop in my tracks and lose all words because I'm most definitely not doing any untested treatments and am also lucky enough to be doing my medical transition at one of the top medical centers in the world, so the risks are very well known and minimized. And of course, they're sad that Satan has stolen away their baby boy and convinced him that this will make him happier because Satan will do anything to keep you away from God and I'm being influenced by Satan now. There have been no questions about our relationship, about my experiences growing up (except for one time where they asked about how long "it had been going on" and I had to give an example that would illustrate "my whole life"), about how I've taken it or what led me to make this decision. There have been assumptions and self-focused statements from them, and that's it.

I understand that grief and anger both cause people to become self-focused, and that's happening right now. It took my mother over a week to send an email to me because she didn't want to say a single word to me because she didn't know if she could handle it. I just found out yesterday that coming to the family's Thanksgiving celebration is going to be ok for me to do, because my parents weren't sure if they could handle seeing me. They're hurt that both my sister and I have always hesitated in coming to talk to them, but are not putting any thought into what might be the reason for it, and aren't looking for an answer to that question. They're feeling like victims right now, and that's fine to do for awhile, but they've always twisted things around to look at themselves.

So, there was some good, some bad, and some WTF - but things generally ended up how I expected them to end up. I didn't think my worst fears would happen, and I didn't think my biggest hopes would happen, but it still hurts. It hurts less because I've done some of my mourning already, but I still bawled for 20 minutes when I got the email from my mother telling me how sad she is that Satan has messed with my mind. My parents have been making statements that if they had asked me about them, I could have actually talked to them about it. But instead, they assume things, build up an entire worldview around it, and then ask me why I'm acting the way that they built up in their heads instead of the way I'm acting in reality.

Overall though, I'm incredibly happy! The ball is rolling for me to actually transition for realsies; I'm not in a holding pattern any longer.

Sup gay nerds! I'm a bisexual cis male, and I try to be a knowledgeable ally for all those with more complicated identities.

That's about it really!

Hi, a bisexual cis male, and I try to be a knowledgeable ally for all those with more complicated identities. I'm Flufflebutt.

Finally sent my mother a coming out message through Facebook because I'm to chickenshit to do it through phone/in person. Did it three hours ago and no response yet

Rooting for you!!

Oh right. Update. She called on Monday. Not particularly happy. She has a hard time swallowing it and I'm not entirely sure if she's supportive or not. She's coming to Reykjavík in early December and we're gonna talk then. Can't say I'm looking forward to it.

Also I tried to shave my leggies and that went like a horror show. Managed to cut myself badly enough to stop. My left leg is at least somewhat smoother. I need to look into this better.

Sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts. The PFLAG pamphlet I linked to Autumn might be of use to you, also: https://www.pflag.org/ourtranslovedones

It's quite possible she will come around, but it could be a long and tough road until then. Be safe, and try to be patient. You're both in a learning process, an often emotional one at that, and sadly not all parents are openminded about it. Really rooting for you that her love for you trumps her concerns.

Princess Flufflebutt wrote: ↑

Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:22 pm

Oh right. Update. She called on Monday. Not particularly happy. She has a hard time swallowing it and I'm not entirely sure if she's supportive or not. She's coming to Reykjavík in early December and we're gonna talk then. Can't say I'm looking forward to it.

Also I tried to shave my leggies and that went like a horror show. Managed to cut myself badly enough to stop. My left leg is at least somewhat smoother. I need to look into this better.

Hope things turn out well.

As for shaving that was one of the first trials I had to overcome and I found it helps to be gentle with your legs until your skin gets used to the razor and just learning your technique. I do know for me having a 3 or 4 bladed razor works better for me. Also my shin is a bit thin as far as being close to the bone so I have had to have bandaids on hand and toilet paper to clean cuts. So it just takes some time to get your technique down where you can get things down.

I find that using a single cleaned and sharp blade works best. With those cartridges you rake a knife over your skin not just once but 3-5 times at once. Also, clean your leg with a wash cloth beforehand, and try to trim before shaving if you can. Especially at first when your skin isn't used to the shaving yet, try to follow the direction your hair grows in and don't go against it. It might make everything smooth quicker, but you're also way more likely to cut yourself that way.

That's what I can say from personal experience. Hope any of that helps. :3

Well... Last time I talked about doing this, people kind of cautioned me against doing things too quickly, but... It's been a few months now and I think I'm going to start pursuing HRT, at least calling up the clinic and finding out what my options are and figuring out how they handle it and what I'll need to do. I've heard conflicting reports about how long it takes, but it sounds like it might be a few months, and I'd like to at least see about starting the process, or at least finding out what they feel I should do before trying to start.

Starting the process is definitely not a bad idea. Not rushing into things is always smart, but knowing your options and figuring out your path from there isn't a bad idea at all. I hope you get some helpful answers!

Good luck with that, Autumn!

I bought a sweater today. It was scary as heck I also ordered some SOCKS from Amazon so I'm feeling somewhat excited about things.

Nice!! Get ALL the cute clothes.

Weird Autumn wrote: ↑

Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:52 pm

Well... Last time I talked about doing this, people kind of cautioned me against doing things too quickly, but... It's been a few months now and I think I'm going to start pursuing HRT, at least calling up the clinic and finding out what my options are and figuring out how they handle it and what I'll need to do. I've heard conflicting reports about how long it takes, but it sounds like it might be a few months, and I'd like to at least see about starting the process, or at least finding out what they feel I should do before trying to start.

What's likely to happen is:

1. You contact medical provider -> They will want a letter from therapist saying you are ready for it, typically
2. You work with therapist to make sure that, yes, this is what you want to do -> Therapist writes letter
3. Give letter to doc -> Get scrip -> Hormones.

Generally I would recommend someone be working in Stage 2) for at least a year. It sucks to gatekeep that long - but it's an important step to be sure you want to pursue transition, and are sure of that, because yea, it's better to wait that to find out a year into HRT that you preferred just being queer in birth gender or actually it wasn't the right path or so on.

The sucky thing about HRT is it's a one-way path in terms of changes it makes to you and basically once it starts you kind of get locked into the 'Between' state where likely you will want some kind of surgical option no matter what. So it's kind of committing to not just gender transition but often also a lot of additional money down the line for either transition-related stuff (Laser, vocal surgery, bottom surgery), or in the less-desirable way, to undo things as much as possible.

You are free to walk your own path, but yea, I would totally caution against going after it without having a therapist you trust to work with you through that process.