The Gender and Sexual Minority Thread: Love and Tolerance!

Shotgunbadger · Post by **Shotgunbadger** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 1:58 pm

Yea DoS has great intents and is a good way for the school GSAs to get active but it's an issue of if you're in an already hostile environment it's not gonna be anything meaningful.

Also Lobst I am just so sorry to hear your problem, I have a lot of very dear trans friends and was with a good chunk of them through their transition in various stages, I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be to be suddenly pulled from that already rough process.

Daionus The 23rd · Post by **Daionus The 23rd** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 2:04 pm

The problem with asexuality is that it, like aspergers, suffers from having people on the internet claiming to be of such so they can be super special snowflakes.

Scuderia · Post by **Scuderia** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:27 pm

Quit worrying about the snowflakes.

The thing is, Internet is generally not a place where the rubber meets the road.
So an Internet persona is probably the most flim flam thing in the universe. And it goes doubly so for teenagers.

You're a bisexual goth sparkledog with aspergers full of pretension and tightly manage Your Personal Brand, as the Hipster Runoff people call it. Outside of highschool in 'the real world' the only person who really cares about you is you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the internet, SA, and teenage life in general thrives on bullshit in a world where bullshit is really not a currency.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:07 pm

londonarbuckle wrote:Anyway, I wonder if we could open up a conversation about the differences between physical attraction, romantic attraction, sexual drive and whether and to what degree those things all relate, because that concept really muddles things for me.

I'm fairly traditional in that I like the idea of being in a long-term monogamous romantic relationship. I love the companionship of having one long-term partner where we go out to dinner together, play games together, visit each other's families, and do other "couples" things. Even though I love being in a monogamous relationship, my sexual interests still can fluctuate wildly. One week I'll be really into gay stuff, then another I'll be interested in straight stuff. Sometimes I'll even be into lesbian porn (although not the lesbian porn that's made for straight males. That stuff is the worst), and my role in the bedroom can go from very submissive to very dominant. Despite the fact that my interests change often, I've never once had even the slightest urge to cheat on any of my partners. The need for romantic love far outweighs my need for sex.

However, there was a period of about 4 months where I had an insatiable sexual appetite. I had just broken up with a guy that I was with for over 3 years and I guess my way of coping with the break-up was to go out and sleep with as many people as possible. I'll admit it was pretty fun, but after my emotions of the break-up had calmed down, I went back to the way I was before, craving another romantic relationship. And that's when I met my current boyfriend, who I've been with for over 2 years now.

So basically what I'm saying is sexuality is very fluid. Mine probably fluctuates a lot more than most people, but just because it does, that doesn't mean I can't be in a long-term relationship with one person.

Artificer · Post by **Artificer** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:10 pm

Uhm. Wow. I was just wondering if we should maybe post a warning about possible sexual content in this thread? Octavia's last post might not be the most appropriate thing in the world, though I do appreciate it.

Aramek · Post by **Aramek** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:16 pm

Well, the word Sexual is in the title.

Content: I'm occasionally in the mood for Gay porn, I have a friend who is a pretty big "bear" and I give him shit because Twinks are far, far better.

"Why are you only attracted to the fat, ugly ones?"
"Shut up, Aramek!"

Artificer · Post by **Artificer** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:17 pm

Well, I mean discussions about sexual identity is what is implied, but I'm not sure if people would read this thread expecting to find discussions re: porn.

Walkin Goon · Post by **Walkin Goon** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:31 pm

I'd just like to say that I'm fine with those posts so long as Artificer follows them up with an awkward reaction.

Pink Himalayan Salt · Post by **Pink Himalayan Salt** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:40 pm

Let's all talk about sex! 420 make Artificer uncomfortable everyday

Dear Ponygoons, I never thought this would happen to me...

Aramek · Post by **Aramek** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:42 pm

Pink Himalayan Salt wrote:Dear Ponygoons, I never thought this would happen to me...

