Rejected Letters to Celestia

[WhitemageofDOOM]

I want that episode.

[reidransom]

Yeah, it'd be pretty fun, Twi and Spike just sitting around the house being all domestic like.

Also, apparently buttercups are pretty toxic to equines. I was not aware when I wrote that. Oh well.

e: but not so much when dried. we'll go with that.

[Unexpected EOF]

Yeah, it'd be pretty fun, Twi and Spike just sitting around the house being all domestic like.

Also, apparently buttercups are pretty toxic to equines. I was not aware when I wrote that. Oh well.

e: but not so much when dried. we'll go with that.

It's also another term for "pumpkin" and a delicious, tiny pie.

[West Filly]

Dear princess celestia. Today I learned that pecking order is a difficult thing, and that backchat can unfairly demote you. However, if you make people believe they're inferior, they can make you superior... ...so long as they're pretty good at making themselves seem "high up" themselves, of course. In short, your high society is basically a huge popularity contest.

PS: I am winning so bad.

[thatbastardken]

Dear Princess Celestia,

For my birthday, I was hoping you could do me a favor. My friend Rarity wants to come up to Canterlot and play tourist, could you put her up in the palace? I know she can be a little over the top, but she gives so much of herself and it would be nice for her to get something back. Plus if she lets slip she's staying in the palace all those stuck-up nobles will hang off her every word which she should love!

YFS, TS.

PS Please don't tell her I said that, I don't want her to feel in my debt.

PPS Can you cook something up to get Spike out of my mane for a while? It's his birthday next episode soon and I need to get a present ready for him. I can't surprise him if he keeps reading my checklists.

[Luneshot]

Hahaha. How did this thread ever die? It's hilarious.

[thatbastardken]

Hahaha. How did this thread ever die? It's hilarious.

No no no, it's like Jeopardy. You have to frame the question in the form of a friendship lesson letter, like so:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that even if something is funny and widely admired, it won't necessarily sustain itself. We have to work for our humor, just like we have to work to maintain our friendships.

YFS, Herr General Twilight Sparkle

Dire Prances Celeste,

Do you have any books on copyright law you could send me? I've received an anonymous CDO with a Goatham postmark on it relating to activities undertaken during friendship research, and while I'm pretty sure their courts have no jurisdiction here, and that anonymous persons cannot hold a trademark, I'd still rather not get involved in an international dispute this early in the season. The last time we did it was almost a complete disaster, and things probably would have worked out better if we weren't there at all.

YFS DS

[West Filly]

Dear Princess Celestia.

I know it's a little much to ask, but could you please send m Spike the first 150 pages of any book? It's crucial you send them one at a time. I'll tell you why later but right now I'm in a real emergency!

Your faithful Student
Twilight Sparkle

Dear Spike
I hear Twilight has been studying a lot lately, and no doubt she has made quite the mess of the library.
In other words. No, I'm not making you ill so you can get out of your job.

[Vivianinatoga]

I could have sworn this thread existed somewhere under a different name... Ah well!

D.P.C.

Today I learned that zebras have the best magic of all: the power to know everything! Even the things that them scholarly ponies have been studying for ages and still don't know anything about, a zebra will know. I call it "zebra sense." Anyways, think you could wrangle up a few more to live by Ponyville (but not in, if'n everypony's still a little skittered by the one already here)

YFS

[Ditzy Derp]

Dear PC,

Control Volume just reminded me of that creepy story The Jaunt. Pease send him to the moon. Thank you,

YFS

[Svidrigailov]

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learnt that the thing at the end of a letter is called a "valediction". Imagine that!

YFS,

T.S.

[Admiral Bonetopick]

Dear HasbPrincess Celestia

I learned that sometimes, when you have a creative artist, very well respected in her field I might add, working for you out of her own passion to see a project finished, it is best to let them simply get on with it rather than shoehorning in your own misguided notions of what is cool or not, thereby ruining it and creating a shoddy, garish product that just leaves everyone involved, including the audience, laughing in disgust. Just let the professionals do their work.

Your faithful student
Lauren FaRarity

[Headless Horse]

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that faithfully keeping secrets is the quickest way to lose a friend.... forever.

YFS,
TS

[Blarghalt]

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that faithfully keeping secrets is the quickest way to lose a friend.... forever.

YFS,
TS

Dear Princess Celestia,

Forever.

YFS,
PP

[Luneshot]

Dear Princess Celestia,

FOREVERRRRRRRR

YFS,
PP

Dear Princess Celestia,

ftfy

YFS, PP

[DasNasty]

Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that you don't imprison ponies in the place where you banish them.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

Later...

