Rejected Letters to Celestia

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Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Momo (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:24 am

Let's make fun of moral truisms! Bonus guess-the-episode-type game, but these are pretty obvious slowballs.

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that I completely fall apart in an unexpected crisis. If I haven't studied it, I am totally useless. Also, I don't think my friends respect me that much. They had a conversation about my emotionally stunted childhood while I was in the room. It was like I wasn't even there. I really didn't know how to feel about that, so I just pretended it didn't happen. That's what friends do, right?
YFS

PS: Please send books on arborism. This is important.
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:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today the town was partially destroyed and many ponies were very nearly killed. The perpetrators were caught and as your representative I was called to administer punishment. I don't think I did a very good job, because they didn't seem particularly upset by it. Recommend you establish a local constabulary here in Ponyville.
YFS
Boast Busters - Pink Himalayan Salt

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that I have no ability to read others' facial expressions and body language, and have no idea when someone is emotionally devastated by my actions. My research indicates I may have a social disorder. Should I be worried?
I also learned that I have terrible taste. When it comes to areas I have no business dealing in, I should really just shut up and take others' advice.
YFS
Suited for Success - Artificier
Last edited by Momo on Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:48 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Artificer (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:26 am

OH OH OH! Lemme try! :v:
1. Dunno
2. Swarm of the Century
3. Suited for Success

Edit: Is number 1 Look Before You Sleep? :nnngh:

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Momo (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:30 am

1 and 3 are correct. 2 is wrong.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Artificer (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:33 am

Momar_Khadufus wrote:1 and 3 are correct. 2 is wrong.
Edit: No on second thought I'll let otherponies have a go. :)

Edit x2: Ah well, I think that's right. VVVVV Good on ya, mate. :yay:
Last edited by Artificer on Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:35 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Pink Himalayan Salt » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:34 am

Number 2 is Boast Busters.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Void Chicken (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:35 am

2's gotta be Boast Busters

e:fb

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Weird Autumn (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:38 am

Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that my friends are a bunch of dicks. Also Spike needs to step up his puns.
YFS
Also, I'm still not quite sure what "They had a conversation about my emotionally stunted childhood while I was in the room." refers to.

Mediant

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Mediant » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:44 am

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned how to divide close friends and pit them against each other. When both friends are stubborn and egotistical I found that placing even the most trivial of goals before them and encouraging them to compete is most effective. I also found that, once divided in competition, even one of meager of skill could then defeat them. The psychological damage is immense, devastating, and (I find) most satisfactory. Perhaps you could consider this tactic for our efforts in Goatlandia.
YFS

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Void Chicken (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:50 am

Sounds like Fall Weather Friends.


And I think we can enjoy some letters going the other way too. No guessing games from me, though.
Dear Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student,

I've arrived in Fillydelphia and wouldn't you know it, this infestation is the same as the one Ponyville had. I- Oh please stop eating the paper. I'm trying to write a lett
Dear Twilight Sparkle, my student,

Why couldn't you have told me about the parasprites while I was visiting you? At the least you cou- Hey! HEY! Sto
Dear Twilight Sparkle,

These things sure are resilient, aren't they? I really wish you could have told me about- Oh not again! Will you CUT THAT O
Hey,

Why the HELL didn't you tell me about these monsters? Do you think this is some kind of joke? And that little mare with the band equipment? It's been long enough she should have been here by now! Or did you just go back to that stupid fucking library of yours to laugh at your mentor? When I get back to Canterlot I swear I'm going to- Oh that is IT! You think you can jerk ME around like that, you little pests? Watch this! I hope you like the sun, because you're about to see it REALLY CLOSE UP!

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Momo (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:52 am

Boast Busters is correct.
OpposingFarce wrote: Also, I'm still not quite sure what "They had a conversation about my emotionally stunted childhood while I was in the room." refers to.
They were both very openly talking about how they wouldn't want to ruin fragile Twilight's first slumber party.

Also, is yours Bridle Gossip?

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Weird Autumn (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:54 am

Momar_Khadufus wrote: They were both very openly talking about how they wouldn't want to ruin fragile Twilight's first slumber party.
Eh, I guess. It's kind of a stretch, I think.
Momar_Khadufus wrote:Also, is yours Bridle Gossip?
Yep.

Unexpected EOF

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Unexpected EOF » Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:15 am

Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that the abilities of some ponies may make others feel inferior and unable to perform their given tasks. I've taken the liberty of lifting some ideas from a Kurt Ponygut short story and elected myself as Handicapper General. My plan is to make all ponies equal so that nobody may feel inferior to one another, ensuring peace and harmony throughout Ponyville for years to come!
YFS

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Artificer (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:17 am

VoidChicken wrote:You think you can jerk ME around like that, you little pests? Watch this! I hope you like the sun, because you're about to see it REALLY CLOSE UP!
That's...uh...one way of dealing with them, I suppose? I guess Celestia doesn't care much about collateral damage.

I'm enjoying guessing which episodes the letters (both from and to Twilight Sparkle) are from. Keep it up guys, please. :3:

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Momo (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:18 am

I have no idea. I'm too busy laughing at the idea of Kurt Ponygut.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Weird Autumn (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:22 am

"The abilities of some ponies may make others feel inferior" could be Boast Busters, but "elected myself Handicapper General" makes me pretty sure it's Winter Wrap-Up.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Pink Himalayan Salt » Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:28 am

Artificer wrote:That's...uh...one way of dealing with them, I suppose? I guess Celestia doesn't care much about collateral damage.
Considering how fast 1 can become a bajillion that's probably a good way to take care of them.

Not so good for the ponies near the area mind you, but it works.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Blarghalt (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:08 am

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned about an interesting concept called "democracy". Hear me out...