Doctor Wheeze · Post by **Doctor Wheeze** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:06 pm

londonarbuckle wrote:Anyway, I wonder if we could open up a conversation about the differences between physical attraction, romantic attraction, sexual drive and whether and to what degree those things all relate, because that concept really muddles things for me. I know they are different things but I've never really questioned how much or how little they truly relate to each other and how necessary they all are to a relationship or not. Because, like, before I seriously considered that I could be gay I wondered if I was actually asexual, and DoctorWheeze's post made me think about it all over again. I don't think I am, but to be honest I've never really had that many "crushes" in my life, and like I said I've never been in any relationship, but I'm not sure if this has just been because I've been suppressing my true feelings. And the idea that you can be asexual and still enjoy pornography had never really occurred to me before. But I think, like CR said, it's fairly common for some people to not have that active of a sex drive.

I would separate out sexual arousal from sexual attraction. I'm perfectly capable of the former, but it's never really gone beyond that level for me in the way that (as I understand) it does for most people. I even will have sexual fantasies, but again it doesn't translate into anything more meaningful. When encountering real people I don't think about that. My understanding could be way off on this, but I think other people tend to be drawn to sex on an innate level, beyond the fact that it's a pleasurable activity. It seems to be such a strong motivation for most people and for me it's just not something I think about most of the time.

Romantic attraction is yet another thing. I'm not really super interested in that either, but I would like in the form of very very good friend. Think Jay and Silent Bob, or something like that (EDIT: better example, Miles and Julian from Deep Space Nine). I have a friend that I would consider like that, but she's really busy all the time right now so I don't see her very much (I suspect that she is also asexual on the grounds that I have only known her to have one boyfriend ever, but it's not really for me to say).

I think there's variety among those that identify as asexual about how much they experience all three things. Some don't even have sexual arousal, some are interested in romance but not sex, etc. Like all these gender things, it's not really a binary thing.

diribigal wrote:1. How do people here feel about the Day of Silence?

I participated in this once when I was identifying as gay. I forgot to tell people ahead of time that I would be participating, so I ended up having to talk at work and stuff

I wasn't very good at it. I felt like I was kind of preaching to the choir anyway because all of my friends are pretty accepting, and the person taking my order at Chipotle probably didn't really think about it.

diribigal wrote:2. Does anyone have any good links explaining what asexuality is?

This site helped me a lot. Reading the FAQs and stories, I decided that it fit me pretty well.

Octavia wrote:Oh, and speaking of QUILTBAGs on television, one of my favorite gay characters on television is Max from the show Happy Endings. He's not your typical super-flamboyant Jack from Will and Grace or Cam from Modern Family "TV gay." He's your typical sitcom overweight lazy slob, who just happens to be gay. He's a big cuddly sweetheart.

If you want more QUILTBAG TV, I recommend Doctor Who, both the classic series and the revival. In the classic series, the Doctor is a fairly non-sexual character (he has a granddaughter, so I guess he's not exactly asexual). Even though he travels around with attractive women, he's rarely flirty with them at all (with one exception). He's just this alien dude who has cool adventures in time and space. He doesn't go all Captain Kirk on all the alien princesses, and I understand that the show was actually pretty popular in the gay community for this reason. To me, one of the most frustrating things in media is the idea that if you have two people - a man and a woman usually - who are good friends, the only possible outcome for that relationship is a sexual/romantic relationship, and classic Who really avoids that problem.

The revival kind of abandoned the Doctor being non-sexual, but they did introduce other stuff. One of the most awesome companions is basically pansexual ("He's a 51st century kind of guy.") and actually had a little kiss with the Doctor, and they introduce a lot of incidental characters that are just gay for no particular story reason. For example, an adorable elderly lesbian couple in an episode called "Gridlock", or a female passenger on a space train who just casually mentions an ex-girlfriend. They're not lesbian for sex appeal, or gay because the plot demands it, they're just normal people encountering whatever crazy problem of the week same as everybody else.

EDIT: Took that OKCupid quiz.

Your result for The 3-Variable Sexuality Spectrum Test ...
You scored 31 Heterosexuality, 23 Homosexuality, and 73 Asexuality!
You are moderately interested in sex to asexual, but do not appear to be interested in either gender.
The higher your score in asexuality, the less interested in you are in sex.

