Rejected Letters to Celestia

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Scuderia (?) » Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:45 am

The Government wrote: Dear Princess Celestia,

I fear there may be something horribly wrong with this world we live in. We change the seasons, control the day and night, and take care of wildlife seemingly incapable of managing itself. Are we the gods of this world?

YFS

Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight Sparkle

No, that would be Pinkie Pie. We are more stewards than anything.

Keep this to yourself, by the way.

-- Princess Celestia

Che Delilas

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Che Delilas » Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:22 pm

Scuderia Ferrarity wrote:Dear Princess Celestia,

I fear there may be something horribly wrong with this world we live in. We change the seasons, control the day and night, and take care of wildlife seemingly incapable of managing itself. Are we the gods of this world?

YFS

Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight Sparkle

No, that would be Pinkie Pie. We are more stewards than anything.

Keep this to yourself, by the way.

-- Princess Celestia
My god, Equestria is just another one of Suzumiya's mood-swing-created alternate universes. It used to be Earth, and everyone used to be human! :o

Lallander

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Lallander » Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:56 pm

Dear Princess Celestia,

I fear there may be something horribly wrong with this world we live in. We change the seasons, control the day and night, and take care of wildlife seemingly incapable of managing itself. Are we the gods of this world?

YFS

Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight Sparkle

No. I am the god of this world, or did you forget?

-- Princess Celestia

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Wed Mar 16, 2011 10:55 pm

Dear Princess Celestia,

I fear there may be something horribly wrong with this world we live in. We change the seasons, control the day and night, and take care of wildlife seemingly incapable of managing itself. Are we the gods of this world?

YFS

Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight Sparkle

That's what happens when you go overboard with government handouts.

Princess Celestia.
:snoop: Image :snoop:

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Momo (?) » Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:25 pm

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm usually very good at putting on a brave face in front of the normal ponies. Today that skill was put to the ultimate test. You see, Princess, I died today. I met the gaze of a cockatrice, and if I hadn't been pulled back from the abyss... well, I don't even want to think about that.
It's understandable that the episode shook me, yes, but something troubles me on a deeper level. I stared into oblivion, and nothing stared back. Death was merely an absence of consciousness. No fields of sweet clover, no gossamer saddle. Everything inscribed on the First Horseshoe was absent - no, everything was absent. There was only darkness, and a terrible silence so complete only the insane would understand.
I have always been your faithful student, Princess. But now... I don't know what to believe anymore.

Help me,
TS

PS: Today I ate some malachite! It was delicious; heady nose, delicate and complex flavour with an undercurrent of pecans, and a smooth, almost velvety texture. You haven't had monoclinics until you've had them fresh from Ponyvillian soil. How is the castle? Did you water my plants? I'd like to write more but Twilight's blasting Hitchpost Confessional and eating ice cream from the tub. I gotta go clean up before she spills. Bitches be crazy amirite? -Spike

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Scuderia (?) » Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:26 pm

eh lame
Last edited by Scuderia on Thu Mar 17, 2011 1:00 am, edited 3 times in total.

brightman

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by brightman » Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:27 pm

Dear Princess Celestia,

I fear there may be something horribly wrong with this world we live in. We change the seasons, control the day and night, and take care of wildlife seemingly incapable of managing itself. Are we the gods of this world?

YFS

Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight Sparkle

I have no idea what you're talking about. Have you been drinking things at parties without checking to see what they are again?

Princess Celestia.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Aramek (?) » Thu Mar 17, 2011 10:41 am

Momar_Khadufus wrote:I'm usually very good at putting on a brave face in front of the normal ponies. Today that skill was put to the ultimate test. You see, Princess, I died today. I met the gaze of a cockatrice, and if I hadn't been pulled back from the abyss... well, I don't even want to think about that.
It's understandable that the episode shook me, yes, but something troubles me on a deeper level. I stared into oblivion, and nothing stared back. Death was merely an absence of consciousness. No fields of sweet clover, no gossamer saddle. Everything inscribed on the First Horseshoe was absent - no, everything was absent. There was only darkness, and a terrible silence so complete only the insane would understand.
I have always been your faithful student, Princess. But now... I don't know what to believe anymore.