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Ragnar (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:22 am

:gonkity:
I have marshmallows for hands, send help ASAP
Gloriosa Did Nothing Wrong

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Mediant » Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:30 am

VoidChicken wrote:Sounds like Fall Weather Friends.
Correct, sir.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Scuderia (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:04 am

:gonkity:
I have marshmallows for hands, send help ASAP
:pinkieshrug:
I have marshmallows for brains. No problems here.

Teledahn

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Teledahn » Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:17 am

This thread is going places and I LIKE IT.
:ponydrugs:

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Mystic Cave zOWNd » Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:57 am

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,

I implore you to implement some sort of working hours regulation in this forsaken town. A friend of mine was being a stubborn foal about this very recently and as a direct result half of the town's crop was stolen and the entire populace was afflicted with some manner of terrible poison; I am at my wits' end here. Please, before the crazy earth ponies do any irreversible damage.

YFS

synthorange

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by synthorange » Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:35 am

I'd guess Applebuck season, but I dont remember half the stuff being stolen?

Mystic Cave zOWNd

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Mystic Cave zOWNd » Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:01 am

It is, I was referring to the rabbit stampede eating/stealing a bunch of the crops

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by W.T. Fits (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:32 pm

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I was forced to admit that I know absolutely nothing about proper scientific research and observation. While investigating an unfamiliar phenomenon, I was presented with evidence that contradicted my own worldview. Rather than recognize the evidence in front of me, I discounted it as coincidence and refused to open my mind to the possibility that the phenomenon in question was real. After being subjected to repeated blows to the head by a variety of heavy, blunt objects and almost being eaten by a horrible beast... or would it be beasts? ... I'll figure it out later. Anyway, I... um... why was I writing again?

YFS

Unexpected EOF

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Unexpected EOF » Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:49 pm

W.T. Fits wrote::dearcelestia:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I was forced to admit that I know absolutely nothing about proper scientific research and observation. While investigating an unfamiliar phenomenon, I was presented with evidence that contradicted my own worldview. Rather than recognize the evidence in front of me, I discounted it as coincidence and refused to open my mind to the possibility that the phenomenon in question was real. After being subjected to repeated blows to the head by a variety of heavy, blunt objects and almost being eaten by a horrible beast... or would it be beasts? ... I'll figure it out later. Anyway, I... um... why was I writing again?

YFS
Feeling Pinkie Keen

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by W.T. Fits (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:02 pm

Unexpected EOF wrote:Feeling Pinkie Keen
You are correct; I confess I'm not really good at this kind of thing, but I wanted to give it a shot.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:07 pm

:dearcelestia:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Foreigners aren't scary, just their front lawns.

YFS
:snoop: Image :snoop:

Emtu

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Emtu » Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:09 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote::dearcelestia:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Foreigners aren't scary, just their front lawns.

YFS
Bridle Gossip, I think.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:27 pm

Emtu wrote:Bridle Gossip, I think.
Right, with only 19 episodes it's hard to do this right. Even harder to keep the moral in mind the whole time. So, let me try again...

:dearcelestia:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Democratically elected officials are incompetent while self-appointed royal agents get things done.

YFS
:snoop: Image :snoop:

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Scuderia (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 3:40 pm

Slightly different take

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Horse Lady:
Today I learned that doing small scale design and engineering work (such as website design) for a flat rate or as a favor to friends (or small businesses) is a sure fire way to go insane and broke.
:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Gradients for Hair:

Today I learned that while your weird nerd friend might be able to geek out on aspects of your job harder than you doesn't necessarily mean they can do your job better.
You should smile and thank them for their input while nodding appreciatively.

Teledahn

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Teledahn » Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:11 pm

I think the 'Guess where this is from' aspect might get a bit tiresome, since there's only so many episodes.
People should just write them because they're funny.

(They are pretty darn funny bronies.)

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Momo (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:19 pm

Scuderia Ferrarity wrote:
:dearcelestia:

Dear Princess Gradients for Hair:

Today I learned that while your weird nerd friend might be able to geek out on aspects of your job harder than you doesn't necessarily mean they can do your job better.
You should smile and thank them for their input while nodding appreciatively.
Silly Scuderia, Rarity does not write letters to Celestia :v:
:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,
So... cutie marks are pretty much a metaphor for puberty?
YFS

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Blarghalt (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:15 pm

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,

How did you manage to make yourself sound like a Harrier jet? That was neat!

KillerJunglist

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by KillerJunglist » Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:20 pm

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,
Spike tried out a new catch-phrase today. He said it a few times and it was cute, but ultimately I think he decided to drop it. At least, I haven't heard him say it since the end of the day. He told me you might have heard him say it when you flew off, but I wasn't there for that one so I'll have to take his word for it.
I learned that just because you can make a catch-phrase, doesn't mean you have to.

-YFS

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by The Black Stones » Mon Mar 14, 2011 8:39 pm

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I found that if you have something that other ponies want, they will completely abandon the concept of personal space and manners.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Ragnar (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:04 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote: :dearcelestia:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Democratically elected officials are incompetent while self-appointed royal agents get things done.

YFS
Winter Wrap-Up.
Gloriosa Did Nothing Wrong

reidransom

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by reidransom » Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:09 pm

These are all awesome.

Dead Pony

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Dead Pony » Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:54 pm

Non sequitor, but I was just thinking, if Spike sends letters by blowing/belching fire out of his mouth... how does he receive them?

Ah, you are correct suh. :v:
Last edited by Dead Pony on Mon Mar 14, 2011 11:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Big Boss (?) » Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:54 pm

The same way he sends them, if you saw Ticket Master or the Pilot.

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