Question 24 didn't really have a good option for me but whatever

Artificer · Post by **Artificer** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:17 pm

Pink Himalayan Salt wrote:Let's all talk about sex! 420 make Artificer uncomfortable everyday

Dear Ponygoons, I never thought this would happen to me...

Sorry, I didn't mean any offense.

Walkin Goon · Post by **Walkin Goon** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:25 pm

C'mon, you gotta admit the juxtaposition between those posts is pretty funny.
Chill bro, you coo'.

(I'll get back on topic with posts better than quick quips when I have some time later; sorry)

Aramek · Post by **Aramek** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:25 pm

Didn't take any, we were just having a laugh at the "oh gosh" post.

londonarbuckle · Post by **londonarbuckle** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:26 pm

Artificer wrote:Well, I mean discussions about sexual identity is what is implied, but I'm not sure if people would read this thread expecting to find discussions re: porn.

Yeah, I wasn't sure if I should ask. But I think it's valid to the discussion and I definitely appreciate the answers so far.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:45 pm

Artificer wrote:Uhm. Wow. I was just wondering if we should maybe post a warning about possible sexual content in this thread? Octavia's last post might not be the most appropriate thing in the world, though I do appreciate it.

Realtalk itt

I know it's not the most comfortable thing in the world to talk about, but the point of this thread is to get all this stuff out in the open. Hiding or being ashamed of your sexuality can lead to bad things. One of the most common sentiments coming up in this thread is "I'm not sure what I am." Sorry if I got a bit graphic, but the point I'm trying to make is you don't have to label yourself as anything, and I hope me opening up will encourage others to share their experiences as well, so they realize they're not alone.

Pink Himalayan Salt · Post by **Pink Himalayan Salt** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:49 pm

Artificer wrote:Sorry, I didn't mean any offense.

I wasn't offended, I'm just joking around. I personally think Octavia's post wasn't too explicit or anything.

Bobinator · Post by **Bobinator** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 6:30 pm

If nobody would mind my asking, are any of you currently in long-distance relationships? See, I've got a boyfriend, but the problem is he's in Australia. I've tried before to look for somebody closer, but sadly, that hasn't really worked out at all. I'm not sure what it is, although I'd blame it on a combination of my body weight (not going to get specific on that, but you know, goon here), location, and some of my own issues, which I'm not going to get into in this thread.

Would the rest of you say it's a good idea to maybe save up some cash, visit him for a vacation a few times, and then, if things go well, think about either me or him on a pernmanet basis?

Sorry if relationship advice doesn't fit the content of the thread, if it doesn't, you can just go ahead and trash it.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:10 pm

Bobinator wrote:If nobody would mind my asking, are any of you currently in long-distance relationships? See, I've got a boyfriend, but the problem is he's in Australia. I've tried before to look for somebody closer, but sadly, that hasn't really worked out at all. I'm not sure what it is, although I'd blame it on a combination of my body weight (not going to get specific on that, but you know, goon here), location, and some of my own issues, which I'm not going to get into in this thread.

Would the rest of you say it's a good idea to maybe save up some cash, visit him for a vacation a few times, and then, if things go well, think about either me or him on a pernmanet basis?

Sorry if relationship advice doesn't fit the content of the thread, if it doesn't, you can just go ahead and trash it.

My current boyfriend lived 3000 miles away from me when we first met. I was in Los Angeles, CA and he was in Richmond, VA. We hit it off online and after a few months, he flew to me for a long weekend. Things went very well and after another couple months, I flew east to see him. After almost a year of flying back and forth every couple months, we made the decision to move in together. He basically gave the company he worked for a choice, saying they could either keep him and he'd work remotely from Los Angeles, or he'd be leaving the company. They allowed him to work remotely from LA. He had to fly back to Richmond on business every so often, but it was a small price to pay for allowing him to keep his job. After a year of living together in LA, he was offered a great job at another company in Chicago. This time I packed up and followed him, and now we live together in Chicago, which also happens to be the city where I grew up.

So it is possible to make a LDR work, but the months where we never saw each other were awful, and if he wasn't willing to move to me, I probably wouldn't have been able to take an indefinite long distance relationship.