Help me,
TS

PS: Today I ate some malachite! It was delicious; heady nose, delicate and complex flavour with an undercurrent of pecans, and a smooth, almost velvety texture. You haven't had monoclinics until you've had them fresh from Ponyvillian soil. How is the castle? Did you water my plants? I'd like to write more but Twilight's blasting Hitchpost Confessional and eating ice cream from the tub. I gotta go clean up before she spills. Bitches be crazy amirite? -Spike
This is the best one. Spike's addendum keeps it from being too depressing, with a ponypun to boot!
Image There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Momo (?) » Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:19 pm

It always bugged me that everyone was going through some serious heavy shit, and Spike was just NOT PRESENT. I always imagined he was out in Ponyville eating stuff he found on the ground while Twilight was alone in the forest.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Scuderia (?) » Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:30 pm

Dear Princess
Today I learned that friends loyalty Rainbow Dash competetion teamwork and when you get down to it most ponies are fundamentally good.

PS:
I ate a rock! It was tasty.
Last edited by Scuderia on Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Captain Dinky

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Captain Dinky » Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:31 pm

:dearcelestia:
Momar_Khadufus wrote: Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm usually very good at putting on a brave face in front of the normal ponies. Today that skill was put to the ultimate test. You see, Princess, I died today. I met the gaze of a cockatrice, and if I hadn't been pulled back from the abyss... well, I don't even want to think about that.
It's understandable that the episode shook me, yes, but something troubles me on a deeper level. I stared into oblivion, and nothing stared back. Death was merely an absence of consciousness. No fields of sweet clover, no gossamer saddle. Everything inscribed on the First Horseshoe was absent - no, everything was absent. There was only darkness, and a terrible silence so complete only the insane would understand.
I have always been your faithful student, Princess. But now... I don't know what to believe anymore.

Help me,
TS

PS: Today I ate some malachite! It was delicious; heady nose, delicate and complex flavour with an undercurrent of pecans, and a smooth, almost velvety texture. You haven't had monoclinics until you've had them fresh from Ponyvillian soil. How is the castle? Did you water my plants? I'd like to write more but Twilight's blasting Hitchpost Confessional and eating ice cream from the tub. I gotta go clean up before she spills. Bitches be crazy amirite? -Spike

:fluttersmith: This is great..... in a bittersweet way. I really wonder how Celestia would have responded to this.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Momo (?) » Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:59 pm

Captain Swiss wrote: :fluttersmith: This is great..... in a bittersweet way. I really wonder how Celestia would have responded to this.
Spike,
Ugh, I'll whip up another clone. What are we up to now, seven? The Praetorians will be by to dispose of the old one in the usual manner. Make sure there are no witnesses.
-PC

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Orange Fluffy Sheep (?) » Thu Mar 17, 2011 2:08 pm

Captain Swiss wrote: :fluttersmith: This is great..... in a bittersweet way. I really wonder how Celestia would have responded to this.
Dear Spike,

Hitchpost Confessional? Alright, I'm assigning you to aid Dewdrop Dazzle instead. Anypony who willingly plays that doesn't deserve to be my student. Inform Twilight Sparkle she is banished to the Everfree Forest.

-Princess Celestia
:snoop: Image :snoop:

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Artificer (?) » Thu Mar 17, 2011 6:18 pm

Orange Fluffy Sheep wrote: Dear Spike,

Hitchpost Confessional? Alright, I'm assigning you to aid Dewdrop Dazzle instead. Anypony who willingly plays that doesn't deserve to be my student. Inform Twilight Sparkle she is banished to the Everfree Forest.

-Princess Celestia
Momar_Khadufus wrote: Spike,
Ugh, I'll whip up another clone. What are we up to now, seven? The Praetorians will be by to dispose of the old one in the usual manner. Make sure there are no witnesses.
-PC
:gonkity: These...these aren't the cheery things I was hoping for! I don't know. I'm sure Princess Celestia has some priests or psychologists to deal with these. Or her friends will stage an intervention or something.

Dr. Phd.

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Dr. Phd. » Thu Mar 17, 2011 8:27 pm

Dear Princess Celestia,

The mayor of Ponyville had a terrible accident the other day, the doctors aren't sure if she'll pull through. Everypony is in low spirits especially my friend Applejack, after loosing her grandmother and the orchard I don't blame her. I don't want to question your judgment, but don't you think swooping in and buying it was a little insensitive? I've been having this feeling of unease the last few days and I don't know if it's just because of everything that's happened or this strange nightmare I've been having. The dream is always about the mayor and I do something terrible; the worst part that I feel like I'm not in control, like something is forcing me to hurt other ponies and I can't control it. I tried talking to Spike about it, but he always tries to change the subject like he's hiding something, he's never acted this way before.

