Post
by Shotgunbadger (?) » Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:29 am
Dear Princess Celestia,
I don't get what I'm doing wrong! I read all the books and follow the checklists perfectly, but for some reasons my friends always mess up my plans and cause me to freak out! Is there any book in Canterlot that is for advanced friendship or something? Maybe that is the answer.
TS.
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My Faithful student,
When you first came to me to study, one of my advisers was sure you had something called 'crippling aspergers', but I thought that was a made up thing. After this letter, I'm fairly sure I owe him an apology. You took with you a book on sleepovers, and a book on marathon running. What kind of pony needs to bone up on her running information? Did you also take the 'how to eat an apple' book? You have been trained in magic personally by me, and the concept of 'make s'mores with friends to have a fun snack' was just beyond your grasp without a checklist?' If ponies had a god other then me, I would swear to it right now that if I get another letter with 'but I read the book on it so well', I will fly to Ponyville myself and burn your library like the Mules at Ponyandria did. While we're confessing things, I'm fairly sure your mother drank while pregnant with you. That would explain your constantly random dumping of any bottle near your face into the nearest empty chalice without even reading the label.
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Dear Princess,
Yea, Twilight would respond but she's busy sobbing in front of her bookshelves, did Applejack send you a fresh jug of 'cider' or something? Anyway, I'll totally take that apology next time I'm at the castle, I told you as soon as she checked out the sleepover book there was a problem.
Do you want that apple eating book back? I think she's done with it. To be fair, she did choke a lot on her first day here.