Factory Factory · Post by **Factory Factory** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:21 pm

Bobinator wrote: Would the rest of you say it's a good idea to maybe save up some cash, visit him for a vacation a few times, and then, if things go well, think about either me or him on a pernmanet basis?

Sorry if relationship advice doesn't fit the content of the thread, if it doesn't, you can just go ahead and trash it.

My $0.02: Speaking from my own experience, dear lord you are asking for trouble. There's a lot you can't know about a person until you meet them, and this goes to both of you equally. You choose to reveal about yourself online, and no matter how hard you try to be authentic, it is very different from how you trundle about in meatspace the rest of the time. Getting to know someone online is no way to tell if you would really work well together in a standard in-person relationship, what with much-less-editable presentations of self.

My experience was particularly bad, I guess, with plenty of things unrelated to distance contributing, but it was enough to make me swear off any long-distance relationship as the start to a relationship completely. And you've got a shitload more distance to cover to figure this out than Detroit to Pittsburgh. If both of you don't have at least one non-long-distance relationship of at least three months under your belt, I would put a lot of thought into trying to get unedited contact time with each other before even trying this. Like, Skype for six hours at a time, and don't leave anything out - working, eating, bathroom, nose-picking.

If romantic candlelit dates are quality time, then you need to work on quantity time. Long-distance relationships tend to be extremely biased towards the former. And for the love of God, stay in a hotel. Don't go from "no contact" to "sleeping in the same bed" literally overnight or anything dumb like that, no matter how much you're into each other.

--

Anyway, I was sitting around agonizing about what I could contribute to this thread as a straight cisgender male... when I remembered that I'm bisexual! I even came out to my mom and everything! And then I found it really funny that I'd forget something like that. But I think these OKCupid results explain the source of my poor memory a bit:

I'm really, really straight, and I'm really, really fickle about guys. If you just watched me, you'd swear I wasn't anything but straight, based on who I check out, pursue, mutter "rowr" about under my breath, etc. Meanwhile, I can count the guys I've ever really had a thing for on one hand, even if I lost three fingers.

I'm also terrible at two things: judging the attractiveness of men, and guessing for myself someone's orientation. The latter can be really extreme; case in point, senior year of college I was talking with my roommate and we were on the topic of sexuality, and I asked him "Hey, that guy in our theater troupe who always plays very Camp characters and is fairly Camp himself and regularly wears big pink glitter-covered sunglasses while wearing body glitter... Is he gay? I'm not sure 'cause I usually see him with nice-lookin' ladies."

And my roommate, who is himself quite gay, imitated the guy's primping-for-attention routine (which was fussier than a Beverly Hills housewife's), and said that he was the gayest gay who had ever gayed.

In retrospect, I went to a really, really good college for QUILTBAG folks and pretty much every other kind of person. People still had their struggles with the folks back home, but at school it really just wasn't a thing, y'know?

Aurora · Post by **Aurora** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:25 pm

I was in a long distance relationship with a girl in England a couple years back. We had been friends for awhile over Skype and that's how we kept our relationship going for the duration. I entertained the notion of saving up for a trip to England, but the relationship ended before I could make any long term plans. I would ask yourself if you find the relationship rewarding enough to pursue saving thousands for a trip to Australia.

concerned reader · Post by **concerned reader** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:49 pm

Artificer wrote:Uhm. Wow. I was just wondering if we should maybe post a warning about possible sexual content in this thread? Octavia's last post might not be the most appropriate thing in the world, though I do appreciate it.

We do have a few underage readers on the forum, but this sort of topic is very very important in this day and age, so I don't feel to bad about it being up here. We haven't gotten graphic in anything, and it's nothing that they can't ask their parents about. (And probably some of it is stuff they should ask their parents about.) Maybe just a small flag in the thread title saying that this is a discussion by adults about serious subjects.

Doctor Wheeze wrote:I think there's variety among those that identify as asexual about how much they experience all three things. Some don't even have sexual arousal, some are interested in romance but not sex, etc. Like all these gender things, it's not really a binary thing.