Before I forget, what was with that Queen of Diamonds playing card you sent in your last letter?

YFS,
Twilight

WhitemageofDOOM

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by WhitemageofDOOM » Fri Mar 18, 2011 12:15 am

Momar_Khadufus wrote:I'm usually very good at putting on a brave face in front of the normal ponies. Today that skill was put to the ultimate test. You see, Princess, I died today. I met the gaze of a cockatrice, and if I hadn't been pulled back from the abyss... well, I don't even want to think about that.
It's understandable that the episode shook me, yes, but something troubles me on a deeper level. I stared into oblivion, and nothing stared back. Death was merely an absence of consciousness. No fields of sweet clover, no gossamer saddle. Everything inscribed on the First Horseshoe was absent - no, everything was absent. There was only darkness, and a terrible silence so complete only the insane would understand.
I have always been your faithful student, Princess. But now... I don't know what to believe anymore.

Help me,
TS

PS: Today I ate some malachite! It was delicious; heady nose, delicate and complex flavour with an undercurrent of pecans, and a smooth, almost velvety texture. You haven't had monoclinics until you've had them fresh from Ponyvillian soil. How is the castle? Did you water my plants? I'd like to write more but Twilight's blasting Hitchpost Confessional and eating ice cream from the tub. I gotta go clean up before she spills. Bitches be crazy amirite? -Spike
Princess Celestia wrote: My Faithful student.

I am actually quite surprised by your last letter, i did not expect you to believe in such things.

I am a god of the living, i have never offered anyone anything to the dead because it is not in my power to do so. You did a term report on Celestian dogma(I thought it was quite excellent), you should know these things. Fields of sweet clover where you are reunited with your loved ones are just fairy tales. Fairy tales perhaps i do not put enough effort into stamping out, for i could not bear to shatter so many of my subjects hopes and dreams. but fairy tales none the less.

You have looked into the face of death and seen there is nothing past it. You have gained knowledge, Now take control of the input and you will control the output. Don't let your fear of death rule you, but instead live for what you have. You have wonderful friends enjoy the time you have been given with them, I may grant second chances but sadly life itself is not so forgiving. Don't lose yours.

Her royal divinity
Princess Celestia

mpyro

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by mpyro » Fri Mar 18, 2011 6:31 am

Momar_Khadufus wrote:It always bugged me that everyone was going through some serious heavy shit, and Spike was just NOT PRESENT. I always imagined he was out in Ponyville eating stuff he found on the ground while Twilight was alone in the forest.
Twilight needed her "tea"

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Aramek (?) » Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:12 am

mpyro wrote:Twilight needed her "tea"
Image

Are you saying that Dash is a bad influence?
Image There was a link here, it's dead now and I'm sad.

WhitemageofDOOM

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by WhitemageofDOOM » Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:05 pm

Aramek wrote: Are you saying that Dash is a bad influence?
Nah twilight was hitting the booze before she ever heard of ponyville.

KillerJunglist

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by KillerJunglist » Sat Mar 19, 2011 2:54 pm

mpyro wrote: Twilight needed her "tea"
:dearcelestia:
Dear Prince... Princess Cele EVERY WORD SPIKE! YOU HEARD ME!
DEAR.... (hahahaha) okay okay...
Dear Princess Cele(hic)stia,
TOday I was in town with... uh... that one with the... orange...
Anyway she was all, "My brother made another batch of his hootch" and I'm all "his what?" and she was all "hootch, you know, because we (hic) grow a lot of apples and we can't use 'em all n' some becomes hootch."
What kinda word izzat anyway? Hootch. Hootch HOOOOOOOOTCH (hahahaha) (hic).
Anyway she had me over and I don't care what ANYBODY says I love that pony and Ponyville RULES! WOOOO!
And I love you too Pancess Celest. You are... You are like, the greatest teacher... I mean that, I so totally (hic) mean that (sob).

-your facefull shtudent

Spike's note: I'm pretty sure she was done, as she collapsed onto her couch and cried for like an hour after that last sentence. After that she fell asleep.
Next day:
Pony asprin... Spike, stop stomping around the house so much...
\
:facehoof:

Ponyshift

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Ponyshift » Sun Mar 27, 2011 8:09 am

:dearcelestia:
Dear Princess Celestia.