Dear Twilight Sparkle,
What?
Your not-angry-at-all mentor,
Princess Celestia

[Factory Factory]

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today, I learned that cheating can get you ahead in life, but not if you get caught. It is always important to test your performance-enhancing drugs ahead of time, preferably on animals, to make sure there aren't any incriminating side-effects. A quick lie can allay some suspicions, but you can't fool all of the ponies all of the time!

YFS

WHO'S THAT PONYMON?

[Femto]

Dear Princess Celestia

When boys go through puberty they are unruly monsters driven purely by violent emotion and self-centered sentiment, and are destructive on a level that rivals locusts and space bears. I now know why you decided to keep the male population so low. Luckily, I have also learned that the quickest way to deflate their sense of worth is to put them in a position of romantic awkwardness, which works swiftly and utterly.

YFS Twilight Sparkle

Actually, that's not a bad lesson to take from that episode, if my brothers and I are anything to go by.

[Vivianinatoga]

Dear Princess Celestia,

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

YFS

/wrist

[Daionus The 23rd]

WHO'S THAT PONYMON?

...Rarity?

[Luneshot]

Dr Prncss Clst
'd lk t b vwl

YFS, Twlght Sprkl

[Pink Himalayan Salt]

WHO'S THAT PONYMON?

IT'S PINKIE PIE!

[Whitenoise Poster]

Jigglypuff seen from above.

[thatbastardken]

WHO'S THAT PONYMON?

Applebloom, Cutie Pox!

[Factory Factory]

Applebloom, Cutie Pox!

IT'S APPLEBLOOM!

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that if ponies are prejudiced against you, the easiest course of action is to act just like they expect you to, stereotypes and all. Not threatening their worldview with the truth puts them at ease and makes it easier to find acceptance, even if who they accept is not who you truly are.

YFS,

WHO'S THAT PONYMON?

[Pink Himalayan Salt]

IT'S APPLEBLOOM!

GOD DAMN IT AAAAA

[Jupiter]

IT'S APPLEBLOOM!



WHO'S THAT PONYMON?

Rarity understands that true friendship is build on a painstakingly maintained web of lies!

[thatbastardken]

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that if ponies are prejudiced against you, the easiest course of action is to act just like they expect you to, stereotypes and all. Not threatening their worldview with the truth puts them at ease and makes it easier to find acceptance, even if who they accept is not who you truly are.

YFS,

WHO'S THAT PONYMON?

[Factory Factory]

IT'S LUNA!

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that self-deception is the key to happiness. Whenever you make a mistake or are faced with an uncomfortable truth, you can latch onto an excuse to save face. Then you vow with determination to stay the course so that you don't think critically about your experiences, or else you might have to admit that you were wrong!

YFS,

WHO'S THAT PONYMON?

[Baron Porkface]

Rarity!

[Momo]

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned to do my homework. When somebody tells you something about herself, it's a good idea to look into it. You never know what you could learn about her, or about others. In a society where social standing is everything, being the only pony in a room who knows something can mean the difference between advancing yourself (and looking good doing it) or gaffing your way to obscurity.

YFS,

[Factory Factory]

Now that's a Fancy Pants.

[Factory Factory]

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that self-deception is the key to happiness. Whenever you make a mistake or are faced with an uncomfortable truth, you can latch onto an excuse to save face. Then you vow with determination to stay the course so that you don't think critically about your experiences, or else you might have to admit that you were wrong!

YFS,

I guess people have given up on this one. Scootaloo (or all the CMCs), Show Stoppers.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that acting out negatively can get results. If you pout, cry, and get angry, you can get people to go to great lengths to please you, or even just to avoid upsetting you. With the right combination of earnest smiles, passive-aggressiveness, and welled-up tears, you can revel in schadenfreude as people bend over backwards clean up the messes you create for them.

YFS,

[thatbastardken]

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that acting out negatively can get results. If you pout, cry, and get angry, you can get people to go to great lengths to please you, or even just to avoid upsetting you. With the right combination of earnest smiles, passive-aggressiveness, and welled-up tears, you can revel in schadenfreude as people bend over backwards clean up the messes you create for them.

YFS,

Hmph! What a crass way of putting it!


Source

From Diamond Dogs?

[Factory Factory]

I didn't even think of that, but yeah, that applies. That's the trouble with doing these, it's hard to narrow them down to just one pony/episode. Like if I were to do.

Dear Princess Celestia,

They think they have imposed their will on me. I am merely biding my time.

Ha.

Ha ha.

Soon.

YFS,

Then take your pick.

Bonus points for getting who I was thinking of. You're already close!

[Daionus The 23rd]

Discord?

[Factory Factory]

Sweetie Belle, Sisterhooves Social (if she were a nasty little mastermind rather than a squeaky marshmallow cutie wutie argh what is happening to me)