For me, personally, I have a sexual arousal, but when looking for any sort of relationship I definitely picture it being more about romance than anything else. In that story I posted, I mentioned not really ever fitting in with the other guys at school because of that. I just don't really fantasize sexually about people, or put all that much importance on sex at all. I don't look at someone on the street and go, "Oh that person is so hot, I want to stick my dick in that." But then again, I don't have any frame of reference other than some passing comments I hear every now and then, or how things are portrayed on TV, which is about the opposite of realistic. So I always thought that I was "normal."

Octavia wrote: Sorry if I got a bit graphic, but the point I'm trying to make is you don't have to label yourself as anything, and I hope me opening up will encourage others to share their experiences as well, so they realize they're not alone.

I don't think you were too graphic at all! There is a huge social stigma about talking about this sort of thing for a lot of people, myself included. I've just recently been comfortable enough with myself to talk about it, and like Warp said, having friends that you can talk about this stuff with and get support is very very important. I can say without a doubt that I'd be no where near as open minded and informed as I am now if I'd never joined this community, and I'd probably have never really learned as much about myself either.

I also heartily encourage other people who may be on the fence about sharing to go ahead! Put it out there! I can't speak for everyone, but writing all that out really did help me figure out a few things, and gave me a sort of confidence in my thought process and identity. Putting the words down on paper and putting it out before other people, and not feeling that any of it is wrong or incorrect while writing it was a very nice feeling.

Lobst wrote:MtF transgender attracted mainly to dudes, here.

Warp wrote:I would be the T and the G in QUILTBAG (also I guess the L, too, depending on what you consider G to stand for!)

I just wanted to thank both of y'all for coming forward, because trans exposure is something that is so very lacking in society today. About three years ago I knew pretty much nothing about transgendered people, or the issues that they face. It's part of the reason why I sort of think that Gender Studies should be a required class at some point during higher education. It certainly helped me with understanding more about gender being greater than just a binary male/female.

Warp wrote:What is probably the most important thing you can do for someone is just be there as a good friend.

Also this times infinity.

(?) · Post by **Big Boss** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:54 pm

To make myself 100% clear, this thread is to be completely work safe. If you wouldn't be comfortable with your boss seeing it over your shoulder, you should not post it in this thread.

Luneshot · Post by **Luneshot** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:55 pm

Just as a passing note, I find this thread very interesting, and quite enlightening as well.

concerned reader · Post by **concerned reader** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:57 pm

kefkafloyd wrote:To make myself 100% clear, this thread is to be completely work safe. If you wouldn't be comfortable with your boss seeing it over your shoulder, you should not post it in this thread.

Hahaha, oh man the jokes that my boss makes are like 300% worse than anything in this thread, but yeah. I get what you're saying, and I don't think it'll really be a problem.

Femto · Post by **Femto** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 9:59 pm

Holy Moly this thread is a head trip and a half

. In that I haven't really given these matters much thought and now I'm re-evaluating some thoughts I had locked away in the back of my head and now there's a goddamn quantifier for this sort of stuff that I might be a 1 or 2 maybe I don't know ugh.

This thread hasn't left my head in two days, I've really only just gotten into learning about gender and sexuality issues and it's been a hell of a thing to revisit an old teenage question with that knowledge in place. Maybe I'll post here once I can funnel my thoughts into something approaching legibility.

I think I may have bumped up (down? sideways?) to questioning. It's kinda thrown me off balance. And now all of a sudden I'm doing a whole ton of soul searching and re-evaluation. Goddamn, and I had just sort of thrown myself into the "you are a white straight middle class man, no one gives a damn about your problems" mindset for the longest time, and now everything's sort of decompressing.

in summary my goddamn brain hurts and I'm kinda weirded out and a little scared. I feel like doing what I damn near physically restrained myself from doing as a teenager and writing a big old angsty collection of private thoughts and shit. I dunno, this is just sort of dredging up some old anxieties I just realized I never really solved, just sort of pushed off to the side. I am in a really weird place right now, maybe I should see a therapist. My university has a mental wellness center and I have a (slight) officially recognized learning disability, I'm sure I could arrange for something.