Today my friends and I got involved in a complex political land dispute between a group of settlers and the natives. We tried all sorts of diplomacy, but talks failed. Eventually the situation spiralled out of control and ended up in violence. It was as a direct result of this violence that a solution was found to the problem.

I learnt that sometimes violence against an entire population really IS the answer.

YFS

Twilight Sparkle

Unexpected EOF

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Unexpected EOF » Sun Mar 27, 2011 8:49 am

Dear Princess Celestia,

BEEEEEES! OH SWEET PONY JESUS THEY'RE STINGING MY EYES! BEEEEEES!
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

Warp

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Warp » Sun Mar 27, 2011 9:27 am

Dear Princess Celestia,

My husband is having an affair with your wife. I don’t think we should talk about it. Unless you’re prepared to kill them.

-Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle
My Faithful Student,

Oh Man! Oh God! Oh Man! Oh God! Oh Man! Oh God! Oh Man! Oh God! Oh Man! Oh God!

- Her Royal Highness,
Princess Celestia

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Artificer (?) » Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:06 pm

Warp wrote:*snip*
What the hell? Where is this from? I don't get the joke.... :(

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Weird Autumn (?) » Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:11 pm

Artificer wrote: What the hell? Where is this from? I don't get the joke.... :(
It's kind of a meme I guess.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Gloomy Rube (?) » Sun Mar 27, 2011 3:22 pm

Momar_Khadufus wrote:I'm usually very good at putting on a brave face in front of the normal ponies. Today that skill was put to the ultimate test. You see, Princess, I died today. I met the gaze of a cockatrice, and if I hadn't been pulled back from the abyss... well, I don't even want to think about that.
It's understandable that the episode shook me, yes, but something troubles me on a deeper level. I stared into oblivion, and nothing stared back. Death was merely an absence of consciousness. No fields of sweet clover, no gossamer saddle. Everything inscribed on the First Horseshoe was absent - no, everything was absent. There was only darkness, and a terrible silence so complete only the insane would understand.
I have always been your faithful student, Princess. But now... I don't know what to believe anymore.

Help me,
TS

PS: Today I ate some malachite! It was delicious; heady nose, delicate and complex flavour with an undercurrent of pecans, and a smooth, almost velvety texture. You haven't had monoclinics until you've had them fresh from Ponyvillian soil. How is the castle? Did you water my plants? I'd like to write more but Twilight's blasting Hitchpost Confessional and eating ice cream from the tub. I gotta go clean up before she spills. Bitches be crazy amirite? -Spike
Princess Celestia wrote: My Faithful student.

You were turned to stone, not dead.

Princess Celestia
There. A cheerful response. :rainbert:
Image
ImageImageImageImage

Unexpected EOF

princess celestia gets a mail

Post by Unexpected EOF » Mon Mar 28, 2011 6:02 am

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Shotgunbadger (?) » Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:29 am

Dear Princess Celestia,

I don't get what I'm doing wrong! I read all the books and follow the checklists perfectly, but for some reasons my friends always mess up my plans and cause me to freak out! Is there any book in Canterlot that is for advanced friendship or something? Maybe that is the answer.

TS.

=====

My Faithful student,

When you first came to me to study, one of my advisers was sure you had something called 'crippling aspergers', but I thought that was a made up thing. After this letter, I'm fairly sure I owe him an apology. You took with you a book on sleepovers, and a book on marathon running. What kind of pony needs to bone up on her running information? Did you also take the 'how to eat an apple' book? You have been trained in magic personally by me, and the concept of 'make s'mores with friends to have a fun snack' was just beyond your grasp without a checklist?' If ponies had a god other then me, I would swear to it right now that if I get another letter with 'but I read the book on it so well', I will fly to Ponyville myself and burn your library like the Mules at Ponyandria did. While we're confessing things, I'm fairly sure your mother drank while pregnant with you. That would explain your constantly random dumping of any bottle near your face into the nearest empty chalice without even reading the label.


=====

Dear Princess,
Yea, Twilight would respond but she's busy sobbing in front of her bookshelves, did Applejack send you a fresh jug of 'cider' or something? Anyway, I'll totally take that apology next time I'm at the castle, I told you as soon as she checked out the sleepover book there was a problem.

Do you want that apple eating book back? I think she's done with it. To be fair, she did choke a lot on her first day here.