Why am I posting a minor meltdown on a pony forum fer chrissakes. I swore to myself I would be well-adjusted enough to not depend on the internet for emotional support.

e: actually, scratch that last bit. I really liked the stories here, they're comforting, and I always did have a problem with keeping things inside because I didn't want to make things weird for my friends and family. I dunno, maybe I'll get some sleep, maybe this whole thing is nothing and I'm crapping up the thread with an identity crisis, I'll just axe this post if I feel like it's just a case of worrying to much. School is starting to pick up and all.

concerned reader · Post by **concerned reader** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:03 pm

Femto wrote:Why am I posting a minor meltdown on a pony forum fer chrissakes. I swore to myself I would be well-adjusted enough to not depend on the internet for emotional support.
e: actually, scratch that last bit. I really liked the stories here, they're comforting, and I always did have a problem with keeping things inside because I didn't want to make things weird for my friends and family. I dunno, maybe I'll get some sleep, maybe this whole thing is nothing and I'm crapping up the thread with an identity crisis, I'll just axe this post if I feel like it's just a case of worrying to much. School is starting to pick up and all.

Oh man, yeah if you have access to a mental health service, definitely go check into that! Most campuses have a thing where they'll do short term counseling for free as part of tuition. You get about four to six sessions. Call them up as soon as you can so you don't psych yourself out of it. You've already payed for the service anyways, so get your moneys worth! If you just sleep it off and ignore it, it'll sit there in the back of your mind and dredge up again and again until you address it and seriously think about your self identity.

Also, you may give some of these articles a read: http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/category/136
That's just the section on questioning sexuality, but I definitely recommend searching around for anything else that may be bothering you. It's a really good resource.

concerned reader · Post by **concerned reader** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:20 pm

Also, double posting to say that this sort of questioning and train of thought and stress about it is completely and utterly normal!

Femto · Post by **Femto** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:34 pm

Thanks a ton, dude. I just really needed to get that off my chest.

Really liked your Google doc story on the front page too. It's part of what helped me post here. If we had a hoofbump emoticon I would totally use it, then immediately chastise myself for it.

e: \/\/\/ Yeah, I know. Chalk it up to my fear of being seen as a special snowflake wannabe getting the better of me. I realize that an anonymous audience that's specifically interested in this kind of stuff can be a good outlet.

Pink Himalayan Salt · Post by **Pink Himalayan Salt** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:48 pm

Femto wrote:Why am I posting a minor meltdown on a pony forum fer chrissakes. I swore to myself I would be well-adjusted enough to not depend on the internet for emotional support.

Talking to people who don't really know you can help. I posted my issue in another forum and here. I feel it helped me tell my friend what was going on, and I've gotten some good advice.

diribigal · Post by **diribigal** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:50 pm

Thanks for the responses to my questions, those who responded. In particular, thanks for the link, Doctor Wheeze; there's a enough reading there to answer any questions I had.

Lazy · Post by **Lazy** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:51 pm

Femto wrote:If we had a hoofbump emoticon I would totally use it, then immediately chastise myself for it.

High shovel

Also yeah, no need to feel like you're doing something weird or wrong. Questioning is normal.

Factory Factory · Post by **Factory Factory** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 11:11 pm

Yeah, what I didn't mention is that I spent a not-insignificant amount of time freaking out when I woke up this morning after having a sexy dream about a guy. I'm normally not one for sleep amnesia, but the one time I get it I completely forgot my orientation? Once I got some caffeine in me, I honestly couldn't think of anything more ridiculous to forget.

I guess I'm also trying to say that as big and central as your orientation is, coming to grips with it doesn't have to be all "grr super serious" all the time. Humor, especially having a sense of humor about yourself, is a great way to tackle problems, because you can surprise yourself with your candidness. Also, sometimes it's either laugh or cry, y'know? And if you can't laugh, then you have to cry.

Basically, Giggle at the Ghosties: good life lesson.

Doctor Wheeze · Post by **Doctor Wheeze** (?) » Sun Mar 04, 2012 11:55 pm

Femto wrote:e: \/\/\/ Yeah, I know. Chalk it up to my fear of being seen as a special snowflake wannabe getting the better of me. I realize that an anonymous audience that's specifically interested in this kind of stuff can be a good outlet.

If I can make a long post about being asexual without getting any special snowflake comments you're probably safe

Fontra · Post by **Fontra** (?) » Mon Mar 05, 2012 12:03 am

Well this is about what I expected for me:

Anyway, I have considered myself a straight ally since I was about 18. The reason for me being so late on this is that I had no idea that homosexuality even existed until I was in junior high (about 12 or 13) and I went through the usual reaction to it that straight teenagers generally have towards it (I am ashamed of my past

). I mean people threw around the words 'gay' and other more offensive words but I had no idea what they meant at the time and just assumed they were an insult. Being in Utah is like living under a rock in terms of sexuality. The state's culture is very repressive in terms of sex and even more repressive towards the QUILTBAG community. In Salt Lake City, it's actually not so bad though There are actually many people in the capital who are not at all antagonistic of homosexuality and even some hardcore mormons here that I know are against the church's stance on gay marriage which honestly surprised the hell out of me

I think there are a lot of them who feel this way but are afraid to speak out because of the authoritarian nature of their church. Unfortunately, it seems like the people who are rich and in power are the ones who control the state's policy regarding QUILTBAG culture. For instance, there was a popular privately-owned theater by a well-known business tycoon (I mean this fucker owns like the basketball team and several car dealerships too) who banned Brokeback Mountain from said theater. My heart goes out to any sexual minority that lives in this state.

This online pony community has actually helped me get to know a lot of trans individuals too and I'm glad I've learned so much about them in the past year. I mean, they were a group of people I didn't really even think about until I met them through IRC. Now I know to identify them with the proper pronouns and that I should use cis gendered when referring to people who identify with their born sex so as no to other trans individuals. Anyway, I will be following this thread in hopes to learn more things about the QUILTBAG community.

Weird Autumn · Post by **Weird Autumn** (?) » Mon Mar 05, 2012 12:11 am

Jorge R.R. Martínez wrote:There are actually many people in the capital who are not at all antagonistic of homosexuality and even some hardcore mormons here that I know are against the church's stance on gay marriage which honestly surprised the hell out of me

I think this is more common than you might expect. One of my best friends is a Mormon, but he and his family are also hardcore feminists and pretty far to the left on most issues (including things like abortion and gay marriage).

I actually asked him about the gay marriage thing once and his answer was basically "hey, sometimes the Church gets things wrong

"

(?) · Post by **Momo** (?) » Mon Mar 05, 2012 12:51 am

Wow how did it take me so long to find this thread? Octavia, thanks for doing this. I've been toying opening up a thread like this for months, but I don't think I could have framed it better than you did.

Genderqueer, here, and damned proud of it. It was a pretty long road to being happy with who I am, but I have to say that all said and done I'm pretty comfortable with myself at last. Reading all these stories in one go was pretty moving - you're all brave and wonderful people, no matter what stage you're at.

Not to belabour the whole religion thing, but up here most of the major religious organizations are extremely queer-positive. There are plenty of churches with queer-positive posters or sigils up on their signboards, and when a muslim FtM friend of mine was transitioning in university, she actually got a tremendous amount of support from the Islamic Students Association (which was far and away the largest and most influential student group on my campus). Bigots are bigots - religion just provides them an easy excuse.

Octavia · Post by **Octavia** (?) » Mon Mar 05, 2012 1:49 am

Here's a good article from the BBC on asexuality. It's really hard to find good literature on the topic:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173

Doctor Wheeze · Post by **Doctor Wheeze** (?) » Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:18 am

Thanks for posting that, it's always nice for me to read something like that.

"For me it basically just means that I don't look at people and think 'hmm yeah I'd have sex with you,' that just doesn't happen," says Jenni.

I've had this exact thought.

Some of those comments though

At least it's not an open thread.

concerned reader · Post by **concerned reader** (?) » Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:24 am

"For me it basically just means that I don't look at people and think 'hmm yeah I'd have sex with you,' that just doesn't happen," says Jenni.

Concerned Reader wrote:I don't look at someone on the street and go, "Oh that person is so hot, I want to stick my dick in that."

Haha, she said it a bit better than I did.

Edit-- This is the worst top of page post ever!