Pink Himalayan Salt

Re: princess celestia gets a mail

Post by Pink Himalayan Salt » Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:46 am

Unexpected EOF wrote:goout.jpg
Oh my god I love this :awesomedash:

Ponyshift

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Ponyshift » Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:26 pm

shotgunbadger wrote: My Faithful student,

When you first came to me to study, one of my advisers was sure you had something called 'crippling aspergers',
I'm enjoying this one way more than I should! :awesomedash:

Henry Plainview

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Henry Plainview » Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:15 pm

Dear Princess Celestia,
Image

Glazius

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Glazius » Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:19 pm

Dear Princess Celestia,

Somepony wrote a book of bedtime stories for trees. After the Poison Joke incident I've gotten into the habit of checking, but nope. Bedtime stories. For trees. Cover to cover.

When I mentioned how silly it was in passing to Applejack, she asked if she could borrow it!

Do... do you have to be completely bonkers to write a book? I almost don't want to anymore if that's what it's going to take!

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

PS can you make sure you've scouted out an area before you clear the settler ponies to come in? It'd head off a lot of heartbreak.

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Scuderia (?) » Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:51 pm

Dear Twilight,
Nopony ever said Poison Joke had a particularly well developed sense of humor or comedic timing.
Get well soon.

Your friend and mentor,
Princess Celestia

synthorange

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by synthorange » Tue Mar 29, 2011 12:32 am

Twilight Spergle

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by WalrusWhiskers (?) » Tue Mar 29, 2011 12:34 am

Henry Plainview wrote:Dear Princess Celestia,
Image
:starity:

That kid is gona grow to be a pimp.

e: Looking through her tweets I found this:

Image

synthorange

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by synthorange » Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:37 am

Dear Princess Celestia,

Are ya gonna eat that?

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by ToastGhost (?) » Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:00 am

Dear Princess Celestia,

This week I learned that you should never jump to conclusions when trying to help a friend. Whenever in doubt, never be afraid to ask a friend before trying to take matters into your own hooves. You might be going through a lot of trouble for no reason at all!

Wait, did the Princess say I didn't have to write a letter about this? Crap. Sorry Spike, you can go ahead and torch this one.
ImageImageImage

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Weird Autumn (?) » Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:14 am

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that complicated political disputes cannot be resolved with song and dance routines. My script for "Mr. Hooves goes to Canterlot: The Musical" has been placed on the backburner.

YFS,
Twilight Sparkle

reidransom

Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by reidransom » Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:54 am

Dear Princess Celestia

This week I learned that you and your friends may not always see eye to eye, but that if you take time and listen to each others feelings, your friendship can grow even stronger.

OK, that ought to satisfy the old bat for a while.

So, dinner? No, too early. How about you, Spike? Yeah, me too.

No, not now, it's not even due for like three more weeks. Bring me that newspaper while you're over there, will ya.

...

Rarity is right, the Duke is pretty dreamy... maybe at the gala... no, what're you thinking Twilight... still...

...

Spike, I'm going to go draw a bath, you just do whatever.

...

No, go away.

doododooododooo~ nothing like a hot bath after dealing with all these crazy ponies all day... ew, what's this? that wasn't there yesterday... maybe a trip to the spa tomorrow, cus that's uh... yeah

Hey Spike, I'm out of fungicide, so go run by Zecora's and pick me up some in the morning, and could you go ahead and warm up the oven for OH GROSS! Spike, have you been blowing your nose on my towel again?!?! Well then why is it all covered in singed boogers? Likely story. Quit using my stuff, OK? The stuff I have to deal with...

...

Carrot and buttercup salad, why do you ask? I don't care if it's stuck in your head, I'd like salad. Because not everypony has a model's figure, that's why. And if I want to fit into that dress Rarity... I didn't say she was ... Look, are you trying to upset me? Just make my salad, OK?

~cupcakes, so sweet and tas..~ Argh, now you've got me doing it.

...

(belch) Thanks, Spike, that was pretty good, you'll have to tell me what you used in the dre

wait, why are you writing? WHAT? What do you mean you've been writing this whole time? How dense can you be? So all that embarrassing stuff I said... How could you not have known I was finished dictating? Listen, just because I didn't say

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
My faithful student,

We need to talk.

Princess Celestia

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Re: Rejected Letters to Celestia

Post by Mr. Big (?) » Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:04 am

^ - HA! I can actually imagine them doing a similar gag in the show.

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